PP 2107: Pharmacology II ; PR 3102: Dosage Form Design II

PP 2107 - Pharmacology II

I was lucky!! That's all I have got to say :) The 2 topics that I spotted came out (Dopamine and Typical vs Atypical antipsychosis). Haha.. So yeah.. It was not like last semester when most questions I had things which I did not know and ended up trying every question and wasting time. This is the first paper (in university) that I managed to complete before time. OMG!! Yeah I am quite confident and hopeful for this module to salvage me..

However, my luck is just shit.. Right after the paper, the CA result was released. And I got a fuCking C! Yes! Big fat fucking C. Jeez.. bye bye to A liao.. Damn I really fucking hate the teacher.. I hope he die from having his fuCking Cranial being Crushed by a big truCk! Die you fuCking shit..

PR 3102: Dosage Form Design II
I ran out of my luck. I spotted wrong question. Haiz.. I totally could not do the SAL question. It was damn easy. Just need to vomit out all 12 slides or so and could have gotten the full marks. HAiz.. I did not expect such a stupid part would be asked. So I just read to understand. I could not vomit out word per word. Haiz.. the overkill with factor of 12 was like I never read before sigh.. I still stated clearly that overkill needs factor of 6. Haiz.. die die die..

I guess that concludes my series of entries about this sem. Haiz..
The most fucking sem.. I will get a F-U-C-K or S-H-I-T as grade haiz..
Damn damn damn..
Fuck fuck fuck..
Shit shit shit..

I shall start writing normal things tomorrow..

GEK 1519: Science of Music

The final paper was actually 2 weeks ago but I had no time to write about it yet. Haha.. It was as predictable as the past year papers. But I have too say that it is much harder than the first CA (my first every full marks in university T_T). I had at least 3 questions wrong already. The painful thing is: the mistakes were from the earlier topics (I wonder why I could not get the answer!!) and the mistakes were from the calculations which I did 2-3x to get the answer. Haiz.. Though I actually knew something was not right because I had way too many "none of the above" answer. But oh well, it was still a doable paper. It was saddening because too many people did too well.

Overally I have no complaint about this paper or this module la. Honestly, it is the best module for me this sem. Haha.. I have to admit that the lecturer has done a good job. I attended the intro lecture and actually his lecture meets his objectives completely. Well done! Haha.. I learn new things also about music. If only other modules are also as well prepared and organised as this :) I am planning to S/U it from the start so I am not gonna complain about the results. Haha.. Though it will be a miracle if I can get A hor.. Can save my ass again LOL.. And I really need it.

PX 3108: Pathology

The MCQ was okay. Similar to the CAs. Luckily the teachers are still common sensical. The questions are still testing on concepts (mostly) instead of regurgitation. I could not do few questions. I read it in the notes before but oh well, too much info and I could not really recall. But for 0.33 mark per question, who cares..

Now now.. the essays were disastrous. I expected the worst: heart+liver+kidney failure combo. So even with the disastrous essays, I am still thankful because it was not the worst for me. The first question was a killer. I really prepared diabetes just for mcqs. Haiz.. The notes were all about number and diagnostic tests. So the whole question was really based on bullshit capability T_T The second question I hardly know what to do/write. I just copied pasted the whole lecture slides there. Incomplete sentences and diagrams were used so I dunno if I will be penalised. It was totally beyond expectation that the first chapter would come out as essay. Jeez.. but lucky I read the most of it yesterday haha.. The last question on anaphylaxis was also okay. But I guess I still did not have enough things to write. The last 5 marks were a goner.. I was thinking of just giving it up. Last minute I tikam-ed it as type 4 hypersensitivity. It is correct!! oh well... but then.. I got all the mechanisms+explanations wrong.. Haiz.. so only 1 mark also..

Haiz.. that's all.. I don't know whether I can get A or not.. I hope I can :( I really need buffer for the shit fuck yesterday.. Otherwise I think I will officially become a second class citizen :( All the effort for 2 years is just wasted just because of ONE bloody fucking module.. that's so sad.. I will forever hate the teachers hix hix..

PR 3101: Principles of Medicinal Chemistry

Let rage and disappointment take over my mind and my fingers to unleash vulgarities and curses to this entry.

This time I won't be complaining about the final paper. I will complain about everything about the module! Ha! The CAs, the teachers, and the final paper.

Starting from the greatest evil: the final paper. I am dead! I have no idea what the fuck is -SONH2 moeity. 5 marks gone for complete blank.. Hey, am I just complaining for the loss of 5marks? Of course not! I am damn bloody fucking pissed with one of the teacher (I shall avoid even referring the gender). The questions set were just damn fucked up. 3-4 liners with 25 marks. I had no idea what to write T_T seriously.. damn.. bloody fucking shit.. I think I am just writing pages and pages of nonsense. The best is the last question. 15 marks and I only wrote half a page. Haiz.. for 5 marks questions I could rattle on and on up to 2 pages but for 15 marks I could only write half. So it is confirm dead.. My desperation to get the miserly 2 or 3 pitiful marks had also been quashed with the probability that I completely saw the wrong molecule. Someone asked me whether it was artesunate mechanism but I wrote artheether. So if I saw wrongly, that's 0 for me. And 20% of the paper have gone. Basically the instructions were just stupid. "Comment" on something for 15 and 25 marks are just ridiculous. I do not even have any idea on what things to comment on. Sigh...

