Nodame Cantabile

Synopsis:

The story takes place in Momogaoka College of Music and revolves around the 2 main characters: Nodame Megumi and Chiaki Shinichi. Nodame is a talented girl who can play a song after she hears it once, although she cannot read musical scores. She is also unmotivated in her piano lessons as she dreams of being a kindergarden teacher after she graduates. Chiaki comes from a famed musical family and masters various musical instruments though his ultimate dream is to be a conductor. Both have childhood trauma which hinder them from fully maximising their talents in classical music. As the story unfolds, the two of them help to overcome each other shortcomings to eventually achieve their dreams of studying music in Europe together.

My opinion:
Few reasons on why I wanted to watch this initially were: a friend told me that it was funny and I knot that the story is about classical music, something that I like.

After finishing the whole series, I am pretty disatisfied with it. The jokes are more of 'lame' than 'funny' to me. And I hate guys who treat the girls rudely, be it with loud voice or rough actions, even though they are for humor sake. So the funny parts are a bit of no-no to me (the guy on guy jokes maybe quite hilarious but I have enough of that from the previous doramas I finished so it did not quite work this time for me). The classical songs featured in the movie are also not very grand to be performed (but that's only my opinion) though I pretty like the orchestra performance scenes.

As the title suggests, I would expect that the main focus of the story would be Nodame. But in the show, it seems that the main character is Chiaki. Most plots revolve around his orchestra and conducting. Nodame is sidelined until the last few episodes and the fact that piano is not featured in orchestra, it is not possible for Nodame and Chiaki to perform together. That is another minus point from me.

I hate the storyline to be honest. It was rushed towards the ends and the story just became weird nearing the end (Nodame sulking and the events leading to final performance was rather shitty). I feel that the S Orchestra part is nicer and serve as a better ending as compared to the Rising Star Orchestra. To me, a group of underachievers being handpicked by a famed Maestro to form S Orchestra (perhaps the only chance for these underachievers to perform in their whole university life) and to put up a concert is sweeter than watching a group of great students putting up performance just for the sake of money, fame, and gratitude towards Chiaki before he leaves for Europe. In addition, I like the S Orchestra performance so when it was repeated again at the final episode, it was boring.

I also hate Nodame's parts in the stories. It is just lame for her to procrastinate few days before her competition and she managed to do well. I know she is talented and all but it is just too good to be true. It becomes even more ridiculous that she went through the second round even though her first song was played horribly. And I absolutely hate her expression (moody, sad, emo) as she performs. Yuck yuck yuck..

The character development is rather pathetic too. There are so many characters but so few stories revolving about them. It seems that they are just there to fill positions for the orchestra and nothing else. I do not understand why near the end, they introduce another guy (who also like Chiaki) in the orchestra. Isn't one gay character to make the humours enough? But I have to admit that the long-haired violin girl is very pretty and feminine :) Hehehe...

A few good things which I can say about the show is: the Maestro Stresseman. I love his accent, funny but yet cool and classy. Lol.. Other than that, my favourite part is the S Orchestra performance. They put some 'show' which is not normally found in classical music setting. I always like the ideas of breaking the norms to inject novelity to the boring normal thingys :) So bravo for that.

Afterthoughts:
After watching this show, I conclude that I absolutely have zero talent in music. Furthermore, I think I can no longer think that those people doing music are happy, nothing much to do, and just doing what they like. I am absolutely wrong. I see the music scores and oh la la.. I wonder how they can memorise and play those complicated and fast running notes accurately. Wow.. Bravo bravo!!

The show is also trying to portray classical music in a fair way. From Chiaki point of view, he learns free expression and personal intepretation in playing classical songs. This eventually leads to beyond normal S Orchestra's performance. From Nodame point of view, she learns that there are certain 'normal' ways to present classical music so despite of free expressions etc, there are some basic things which she has to follow. I guess this is applicable not only to classical music, but also to all aspect of life. We always need a balance between "following rules/traditions/tried and tested ways" and "doing something new/creativity".

Watching this also made me recall few musical experiences from my life. Before I studied in Singapore, I went for organ classes and there were always annual concert. I remembered those early days when I had to play in ensemble (during "It's a Small World" I was daydreaming and thank God I was sharing the melody with somebody else, otherwise it would be empty at the start), own solo concert (I was so stressed and stiff.. so ugly to watch as compared to a friend of mine who expressed his song through his swaying and body movements.. definitely much more pleasurable to watch), to my messy "Lemon Tree" song (it was my very last concert before quitting the course and yet people still clapped for me lol). I also remembered the time I did harmonica in JC. As assistant section leader, I was quite nasty. I barked at people though not to the point of pinpointing error to the persons who made them like what Chiaki did lol.. I remember my juniors asking me why I hated the harmonica box so much because I always banged it like crazy during practice when I did the beatings. LOL.. and I was especially anal when it came to ZEROs (yah.. it was absolutely ugly and confusing when people did not stop at the rests). And of course I was glad to see the beyond normal small group performance went through successfully. Well, harmoc is damn cheenah and you know how cheenah people are: very boring, do the same things, and do not want to do new things. So it was great to successfully force my friends to play a song while dancing at the same time. Though perhaps it was done pretty desperately (like in the movie) to cover up our weaknesses (I admitted the song I chose did not come out as what I had imagined when being played in harmonica) by showing light hearted and fun performance to make people laugh (and thus they misheard our mistakes if there were any).

Aaah.. such good old days.. One desire that I still cannot get is to be a conductor.. Lol I almost wanted to apply as student conductor for angklung but then the state of the club made me think that it was wiser if I ran to be a vice president to rectify commitment and latecomers problems. Haiz.. but still, I think it is quite cool to conduct things :D

Pig

All I have been doing is just eating, sleeping, downloading, and slacking.. Sigh.. I will just gain weight :( especially since I ate really a lot this holiday while I exercised very little. Haiz.. Today was mad. A cousin of mine forced me to go for food marathon.. We started with Sushi Tei, which as expected, was disappointing for me. My sister told me that they served fusion sushi too. But I guess her definition of "fusion sushi" with mine is totally different. To me, soft shell crab and ebi tempura are normal, not fusion sushi. After sushi, we continued with frozen yoghurts. I find it a waste of money (a small cup of it costs the same as a plate of 8pieces sushi.. I rather have a plate of sushi). I managed to decline by saying I don't like. Haha.. Actually I just don't feel that the price is justifyable. Then we went to another "waste of money" kind of restaurant for me: Pancious. Basically, the restaurant serves pasta, western food, and the most crowd drawing food: pancake and waffles with various toppings. Since I can have waffles at $3+ in Singapore, I find it extremely ridiculous to spend double of that price. Sigh.. In any case, I decided to try something extraordinary: smoked beef waffles. It was disappointing too. Haha.. At the back of my mind, I thought smoked beef as beef patty like burger or steak. I was like OMG when I saw HAM coming out. Oh well.. Perhaps I am just too stingy lol.. or I am just too picky over food.. or to be more positive, I have high standard of flavour.

I do nothing much other than watching doramas so I have nothing much to blog about. So perhaps, I just write about those doramas I have finished watching LOL.. I shall resume my driving tomorrow... and choosing new module should only be worried after the new year. Hohohoho...

Ho ho ho!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2009

May this Chrismas bring you joy, peace, and God's blessings

God bless you always
darkroseofsorrow

sad T_T

Results were out yesterday and as expected, it was another disappointment.. Well, actually some were better than expectation and some were worse.. But my elective was really beyond my imagination. I expected at least an A-. Sad sad sad.. I decided not to S/U it.. Sigh.. I guess I just take an anyhow elective for next sem and S/U it.. I know my luck is always bad so if I S/U now, I will get a worse grade for next sem.. But if I don't S/U it, most likely I score better next sem and it would be a disappointment for me not to S/U my current elective.. Sigh.. Life always sucks..

I just had my very first experience in online shopping. I bought dvd (pirated of course) and as expected, some are bound to be spoilt. Sigh.. Now it is very difficult to exchange the spoilt ones because the person is not replying. I don't know how.. If really cannot exchange, perhaps that's my first and last time buying things online.. Very disappointing..

Today I went shopping for the whole day. And darn.. why does my sister's fingers have to be so itchy and touch this and touch that? Sigh.. now there is smaller (and cheaper) aquamarine bracelet! And I so regretted buying it last time.. I bought 1 last time (shared it with my sister) and now with the same price, we can buy 2 of the smaller ones. SAAAD..

It will be christmas soon and I cannot believe that I am this saaaaad T_T

Go Tell It On The Mountain

I just came back from my holiday villa!! Wakaka.. it has been very long since the last time I was there. I cannot recall when but I am sure that I have not been there ever since I departed to Singapore. Thus, I was away for at least 7 years. It was just as what my sisters told me: it was no longer cold. Therefore, it might be my last time there. Afterall, if it is not cold anymore, what is the point of going for a holiday on a mountain?

I slept only wearing my pyjama top and normal shorts. It was impossible to wear such thing previously! Haha.. Not to mention that I did not cover myself with a blanket either. Though it got a little bit colder in the early morning so I woke up to put on my jacket and my pyjama bottom. Still, it was not cold enough for me haha..

