Hiatus

Aaah it feels so good to be able to leave the lab for quite sometime. Haha.. Although I know I will pay the "cost" in the future, let the future be the future ba. Anyway I do not really slack and leave my FYP just like that. I need to rush for the proposal and the bigger nightmare: the powerpoint presentation. Gosh! My supervisor will be away in the crucial dates so I have no choice but to be stressed a bit right now. 

In this few days "break", I realise that FYP really leaves my modules in haywire state. In fact, the lab work makes my planning and preparation for the project itself rather disorganised. Sigh.. I think it's an chicken and egg thing. Don't know whether my lab is chui because I wanna rush things and I didn't prepare well before hand.. But it maybe because of chui lab that I have to keep doing it and I have no time to seek information.

I am more or less done with Dynasty Warriors: Strikeforce using Xiao Qiao (left). Don't know when I will have the time to write more about the game, just like what I did with my completed games before (Lol in fact, I also finished Tekken 5, Tekken 6, Brave Story, Valkyrie Profile for PSP, etc. No time to write oso haha). Bah, I am quite disappointed with the fact I have to have 3 separate files to unlock all the movies. Anyway, not much of a big deal actually. It's just that I have to restart my city building and materials collection. While the hack and slash can get very boring, this type of game is really good for stress times. I still cannot believe that I train my Yue Ying to level 12 within 1.5 days. Haha..

Due to lunch time conversation on Tuesday, I decided to give Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep a try. I don't quite like it YET! Haha.. Still am not used to the dynamics yet so I am still a bit lost. One thing I hate for sure is the D-Link system. Seriously, the reason I wanna play KH is because of the Disney characters!! I want them to appear in my battles. It's not the skills that matter but the prescence! Haha.. So far I am more into the mini game rather than the main story line o_0 I guess I will talk about it after I finish the game.

And finally I decided to google for Hey! Say! JUMP Album. The songs are mostly their old hits. To be honest, I am quite disappointed. It seems like as they grow older, their songs are going towards more rock, dance, and rap types. There is no longer something that differentiate them from other Johnny's boybands. The nicer songs, I think, are the slower ones (only about 2-3 songs if I don't miscount) in which the unique vocals are more explored. Otherwise, they are just the same as other boybands. Oh well, I understand, as boys hit the 20s, they of course wanna have a cool image more than anything else :p

Ok I shall try to control myself with what I am writing today. I AM FEELING SUPER DUPER FURIOUS!!! BLEAH!! My whole experiment is in a shit now. I was expecting that after TEM today, I could see the fucking shell and that could sum up the first part of my project. The fucking shell was not there! My eyes were popping out for looking at the screen for 5 hours.. only to imagine myself seeing things.. Finger crossed and prayers said but nothing appeared! And what could be better? To complete my agony, I was told "Noone in this research group who did your project ever got A". Wow... Someone shoot me in the head please!! Really fuck!!

I am super pissed with all this fucking project seriously. I have no idea with what I did, what I am doing, and what I am supposed to do. Call me "not independent" or whatever but I just cannot work with lack of information. And I hate the fact that I still need to "conserve materials" and use some lousier less efficient method just because they are to poor to get better items.. I see no point of wasting my life centrifuging stuff if I can just use filter! So come on, just give me the fucking filter!

And lastly, I hate being treated as if I am doing MY project. It is NOT my project! I don't even wish to do this fucking project. It's just useless purposeless and hopeless...

I am thinking of leaving the project until Dec holidays. I think I should focus on my presentation and my exam. As it is right now, I am hating everything which is related directly or indirectly to my project.

Sleepless

Aaah.. it's been ages since I had the chance of sleeping for looong period of time. I finally concussed today and decided to just sleep as long as possible. I woke up awhile and decided to sleep again until 3pm haha. Lol.. That was about 12 hours of sleep in total :p

Anyway the past week was quite "happening". I had a free dinner as a courtesy from my supervisor. Haha.. It was kinda akward ba.. It ended quite late and I was glad that I was sent home by the other prof who drove. I then had to chiong for an update of my presentation for Friday. I am a bit down actually. It seemed that even my supervisor was not convinced with my results.. T_T That means other people would not be convinced too grr...

