Sunday, March 15, 2020

Test of faith

Troubling times are also times when faith is being tested. Should we have complete faith and disregard reality? Or should we be pragmatic and appear not completely faithful? Or is there a middle ground? Two weeks ago, it was announced that Masses will resume this weekend. It was interesting to see all the extreme comments towards that news: either full support 'God is greater than virus' or full against 'The situation is not getting better and you want to take a risk'. Many fail to see the middle ground that the Archbishop still gives the dispensation for attending Mass online for those unwell or uncomfortable with large crowd gathering yet. Last week things went south and Mass suspension will continue instead of resuming this week. Now the extreme comments become 'Why do we let Satan beat our faith with this virus and fear'. Sigh...

I personally feel that the situation is not conducive yet to resume large crowd gathering. I was not too happy with the news two weeks ago already I decided that I would still attend online Mass until situations improve. Well the options were there so I was not that bothered. The reason of my unhappiness was on the risk taken. Irresponsible people are around (even before the Mass suspension, there were people coughing and sneezing without any restraint) and with the situation does not seem improving, it is just a walking timebomb before a churchgoer becomes a new epicenter.

I am happy that I finished all my travel expenses although the numbers made me emo. On average, each overseas trip cost me close to 5k. In total, I have spent around 35k since my very first trip to Japan in 2015. A part of me agrees with my dad's nagging that travelling cost a lot. Most part of me, however, is having no regrets. The memories and the photos are priceless since I cannot turn back time to become young and youthful anymore. Perhaps I should cut down on the toys shopping and the souvenirs shopping is definitely a waste of money. Souvenirs shopping is just for the 'face' and on the hindsight, colleagues are just fake people.

Haiz.. I know I am still very pissed with my colleague la.. I feel as if God keeps telling me through the homilies of Novena yesterday and 3rd Sunday of Lent homily to forgive. No wonder the Psalm 'O that today you would listen to His voice, harden not your hearts' always hits me hard.

It was only yesterday that I was still holding on a hope of going home in April and that is no longer impossible today. Singapore has announced 14 days stay at home notice (SHN) for ASEAN countries. I do not even have a home here and SHN is just impossible. I cannot be stocking up 2 weeks worth of stuff and most important, I do not want to put my landlord and landlady at least. Otherwise, I don't know where to go if I get kicked out. This makes even more emo and angry at my state of homelessness. Sigh.. I should have returned home and settled my driving license over this weekend since it is already within a month of expiry and the SHN starts tomorrow at 1159pm. Technically I could have renewed my driving license and avoid the SHN if I return tomorrow morning. Hindsight is always 20/20 :(

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