After that I went to Bandung. Wuih.. the avocado juice there are damn bloody cheap and nice! Lol.. cannot go there too often or I will get fat and a lot of pimples. I continued on my search for my missing manga and to my disappointment, I had no choice but to buy the 'sample' copy. Sigh.. the condition was only like 70% new but something is still better than nothing so I decided to buy it. Oh well..

That's all for my weekend.. Next week it will be Xmas hohohoho..

Many things

Wow it has been ages since the last time I blogged. I guess this entry will be very very long. Haha.. I have a lot of things to say..

Before Going Home

As usual there are not many things to do except packing and shopping. Haha.. But I wanna highlight about toy! Lol.. I managed to find the Final Fantasy Dissdia Trading Arts. Haha.. 1 set for $25 and after discount it became $17.20. With the ridiculous price, I obviously know that it is a fake. Sigh.. when I went home, I had 2 pieces which were broken. I had to go back to the shop to exchange. Haiz.. I was damn pissed because I bought it in between the pharmaco and dfd paper. I still had things to mug. Lol.. Even after exchanging, the new piece is not 100% satisfactory.. But oh well, $3+ per piece I guess I have no right to complain. Haha.. Lesson learnt is: open the boxes and check the toys at the shop.

I had problems with my emotion and mood. Haiz.. There was a day that I was super pissed to a friend. Promised to meet up for dinner but then sigh.. just over small things... my rage went beyond common sense and I just left the place to go home. Haiz.. Really attitude problem :( I missed the chance to see Ekin Cheng and Aaron Kwok who were at GV Vivo on that day. Sadness.. I am not a fan of them but then.. got superstars then must go and see mah..

I will never ever take flight with Valuair/Jetstar anymore. Sigh.. What a bloody fucked up carrier. My flight home was delayed from 845 to 1215. Upon arrival at the airport, it was further delayed until 0105. That's damn sickening. Lucky I had my aunt with me. It was her who got the message about the delay up to 1215. If I were flying alone, for sure I would rot at the airport since 6pm. The airport was under renovation so it was claustrophobic and made the situation more chaotic. Sigh.. Upon checking in, we got $8 compensation each for food. We had dinner already so we had to waste the $8 on some stupid sandwich and drinks.. Wanted to get subway but there was no way we could stuff more things in.

At Home
Gaming, downloading movies, songs, and reading comics. Lol that sums up everything that I do. My Dissidia is almost 100% complete in my own definition (lol.. for me it is 100% complete when I get all the level 100 weapons). Movies take forever to complete -_- sigh.. I should have just bought the dvd in Singapore.. I just downloaded David Archuleta's Christmas album but it is boring for me. Haha.. Oh well, I should know his style ever since American Idol days.. That means there isn't good christmas album for this year. My manga collection is getting fewer and fewer. Lol.. So I decided to buy new titles: Fairy Tail (yet to read what it is about) and Libero Revolution (I never read a manga about volleyball so I find this quite interesting although graphic-wise, it is pass-able only).

The big thing about my coming home this time was my cousin's wedding. Wow! It has been ages since the last wedding I attended. Thus it was quite fun for me. In the tea ceremony, I was appointed to open the door and bully the groom. OMG! I hope I do not get my karma when my turn comes. Lol.. anyway I was not expecting to do anything so I anyhow dressed for that.. I think it will be embarassing to watch that in the video or to see the pictures! Sigh.. In the evening, it was my first experience being a receptionist. It was quite 'interesting' experience too! Lol.. It was because the name list was disorderly. Some people were invited using their chinese names while some used their proper names. So when I asked for their names, they had no idea which to mention. The best one was a girl, she went to ask her mum "What is dad's name?" and after the dad's name was nowhere to be found, she asked again "What about grandpa's name?". I was like o_0 hahaha...

I was luck and a great coincidence that my friend who is studying in Korea was able to go to Indonesia. She is graduating soon and is looking for job so she had no intention on going home for holiday. But guess what, she sent a job application and the company asked her to accompany the boss to go Indonesia as a translator. Haha.. So lucky.. It was great to catch up with an old friend. And the better thing is she told me that it was a pharma company. Lol.. I really have to go Korea next year to see whether I like the living environment there. If I like, I can start aiming for Korea for my future too!! After all, the pharma industry there is pretty good. Hohohoho... While camwhoring, I also learn a new trick. When you are going to take photo with a tall object (eg: christmas tree), do not stand right under the tree. Stand a few steps forward so that your picture will have the whole christmas tree in it :)

That's all for today..

PP 2107: Pharmacology II ; PR 3102: Dosage Form Design II

PP 2107 - Pharmacology II

I was lucky!! That's all I have got to say :) The 2 topics that I spotted came out (Dopamine and Typical vs Atypical antipsychosis). Haha.. So yeah.. It was not like last semester when most questions I had things which I did not know and ended up trying every question and wasting time. This is the first paper (in university) that I managed to complete before time. OMG!! Yeah I am quite confident and hopeful for this module to salvage me..

However, my luck is just shit.. Right after the paper, the CA result was released. And I got a fuCking C! Yes! Big fat fucking C. Jeez.. bye bye to A liao.. Damn I really fucking hate the teacher.. I hope he die from having his fuCking Cranial being Crushed by a big truCk! Die you fuCking shit..

PR 3102: Dosage Form Design II
I ran out of my luck. I spotted wrong question. Haiz.. I totally could not do the SAL question. It was damn easy. Just need to vomit out all 12 slides or so and could have gotten the full marks. HAiz.. I did not expect such a stupid part would be asked. So I just read to understand. I could not vomit out word per word. Haiz.. the overkill with factor of 12 was like I never read before sigh.. I still stated clearly that overkill needs factor of 6. Haiz.. die die die..

I guess that concludes my series of entries about this sem. Haiz..
The most fucking sem.. I will get a F-U-C-K or S-H-I-T as grade haiz..
Damn damn damn..
Fuck fuck fuck..
Shit shit shit..

I shall start writing normal things tomorrow..

GEK 1519: Science of Music

The final paper was actually 2 weeks ago but I had no time to write about it yet. Haha.. It was as predictable as the past year papers. But I have too say that it is much harder than the first CA (my first every full marks in university T_T). I had at least 3 questions wrong already. The painful thing is: the mistakes were from the earlier topics (I wonder why I could not get the answer!!) and the mistakes were from the calculations which I did 2-3x to get the answer. Haiz.. Though I actually knew something was not right because I had way too many "none of the above" answer. But oh well, it was still a doable paper. It was saddening because too many people did too well.

Overally I have no complaint about this paper or this module la. Honestly, it is the best module for me this sem. Haha.. I have to admit that the lecturer has done a good job. I attended the intro lecture and actually his lecture meets his objectives completely. Well done! Haha.. I learn new things also about music. If only other modules are also as well prepared and organised as this :) I am planning to S/U it from the start so I am not gonna complain about the results. Haha.. Though it will be a miracle if I can get A hor.. Can save my ass again LOL.. And I really need it.

PX 3108: Pathology

The MCQ was okay. Similar to the CAs. Luckily the teachers are still common sensical. The questions are still testing on concepts (mostly) instead of regurgitation. I could not do few questions. I read it in the notes before but oh well, too much info and I could not really recall. But for 0.33 mark per question, who cares..

Now now.. the essays were disastrous. I expected the worst: heart+liver+kidney failure combo. So even with the disastrous essays, I am still thankful because it was not the worst for me. The first question was a killer. I really prepared diabetes just for mcqs. Haiz.. The notes were all about number and diagnostic tests. So the whole question was really based on bullshit capability T_T The second question I hardly know what to do/write. I just copied pasted the whole lecture slides there. Incomplete sentences and diagrams were used so I dunno if I will be penalised. It was totally beyond expectation that the first chapter would come out as essay. Jeez.. but lucky I read the most of it yesterday haha.. The last question on anaphylaxis was also okay. But I guess I still did not have enough things to write. The last 5 marks were a goner.. I was thinking of just giving it up. Last minute I tikam-ed it as type 4 hypersensitivity. It is correct!! oh well... but then.. I got all the mechanisms+explanations wrong.. Haiz.. so only 1 mark also..

Haiz.. that's all.. I don't know whether I can get A or not.. I hope I can :( I really need buffer for the shit fuck yesterday.. Otherwise I think I will officially become a second class citizen :( All the effort for 2 years is just wasted just because of ONE bloody fucking module.. that's so sad.. I will forever hate the teachers hix hix..

PR 3101: Principles of Medicinal Chemistry

Let rage and disappointment take over my mind and my fingers to unleash vulgarities and curses to this entry.

This time I won't be complaining about the final paper. I will complain about everything about the module! Ha! The CAs, the teachers, and the final paper.

Starting from the greatest evil: the final paper. I am dead! I have no idea what the fuck is -SONH2 moeity. 5 marks gone for complete blank.. Hey, am I just complaining for the loss of 5marks? Of course not! I am damn bloody fucking pissed with one of the teacher (I shall avoid even referring the gender). The questions set were just damn fucked up. 3-4 liners with 25 marks. I had no idea what to write T_T seriously.. damn.. bloody fucking shit.. I think I am just writing pages and pages of nonsense. The best is the last question. 15 marks and I only wrote half a page. Haiz.. for 5 marks questions I could rattle on and on up to 2 pages but for 15 marks I could only write half. So it is confirm dead.. My desperation to get the miserly 2 or 3 pitiful marks had also been quashed with the probability that I completely saw the wrong molecule. Someone asked me whether it was artesunate mechanism but I wrote artheether. So if I saw wrongly, that's 0 for me. And 20% of the paper have gone. Basically the instructions were just stupid. "Comment" on something for 15 and 25 marks are just ridiculous. I do not even have any idea on what things to comment on. Sigh...