The drug quiz was not as disastrous as imagined. It would not be good but at least it was not horrendous either. On Thursday, I had the chance to finally go downtown! Lol.. There were about 2-3 hours between the end of the class and the dinner I mentioned above. So I tried to look for iPad and iPhone prices (not for myself) as well to look out for belt. My pair of jeans is getting looser :( I don't know it's me slimming down or the jeans grew in size! It gave me headache to get one since belts are damn ex. I could easily get a new pair of jeans rather than a belt to 'salvage' this dropping jeans. Oh ya and unbelivable, the MRT was not as congested as before despite the peak hours. Looks like the government indeed is doing something to solve the transport woes. And I felt very paiseh when I lost direction in City Hall MRT. It is a sign that I should go out more often!

My project showed no signs of success.. I stayed back until 9pm on Friday and I just could not get an appropriate sample for TEM observation tomorrow! Sigh.. I really felt like crying. How many more times I have to repeat and fail T_T A new week is starting and that means another cycle of stress is starting too.

I worked for 14hours yesterday o_0 Actually I did not want to work on Saturday morning. I set up my alarm early but I told myself that if I was too tired, the alarm would just keep snoozing and I would not wake up. True enough, I didn't. Not until my phone DROPPED to the floor! The bang sound was enough to completely wake me up!!!!!! Bah... Well, I survived 14 hours of working.. at the expense of my shoes! Unlucky me, my left shoe just gave way before my 3rd event. Grrr... I just bought a new pair today and it cost me what I just earned yesterday T_T Not to mention that it is not something that I really want!! I am really short of time because I need to work this Wednesday so even though the pair is expensive and a bit oversized, I have to make do with it.. I just hope it will last me long.. and since it is quite branded, I hope it is of a better quality :'(

That's all tonite. I am still tired.. And I think before I go crazy due to all the stress, my body will succumb to illness due to extreme fatigue and countless days of 5hours sleep -_-" I honestly wonder how I am still alive this long.. The PharmD talk that I attended few days ago shared that Major Depression was characterised by depressive signs for at least 2 weeks. I have been exhibiting the symptoms for dunno how many years already.. Maybe I really need drugs to help me:'(

Buzzer Beat

 

Synopsis:

Kamiya Naoki is a young player from a professional basketball team. But due to his relatively smaller size and his tendency to crack under pressure, he is unable to show his true skills on the court. Meanwhile, Shirakawa Riko is a cheerful, strong-spirited music college graduate aiming to become a professional violinist. One day, Riko finds Naoki's lost cell phone on a bus, and their meeting begins a friendship that eventually turns into love. However, Naoki was already considering marriage with his current girlfriend. And it doesn't help matters that Naoki's coach has fallen in love at first sight with Riko! 

My opinion:

In basketball a buzzer beater is a shot taken just before the game clock of a period expires, when the buzzer sounds. The shot still counts if it goes in. Often, a buzzer beating shot will be released from long range (even from beyond half court), making for a spectacular play if it connects.

With that kind of title, I am expecting a sport genre dorama!! In addition, the main character is Yamapi, I am expecting it to be a school life genre to attract the hoarde of teenage fangirls. This time, I am doubly wrong. It is more of a love story since the basketball matches are only featured in like first and last episode because the story goes during the break in between the basketball seasons. And the characters are aged mid 20s to 30s, so it is an adult love dorama. Lol!!

I don't normally like love stories because they tend to be cliched, boring, and mid-way of the story, I can tell what the ending will be. And for deviation from the usual love story, I would say that I love this show!! Perhaps it is because the characters are already adults so the story is also more adult and realistic. The relationship between the characters is also more mature and realistic. That's why I don't hate the antagonists here because in real life, there are people who are like that. More importantly, everyone has their own good and bad sides. This is clearly shown here: the antagonists are irritating, yes, but they are not devil. The protagonists are not angels too, they also have their irritating moments.

