Lost prayers

A game is supposed to be fun but Genshin Impact is giving me stress with the need to save primogems and then getting rubbish from the gacha. I finally decided to roll until pity for the recently ended weapon banner since both the featured 5* weapons have critical rate sub-stat. I am okay to get either the bow (Skyward Harp) or the catalyst (Lost Prayer to the Sacred Winds) since I will have characters to equip them. I am more inclined with the bow for my Childe though and with that intention, obviously I got the catalyst. I felt a bit disappointed but then I remembered that I should be grateful that I did not get the 25% of getting the non-featured weapons.

I saved until almost 22000 primogems and now I ended up with 33. I was left with 18000+ after pulling for the weapon on Monday. Sadly history repeats itself. I failed my 50/50 pity for Zhongli again just like his first banner previously. Haiz... at least now I finally can have 2 pillars with him and I managed to get 3 Yanfei. It is time to save again.

I realise that so far I have spent more than $100 for Genshin Impact. Approximately I spent around $25 every 6 weeks. Prior to this, the highest I ever spent for a game was $100 for Tidus skin in FF Mobius. It was a one-time spent and the impact was huge. I never spent on FF Mobius anymore since then. The smaller but more consistent spending in Genshin Impact currently feels less noticeable but more shocking when everything is added together. But then, I am still enjoying the game so this is like spending $1 for happiness daily. It is still cheaper as compared to pleasuring myself with bubble tea, junk food, fast food and all that. Perspective? Or is it just an excuse?

Today is the fifth day that I am able to resist potato chips and I have to keep reminding myself to resist mocha drink at work. I am quite disheartened as I still have yet to see any weight loss. I am trying to convince myself that the body is feeling some effects since I am feeling very tired and hungry these last few days. I just have to be patient but for dinner earlier, I decided to get shumais to give my body some protein.

It is also possible that my tiredness is due to lack of sleep because it is my turn to be in office this week. My mood is still happy, though, since my prayer is answered: the two bitches are not coming to the office. Hurray.

In addition, I sold my JLA vs Avengers comic books which have been listed on Carousell for almost 5 years. Lol. The buyer messaged me in the morning and we completed the transaction this evening. He bargained from $80 to $60. I decided to agree if he was willing to collect it directly from my place and he agreed. It was his luck as apparently he stayed not too far from my location. Anyway I still made profits since according to my record, I bought these together with 15 other comics for a total of less than $110. I sold these because in the end I also bought the Collectors' Edition of the JLA vs Avengers. Somehow I do not have the record of how much the Collectors' Edition cost me. Was it refunded or something? Hmm... Most importantly, I think now I find a trick for people who ask for quite significant discount. As long as after the bargain I still make some profits, I will just ask them to collect directly from my home to save me the convenience. Hohoho...

Battling addiction and temptations

Today is the second day in a row that I managed to stay away from any sort of potato chips. It is not perfect too since instead of buying potato chips, I bought candies yesterday. Haiz.. At this point, it is simply exchanging potato chips with any lesser alternatives. The only good thing I learnt was that next time I will not be tempted in The Natural Confectionery Co chews anymore. I was tempted by the $7.95 for 2 packs (220gr each) promotion while the normal price is $4.95 each. The chew (that's how they call the 'candy') is too big for my mouth and ironically, too hard to chew. For a start, I will aim for a clean sheet until May which is only 1 week. There is no ongoing promotion for the potato chips that I like so I really should stop my addiction buy getting random brands with the excuse of trying even though I have tried them before and they are not really my favourites.

Aside from potato chips, my food delivery for April is simply astronomical. Usually I avoid buying when the delivery fee exceeds $2. That limits my options to food places approximately 1km around my place. With the limited options which I really like, I am sort of sick of these few places. Thanks to the ongoing $1 delivery fee from Deliveroo, it makes spending so much easier especially from places further which I will never get under normal delivery fee.

My latest addiction is Popeyes XL Chicken. It is similar to the style of Taiwanese XXL Chicken and the chicken texture is different from usual fast food chicken used in burgers. I don't find it spicy on the tongue but it will leave a warm and pseudo-burning sensation in the stomach. I know I am supposed to avoid spicy food but this is the last weekend of April so I definitely will not eat this chicken anymore. And since this is the last weekend of $1 delivery, I decided to order for dinner instead of having bananas. I found Tuk Tuk Cha $15 set which has main dish, desert and milk tea. It is even better since it also gets the 30% off promotion. Dang!! This is even better than the $12.90 Popeyes XL Chicken set. Lol. Don't be greedy don't be greedy. Remember your weighing scale!

