Monday, May 15, 2023

Heart void of love

Yesterday was the international Mother's day. Although I blogged yesterday, I decided to leave this rant as a separate post. From both homilies of Novena and Sunday Mass, I realise how hardened my heart has become. In the past, I would still feel my mom's love for me. However, what I felt yesterday was only the good memories until I was in primary school. Past that, I did not feel any more love and respect towards her as well as my dad.

Which parents would send their child overseas while providing almost nothing?
Which parents have the heart to let their child be a homeless overseas while they have enough money to buy several houses and leave them empty?
Which parents expect their child to be a slave of bank loan while they have enough money in the bank?
Which parents lie to their child for not having enough money to provide while they have enough money?

Only my fucked up parents.. The cherry on top is that they expect me to be their 'ticket' to be able to live overseas and to have a house where they can stay in. Wow.. simply wow...

Before my dad passed away, I believed in my parents' lies that they did not have money and I was angry at God for giving me a life of suffering. Now that I know that my parents actually have the means and I have been lied all along, I do not feel that angry anymore towards God. It is all on my parents for loving money more than me.

Thanks for ruining my youth and my life.
Thanks for making me regret being born.
Thanks for making me at risk of going to hell because I hate my life and I pray that God will grant me death as soon as possible.

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