As expected for a love story, there will  be break-ups, new relationships and jealousy. But hey, the dose of jealousy is realistic. The dose of chasing the rejected love is also realistic. In the end, I think it's cool that they respect each other for having relationship with whomever they choose. Jealousy is over and life goes on as usual. No endless catfights, jealousy, ploy, etc. People can still be friends after breaking up/getting rejected. Moreover, it is very cool indeed to see people putting their relationship on hold to support their loved ones achieving their dreams. After all, in real life, some will 'sacrifice' relationship for stable jobs bla bla bla right? 

As other Japanese shows, it is never far from the theme of chasing dreams. This dorama manages to make the dreams more realistic. Naoki dreams to win a championship and Riko dreams to be a violinist. We all know that it is not easy to sustain life with these professions. And this is realistically portrayed.. The "ending" is also more realistic. It is by sheer hardwork (not by luck or miracle) that they reached their dream. Naoki struggled to get confidence (he got the skill but no confidence.. so it is not that he sucks but somehow becomes very good in basketball) while Riko still need to practice a lot and struggle hard to get a chance playing violin in  a shopping mall, a club, before finally playing for a small orchestra. Sounds very realistic to me!

In summary, the theme "Love makes you stronger" is presented in a more believable way here.. It is not a fairy-tale live happily ever after kind of story.

In fact, some of the petty details are very realistic too. At the start of the show, Riko and Naoki were actually on the same bus. But they didn't know this even after getting to know each other! Naoki lost his phone at that time and Riko found it and returned it to his coach. So they never met. Riko only knew after sometime when she saw the phone and realised that she was the one finding it and then she remembered that they met before previously. Certainly it's better than miraculously remember "aah you are that guy who chased after the bus when you dropped your phone" the first time they meet. At the end of the show, Riko was allowed by her boss to skip practice to watch the basketball match. Certainly, it isn't a cliche to have a nasty/unreasonable/unrealistic boss to have her choose either one so she has to sacrifice her job for relationship bla bla bla. So I am glad that there is more realism than dramas here.

There are many other "smaller" things which make me love the show. Firstly is the music, the music (and background music) featured in the show is also damn good. In fact, there are 2 versions of the soundtrack, one is for the emo occasions while the other one sounds more victorious. I am amazed that a few songs can be used for both emo scenes or romantic scenes. That's cool! Haha.. Well the similar thing between emo and romantic scenes are: they are tearjerking! Lol.. So touching songs ba.. (Okay, I am gonna find the OST now!! Lol)

Secondly, I love the clip for the opening song. I just think it's quite creative. And many of the scenes in the clip are not in the show actually. So it is not a spoiler. I wanted to share the opening clip and opening song but Youtube copyright issue is such a pain in the ass! Thus I cannot share anything =x

Thirdly, I like the casts. Haha.. There are so many pretty girls here... Even the irritating ones are quite pretty.. And I love Maya Miki as the mother haha. Lastly, the kissing scenes can be considered quite good. Kisses in Japanese shows always look very 'icy' as if the characters have to kiss because it's part of their job. Here, the kisses are 'warmer' and show better chemistry. 

One thing that I don't like is the fact that these few people end up liking each other and/or related to each other somehow. It's just so weird to have everyone you know (for example, your family, your friends, your colleagues) end up knowing each other and having relationship among one another. Certainly in real life, our social circle is not this small!! Haha.. That's my only irritation.

My afterthoughts:

I am 24 soon. I need to think about a girlfriend and getting married soon. Fullstop!! :p

And I guess non-high school dramas can be quite cool too eh? Hoho.

Pissed off again

Grr.. My work for the past 3 days turned out to be not so useful. I had to repeat because my sample was too dirty!! Grr.. Thanks to the suggestion of re-using an old filtrate.. I cannot blame anyone because it was I who decided to go with re-using the old filtrate and it was my fault not to have a proper and clean filtrate. But still.. if nobody gave the idea of using an old filtrate, I would not think about it! Who cares about saving up? I would obviously use the new materials. Sian.. And now I have to repeat it all over again.. Actually I have the choice to slack until next week. But then.. If I slack now, I will suffer later, especially since the P1 presentation is coming (and mid-October is coming too!). Shucks..