It is my turn to go office tomorrow. Normally I will feel very emo but this time I feel somewhat better after hearing one office bitch is finally leaving. Too bad it is still another 1+ month but I hope she asks to stay at home so that I don't need to see her anymore. In my previous job, I only experienced the sadness of seeing good colleagues leaving. Now is my first time experiencing the joy of having a sucker to leave. Thank God that I was able to maintain my composure in the barrage of bitchiness last year. At least I do not compromise my own standing and professionalism and now this bitch is leaving.

This Sunday is the Good Shepherd Sunday and 'vocation' is the magic word. Time is ticking and I still don't know and am finding what my vocation is. Everyday I pray to find something that will bring me happiness, bring joy to others and glorify God. Prayers are still unanswered and I am getting tired of living. Then I receive this in the latest Archdiocese EDM. I suppose it is a reminder for me not to give up and just continue praying.

Unwanted cake

This is going to sound so ungrateful but I am sad that my boss sent me a birthday cake. I find it a waste of money as I stay alone and there is no way I can finish the whole cake by myself. In the end I ate only a quarter of it and shared the rest with my landlord, landlady and the maid. More importantly I am not into this kind of office pretentiousness after knowing some colleagues are backstabbing bitches. Anyway it is like ownself buy since we all contribute money to common purse and then we just buy everyone birthday cakes. So lame.

$38 wasted

This cake also caused me to break my potato chips avoidance for only 2 days. Haiz.. I decided to have the cake as dinner and since this is already fattening, why not add a bag of potato chips. Lame reason I know but if this cake did not appear, I am pretty sure I will still be able to keep my commitment. Haiz.. it starts with day 0 again.

Since this is still in the topic of birthday, I bought something from KrisShop for the very first time. I bought the 2021 Year of the Ox Disney Medallions from Singapore Mint through Kris Shop which had 20% off for Easter. I was aiming for this item but I did not buy it since I was still sore that I did not sign up for the Singapore Mint membership when there was a promotion last year. I was waiting for such promotion again and then I can buy the item with members' price. With the 20% off, it is as good as the members' price so it was an easy decision to get.

Anyway my focus is not the item but the KrisShop experience. I purchased the item on Friday evening and I received the item on the following Monday. The content and the value of the package are not indicated in the label which I greatly appreciate for safety reason. After all this is for domestic delivery so there is no need for the courier to know. The packaging box is also impressive as I was expecting some generic box. The inner portion of the lid also has some batik pattern print but I was too lazy to take a picture of it. There is a code for $10 off for a minimum $80 purchase if I make another purchase by end May 2021. I don't have anything else to buy at the moment but I will not mind considering shopping from KrisShop again in the future as the present experience has been fantastic.

Birthday present from myself, by myself and for myself

34th

Currently when I feel lazy to attend physical Sunday Mass, I would pray that it rains in the morning. So far that never happens. Today is my birthday and since this year is extraordinary, I decided to make it special by intending on going for Mass. I am usually overseas for my birthday and last year the church was not open. Thus it is a rare occasion that I am not going anywhere during my birthday. Tadaa... it was raining heavily this morning when I badly wanted to go for Mass. It pissed me off so much although it might be a blessing in disguise. I was having stomachache and spent a long time in the toilet anyway thanks to the spicy instant noodle yesterday.

Since I already woke up early with the intention of attending Mass, I replaced with online Mass. There are not many choices at around 8am and I was quite irritated with the one that I watched. The morning madness did not end there. I prematurely cancelled my 1030am gym session because I thought I would be late. I managed to reach at around 1020am but I could not get slot anymore and I wasted half an hour for the next session. Bleah... At least I am happy that I managed to overcome the laziness to go for gym on my birthday since normally I will be overseas. The gym has a birthday alert although it was awkward because before the coaches wished me happy birthday, they always asked first if it was today. Haha.. Apparently from their past experience, the alerts are usually one day early or one day late so they better make sure first.