The paper was just too tough for 2 hours or I am just too stupid. Basically I could not finish the paper. I was getting nervous that I could not continue on the molecule suggestion. I just threw in lines and lines without even suggesting the molecule. Sigh.. not enough time.. my brain crashed!! And for those few 10m questions, I really feel that my 1 page answers were too short. Sigh.. Cursed..!! I am damn pissed.. My only consolation is I know that I won't fail the paper. Haiz.. I hope I won't fail.. I think I will get something between C and B-. What an awful record for my studies. I will forever remember the teachers and curse them forever.

I have rattled on about the first CA but here is my curses for the second one (whose result is not out yet so I will be objective). I screwed up one whole question because of the misleading/confusing/contradicting explanation by the teacher. Fuck! I only realised that when I mugged last night. Thanks to the helpful explanation (which is always everchanging anyway), I got confused and got things mixed up. I changed my correct thinking to the wrong explanation given for another case. Haiz.. Holy fucking shit!! I am damn fucking angry! If s/he never gave a stupid wrong conflicting information, this would not happen in the first place!! AAAARGH!!!

I was about to complain how 50% weightage of the CA will kill me. But after the final paper today, frankly it makes no different.. I am just too fucked up for this module now.. I hate chemistry now!! I hate bio too! I hate physics! I hate memorising! I hate maths! I basically hate everything! I hate everyone too! Especially those smarter than me!! And I fucking hate myself! Can't someone on the road just stab me in the heart or do a hit-and-run for me! I hope that every fucking thing that I hate will just die and be gone.. That includes myself too!

Headache

I never know that studying can be very sickening.. My brain is already like my computer now.. Sigh.. Information overload and it is crashing very often. Sigh.. My head is aching.. but it is not headache.. Because as soon as I start playing game (or do anything unrelated to mugging), I feel okay. I cannot remember anything.. I cannot finish my revision.. haiz.. I guess I shall aim at least I finish reading..

I know I have a quite a lot of time on CCA, watching youtube, watching Japanese drama, and working. Sigh.. Still, I did not regret. I think those hours were well spent.. Unlike mugging.. spent so much time but cannot remember and results also like shit.. I shall talk more about my drama after exam ends I suppose haha...

Working was quite fun. Of course it is hard to do good service when Singaporeans are being very anal to service stuff. Oh well, at least so far I have not had any scolding yet. In fact, I was pretty happy on Monday. Woah those elderly were really nice. When they were leaving, they said "Bye bye" or "Thank you". I was like "wow".. not like I was the one doing performance or something. Haha.. But definitely they were better than adults. I just cannot understand these adults. They went to watch show in a high class place like UCC but their attitude was just like shit. Where got people say things like "I am from downstairs. I wanna go in to talk to my friend" during a concert. OMG!! Even worse, the kids were playing/shouting/making noise at UCC foyer and the adults/parents were not doing anything about it..

Ok enough ranting.. I shall go back emo-ing now.. I am giving up on my studies already.. Sigh.. I think all my effort for the past 4 semesters would just be wasted ONLY because of this semester results.. Oh well.. bye-bye first class. T_T I just wanna die la.. Fucking life.. studying hard just to get nothing.. damn damn damn.. I just hate those people getting better results than me.. Haiz.. the world will be so much better place without them sigh.. in face the world will be much a better place when I am not in it..

Unmotivated

Exam is less than 2 weeks and I am totally unmotivated to study. I just had a CA for my elective today. As anyhow as the preparation was, the paper was not going well either. Spent a lot of time for a question but still could not get the answer.. Another question was even more heartbreaking.. I got it wrong just because I did not see the minutes and seconds carefully. Sigh.. The paper was quite hard to finish in 1 hour. I guess the teacher realised that too many people doing too well for the first CA. Must differentiate now.. A bit emo... but oh well.. from the start I plan to s/u this.. so nevermind ba..

I went to donate blood on Tuesday. This time it went by uneventfully.. which means a good thing!! Haha.. I was prepared to go in the morning but suddenly I felt so sleepy and a bit of headache.. Luckily it went away after lunch. Hohoho.. Actually my main drive to go was to buy toys at PS! Lol.. I thought a bit wasted to go out just to buy toys.. Unfortunately, the toys I wanted are already sold out :'( T_T I am very very sad... Haiz... But I saw "Gokusen" the movie poster.. Weehee nice.. I hope it comes out before I fly home..

I went to my UCC usher training yesterday. So now I can officially start earning money already. Haha.. My first 2 sessions will be this Sunday and Monday. I hope I dun get nasty people.. Please.. Haha.. OMG reading week then I go work.. Exam how?? Nevermind ba..

I am so fucked up in this fucking sem... Fucky results are expected... Sigh..

Sucks.. Haiz.. All the effort and time spent mugging was useless.. The teacher sucked.. I gotta blame him this time. No one in the right mind will mug those route of administration and the figures how much of this and that is metabolised to dunno what bla bla bla.. Gosh.. I am gonna fail again.. 3rd time already.. I am even worse than an ass.. sigh.. I am just an asshole.. or worse.. I am just the shit in the ass..

I am going to die for the finals also.. Just now my brain just shut down.. Haiz.. Too much information.. I could not recall.. I knew partly because the time given was to slow. I tried to take a break and try to clear my mind.. But what I got was really a CLEEEAR picture aka empty.. I could not recall the stuff.. I could not even figure out how the slides look like.. Haiz.

I will just be a bitch this time. All the teaching reviews I shall rate all bad or very bad. They all suck shit.. Haiz talking about being a bitch, I almost threw my dinner at the vendor's face. Haiz.. I am just being an anal when it comes to hygiene.. He did not want to help me cut the fish to squeeze into the box (Fuck you yeah! If you charge me extra 20cents for taking away then you better make sure what you cook can squeeze into that box damnit!). He just wanted to put the fish in the box without covering and just put it into a plastic bag (Holy fuck! If the plastic melted there went my $3.70.. though I would be happy to die because of it anyway). He still bla bla bla about the fish getting soft if he covered the box etc etc.. Go and die.. My face really turned damn black and good thing I managed to prevent myself from staring at him at the end and gave him my deadly gaze.. Sigh.. The food is actually not bad.. but too bad.. the vendor is liddat so I am not gonna patronise from that stall.

Sigh.. I guess that is what I am good at.. Being a bitch.. being an asshole.. being a shit..
Not enough brain to become academia.. Not enough talent to become celebrity (one of my childhood dreams).. Not good looking enough to become stay-at-home dad (who wanna marry me in the first place!). Not good in everything.. It just sucks being a mediocre.. Haiz.. but come to think of it.. perhaps I can still become a comedian.. act as a bitch.. oh no need to act cos it will come naturally anyway!!

Still fucked up >.<

Sigh I don't know what to say.. I still feel like a shit.. Nothing to support me.. I do not give a damn thing about people giving fake sympathy and pity. Who cares about people anyway.. I hate myself is a good reason enough for me not willing to leave anymore.. I prayed for good things to happen and they did not happen. Now everytime before bed I always pray that I will rest in peace and never to wake up again: it also does not happen. Sigh.. God knows what is happening and I keep getting apt messages like "Forgive yourself" and "Ask for grace in midst of difficulty" etc etc. Sigh.. Whatever.. I simply has lost all my willingness to live on.. Such a useless and futile existence.. I am just wondering what is the purpose of my creation.. Perhaps if I were given a vision to know what I am here for I know how to approach my life after this.

It was actually a good week for my games.. What an irony.. I managed to complete my Final Fantasy Dissidia. Wew.. after almost 2 hours of trying, I finally beaten Inward Chaos.. And it was luck!! Haha.. The last hit barely killed him ^o^ I am also glad that I managed to level up my crafting smoothly in Cabal. Wew.. I was expecting hours of irritating repetitive process but I succeeded in 1 try. Haha..

The more I remember about the fucking CA, the shittier I feel. Haiz.. I am just one step closer to kill myself.. No more tears to shed.. I came short of self-mutilation.. I just wondered whether it is wise to go bang my head to the sink.. Hitting my head or hitting furnitures with the limb simply did not produce sufficient counter-irritant effects.. Sigh.. I am still looking for the least painful and most successful way to die.. insecticide (FUCK!! but it is completely appropriate to die twice due to organophosphate) or knifing (wrist or neck?) or perhaps for more drama: free falling from AYE bridge..

I hate myself.. fuck me fuck me fuck me.. I lose the main drive which keeps me alive: my ego and the love of myself.. I just don't wanna live anymore.. Someone please stab me in the heart.. or a truck please knock me over and crush my head under your wheels..

I am not a Naruto fan but this song is very good: soothing and peaceful.. Will be great if this song rings in my ear as I leave the pathetic existence on this planet to the life everlasting on the heavens above...

Failed again..

