Super tired

My aunt had a heart attack a few weeks ago when I was still in Jakarta. She was at TTSH until last Friday. I have been visiting her few times a week since TTSH is near and I don't mind checking out Donki at Novena afterwards. Since my cousin is based in Australia now, I feel some sense of responsibility to visit my aunt more frequently as she does not have that many relatives from her side of the family here. After my uncle's passing, most of my aunt's relatives here are those from my uncle's side. Although another aunt is temporary here to take care of her, she can only travel if someone brings her. They all stay in Hougang-Punggol area so it is not that convenient for them to come to TTSH, just like how going to SKH was really troublesome for me that I did not visit my uncle that frequent previously. Not to mention that I also owe my aunt a huge favour when I was COVIDed when I stayed at her place last year so just visiting her in hospital is not a big deal.

My cousin reached here on last Wednesday. My aunt was transferred to NUH and had her bypass on Saturday. Visiting her at NUH is convenient too since my gym is at Holland Village. Convenience is one thing but reaching home close to 9pm is taking a toll on me. Not to mention restarting gym after few weeks break also feels more tiring than usual. I am surprised that I still can do pull-up while my arms are trembling with push-ups and 2 x 5kg dumbbells. Things used to be the reverse in the past.

I learn that NUH visiting system sucks as compared to TTSH. The SMS system does not work in NUH unless you try to tap in. The thing is that upon registering, the machine already states if the quota is full. Naturally people will not try to tap in and just wait for the SMS which never comes. I only learnt about it today. I tried to tap in and after that I received the SMS. On Sunday and yesterday, I never received any SMS when another visitor left. I don't know if TTSH system works the same way but at TTSH, the machine does not state if visitor quota is exceeded so people will naturally try to tap in. So even if it works similarly like NUH, everyone will get the SMS since the design flow ensures everyone will try to tap in.

The visiting hours at NUH is longer (12pm to 8pm) which I think is because they only two freaking lifts for all the visitors after they pass through the gantry. It will easily take 15-30 minutes just for one visitor to exit and the next one to go up. Thank goodness I used to have attachment there that I know the stairs. When my aunt was still in ICU level 2 on Sunday, I gave up waiting for the lift after 10 minutes. Her general ward is at level 6 so I have no choice but to use the lift now hahaha.. But it seems that the visitors on weekdays are lighter than on the weekends so the wait was not so bad yesterday. In comparison, TTSH has 6 lifts after the visitors' gantry.

I went there again today but did not see her. I waited for more than half an hour and there were still 3 visitors ahead of me so I decided to leave and give chance to others. After all, I managed to see my aunt on Sunday and yesterday. I am happy that she is looking good on her recovery yesterday. She is no longer on injectable painkillers so she is more alert and less groggy than when I saw her on Sunday.

After my dad, my aunt is another reminder for me to just enjoy life. Sigh.. My aunt does not look like someone with typical risks of heart attack, she eats healthily, she follows her medical appointments and medicines diligently, and she even measures her blood pressure daily at home. Yet, somehow she ends up with some blockage and this heart attack. Although I am worried more about my fats from my frequent potato chips and fast food, I know they will adversely affect my heart too. Some more I have not been doing any medical check up since I changed job in 2018! I suppose I deserve it if I get some cardiovascular diseases when I grow older and all I hope is just a quick painless death when that day comes. I know I won't regret my potato chips since even when my dad and my aunt have such a healthy lifestyle, diseases still come to find them.

I am happy that I managed to complete the Easter Novena yesterday. I contemplated not to start to begin with since I was not sure if I would have the time for the daily Mass even though online Mass okay, especially with my hospital visits. Thank God for that although at the same time, I need to buck up with my commitment for daily morning (upon waking up) and evening (before sleeping) prayers which I have been doing 'anyhow' and not as intentional as previously.

Age is just a number, Birthday is just a day

I went to gym today and the coach remarked that I looked so unexcited on my birthday. Yep, I am old and consider myself being over my lifespan expectation that birthday is just like any other day. I did not even take leave from work today and that was the first since I started working. I am not even in any mood for celebration that Ruffles and Nam Kee shumai were enough for my treat today. The shumai is special since I have stopped buying after they increased the price to $1 each. Hehe..

Initially I thought my birthday would be special since a new version of Genshin Impact is released today. Sadly, Baizhu is only coming out on the second half of this version so I cannot get him on my birthday. Aah... all that savings and now I am tempted to blow the primogems away for Nahida C2 instead.

And that is just a short post for a birthday. No wishy washy wish since I only pray that God will call me back soon and meanwhile, to grant me health until that day comes.

Easter

After few years of COVID, finally this is the Easter when I can participate physically at Church. It is always nice to see a more crowded than usual Mass attendance (which is the typical for Easter and Christmas). However, I was super annoyed today with the latecomers. Not only they disrupted me since they had to squeeze in after the Mass began, the parents on my left could not control their noisy kid. Grr... These are actually normal occurrences but I was just exceptionally annoyed today since due to the crowd, everyone was seated more closely to one another than usual.

In contrast to previous years, I felt my Good Friday was more solemn and meaningful this year. I did not attend the 3pm service which typically would be the most crowded. I went for the 12pm service and for the first time, I happily went for the Stations of the Cross at 1130am. Previously I always found it annoying having to come earlier for Good Friday service and always considered going for the Stations as only a mean to get a seat.

My guilt of completely butchering this year's Lent abstinence also contributes to the intention of at least making the Good Friday and Easter count. It is unfortunate that after I came back, there are promotions of $8.50 for 2 bags of Kettles and $8.50 for 2 bags of Ruffles. Since I already failed my abstinence from the second week of Lent, there is no reason to miss these promotions just for the last few days of Lent. Hahaha.. On the bright side, now I change my aim to completely avoid the potato chips until November because I want to be slim when I go to the Holy Land. In order to make this work, I will avoid tempting myself and will avoid walking to the potato chips aisles altogether.

I hope this is successful for at least one month before I continue with avoiding those bottled tea and coffee drinks until November too. I suspect they are another reason for my weight gain and they are also another Lenten abstinence that I failed to keep.

Easter is supposed to be a time of repentance and resurrection from sin and death. Sadly, I think I am beyond hope. Instead of repenting, I actually pray that I can quickly die in order to enjoy the resurrection. After all, how to  join Jesus in his resurrection if I have not died to begin with.