It seems that I am totally lifeless now. Every post of mine is just rattlings on my FYP :( Anyway today I bumped into my supervisor and again she was very nice! She wished me good luck haha.. Well I told her honestly that I am not feeling well lately.. Too many things to do.. OH well XD

Okay, it's time for a bit of random stuff. Haha.. It's a personality test from http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/index.html.

Silver Pegasus person tend to be honest and your mind runs on a single truck.
Therefore, you tend to be little bit obstinate and hard minded.
You try to make your own way no matter what.
Nevertheless you can be kind and be sympathetic towards people, and tends to take care of them.
Your personality is that you tend to act rashly and can not stay still.
You are a responsible person and once you take up something, you will follow through to the end.
Your persevering character is recognized as a person who can be relied on, and many people have trust in you.
You do not possess good bargaining tactics.
However this weakness is one of your attractive sides.
Although you lack the fanciness to stand on the center stage, you can put hard effort.
Because you tend to follow your ideals, you may get in a lost when your conviction and beliefs are weak.
Sometimes you may feel failure even after putting in great effort.
You are full of adaptability, adjustability and taking action.
You will be successful by using these merits well.
You are a strong person and can overcome adverse circumstance without feeling gloomy.
You tend to be an idealist, and you can carry on expressing your self on something you feel strong about.
If you can get on a job that you wouldn't get bored, you will express great talent.

 

Haha pretty much accurate (those I highlight with my favourite colour)

Charice Pempengco

The first time I streamed this video, my computer could not take it and crashed 2x XD 

The voice is just too good eh?

Just would like to share this wonderful girl with super duper awesome voice!! I wonder how such talent never made it into a big news here. Haha.. I tried to wiki her name and she is that good to even have a wiki page. And reading her stories would just make everyone envious. I wonder how this kind of voice only won her 3rd place in the competition that she joined. Well but thanks to Youtube, she even got to travel to South Korea, to Ellen DeGeneres as well as Oprah Winfrey's shows. Wow.. And she got to sing duet with many of her favourite singers. But the most stunning thing is: she is only 18!! Oh my God!! (and that's a positive OMG! haha).

As good as her voice is, I think her voice resembles Whitney Houston's very much Her other Whitney's song (I Will Always Love You) is also darn awesome.. But her Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On does not come near the original.. Haha.. I LOL-ed at one of the comments given by a Youtube user: "Whitney Houston would NEVER allow this girl to sing this song in front of her..LOL. SHE KILLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whitney cant do this anymore.". Haha.. Anyways I thought this song was by Diana Ross! Haha.. That means Whitney has a lot of nice songs!! Aaa~~h reading the state she is in right now is just a shame eh...

Experiment Results: FAIL!

I AM DAMN FREAKING PISSED!! Sigh.. I just wasted my Saturday in the lab for my stupid project! Haiz.. And guess what, after analysing the results, they were really big FAILURES!!! How can 2 different compunds give me the same UV absorption patterns!! Gosh.. One has benzene and the other has not but both gave me absorption at 260nm~.. I really feel like giving up on this stupid final year project! Grr...

I was super irritated because I had to concentrate one of my samples again. Grr... I saw the thing and it looked very dilute already. But my mentor asked me to add more water to wash the solid at the walls. Told him already that even centrifugation didn't work to flush those at the sides and he didn't believe. After adding the stupid water, it became too dilute for the UV to read... Grr.. Now ask me to centrifuge again! Zz... I have had enough of centrifuging the whole Saturday!! Aaargh!!!

I am down down down... I am tired.. I wanna do so many things: play games, watch movies, study for CA, work, rest, etc but I simply don't have the time! I am less that halfway for my CA revision and I am pissed that some people wrote wrong things. Thanks for wasting my memory space -_-" I am still utterly bitter regarding money with my parents. I don't know whether money is really the problem or it is just my escapism. Come to think of it, it has been 7 years that I earned nothing.. I have always been using my "own" money to support my life here.. Perhaps it is because that this money problem surfaces at the wrong time when I am really moody.