Haiz.. FUCK! Failed again.. The paper was easy.. The more I think about my mistake the more stupid I feel. Haiz nobody else to blame.. My own stupidity.. Fuck.. Wait.. Got people to blame!! Why the fuck am I being born! Why the fuck am I being created stupid!! and why the fuck other people are smart!! Haiz.. fuck you and me and everyone la...

I HATE BEING A FUCKING STUPID ASSHOLE!!!

Nya! Nya!!

Ok this is just a lame entry. Haha.. After the bear song I posted last week, my latest favourite song is a cat song. Haha.. I think the song is very cute.. or more appropriately, the kitty's sound is uber cute haha..

It started from this..

A friend of mine said that the tune is very familiar. So I typed the song title to youtube. And I came across to this very funny video.

I am not a fan of Kattun. Haha.. Anyway I think the most hilarious one is the sensei. She can do/say lame things with straight face. Lol.. While the guys they keep laughing. There are 3 other videos from this series but I think this is the funniest.

So eventually I found out that the song originally is a 'classical' song haha.. though the original composer is unknown. The original song is titled "Flozwalzer".

A pretty good piano rendition :)

Colorgenics

Name: (secret :p)
Date: 11/2/2009
Colorgenics Number: 12704365

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You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.

You are trying to break away from the mundane existence that you have been experiencing of late. You have many high hopes and ideals but you are concerned whether circumstances will allow you to realise these ambitions. You want to spread your wings - to broaden your fields of activities - but you are concerned that your dreams are just that - 'dreams' which are not realistic. It concerns you that you are not thinking clearly at this time - what you need is to get away from it all, to give you time to think. A short vacation could well restore your confidence.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

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Wanted to blog but I bumped into this quiz (posted by few friends in facebook). They all say it is pretty accurate so I tried it out. It is indeed quite accurate, especially those I put in bold. And the paragraphs 2 and 3 are exactly what I am feeling right now. Hence, this thing is enough for today, no need for me to blog :)

Interested? Try it in http://goldinuniverse.com/

When the going gets tough, I just wanna go away from the going..
Sigh.. I have never felt this lousy before. Previously, I always joked around when I said that I wanna die and things like that. But now, it is for real that I rather just die. Everyone will die eventually so why can't I just die now? It will be much better for me.. My life is meaningless. I hate my life and do not want it anymore. And the longer I live, the more sins I will commit. And the higher the likelihood that I will end up in hell on top of the living hell I am at right now. I really want to die early and go purgatory now..

I just wasted the last 2 days in trying to study antibiotics. The effort is futile.. I was only 'reading'. I tried to memorise but nothing stayed there. So it is as good as square zero again now. I don't think I will be able to finish it. Haiz.. 4 papers in 2 weeks already wanna die. How about 4 papers in 6 days for finals? Haiz.. good thing or bad thing, I now regret that I believe in God :( If I kill myself, I will straightaway go to hell for not appreciating the gift of life.. But sadly, what I am doing now is not far different from committing suicide. I regret that I am born in the first place.. why am I created on this place of sufferings in the first place.. why am I placed in the shit I am in now and why do I have to go through all this shit.. What a cursed life and it is not taken away from me even when I am praying everyday about it..

I had a lousy day yesterday. I spilled my bubble tea onto myself. It is like taking a chocolate shower. Had to waste time washing my shirt and shorts. Good thing I was that there was no staining. Good and bad thing that I wore something which poorly absorbed liquid. Good: I did not need a shower because the chocolate never seeped through the first layer of clothing. Bad: when I stood up.. tada.. everything dripped onto the floor. So that was an extra job to mop all the floor. Grr.. I will never drink that stupid bubble tea anymore!!

In the midst of my busy schedule, I decided to go to a birthday celebration yesterday. I guess I need some vibrancy to improve my social life. This semester is killing me that I hardly have the time with friends. Oh well, talking about birthday celebration, I do not feel like going next saturday. Girls are stupid. Haiz.. School is already so busy, why the hell choose to celebrate in the busy period! Plus the choice of place is so great: pasir ris. Wtf! Sigh..

That's all for my emo rant!!

The story continues..

Another 28th of October is here.. That marks the end of my seventh year in Singapore. As I grow older, I realise that my future is going bleaker and bleaker. Firstly, let me continue from where I ended of last year. It was another year full of new things and experiences for me. The highlight would be my YEP trip to Cambodia. It has been my wish for few years to try on overseas community service and I finally experienced it. It was a bitter sweet experience (although I do not know which one outweighs which one lol) but the memories and the photos are surely worth remembering.

Life is going downhill after that. School is getting tougher especially since there are more clinical stuff which frankly I do not like. Endless memorising and muggings and surely it was not surprising that I did pretty badly for the CAs etc.. Surprisingly (ironically is more appropriate here), I almost nailed it for dean's list.. only to be disappointed by a module which I thought could help me.

There was preceptorship: a glimpse to the sad life I will be embarking in 2 years time. Something I wish I can run away from.. but something I want to also to justify my sufferings.. If in the end I will do something unrelated to my studies, why am I torturing myself for the past 2 years and the 2 years to come?

And here I am now in a deep deepression.. Failed a test (yeah it meant great deal to me! and for that I am expecting my very first C grade) with more to come.. Having not enough time for social bonding.. and end up socialising with people in the various committee I am serving. People whom I hate for their pathetic work ethics etc.. All in the name of cca points..

So after another year of chance, I realise that I still greatly regret my cursed life.. Why am I here doing what I am doing now? I hate my life.. I hate my future.. I hate my existence.. I hate myself..

Doom

I just failed my med chem test.. Sigh.. It is just disappointing.. and devastating.. I expected to do badly.. but it never occured to me that I would fail.. I really do not know where I went wrong.. I thought it was pretty managable haiz.. If only I could see where I went wrong.. Aargh.. Now I really do not know how my other tests will be. Haiz.. even when I feel confident, the results turned out to be bad also.. I can no longer trust my feelings regarding all the stupid tests.. So I shall not comment about how the patho CA went today. I will only say that I am glad the test was not testing on stupid regurgitation, meaning, there were no questions with regards to drug names (be it this drug is used for what or what that drug can cause or this side effect is because of wat drug and etc). If only pharmaco can be like this too.. It will be so much easier to study.

Anyway.. I am in the emo mood to quickly leave my existence on this planet.. I really have no aim in this life.. What am I studying for? What do I want to do in the future? What is the use of schooling and working next time? Jeez... So great the desire to die that I have, but when the death came near, I was totally freak out. A few days ago, my heart skipped a beat.. Haiz.. I could feel like there was a turbulence in my heart chambers with the "glug" sound.. After that I felt something was pressing my chest.. Sigh.. Death is scary after all.. Can I choose a painless way of dying?? T_T That was one day before I knew the stupid CA results.. I suddenly thought that dying was a scary thing.. But after my failure, I felt more prepared to die :) Hehe.. now anytime anywhere I guess I am ready to leave.. Oh God.. please forgive me for not appreciating the gift of life that you have bestowed upon me :'(

In the midst of emo thought, I received an email regarding the Third Secret of Fatima. It is not a new thing for me because I read that like few years ago (in fact I still keep those messages in my inbox) . But this time, after reading it again, I suddenly realise that the time is indeed very near.

"God will allow all natural phenomena like smoke, hail, cold, water, fire, floods, earthquakes, winds and inclement weather to slowly batter the planet."

That quote seems so true in the light of recent typhoons and earthquakes.. Oh well, quite scary indeed. But then, I will never know when all the messages will definitely come true.. The subsequent events being mentioned may perhaps happen looong after I die.. But what if they are to happen within my lifetime?? Haiz.. I guess there is so much I need to do to prepare for death indeed.. Scaaary!!!

I shall talk about happier things now: GAME!! Wakaka.. I am so happy that I find a working Pet Society cheat!! Lol.. gone are the days when I have spend hours to hug hug other pets. Hihi.. so happy.. If only in this real life I can cheat to suddenly have a lot of money. Lol!! My Cabal is also starting to earn money :) Hihi so happy.. Last week was indeed a good week for my games.. I hope the luck continues forever.. and even better.. it extends to other aspects of my life :D Wahaha..

Sick of people..

I guess I am too tired that I am losing my composure.. and I cannot keep myself from ranting about the people I am working with, people in my CCAs.. I shall try to make things as secretive as possible..

Jeez first thing will be my ranting about my project. I am only a subcomm member. Haiz.. I was being too good and too helpful.. Unfortunately, the subcomm head is just a slacking bitch.. Not much difference from the vice. Lol.. So yah.. they did nothing, and after receiving input of information, they still did not want to do anything. Omg I was damn pissed with the smses asking me to do this and that.. Worse, from the smses I could obviously tell that she did not do anything on her part, otherwise she would not ask me to do things which were obviously dumb, wrong, or not possible to do. Sigh.. So yah.. these people, can only talk talk talk.. dream big big.. but when it comes to actual work: neh neh!! So now I am just giving back the slack shit to them! Wakaka.. well I am subcomm member only.. I tried to help but you did not listen to me so good luck.

Here comes another CCA.. Haiz.. my fellow committee members are also becoming more and more pain in the asses.. Seriously, I am tired of nagging this and that.. I guess I shall give them the slack shit also and when the whole thing gets messed up (like complaints whatsoever), then they would learn!! Sigh.. I am sick of the inability to commit.. I am sick of the cowardice to say no and to defend what we have done right.. etc etc.. Bleah..

