I usually blog after donating blood as reminder in case I forget when I am due for the next donation. That means I was supposed to write on last Saturday but I have been lazy and spending too much time with Genshin Impact. I arrived slightly before 10am and I was already the 8th person in the queue. Wew... Lucky for me that there were some first timers among those who arrived before me so they took more time with their forms and I managed to 'cut' queue. I went to Donki to get lunch and decided to skip the usual sushi to try their chashu don. I would say it is cheaper and more worth than the usual tray of salmon sushi. Hehe..
Miraculously I managed to hit 60kg for the first time this week. Ironically, this week happened to be my junkiest week. I finished 6 bags of Kettle potato chips this week. Last week I saw ongoing buy 2 get 1 free promotion (i.e. $9.90 for 3 bags) and I bought one on both Saturday and Sunday. I promise that I will no longer buy potato chips for the rest of the month and I am able to keep up with my promise so far. At least today I was not tempted to buy despite seeing the promotion is still ongoing.
I also lost my cool with work today. When shit happens, my boss will often ask me to settle the shit as I try to be helpful. I know usually others will lose cool and complain to my boss and although sometimes the reason is unreasonable, my boss just wants to help the complainer and asks me to look into the stuff. Hence I come the rubbish bin. I am tired and sick of it and I am not going to be a good guy like last year to just settle all the shit.
Today I snapped because someone who is resigning also mentions that she is overworking herself. The main reason for her to leave is basically the pay and this 'overworking' is not really the matter. The worst part is that she is overworking herself and it is not a problem with the workload to begin with. That's why I refused when being asked about the task distribution. I am already very lenient with my deadlines to the point that I have to adjust my own work to accommodate others and I know that we are not overworking the team. That is why I refuse to even look at the weekly task distribution because the issue is not with the task but with the person. She is not asked to overwork and the deadline of the tasks is not urgent or demanding so it is her own decision and problem that she overworks. Do not make that into my problem!
Anyway this matter was already discussed since last week so I am already really pissed over it over the week. But it was going to pile on me if I did not defend myself today and that was why I lost my cool. Anyway I was not only defending myself but indirectly also my boss and the team lead. I want them to realise that this is not a problem caused by us/management. Our expectations are reasonable and does not require overtime or what. We also do not expect people to overwork. The problem is the person so we should address the person. Do not try to tweak the work as if the problem is with the work/management.
Perhaps the blessing in disguise from this is that I decided not to be a facilitator for the upcoming Landings run. I was asked last week and I had a hard time thinking about it. On one side, I felt that this was one way that God called me to contribute: there are few returnees in the younger age and I am one of the youngest so perhaps I can connect better if I am the facilitator. On the other side, I felt that I did not have anymore mental and emotional capacity to 'take care' of others anymore. I am already tired taking care of others at work. Thus as much as I wanted to help facilitating, I might end up doing disservice if I lose my cool subsequently. In the end, I decided to say no since I know my short-fused self very well.
My vaccine woe is finally ending and I just had my first Sinopharm dose this afternoon. I think my left will be sore tomorrow but at least I am 50% immune from discrimination now hehe.. The clinic I went to is located at Tanjong Pagar Plaza. Despite the name, I was surprised that this is actually an old shopping centre like in the 90s. I was expecting it to be some atas shopping mall since it is located in quite atas area.
The main drive for me to write this tonight is the overwhelming emotion from losing an aunt who is staying in New Zealand. I was still whatsapp-ing with her until last Thursday. I stopped because I ran out of topic. She was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer few months ago and recently she had been in hospital due to side effects from her first cycle of chemotherapy. Through my communication with her, I thought it was just normal GI side effects from the chemo and it would get better in time. It was really a shock when this Tuesday she was already transferred to a hospice. She just passed away a few hours ago.
I cried quite badly on Tuesday when I received the news as when I saw the photo, I knew it was just a matter of time. She is technically an outside relative as she is married to my uncle who is my mum's brother. Yet she is the most caring aunt because she notes down everyone's birthday: all my uncles and aunts and their spouses, my cousins and even their kids. When she came to Jakarta, she always brought everyone an individual gift. That really shows her love and care for all of us. Before the era of whatsapp, she wished me birthday through email and I still have those emails. She would even be asking about my sister who was not really using email then. Last year during my dad's passing, she was always eager to ask me for the livestream link of the all the masses.
As always, there is nothing I can do except to pray. I hope she is no longer in pain and is now in a better place with God in Heaven. If my dad can hear me, I hope he will also pray for her now to return the favour of her praying for him last year. I am also thankful to God that I still managed to message her last week and the week before that. Earlier this year, I decided to cut off all contacts and I did not even reply her birthday wish. Out of the blue my uncle messaged me two weeks ago. I was initially tempted to ignore since I did not know if my mum asked me to check on me. However, I heard about my aunt's cancer previously and hence I decided to reply my uncle. Surprisingly, my aunt messaged me the following day after hearing about me from my uncle. Today I just heard from my aunt who lives in the Netherlands that few weeks ago she was asked my aunt who passed away if she was able to contact me. T_T
Sigh.. it has been really tough these past 2 years after losing my dad, an uncle just barely 2 months ago and now an aunt. God when is my turn? It is easier for me to go than to see others go before me.
