Envy

After 2 weeks of hiatus from Mass, the prodigal son was back to the church at last weekend. I am really grateful for the apt Gospel readings about the master of the vineyard, the workers, and the wage. 3 years ago was the first time that this passage struck me. Yep that was not too long after my baptism. At that time, the homily related the passage to being Catholics: that God will reward us with Heaven after our death with no regards to how long we have been Catholics. At that time, I was like the workers called at the 3rd hour. Lol.. I agree that being Catholic is a "work". It is really not easy to observe God's commandments like fasting during Lent, going to church every Sunday, avoid sinning, etc. After all, it is mentioned in the Bible that God will punish people who knows His teachings but do not follow more than people who do not know His teachings and do wrong. So while I may be "luckier" as compared to those born Catholics, I am still jealous with those "deathbed Catholics" hor.. :p

Back to the present, this time the homily was angled towards job/work and that struck me like a lightning. I am currently emo about my work. I DON'T hate it! Sigh.. I am just emo because I am jealous of my friends. Sigh.. I studied so hard in university, I still have to study now, I do not have enough time for my games and my sleep, I get scoldings everyday from people whom I wish to help, I am "responsible" of  people's life, but my pay is so low. I am not really satisfied. Other people earn more than me, no need to study anymore, and everything seems to be better. Haiz..

And paraphrasing what God says: "My friend, I am not being unjust to you. Did we not agree with your pay at the start of the day? I choose to pay other people more than you with less work. Have I no right to do so? Why are you jealous because I am generous?". =X And I am dumbstruck. I really got nothing to say. I enrolled myself to this stupid course, I chose to do pre-reg and indirectly agree with the shit pay and the shit career ahead.

But the ultimate message is not about God suan-ning me. It is about envy. To be honest, if I just look at myself, I am quite glad with what I have now. It is better to have a job (and income) rather than looking for a job after all. And as bad as I think my job is, other jobs may be worse and other training sites are obviously worse. It is only through comparison with other people that the envy and disatisfaction come :'( And to put things into perspective, I think the song below sums it all. After all the most important things in life are roof over the head, food on the table, shoes on the feet (though I rather they change it to clothes on the body.. I don't want to walk around naked but wearing shoes haha) , fine family, and God's love. And guess what, I actually have it all and I should be thankful for those. Who cares about money after all as long as you have all the above?

So perhaps, the proverb should not be "the grass is greener on the other side". I should be "the grass ONLY SEEMS greener on the other side". Maybe the grass on the other side grows on a land of smelly shit and I will only know that after I jump to the other side.

Forgive me Lord for my ungratefulness :(