Bottom line: foreigners suck!! Haiz.. I guess it is time for me to change my citizenship la.. Lol.. oh well.. perhaps I am too picky/naggy/trying too hard etc.. I do not know.. I just want to avoid problems from the start instead of tidying up mess when it surfaces.. I just wanna give good examples.. leave a good legacy.. Otherwise how to change people if even the leaders are not giving good examples.. Well, the saying which goes change yourself before you change the people around you apparently is just a bullshit. Lol. I have changed myself.. but still the people around me do not change.. Oh well.. what to do.. I guess I am just tired of pathology -_-

The first out of the so many CAs was just over today. Yay!! It was not as bad as the first CA. I was so stressed mugging for the past few days but hey I was surprised that I actually had time to do a 2nd round. Perhaps that is the reason that I could remember more things and found the test more doable than the first one (I only did 1 round for that). Still, it is not a bright outlook for me. Even with only 8 chapters being tested, I completely forgotten a few drugs during the test. I could not even remember from which sets of notes. Sigh.. wat to do? With so many -zepines, -zepams, -dines, even fentanyl and felbamate sounds very similar to me o_0

Upcoming hell: Pathology!! In terms of number of chapters, it is more or less the same as pharmaco.. BUT.. each chapter of patho has about double the number of slides of pharmaco notes.. and even worse, I will busy for 4 days with my CCAs this week. That means I have double the amount to mug in half of the time as compared to pharmaco.. Die die die die die...

Just went to see my dentist.. Haiz.. every visit he will tell me that my braces will be off in 1-2 visits time.. Haiz.. but really dunno when it will end sigh sigh..

Anyway, there are some Japanese songs with familiar tune.. I really wonder whether these songs are originally Japanese..

The next song I am 100% sure is not Japanese in origin.. But I really cannot recall what was the first song of this tune that I heard. Haha..

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

Wah.. this is my very FIRST experience uploading a file online. Lol..

That's all for today (or perhaps for the week LOL...)

Wew.. here I am.. ponning lessons.. just to type blog.. Ooops.. Haha.. Oh well, I am getting pretty stressed lately.. I do not take a good care of my body too. I felt like fainting before lunch. It was because of exhaustion, stress (pharmaco shit!), and not drinking enough water or eating nutritious food. It was kind of jialat especially when there was a traffic jam on the bus.. And to prevent myself from fainting I kept on recalling the carbamazepine, phenytoin, valproate, lamotrigine (??), lacosamide (??), ethosuximide (??), gabapentin, pregabalin, etc etc.. Jeez.. maybe that just worsened my headache..

I am super stressed for pharmaco test right now. There is just so much to remember.. Haiz.. I do not think even if I started the revision early that I could remember them now too. Haiz in stressful times like this, I will immediately think how I will be screwed in the near future: preceptorship and preregistration.. Haiz.. not only I am too stupid to do memory work and my interest does not lie in clinical! Seriously.. so why the fuck am I forced to do that? Perhaps after I kill someone then the department will realise whether it is good to force students to do something they do not like.. and something they are not capable of doing..

Anyway I am really in a bad mood.. Yesterday I just did a good deed.. unfortunately, I felt bad about it.. I kept telling myself "Why must that person come to me?" haiz.. Helping someone in distress should be privilege and usually I am happy to help someone.. But yesterday.. Haiz.. Really don't know what happened to me.

Yesterday I went to see my uncle and aunt. My uncle just had a leg operation. I am glad that he looks okay already. I mean the face tells everything. Haha.. To be honest, I am impressed with his strong will. He has polio in his right leg.. and now his left one was operated. But only after 4 days after the surgery, he succeeded in walking again. OMG! Even the doctor was surprised. Normal people would normally put their body weight to the healthy leg. But my uncle's unoperated leg has polio.. I think he is used to pain and hardships.. that is why even in the toughest time he can press on.. My aunt also told me how he drived.. Just hearing it, I nearly died.. He uses his right leg for the gas while the clutch and brake are handled using his left. Can you imagine how on earth he steps on both clutch and brake together?

Well that is a lesson of life.. Perhaps I am too lazy.. perhaps I have not done my best.. perhaps I am just a quitter.. loser.. or worse: a loser who does not even have a dream to be winner someday.. a loser who is just happy being a loser..

eLearning week

eLearning has finally ended.. It is a curse masked as a blessing. Haha.. Well I guess everyone was so excited when it started but we all moan when it is ending.. Not because there is no more holiday next week but because there is so much to do. Haha.. I guess I am lucky that I only have 2 webcast lectures to watch. Hoho.. One teacher is too shy and she typed her speech in the powerpoint. So I just need to print and hola.. no need to watch. Haha.. Another teacher is just too lazy and faked a tutorial-cum-lecture session. Haha.. For pharmaco, I don't even know there is webcast or not. Omg I am so dead haha..

Another holiday really makes me a complete anti-social: whole day locking myself in the room playing computer and games. Haha.. Now when it is over, I will be anti-social again because I need to watch the lectures. I am so pissed with the lousy on-campus internet system. I guess "lousy" is not appropriate enough, it is "shitty". I cannot fast forward the webcast and I was wasting my time last night. Surprisingly the teacher spoke more slowly than in normal lectures so I could watch her in 1.2 or 1.4 speed. But when I changed the speed, the screen would just say buffering and then nothing happened. What the fish la.. Out of the 1 hour 45 minutes lecture, I only watched 1 hour.. I could not take it already. Out of the 1 hour, I think almost 30 mins or more was grandmother's story about the history of artemisinin aka qinghaosu.. o_0

Oh.. I am having a mental block!! I thought I could write a longer post today!! Haha.. Oh well.. suddenly got nothing..

Conclusion: eLearning week is good.. Once every semester is just nice.. But more than that, I would die due to my own laziness..

Mid-Autumn Festival

OMG.. I am so lifeless that I just now that Mid-Autumn festival was this weekend.. after all the celebration were over -_- haiz.. Yesterday I was talking to one senior her experience in sampling the various mooncake stalls at Taka B2 square. There was even champagne flavour!! OMG.. Not that I like champagne but I always love to try strange combinations of food. Ah ya, I thought I should visit during the eLearning week but too bad.. today was the last day.. Sian..

I am having cravings for durian.. So because it is the mooncake season, I am wishing for durian mooncake, which I think does not exist.. Actually it does T_T and when I told this to several friends, many of them just had it yesterday huhuhu... I gotta wait one year for my durian mooncake..

Anyway I have not been studying. Lol.. Gaming can even be more stressful than mugging leh! On friday I was so furious that it took me 45 mins to beat an enemy in the game.. I was emoing all the way by playing the game until 530am. Lol.. I read a game guide for the final boss and it seems almost impossible to beat the game. Thank God it was not that hard. Perhaps it is because my character is max level also. Yeah.. so not so emo anymore haha..

The ending is a bit short T_T and never really wraps the whole game.. A bit disappointing.. It took me 40 hours (to just complete) or 100 hours (to 100% complete) to finish Final Fantasy 8 and the reward of 5mins+ of beautiful CG ending.. This Dissidia.. haiz.. I think I played for at least 40 hours also.. but the ending is only 1 mins +. Grr.. But the ending credit song is quite beautiful hehe.. They medley all the previous games' ending songs together. And I just learnt that "Love Will Grow" is the soundtrack of FFII. Lol.. The first time I heard this nice song was from the pirated mp3 CD compilations from my sister about 5 years ago. I think the CD cover states it is FFVI or FFIII song lol..

Kind of reminding me my emo times in V Hall.. Haha.. In JC I had nothing except my mp3 player and the songs to kill my time.. So usually when I could not sleep or felt emo with school, I would sing at the staircase.. looking at the moon.. with my mp3.. and this song is one of my favourite hehe..

.

Too bad FFII is too ancient for a game to have its own FMV...

Life is so boring without CAs hahaha... Finally the CA season is over (not as if I have a lot lol). I just cannot wait for the doom which will come in 4 weeks time. When all the CAs fall within 1 week among one another. For now, I shall enjoy the eLearning week which is equal to the second mid-sem break. They should do this more often :D

The week has not been good. The weather is getting worse.. and haze makes it even hotter.. Grr.. They make me have sleepless nights.. it is also damn hard to take a nap.. Haiz.. So when I am stressed or emo, the weather will just make me feel even lousier.

The med chem CA was baad.. Really really bad!! Haiz.. to be honest it was not as bad as I expected. The first question was a total rip-off from notes. Haiz.. I never memorise word per word because I expected more of application and thinking question. So yeah.. wtf.. I am screwed.. and because it is vomiting, I am sure everybody else will be doing great.. That's why I say the paper is baad... The second question was pretty good, not a regurgitation.. And it was quite doable surprisingly.. The tutorial questions were much more sinister.

There were 2 occasions when I wished I had a Death Note.. And after thinking, I will easily obliterate half of the people whom I know.. Yah so sad.. My life is filled with hatred to the people around me.. Okay perhaps hatred is too harsh, dislike is more appropriate. Haha.. I was so pissed with the people I am working with. Well, I know my ego is too big and I need to learn to accept criticism. BUT.. I hate being criticised for being efficient and reasonable.. Especially when this criticism came from inefficient, unreasonable, and people with poor vision and planning. Oh well.. I guess I just need a dose of revenge to proof that what I did was right.. Some people say I may be too harsh sometimes with my words but when I re-read my email that was nothing wrong with that. So yeah.. I see no fault for the criticism hurled at me.. just wait for my show time..

