Wew.. here I am.. ponning lessons.. just to type blog.. Ooops.. Haha.. Oh well, I am getting pretty stressed lately.. I do not take a good care of my body too. I felt like fainting before lunch. It was because of exhaustion, stress (pharmaco shit!), and not drinking enough water or eating nutritious food. It was kind of jialat especially when there was a traffic jam on the bus.. And to prevent myself from fainting I kept on recalling the carbamazepine, phenytoin, valproate, lamotrigine (??), lacosamide (??), ethosuximide (??), gabapentin, pregabalin, etc etc.. Jeez.. maybe that just worsened my headache..

I am super stressed for pharmaco test right now. There is just so much to remember.. Haiz.. I do not think even if I started the revision early that I could remember them now too. Haiz in stressful times like this, I will immediately think how I will be screwed in the near future: preceptorship and preregistration.. Haiz.. not only I am too stupid to do memory work and my interest does not lie in clinical! Seriously.. so why the fuck am I forced to do that? Perhaps after I kill someone then the department will realise whether it is good to force students to do something they do not like.. and something they are not capable of doing..

Anyway I am really in a bad mood.. Yesterday I just did a good deed.. unfortunately, I felt bad about it.. I kept telling myself "Why must that person come to me?" haiz.. Helping someone in distress should be privilege and usually I am happy to help someone.. But yesterday.. Haiz.. Really don't know what happened to me.

Yesterday I went to see my uncle and aunt. My uncle just had a leg operation. I am glad that he looks okay already. I mean the face tells everything. Haha.. To be honest, I am impressed with his strong will. He has polio in his right leg.. and now his left one was operated. But only after 4 days after the surgery, he succeeded in walking again. OMG! Even the doctor was surprised. Normal people would normally put their body weight to the healthy leg. But my uncle's unoperated leg has polio.. I think he is used to pain and hardships.. that is why even in the toughest time he can press on.. My aunt also told me how he drived.. Just hearing it, I nearly died.. He uses his right leg for the gas while the clutch and brake are handled using his left. Can you imagine how on earth he steps on both clutch and brake together?

Well that is a lesson of life.. Perhaps I am too lazy.. perhaps I have not done my best.. perhaps I am just a quitter.. loser.. or worse: a loser who does not even have a dream to be winner someday.. a loser who is just happy being a loser..