Novena Don Don Donki is not as amazing as 313's with the food options. Nevertheless, I still spent $33.50 for my birthday lunch. I bought salmon sushi, some hotate gratin and 2 slices of matcha cake. They are not fantastic but at least they were special enough to make me happy today.

Overall today is kinda shit for me. The ultimate disappointment comes from the fact that not even a birthday can bring good luck to my Genshin Impact pulls. Haiz.. 20 pulls and I got all shit. I am so lazy to go back to work so good thing I am still taking leave for tomorrow.

When I was younger, I was happy when I received a lot of birthday wishes. Now that I am older, I am hoping that I don't receive a lot from unimportant people in my life such as office bitches or fake facebook friends. I am quite happy that I do not get a lot from facebook and I did not get any from the 2 bitches. I do not even reply the direct messages from my family. Haiz.. I am just lazy to entertain them. Honestly, if they all are genuine with my birthday wish, then  I hope that they pray that my wish will come true. All that I want is simply an early and happy death. Yes, perhaps my dislike towards life is really getting worse that I am not only 'wishing' but actually praying and asking God for that early and happy death.

Joyless

How ironic that I enjoyed Easter last year in the midst of all the lockdown compared to this year when things are opening up again. The repeated failures to keep up with my Easter abstinence made me feel that I do not deserve God's love and sacrifice since I did not sacrifice anything in return. The bad mood continues until today which is even more ironic since tomorrow is my birthday. I no longer see birthday as a happy occasion. I don't know if it simply means that I am getting older or I am just losing more and more desire to live. Now I see it as one year closer to the end of life.

Usually I will use birthday as an excuse to indulge myself. This year will be the opposite. I have gained 7kg since phase 2 began. I really need to stop the potato chips since they are the biggest culprit. I regularly go to gym, I am quite consistent with my banana for dinner, I have been skipping bubble tea since the start of the year and I successfully avoid snacking and fast food throughout Lent. The only thing I fail is with the potato chips which makes it very obvious that everything is wasted if I cannot be disciplined with avoiding them.

I am happy that I am still keeping a clean sheet for bubble tea. Although there is temptation to 'treat' myself at least for my birthday, I am still able to resist. I broke my fast food avoidance for KFC durian balls. They are good but the shell is too thick and the taste of shell overpowers the durian filling. I don't think they are bad but they are not nice enough to make me want to order again. My birthday indulgence was only instant noodle as my dinner earlier. I wanted to get the spicy tomyum Thai instant noodle but it was not available anymore. I ended up buying Samyang but I bought the wrong one T_T I don't really like spicy so the Samyang that I like is only the cheese. It has been too long since I had instant noodle so I was so excited with the 'cheese' that I forgot that there are 2 types: the yellow packaging and the beige packaging.  The one that I like is the beige packaging which was not available. Sigh.. I cannot even get happiness from simple things in life such as food. The only happy thing I can look forward to is that I am taking leave for the next 2 days, just to slack.

Hot Friday

It usually rains on Good Friday noon and today was one of the rare occasions when it did not. Perhaps it was the second time that I can remember. It started raining after 6pm though but it was freaking hot all the way since morning.

I really had a good Friday as I spent most of the day sleeping. After my lunch, I thought I would take a nap and then wake up to catch 3pm Good Friday service. I woke up because of the heat but I was still tired. I decided to just continue sleeping. I woke up again after 5pm because of the heat. I made a correct decision to continue with the nap as at least I woke up in a better state of mind and I was able to watch the Good Friday service without feeling very distracted.

Time flies and good time must eventually end. After more than a year, I will be back to alternating week reporting to office. Sian... The worse part, however, is because of my seat position, I will be in the office together with the 2 bitches that I dislike after they backstabbed me last year.

WFH makes so much difference. Last year I was able to follow the Maundy Thursday stuff. This week was my office week and I was just KO-ed yesterday. I was even very tempted to just break my fast and abstinence today and I have difficulty to even pray one Rosary a day. Haiz.. COVID and WFH should stay.

To mark the end of good time, today is also the last episode of the Friday night Thai drama I am currently following. At the start of all the lockdown last year, the first Thai drama I came across to kill my time was the one airing on Friday evening. I have been following all the subsequent series on Friday evenings and the current one is the best. It is kinda bittersweet that the ending also marks the end of the good times staying at home. Huhuhu T_T