Oh ya.. I was not talking about my SDL groupmates btw. Lol.. Most of them are lazy.. and for this week I totally cannot be bothered about it.. I did enough with my nagging last week but nobody seemed to listen or care. So do not come and bother me again lol.. I gave enough comments and nothing happened so I might as well save my time doing other things haha.. Anyway the deadline was today. And I had a preview of the hell to come.. I got a glimpse on one project and holy shit.. my worst fear came into reality: tables tables and tables.. When there are 7 tables (with 3/4 page to full page of length each) and several big wordy diagrams in a 23-page report (23 is inclusive of reference!), you can imagine how ridiculous it will be if everyone is doing that.. Well knowing the people in my class, I am sure everyone else will also be on par in terms of kiasu-ness. Oh well, even my group is not 100% guilt free about it.. but even with the low probability, I hope that the marker will cut marks for the too many tables etc etc.. Haiz.. 1 subsection which consists of the subheading, 1 sentence, and a 1 page table can be considered "empty". Wishful thinkings..

I shall focus on my SoM and other modules.. Even though the CAs are still quite "distant" away.. I know I am lagging faaar behind.. especially on DFD which I have not touched at all..

The eLearning week will be good but I am praying hard for the weather to improve.. Rain and Wind... I summon thee...

Spoilt ending of a perfect holiday :(

This is the very first RECESS week which I am able to rest ever since JC days.. Wooohooo.. School system has to be changed to what I am experiencing right now. It is okay to work hard and batter the students with numerous tests and projects as long as they are during the school term, but not during the break. I really only slacked and played during the break.. and trust me, that feels fantastic!! Hehe..

On Wednesday night I actually watched a guitar concert for my SoM module.. As expected, I will never be able to appreciate guitar concert. When it plays the melody, it is just too soft and not interesting. It is better off as an accompaniment. Even though the place was at UCC (isn't it cool?), the concert hall itself was quite small. Jeez.. I think those concerts at JC would be much more meaningful (larger audience) and more fun (most of the audience would be own friends). Haha.. not so much a regret of not joining harmoc in uni.. Since the concert was bad, I was so excited to write the review!! Haha... Done :) But I did not manage to compose any single shit for the MIDI assignment.. Haiz haiz..

My plan to earn money is ruined. It is unbelievable that people were not replying to the job training to be conducted during the recess week! I have no idea what these people were doing la.. Haiz.. I should have just ponned lessons few weeks back to attend the training.. Sob sob T_T

By the way, the weather was also great during the great week. It was not hot at night. Instead I was even using the blanket ^o^.. Friday marked the last day of the holiday (since weekends are always holidays) and the moment it passed 12am to Saturday, the weather turned awful... What a great sign of the omen to come. I hardly could sleep that night because of the heat. The heat still continues on until today..

Since Saturday was regarded as not a holiday anymore, I decided to get back to my schoolwork. I printed my notes and I checked my CA results.. Wtf.. It was bad.. as expected.. but to be honest.. it was not as bad as my expectation, considering I was at an insane state during the test since I could not get my PSP. Haiz.. I will not be able to score well for the module already.. I did better last sem and eventually I could not even get an A.. Haiz.. I see many A+s around me so I suppose my grade was higher than expectation because of the nursing students.. For the final grade, when the curve is split, I shall be doomed.

Med chem is also a killer. I did tutorial 1, I was left half dead. I was surprised that the people chosen to do were actually able to do the questions quite well. That means I am just one of the dumb asses.. I forgot on how to do naming and drawing resonance structure -_-.. Adding salt to my pharmaco wounds, words like "suphonyl urea" and "glibenclamide" did ring a bell in my head. But I could not figure out where they were in the pharmaco notes. And it was only 2 weeks after the test. Haiz.. I can imagine in next May that in the hospital, I would be rude and cursing my preceptor. Most likely I will get a sucky one anyway.. so no point in being nice to someone who will fail you anyways. Ah, rewind back to the tutorial, tutorial 2 totally killed me and my drive to mug the rest of the module.. Aaargh.. die liao.. The drug modification etc is waaay too difficult for me. I only hoped that the teachers were having a bad day when they set the CA questions. Please make them extremely fucking hard and slaughter all the students. I hope those who are damn good in memorising only would get the proper grade for what they truly deserve! They gained too much advantage in the course which emphasised heavily on making walking MIMSes and Martindales instead of creating future professional. Die you DIE DIE DIE!!! MWAHAHAAHAHAHA....

And I am looking forward to the eLearning week. Call it whatever you like but for students, when they do not need to go to school, it only means one thing: HOLIDAY ^^

EMO no more ^o^ :D :)

MWAHAHAHAHAHA...

I finally got my PSP MWAHAHAHAHA.. After the long search on Saturday, I was almost giving up and already decided just to buy the limited edition if it were to reach Singapore shore.. Lucky, I did not have afternoon nap so I was online until late afternoon. I should have an outing at 5pm too.. But loo and behold.. at about 430+ the new stock just came in. Oh yeah!! Haha.. So lucky that the price only went up to $315.. If it was $350 no way I would buy even if there was stock.. In total I almost spent $400 for my PSP. But I am soooo happy hahahaha...

Even though I got it on saturday, I only started playing on Monday. Lol.. Because I had no game and I need to take from my friends. Initially I intended on passing the PSP to my friend for him to input the games.. but he did not want o_0 just because he did not wanna waste electricity.. Woa.. what a good reasoning.. Anyway, I got my games yesterday.. And hehe.. I AM SO HAPPY!! LOL...

I went with my cousin to Cafe Cartel on Sunday.. What a bloody damn restaurant I have to say.. Next time, just order things on promotion or things which have pictures on the menu. I ordered crispy ribs and chicken chop combo. It cost $9.80 if I am not wrong and guess what I got? 1 bloody stick of rib and 1/3 of normal serving of chicken chop.. OMG!! My cousin bought the ribs on promotion ($13.80) and she got 8 stick of ribs!! I don't know how to describe the size of the ribs so I just counted on the number of bones Lol.. Her husband's sirloin stick was out of stock and he also ordered another ribs.. He gave me 3 sticks.. my cousin gave me 3 sticks.. So in total I ate 7 sticks.. O_0 They also did not want to eat the bread (I took and cut one whole piece of the long bread) so I ended up super bloated! Lol.. Dinner was skipped too.. Haiz.. fat fat fat..

It is a good holiday.. There is only 1 CA so it really feels like a holiday haha.. Unfortunately, good times pass so quickly.. and I have to start to plan my time carefully.. I finished my part on SDL.. I guess I shall book room for my CCA tomorrow and start on my revision.. I have my UCC training on Thursday (kaching kaching.. money will start to come in! hehe). Ah ya.. I die die will attend any random concert this week also.. and hopefully I can anyhow finish the MIDI composition..

I shall take a nap now.. And tonite, I must remember to register for my Sony 1 year Warranty!!

^0^

Mid sem...

Fiuh.. it's finally mid-sem break.. let me recap what happened to me for the past 6 weeks. This half semester was my busiest in my 2 years in NUS. Haha.. I am pretty amazed that all my weekends were used for school activities (rag, red cross welcome tea, legs & paddles, runNUS, and first aid course). This weekend before the mid-sem break if my first weekend this sem at which I can just slack and laze around hahaha...

Another record breaking feat is I skipped NONE of the 8am lecture haha.. Although I came a bit late for the past 2 weeks, I was only 15 minutes late. In my previous semesters, I could come late for almost half an hour. Haha.. No matter how tired I felt in the morning, I have been succesful in waking up. So yah, perhaps it is just natural if I attribute it to my stone.. After all, it is believed to be able to make me more full of energy. Haha..

Okay, one good record was made. But 2 bad records were created haha... For my elective, I attended mere TWO lectures so far!! Lol.. On top of that, I skipped a total of 3 (out of 5) tutorials for various modules in this sem. Haha.. 1 was valid because I needed the extra hours to mug.. While the other 2.. to be frank, I just find patho tutorials to be useless.. So no point in attending also haha.. Well, I am planning to skip all the patho tutorials altogether haha...

I slept pretty late last night so I was a bit cranky in the morning. I was so pissed with the lengthy lab briefing this morning. Haha plus one friend was keep complaining about the same thing also. Haha.. in the bustling practical activities, I still managed to feel so sleepy hahaha... I managed to survive the lecture also because I was doing my lab report for the coming weeks. Hmm..

My mood was lifted up a bit despite my failed hunt for PSP (I checked many websites, read many forums, called several shops, only to managed 1 shop with my desired item but the item was not modifiable..). Perhaps it is because holiday is coming? Haha.. The weather is also so good for the past 2 nights ^o^ Good nitez..

Note: I am super pissed when I realised Hari Raya falls on mid-sem break.. That's 1 free day gone.. In addition, a friend told me that CNY next year will also fall on mid-sem break.. Wow.. that will be another 2 days gone.. What an unlucky academic year...