And to top up my suffering, my PSP is showing some problems. Few days ago, it didn't finish charging after 4hours. I decided that it was enough and when I played it, it only survived for less than 3 hours. I really think there is a problem with either the battery or the charger.. I shall see how it goes after few rounds of charging and playing.. Thank goodness both battery and charger are still covered within my 2 year warranty T_T

Family matters

I am back from a short trip to visit my grandma in Pontianak. I cannot remember the last time I went there. Few people told me different things and I honestly cannot tell whose memory is right. Anyway, I was so sad when I heard my grandma fell sick. I thought this would be the end =( Thank God she is recovering now. Only her legs are painful sometimes but other parts of the body are okay. I hope things will be better and I promise her that I will go there again next year after I finish my studies.

I am pissed with the adults. Sigh.. My grandma vomited blood and after that, for 3 days, people were scared to feed her. That was the reason why she fell really sick and became really weak. Now things are better since she starts eating again. Now I am only worried about her medications, whether people rotate her body around (since she is bed bound) and whether she drinks enough water everyday. Her children love her dearly but unfortunately everyone's love is a bit extreme. They would just nag nag nag because one wanna do this and one wanna do that bla bla bla then they would quarrel.. Since I am one generation younger, I just keep my mouth shut. I hope my dad, supposedly the best in terms of health knowledge among the children, would step up and have a greater say in how to take care of her.

Anyway my relatives are telling me that I slimmed down, my face is so smooth, I am handsome bla bla bla.. Dunno they are just bluffing, or I am being to critical of myself. I feel that I am super duper fat :( Weight-wise, it has been quite stable below 60kg for quite sometime.. but fat-wise, I think my proteins have all turned into fats :( I think I am ugly and I think I have lots of pimples :( The only thing I agree with is that I have a baby face. Haha... The more distant relatives (who never met me before etc) actually believed when an aunt telling them that I am 15 years old. Haha...

Ok now comes the emo part.. I just went to the bank to deposit my money. Haiz.. after the increase in hostel fee, I am left with a nett $500 per SEM (OMG!) from the scholarship money. Grr.. That just covers ONE month expense!! This made me angry again especially to my parents.. For 7 years, my spending has been stable and they should know very very well whether the money they send suffices! I hate being nagged upon money matters. I am not being calculative.. Even my angpau money or my money from my part-time job, I just lump them together in my bank account. And all of these are used up only for my daily expenses. Haiz damn sad.. Now I am wondering what I am suffering so long for what.. I have sucky life, I have no friends, I am stressed, I have sacrificed 7 golden years of my life, just for nothing!! Don't even talk about monetary benefits of the stupid scholarship. It is not enough!! My parents have to support me. And the worst part is: instead of being able to save up, I end up having to use my personal money for the bare necessities (food, transport, housing, phone here!! Fuck my life!

I am very emo after the test today. =x It was already a great feat to be able to complete my mugging. Sigh.. I thought I was quite "well prepared". It turned out to be the opposite. -_-" It was almost 4pm when I arrived and the LT was already full. I thought the paper was starting so I confidently walked to the lecturer wanting to quickly grab my question and answer papers. Damn paiseh when she told me that the paper was not distributed yet! Alamak!!!

The MCQ was pretty bad. There were quite a lot of questions that have dubious answer. My question 1 I already stunned... Is "trauma" or "past trauma" that matters as a risk factor? Grr... Then question 3 is also dubious again... I don't know to choose "no medication" or "vitamin C". Aaargh!! So irritating!! I already had the feeling that antibiotics name would come out but I didn't bother to check. So yeah, the broad spectrum antibiotic question I also don't know.

