Sigh I don't know what to say.. I still feel like a shit.. Nothing to support me.. I do not give a damn thing about people giving fake sympathy and pity. Who cares about people anyway.. I hate myself is a good reason enough for me not willing to leave anymore.. I prayed for good things to happen and they did not happen. Now everytime before bed I always pray that I will rest in peace and never to wake up again: it also does not happen. Sigh.. God knows what is happening and I keep getting apt messages like "Forgive yourself" and "Ask for grace in midst of difficulty" etc etc. Sigh.. Whatever.. I simply has lost all my willingness to live on.. Such a useless and futile existence.. I am just wondering what is the purpose of my creation.. Perhaps if I were given a vision to know what I am here for I know how to approach my life after this.
It was actually a good week for my games.. What an irony.. I managed to complete my Final Fantasy Dissidia. Wew.. after almost 2 hours of trying, I finally beaten Inward Chaos.. And it was luck!! Haha.. The last hit barely killed him ^o^ I am also glad that I managed to level up my crafting smoothly in Cabal. Wew.. I was expecting hours of irritating repetitive process but I succeeded in 1 try. Haha..
The more I remember about the fucking CA, the shittier I feel. Haiz.. I am just one step closer to kill myself.. No more tears to shed.. I came short of self-mutilation.. I just wondered whether it is wise to go bang my head to the sink.. Hitting my head or hitting furnitures with the limb simply did not produce sufficient counter-irritant effects.. Sigh.. I am still looking for the least painful and most successful way to die.. insecticide (FUCK!! but it is completely appropriate to die twice due to organophosphate) or knifing (wrist or neck?) or perhaps for more drama: free falling from AYE bridge..
I hate myself.. fuck me fuck me fuck me.. I lose the main drive which keeps me alive: my ego and the love of myself.. I just don't wanna live anymore.. Someone please stab me in the heart.. or a truck please knock me over and crush my head under your wheels..
I am not a Naruto fan but this song is very good: soothing and peaceful.. Will be great if this song rings in my ear as I leave the pathetic existence on this planet to the life everlasting on the heavens above...
It was actually a good week for my games.. What an irony.. I managed to complete my Final Fantasy Dissidia. Wew.. after almost 2 hours of trying, I finally beaten Inward Chaos.. And it was luck!! Haha.. The last hit barely killed him ^o^ I am also glad that I managed to level up my crafting smoothly in Cabal. Wew.. I was expecting hours of irritating repetitive process but I succeeded in 1 try. Haha..
The more I remember about the fucking CA, the shittier I feel. Haiz.. I am just one step closer to kill myself.. No more tears to shed.. I came short of self-mutilation.. I just wondered whether it is wise to go bang my head to the sink.. Hitting my head or hitting furnitures with the limb simply did not produce sufficient counter-irritant effects.. Sigh.. I am still looking for the least painful and most successful way to die.. insecticide (FUCK!! but it is completely appropriate to die twice due to organophosphate) or knifing (wrist or neck?) or perhaps for more drama: free falling from AYE bridge..
I hate myself.. fuck me fuck me fuck me.. I lose the main drive which keeps me alive: my ego and the love of myself.. I just don't wanna live anymore.. Someone please stab me in the heart.. or a truck please knock me over and crush my head under your wheels..
I am not a Naruto fan but this song is very good: soothing and peaceful.. Will be great if this song rings in my ear as I leave the pathetic existence on this planet to the life everlasting on the heavens above...
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