Starting over

I lost 10kg from the start of the WFH last year until phase 2. Since phase 2 until today, I already gain back 5kg. Sian... February is finally here and I decided not to wait until Lent to return to a disciplined life, whether it is for diet, gym and prayer. Food is the toughest. It is a constant internal battle to avoid grabbing potato chips in the supermarket and to keep my eyes straight on the pathway while walking pass all the snack shops. It helps that I have skipped bubble tea for so long that nowadays I am not really drawn towards bubble tea. At least that is one less hurdle.

Sadly today is only the 3rd of February and I already sort of failed a part of my diet commitment. I ordered delivery for lunch today as I was waiting for a pick up for my item. I was deliberating whether to take a chance of just going out to buy lunch since it would only take me about 15 minutes. I decided not to take the risk since the saving for lunch was not worth the item that I sold. Of course when I waited, the pick up person did not turn up during the time I usually go out to buy lunch. Oh well.. The jialat part was that I got hungry and decided to order delivery for dinner. Aaargh... I will write about this 'high value' item tomorrow after the item is successfully delivered and I have the money.

Losing weight is not possible without the exercise component. I have been slacking recently with the rainy weather as an excuse. I have to slowly start with alternate days as I don't think my body can take consecutive days, especially on days after pull up. I swear that even if it rains, I will still go. Though I doubt it will rain nowadays since the weather has been uncomfortably hot as usual recently.

Spiritually, I am still not improving in the past 2-3 weeks. I still feel that I am just rambling and talking to myself when praying. Haiz.. Nevertheless, I am not going to fall again like in the past. It is better to still pray although I feel that I am just talking to myself instead of not praying altogether.

Yesterday I met up with an ex-colleague to pick up my masks. Yeah I am ready for another lockdown please! Haha.. I am happy to hear the shitty stories as it means I made the correct decision to leave that shithole. It is clear that I don't fit into the company's culture. The new in-charge matches perfectly with the shitty culture of sucking up and having to suck up and yet it makes many people unhappy. Hehe.. A part of me also feel schadenfreude for the people who were unhappy with me last time. Now they get to enjoy real unhappiness and real shitty boss. Hehe.. 

It is so hard to adapt and adjust to new physical stuff like diet and exercise again. I know I can do it because I did it in the past. I just need the discipline which is harder to come by when I am not mentally in happy state. With the Ox Year coming, the forecast for Rabbit is not good. I know this kind of thing should be just for fun but I can't help not to be affected. When the forecast is good, life is shit so when the forecast is already not so good, life is gonna be shittier.