What a bummer

Tobit's Prayer for Death (Tobit chapter 3)

I feel so negative that I feel that even God is mocking me. Yesterday's reading from the book of Tobit. Both Tobit and Sarah prayed for themselves to die because their suffering was too much. God answered them by healing Tobit's eyes and driving the demon from Sarah so that she could marry. In contrast, I am in a similar spot and have been praying to die because my life is just suffering. Yet here I am still alive and suffer. Yesterday's quote from my perpetual calendar is from St Teresa of Avila: May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. So yeah, I am in deep shit according to this plan.

Adding to my list of stress is my annual leave. I thought my Holy Land trip would be 12 days but after looking into the itinerary closely, it would be 12 days of annual leave instead. Considering I want to go for CER, I need to apply visas and my Japan trip for April next year, it will be very tight for me. I know there is no point stressing over uncertain things, especially with CER and Holy Land trip, but haiz...

My body was still sore after yesterday's exercise and I skipped gym today. I was a bit rushing from office but I am glad that I made it for the weekday Mass. It certainly did not lift me up from whatever shit I am feeling now but at least it is part of my desperate attempt not to lose faith: to attend weekday Mass, rather than napping, on days when I skip gym. That was after the realisation on how I excited I was to go for weekday Mass when I stayed at my aunt's place last year which is just about 10 minutes walk from Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Here I am only 15 minutes walk away from Church of the Holy Spirit and the 5-minute difference is not really a big difference.

I felt shiok to eat Burger King for dinner. Somehow I had this in mind from yesterday: if I were too tired for gym, I would go for Mass and then Burger King for dinner. Usually I am only tempted when there is a new menu but this time I do not even know if there is anything special. The meal is mediocre and overpriced $10 just for the angus truffle burger and since I eat Burger King once in a blue moon, I decided to add on the chicken fries for $4.80. I do not feel as guilty as usual to succumb to fast food, perhaps because I managed to resist buying iced yuan yang when I felt very sleepy in the office this morning. Haha.. But the dinner was rather satisfying without the guilt, although now I am regretting because my stomach is still full until this time. Definitely some extra weight from the dinner. Neverthless, I have decided not to keep weighing myself daily to reduce additional pressure and stress to lose weight as much as possible. I will keep it to once every two weeks or if I think my tummy is getting smaller.

And perhaps the most emo thing today was when I was approached by condo salespeople of an upcoming launch. Ouch.. that means I am no longer baby face and I have an uncle face now. Huhuhu T_T