Advent 2010

I was curious about "penitential service" so I went for one yesterday. I sorta guessed that it was related to confession, perhaps a mass with prayers and intentions for sins forgiveness etc. I was surprised to find that it was a proper individual confession. So basically it began like the usual mass. But the Eucharist was replaced with queueing for making confession. It was quite interesting to see confessions done in express, perhaps <5 minutes for each person.

I was honestly shocked during the reflection (examination of conscience). Everything (yeah EVERYTHING, not ALMOST everything) which was listed there applied to me.. I am showing ingratitude, outburst of anger, black moods, not true to my Baptismal promises, etc etc. It was 3-ppt slides long (perhaps about 20 things being mentioned) and it all.

Anyway this time I was not given any "punishment" le! Lol.. Haha.. The priest advised me to join a Ministry. I was like o_0 From my experiences so far, joining church-related communities have not been satisfying to me. Oh well, I just open my heart.. If really it is God's will, it will happen anyway. The priest found what I said to be quite unbelievable haha.. He told me "You seem like a lively person". Lol.. "Lively" is the last word I will think that people will ever use to describe me..

It was another occasion when I actually realise Sacraments are not some bullshit by the church or something. Well, I felt kinda different after yesterday, at least for awhile. Haha.. Some will say that it is because when you actually speak your problems to someone, you feel lighter/better etc. Not really so for me haha.. Lately I have been complaining about my projects to whomever I meet but I never feel as 'light' as yesterday. Ah.. too bad it's a short-lived feeling.. But certainly, everytime I feel a deep resentment to God, somehow the sacrament feels different..

Something from the homily yesterday was very nice. The priest said that Christmas is Jesus' birthday, so we should ask him what he wants for his birthday. Haha.. Well, putting things into perspective, what he said was kinda nice.. Everytime during Christmas, I am too busy thinking of what presents I should buy for myself :p So certainly it is time to ask:

"Dear God, what Christmas present do you want from me?"