Haiz.. I don't know I am being so angry.. Is it because I do not get the PSP per se? Or is it because I hate myself for not going Orchard on Saturday? Or is it because I hate my friend for not helping me buy? Haiz.. No matter what the reason is, my anger is killing me.. Anger is exothermic.. Worse, I cannot channel the heat outwards.. It is kept within my body and slowly is killing me.. I am really going mad.. I cannot believe that I managed to stay emo for almost 1 week..

Haiz.. I feel better today.. I have given up on my search for PSP.. Is it because I am too tired already? Or is it because I am too busy today? Or is it because I learnt that there is Lithium Carbonate to help my mood swings? Well, I certainly hope it is not because of the first two.. Because next week is school break! I will have too much excess energy and I will have nothing to do.. So my idle thoughts will bring me back to psp.. AAARGH!!

Anyway, there is one interesting thing. I asked a friend to help me search for game shop online. He found one game shop which says "Call Christ at xxxxxxxx" and he told me "Faster go call Jesus Christ!" LMAO! Too bad the website was last updated on 1st september.. and the website does not look to convincing.. so ya.. I give up on my dream already..

I shall just mug med chem and med chem and med chem for the break.. Wow.. What a great break it will be :'(

emo update..

I am still in deep shit.. I wasted the whole night surfing rubbish on the net until 330.. Too bad the weather was so shit that I was awake at 830! Grr.. I intended on sleeping for like 8-10 hrs today but that was not the case..

Anyway, I was surfing the net to get more info regarding PSP. I have reached the conclusion that I will not get PSP after all.. The only ways I can get is:
1) The old version (which is no longer in production) price will drop..
2) The new version will be hacked soon..
3) I buy in Indonesia..

Option 3 is the most likely.. Since my cousin will be coming here this weekend, I thought I could ask my parents to buy from me.. But oh well, after friends being assholes, my mum is an anal too!! Haiz.. fuck la.. Meaningless life... Give me free day also I have nothing to do.. I have money also there is nothing I can spend on.. Ah ya.. forgot to write this yesterday. I wanted to buy FF Dissidia trading arts set.. But I think the stuff is not in singapore yet..

SHIT SHIT SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT!!
I shall buy the bloody $350 la...

Sayonara...

Haiz.. it is very sad.. but I really have to say bye bye to my PSP already.. Not only that the shop recommended to me no longer does modification.. not only that there is no stock.. today the price of the PSP has gone up by $50.. Jeez... And to my friend who did not wanna help me buy on saturday, yes.. goodbye to you too.. Let me assure you that your unhelpfulness is as good as killing me already.. Congratulations..

Haiz.. This is damn ridiculous.. But I think I am on my way to IMH soon.. Just because I cannot get my PSP, my body and my mind really feel like exploding.. Im too full of anger and disappointment.. I cannot be bothered about school or anything anymore.. I lose my hope and drive to live also.. Haiz.. Life is so dull and boring. I am getting sick of Cabal and facebook applications.. So I was really looking forward to a PSP-filled holiday.. but now.. I really have no idea how I am going to spend my holiday.. Damn sian..

I went to dentist just now.. I went to HMV.. oh la la.. FF Dissida game is damn bloody expensive. My eyes almost popped out when I saw $81+ on the price tag.. Holy cow!! I checked out Taka too. It was cheaper $55 haha... Still so bloody expensive.. I always thought that Taka price includes 1 or 2 free games. I am super wrong.. In fact, I have to buy at least 1 game from them if I wanna get my PSP from them.. Ckckck.. Considering the damn shop increased the price by $50 already, I think it is not bad to buy at Taka.. add the $50 for the game.. Though that will mean I am spending $350 just for a game.. Aaargh!! That is super dumb!!

My dentist told me if I am happy with my teeth already, the braces can be removed at the next visit.. Haha.. Should be a good news eh? Still.. that did not help to lift me out of my depression.. haiz.. Even the magical effect of sugar+saturated fats+cholesterol which helped me yesterday can no longer create a miracle today..

Fiuh.. thank God it's no lesson day tomorrow.. I guess I can slack a bit.. Although I really have no idea what I can do anyway.. Lab is a bit jialat but oh well, what is Thursday for? Haha..

Weather is bloody hot too..
Grr.. everything seems to be wrong in my life..
I hope I can quickly leave this world..
I hope I can die peacefully in my sleep ^o^
I feel like a zombie anyway.. no purpose and no motivation to continue my life..

Emoooooo

The break has finally arrived.. But I am in awful mood to welcome it.. CA was over today and it really feels like it is a holiday already.. I am already planning which lessons to skip..

The CA again proves that it does not take much to be a star student in my course.. You just need a big memory capacity.. No need to understand anything and just memorise every single word in the notes.. Wow.. the questions were like 1 word (name of the drugs) and just need to know the PK, actions, uses, adverse effects and that's it.. The phrasing is exactly the same like in the notes.. Hmm hmm.. Too bad I am not such a good memoriser and I was a gone case.. In fact, from question 16 onwards, my mind already went blank.. I did not have time to review the later chapters so yeah bye bye..

Some people say my face is so black today.. Haiz.. yah.. I am already in a self-destruct mode.. Haiz.. I am really regretting that I did not go down to buy the PSP on Saturday.. At least I would have gotten my PSP.. Now I get nothing.. no PSP and study also gone case.. Haiz.. I know I should not be angry to my friend. It is not his fault anyway.. But I seriously am sad that he did not help me buy on saturday.. on sunday he could input the game and today I can play already.. haiz haiz.. I guess I am just in search of a scapegoat just to vent my anger and frustation :'(

Haiz.. it was such a perfect plan to buy my PSP today.. Now what do I have? I have a stupid fire drill tonight.. And I have nowhere to run.. It is damn irritating when the announcement says the time is between 8 - 10. Usually they will say the time specifically so that I can run away just before the damn thing started.. Grr... Wanted to run away to Orchard but I was kinda lazy because tomorrow I need to see my dentist and that means I will be at Orchard already.. Damn!

Haiz.. emo emo.. mood swing.. hormonal imbalance.. everything is beyond my control.. Damn sad.. I just wanna die.. Really sick of school... my future.. and my life as a whole.. Even dying may not be help because I am on the expressway to hell.. Jeez... I regret being created in the first place.. Oh God.. Why don't you create me as an angel instead?

Road to Doom

Tomorrow I am having a CA and here I am now slacking and wasting time to blog. I am getting more and more unmotivated as a student.. I feel like I am in a wrong course.. And I am studying all the useless stuff.. Haiz.. How can things be useful when I cannot even remember T_T I am done with the first round of reading.. I can hardly recall what the topics are.. It is almost impossible to even recall the drug names or even to spell them.. So do not even try to remember the mechanism of actions, adverse effects, and indications.. Jeez.. I know I am poorly prepared.. but I am just too tired with the useless brain work.. This will be my first (hopefully will be the last) badly prepared test.. Oh well, I know I will do quite badly.. but still I will be sad when the results come out....

CCA is as busy as ever.. And frankly, this time I do not hate CCAs that much.. I hate school more T_T Anyway on Wednesday, the CG was ruined because of one guy.. OMG.. I am soo gonna scold him.. Haiz.. Spoilt my Wednesday.. But fiuh.. now I guess I will try to tell him nicely first.. If it does not work, I will not hesitate to publicly humiliate him.. Something I since long never do haha... Thursday was gone just like that since my CCA meeting ended at 11 haha... People say I was so fierce when giving announcement. oops.. Lol.. I thought I am always fierce!

Anyway, my first aid course finally ended yesterday and I passed!! Yay!! Haha.. The theory test was as difficult as NUS exam... I was shit scared of bandaging but luckily the tester felt that CPR is more important than bandaging.. in the sense that Singapore is so safe.. if there is bleeding/fracture, before the first aider finishes the bandaging, the ambulance would have arrinved first LOL! So ya, we were all allowed to choose whatever bandage to show him. Haha..

I discover that cca points for first aid duty is counted as CIP. Hence I need to clock at least 30 hours to get 5 points.. Hmm I really hope I get the 5hr block on 21st of Oct.. Haha.. Besides getting experience, the souvenir (thumbdrive and microfibre towel) is soo appealing haha..

My PSP was finally in stock a few days ago.. But unfortunately, it is already out of stock again today.. Ahh. I am very sad.. One reason why suddenly I don't feel like reading my notes for the second time tonite.. I hope after the torture tomorrow, I can treat myself by playing game in the evening tomorrow.. Arrgh.. sad la T_T But on the bright side, I guess I get what I want! I am unsure whether I should get PSP or not.. especially since I discover that most of the games are re-port-ed from older consoles.. And most nice rpg games are already completed with my PS as well as my emulator. So I am not gonna play again haha.. The fact that there is no stock when I wanna buy suggests that it is better for me not to spend.. But still.. hix hix.. I WANT TO PLAY FF DISSIDIA!!!

I guess that's all.. I am tired.. I guess I will just try to sleep early and peacefully tonight.. I do not even know what time the paper starts tomorrow.. I am seriously unmotivated for tomorrow... Aiya die then die la.. at least my course offers 100% employment anyway.. Curse me!! Wrong course.. fuck fuck fuck..

