Wednesdays seem to have a problem with me. Few months ago, I finally lost my rosary ring on a Wednesday. Yesterday was another Wednesday and I lost my miraculous medal. This time it hurt so much more because instead of losing, I literally was the one who threw it away. No doubt it was accidental but it was consciously done by me and I felt so shit about it.
I was half-asleep and so tired yesterday but I decided to open up new socks. I put the wrappers on top of the miraculous medal and when I was throwing the whole stack, the medal and its prayer card was somehow in the stack. The socks wrappers were about twice (or more) the length of the prayer card and all the wrappers were on top of it so there was no way I would imagine that when I was going to throw the stack of wrappers, the prayer card and the medal would be there too. I heard a metallic 'ting' sound when I threw everything down the rubbish chute and that was when I had the realisation of the shit that could possibly just happened. I checked my table again and yeah... the miraculous medal and the prayer card were gone.
A lot of things went through my head. I was sad because I just received it from my cousin whom I had not meet in the past 2 decades as a souvenir. I did not even have a chance of taking a picture of it :( I also checked if it is a sin to throw a blessed object and although it is not a sin, usually there is a proper respectful way to discard blessed objects (e.g. broken statues, broken rosaries, old bibles, etc) and throwing it down the rubbish chute is definitely not acceptable. The thought of having someone possibly disrespecting or blaspheming it was also very disturbing. Unlikely the lost rosary which I still hoped that perhaps it would bring a blessing to whomever found it. This medal was down the rubbish chute and I think it would be too far fetched to expect any miracle.. Sigh..
I am spiritually low lately as I find it very difficult and I keep getting distracted with my prayers. Now that this happened, it feels that God also does not want me anymore. After all this medal has been helpful at least for me to say the prayer in the prayer card every morning when I put it on me and every evening when I remove it from myself. Perhaps the silver lining from this incident was finding some articles when I was googling if I just committed a big sin. One article about how the devil hates Mother Mary the most made me think that perhaps this is one of the evil plans to keep me away from praying. Another article reminds me if I have become too attached to the physical objects (such as the rosary or the medal) and thinking of these objects carry some magical power VS the correct focus should be with the prayer and God. Lastly, I also read something more about simony which is the buying or selling of God's blessings. It is a reminder if I am perturbed by the lost medal or by the blessing of the medal (since the medal was a blessed one).
There was nothing else that I could do about this except for praying for forgiveness and peace for this incident. I am feeling much better tonight which I am going to take it as a sign that my prayer has been answered.
No comments:
Post a Comment