The SOAP was shit.. It was so shit that I was not very sad at the end of the paper because I am pretty sure everyone was in the same shit. But as usual, I think my shit hole is deeper =( I am very very sad that the things that I was unsure of and I decided to cancel off from my paper were actually CORRECT!!! The washing with cholestyramine is correct :( When I wrote down pharmacological options, I was already thinking of giving steroids as bridging therapy but then I forgot to write it at the recommendation!! Anyway it was quite hopeless.. I left "exacerbating factors", "non pharmacological", and "patient counselling" columns blank! I also forgot to write about infusion reaction, hypersensitivity etc.. And the "best" part was my smoke for cancer symptoms were wrong.. It should be FATIGUE! and I wrote FEVER! Just get the F right!!

DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Well at least there goes the first half of the sem..

Super emo..

My life is in a mess and I feel like a shit now. Not that things are going wrongly or what, I am just unhappy with my life :( I really have no purpose in life.. I just wanna die.. Crying no longer works.. In fact, I don't think I have got tears to shed this time.. Ow fuck.. Too many things are happening and I do not a stress-proof mind and body... Bleah...

A CA is coming in 1 day time and my study is still like shit.. I cannot remember what I have read.. I am not even confident that I can write some random crap or smoke :'( FYP is taking way too much time.. I am getting very impatient and agitated about it... I don't understand what I am doing and have no purpose.. Haiz.. Now I really with I am doing a non lab FYP. At least I can do the things from home. I don't need to rot my ass down in the lab. I miss those days in shorts and slippers. I am sick of jeans, lab coat, and the smell of gloves...

My grandma fell sick.. really really sick.. When I spoke to her, I could not help but cry. Sigh.. It was my first time hearing her so sick and so weak.. She never ever sounded like that despite years of having back and leg pain.. She would always talk for a long time on the phone be it about her TV show, her cooking, and many other things.. Usually it is always me finding excuse to put down the phone or my auntie telling her not to talk so long because it is expensive. But this time, she did not really feel like talking.. I am really worried that her time is close.. Especially since she asked when my dad is coming back from Europe trip.. I got the feeling that she would wait for him before leaving forever sigh... Anyway this made me really sad.. I would go see her this Sunday - Tuesday.. I know my FYP is gonna be screwed for missing 2 days but oh well :( Yesterday I heard that she got better but I shall see how in few days time..

As much as I am pissed with my mom, she finally lost her cool with me first.. She called me no manner. Haha.. But sorry, I am just not in the mood to discuss the shit I am feeling now. I am not in the mood to get some "lecture". My parents don't know what I am going through so all their useless suggestions just pissed me off. Call it teenage angst (a bit to late eh?).. I just don't see eye-to-eye with my parents anymore. Gone were the days when I was a good boy who cared so much about school, success, future, etc etc.. Now I just want to enjoy life. I don't care about school. I hate school! I hate my life! Yeah part of the blame I hate my parents for throwing me overseas. I hate this country!! 

Hate hate hate!! The hatred is just too strong now! Shouting screaming crying no longer work.. I just hate my life.. Why am I born in the first place? Why do I exist if my mere existence is only to suffer? Sigh.. I am also losing vision on God and any God-related activities. I was so angry with my stupid church last weekend. OH well, blame it on the stupid bus who never came on time that I was late for mass. But the church was so fucked up. There were so many of us standing. That should be clear enough that there were not enough place. Why didn't they just open the 2nd floor so that we could sit!! I was cursing throughout the mass. I know it's ridiculous to hate the religion or God for such thing. It's human's fault. I am sure the stupid church wanna save money on electricity bla bla bla.. Oh well, lucky I never donated for the so-called "church building fund". This is the most ridiculous church I have known so far. Why on earth they build a 2nd level if they did not intend to open it!

I am tired... Emo-ing just wastes my time and energy. I am not in the mood to do anything and yes that includes GAMING too! I just want to die! I don't wanna live anymore! Bleah.. I feel like like a prisoner in this universe.. My life sucks and I wanna die.. But I am also scared of death.. I don't wanna go to hell.. I have no idea where my faith will bring me too..

:( I am just losing control over myself.. I am just gonna go crazy at this rate.