Signs of stress

When my throat feels dry..
When my body feels hot..
When I am craving for bubble tea..
When I am drinking so much water..
When I start having expensive western meal quite often..
When my fingers are itchy to buy chips..

THEY ARE ALL OBVIOUS SIGNS THAT I AM BLOODY STRESSED!!!!!!!!
And all will lead to the widening of my tummy :'(

Haiz.. I keep having the urge to skip this lecture or skip that practical sigh.. Luckily I did not skip today's practical.. I managed to copy the tutorial I skipped yesterday during a lecture today.. Haiz.. My lecture notes are empty while I see my friends are full of scribbles.. Haiz.. I do not really understand what is going on in the tutorial.. I am completely confused on the kidneys.. I have finished my Science of Music tutorial.. But I do not freaking understand the notes.. The subsequent topics are getting more confusing.. Haiz..

It's wednesday tomorrow.. It is the start of my CCAs.. That means I am running out of time to study for my CA on monday.. I aim to at least finish my lab report tonight.. I think I will be too lazy to study after that :'( Bleah!!

Even game makes me so pissed off.. Why are people stealing my woods and rocks? Jeez.. Bloody shit la.. Game also wanna steal..

Aiya.. bad day la.. stress stress stress... I really have no life this semester. I will have to miss my good friend's bday celebration this Friday.. AAARGH!! That will be the THIRD 21st party I miss out since the semester starts.. Haiz sad la... All is retarded.. Dunno how I can lift my mood up.. No thing and no people seem to be able to help me..

No time!!!

Fiuh... 1 crazy period was just over. I am so thankful that I survived through the CA this afternoon. I hardly had time to study last week with my CCA (I reached PGP back at 11pm on Thursday) and my First Aid course in the weekends. Regardless of the CA, I am just so happy that it is over!! Yay..

Angklung was crazy on Thursday! Due to space constraint, we decided to have the practice at PGP. That would be the first and the last time. It was freaking shit to carry all the heavy stuff to and fro from YIH to PGP and vice versa. Haiz.. Can break my backbones... Damn heavy! Because of the CCA, I made studying time by skipping patho tutorial. Woo.. lucky I did that.. My group got a shit tutor.. Lucky I did not go.. Otherwise confirm I would be fuming after the tutorial.. Hehe.. I guess after this, I will just skip all the tutorials all together. They are useless anyways..

First Aid course was quite good. Hehe.. I learnt a few new things hehe.. I always think it was quite easy to practice CPR on the dummy.. But the freaking dummy's mouth is so small. Haha.. Blow blow blow until my lungs burst liao.. Haha.. There will be an exam this Saturday. I am freaking out for the bandaging practical. There are so many bandages to learn from.. Haiz.. I hope I will not fail.. Will be damn paiseh. Haha.. Oh ya, good thing there were like 4 other indonesians.. I felt quite lonely and loner haha.. Actually there were few year 1 pharmacy students.. But erm.. I don't really like them.. so who cares? Lol..

Haiz the clock is ticking fast.. I am lagging behind my school work. Again, I skipped a tutorial this morning. Meaning, I have a catching up work to do. Haiz.. Worse, another CA is coming in 6 days time.. And there is a lab report to be completed by this Friday.. Waa.. where got time!! I just printed Science of Music tutorial and new notes and I am terribly doomed.. I cannot freaking understand what is happening. Geez.. I have to chiong again for the tutorial this Wednesday.. and for the CA after the break.. Aaargh.. haiz haiz..

Oh school things aside, I am still dreaming over my PSP lol.. I really wanna play FF Dissidia.. I want to change my desktop wallpaper. Too bad the FF Dissidia wallpapers I found from the official website are not to my liking.. I like the dark colours.. so I was hoping that the psp skin is also available for desktop.. Unfortunately, it is not the case haha.. I asked the shop again whether the psp will be coming within 2 weeks time (my mid sem break!!) and the reply was "hopefully!!" haha.. So I am reallly hoping that it will be the case :)

Lost

I finally succumbed to the dark side.. Today I came horribly late for lecture. It was like I left my room when the teacher started teaching already. Lol.. I missed 8 slides or about there.. I just hope that it will not be a habit. On top of that, after 3 weeks of fasting from junkie and expensive food, I finally lost it to Subway.. Though I bought the cheapest option possible (cold cut trio! veggie delight is not included in the option haha). The red wine vinegar sauce was available.. add that with the green chilli and woow... straight away I went to toilet haha..

The reason I succumbed to Subway was my blood donation drive duty. Haha.. I had a great time.. To be honest.. I was sian at the beginning.. But in the end, I felt that I did something so that gave a good feeling. I expected a crazy lunch peak hour.. unfortunately what I got was peak hour all the way until the closing time haha.. I guess everyone had an early Wednesday. It was tiring to stand for 6 hours but I guess preceptorship has given me the "foundation" lol.. a pair of strong legs to sit for long periods wakakaka...

I was stationed at the worst part.. Between the slowest moving Hb test and long blood donation queue haha.. The Hb test queue was fed by the people after medical screening.. so when the 2 doctors were on duty.. omg.. there were not enough seats.. I had to add seats.. and arranged people to sit until so confusing.. Wah.. at the worst period, there were more than 20 people in the queue lol.. But not bad.. at least I learnt something: my crowd control skill is not bad hahaha..

A few memorable experiences:
1) Couples and friends who came in pairs were the most irritating people. They did not want to move their butts if they had to be separated to different row (even though that means 1 in front of the other only). Wth la.. There were really shortage of seats and space and everyone really had to move the moment the next chair is empty.

2) There was one oh-so-omg bimbo.. She was so lazy to move her butts and complained dunno dunno what.. Got say things like "I am here out of goodwill to donate" to her friends etc.. Then after Hb test.. unfortunately she did not pass the station. Wakaka.. I should not laugh but then.. who ask her mouth to be that big lor -_-

3) 1 medicine student who came back twice. Haha.. he had to go for his lessons so he returned to queue at the Hb test (longest queue) again. I am glad he still remembered me haha and asked me where he should queue lol.. Basically he queued 2x so I was quite impressed that he still wanted to donate.. Interestingly, he asked me whether I am year 1 wakaka...

4) There was another guy.. a combination of cute+handsome omg I am so jealous!! Haha.. Since he was a first timer, there was this auntie who took photo of him.. Zomg.. Out of so many first time donors, she only took photo of this guy wakaka...

5) There was one guy who was trying to explain to this PRC girl about why she had to wait for the Hb test (she got pricked already and she was asked to wait). Woah.. for once my scientific knowledge is helpful haha...

6) I did a mistake.. but lucky this PRC guy was so nice.. I thought he was going to queue for the Hb test when he actually was telling me that he just did the test.. So I brought him to the wrong queue and his order was cut by a few people.. Lucky he did not seem to be agitated at all haha..

7) I saw many friends.. Haha.. And some of them faint/giddy lol.. But I was so happy to see someone from my jc og last time lol.. He still remembered me and a bit of chit chat with and old friend is always good. Haha..

Well it was tiring but fulfilling day.. I am seriously very impressed.. Many Singaporeans are very generous.. I believe that there is no more generous act than giving own blood to strangers.. yep.. if only singaporeans will extend this generosity to their every day life, this country will be so much better place.. A lost hope I believe hahahaha...

Highly Distracted..

The first CA of the semester is coming in less than 7 days. But I am still unmotivated to prepare for it. Haiz.. I have not started mugging properly.. I only read the text book and write down few additional stuff to the notes. The book is so boring.. I am giving up and I decide that tomorrow will be the last day I am doing that. Wednesday onwards, I will just start mugging whatever I have in the notes.

Patho is just so sick la.. The pictures are damn disgusting.. 1 picture on the notes were beef steak look alike which actually is lungs (dunno what happened to it). The brown colour meaty substance with streaks of black parts really resemble a steak after being grilled. Haiz.. It really supresses my appetite. My stomach was not particularly well and I got the feeling as if I wanted to vomit.. And yeah.. the pictures in the notes.. they really induce vomitting.. And my notes are in black and white.. Perhaps I will really vomit if I have the coloured version.

I had a weird dream last night. I went to buy a durian bread! Haha.. It was at a bakery shop (like bread talk like that).. I am quite sure that it was not durian cake or durian puff, it was durian BREAD! Buy that will give me 60 bonus points somemore.. Lol.. Dunno what points seriously..

And here comes my biggest distraction.. I really wanna get a PSP to play Final Fantasy Dissidia :'( Someone please be generous and give me :'(

The Game Cover

And while searching for when the game will be available here and at what price, I found out things which will rip off my money: the figurines from the game!! Aarrgh! I will be broke.. But wait..!! After more research.. I changed my mind.. Omg.. the faces are damn ugly lor..

One with the best expression in this set

Naughty and Mischiveous

Ugly.. Never like him anyways..

OMG! He's pouting! Such a turn off!!

My favourite character!! Okay.. I will skip the set and just buy Squall..

But.. OH NO!!!

Upon zooming, his face is damn emo o_0
I will still buy him anyway la.. Hahaha...


Conclusion: packaging is deceiving.. but hey.. zoom in to the bottom right corner!! That's maybe the reason for the ugly faces!! I want the Made in Japan ones have or not?

That sums up my post :) So glad that this is the first picturey post after dunno how long already hahaha...