I had another random dream which made me wonder if it was a continuation of my prayer to ask for direction in life. Unlike the previous one, it was very short. I was in a fair of various religious congregations and that was it. I was not approaching any booth and no actual religious congregation names caught my attention. I suppose it was clear that I was not directed to any.
Ironically, this very week I decided to stop going to my Landings weekly sessions at least for the next 2-3 months. After my bitter experience with my friend in secondary school about the hostel chapel, I decided to avoid any church ministry. I gave it a second chance and this second time proves the same thing: working with (some) church people sucks.
Some may become over-zealous in pleasing God until they forget that they are putting their own ego first and think that their contribution is their achievement. That really turns me off. Basically one person replied to me sarcastically because I disagreed with her. It was just over one sheet of paper and I thought her response was simply over-the-top. I was not surprised since I knew from her reflection from the previous Run, serving is her joy and pride. I am just here to help out so it is better for me to get out. There is no point doing church stuff if it makes me even further from God.
If I were to follow my emotion, I would reply with sarcasm on the spot and left the group chat immediately. I decided to hold on and think of a more graceful way to exit because I do not want to create unnecessary drama and headache to the rest. I think God also agrees that I should leave since I encountered a random Youtube video which let me know that it is okay to retreat and hide first when facing troubles or difficulties in carrying out God's work: just like how David hid from Saul when the latter tried to kill him, instead of fighting him head's on. That gives me the assurance that yeah, I have to leave for now. Perhaps I am also burned out but have been forcing myself to come every Monday just to show face for the new people from my previous group. If I stray too far, I believe that just like Jonah, God will send me the whale to swallow and vomit me back to where I should be.
Initially my plan was to wait after 2 weeks as evident that I am not able to come for the past 2 weeks and I will be busy for the next few weeks with work and going home etc so I shall leave the group first. I get an idea from my office to advance my plan. At the end of February, my boss is inviting some people from other countries to come here for discussion. Since we are the HQ and the host, we will bring them out for dinner on a Monday. Hehe.. I use that as a reason that different teams from different countries will take turns every week that every Monday I will have office dinner to attend to.
I think the coordinator is not so gullible and will suspect something, especially since I refuse his offer to be added back to the group even if I am not expected to reply when I am not around. Hehe but I am not planning to ruin everything and will just leave that as my reason. I don't know if anyone else will sense something after I exited. I don't care but I hope so hahaha... If it causes some drama, then I have exacted my revenge. If it does not, I still meet my goal to excuse myself from the team.
I normally do not have the luck to win in lucky draws so I was surprised when I won again yesterday during my office's CNY lunch. This is the second streak after the Christmas party at where I am volunteering. I don't know if I am lucky or unlucky because I think I won the 13th prize today lol. It is $30 and adding the $10 door prize, I got $40 angpau in total. 4 is not a good number in Chinese culture. So yeah. Haha..
I wonder if my luck would continue for 12 million TOTO. I don't mind trying my luck but I am only willing to buy online. No way I will be queueing lol. It seems that my luck already runs out because to open a Singapore Pools online, it takes up to 2 working days for verification. I was so determined that I even did the video call verification when the automatic facial verification kept failing. It is very rare for me to turn on my laptop camera so I really went the distance to even do the video call to do the verification. The draw will be over in 1.5 hours time and my online account is still unverified now. Oh well.
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