The paper was just too tough for 2 hours or I am just too stupid. Basically I could not finish the paper. I was getting nervous that I could not continue on the molecule suggestion. I just threw in lines and lines without even suggesting the molecule. Sigh.. not enough time.. my brain crashed!! And for those few 10m questions, I really feel that my 1 page answers were too short. Sigh.. Cursed..!! I am damn pissed.. My only consolation is I know that I won't fail the paper. Haiz.. I hope I won't fail.. I think I will get something between C and B-. What an awful record for my studies. I will forever remember the teachers and curse them forever.

I have rattled on about the first CA but here is my curses for the second one (whose result is not out yet so I will be objective). I screwed up one whole question because of the misleading/confusing/contradicting explanation by the teacher. Fuck! I only realised that when I mugged last night. Thanks to the helpful explanation (which is always everchanging anyway), I got confused and got things mixed up. I changed my correct thinking to the wrong explanation given for another case. Haiz.. Holy fucking shit!! I am damn fucking angry! If s/he never gave a stupid wrong conflicting information, this would not happen in the first place!! AAAARGH!!!

I was about to complain how 50% weightage of the CA will kill me. But after the final paper today, frankly it makes no different.. I am just too fucked up for this module now.. I hate chemistry now!! I hate bio too! I hate physics! I hate memorising! I hate maths! I basically hate everything! I hate everyone too! Especially those smarter than me!! And I fucking hate myself! Can't someone on the road just stab me in the heart or do a hit-and-run for me! I hope that every fucking thing that I hate will just die and be gone.. That includes myself too!

Headache

I never know that studying can be very sickening.. My brain is already like my computer now.. Sigh.. Information overload and it is crashing very often. Sigh.. My head is aching.. but it is not headache.. Because as soon as I start playing game (or do anything unrelated to mugging), I feel okay. I cannot remember anything.. I cannot finish my revision.. haiz.. I guess I shall aim at least I finish reading..

I know I have a quite a lot of time on CCA, watching youtube, watching Japanese drama, and working. Sigh.. Still, I did not regret. I think those hours were well spent.. Unlike mugging.. spent so much time but cannot remember and results also like shit.. I shall talk more about my drama after exam ends I suppose haha...

Working was quite fun. Of course it is hard to do good service when Singaporeans are being very anal to service stuff. Oh well, at least so far I have not had any scolding yet. In fact, I was pretty happy on Monday. Woah those elderly were really nice. When they were leaving, they said "Bye bye" or "Thank you". I was like "wow".. not like I was the one doing performance or something. Haha.. But definitely they were better than adults. I just cannot understand these adults. They went to watch show in a high class place like UCC but their attitude was just like shit. Where got people say things like "I am from downstairs. I wanna go in to talk to my friend" during a concert. OMG!! Even worse, the kids were playing/shouting/making noise at UCC foyer and the adults/parents were not doing anything about it..

Ok enough ranting.. I shall go back emo-ing now.. I am giving up on my studies already.. Sigh.. I think all my effort for the past 4 semesters would just be wasted ONLY because of this semester results.. Oh well.. bye-bye first class. T_T I just wanna die la.. Fucking life.. studying hard just to get nothing.. damn damn damn.. I just hate those people getting better results than me.. Haiz.. the world will be so much better place without them sigh.. in face the world will be much a better place when I am not in it..

Unmotivated

Exam is less than 2 weeks and I am totally unmotivated to study. I just had a CA for my elective today. As anyhow as the preparation was, the paper was not going well either. Spent a lot of time for a question but still could not get the answer.. Another question was even more heartbreaking.. I got it wrong just because I did not see the minutes and seconds carefully. Sigh.. The paper was quite hard to finish in 1 hour. I guess the teacher realised that too many people doing too well for the first CA. Must differentiate now.. A bit emo... but oh well.. from the start I plan to s/u this.. so nevermind ba..

I went to donate blood on Tuesday. This time it went by uneventfully.. which means a good thing!! Haha.. I was prepared to go in the morning but suddenly I felt so sleepy and a bit of headache.. Luckily it went away after lunch. Hohoho.. Actually my main drive to go was to buy toys at PS! Lol.. I thought a bit wasted to go out just to buy toys.. Unfortunately, the toys I wanted are already sold out :'( T_T I am very very sad... Haiz... But I saw "Gokusen" the movie poster.. Weehee nice.. I hope it comes out before I fly home..

I went to my UCC usher training yesterday. So now I can officially start earning money already. Haha.. My first 2 sessions will be this Sunday and Monday. I hope I dun get nasty people.. Please.. Haha.. OMG reading week then I go work.. Exam how?? Nevermind ba..

I am so fucked up in this fucking sem... Fucky results are expected... Sigh..

Sucks.. Haiz.. All the effort and time spent mugging was useless.. The teacher sucked.. I gotta blame him this time. No one in the right mind will mug those route of administration and the figures how much of this and that is metabolised to dunno what bla bla bla.. Gosh.. I am gonna fail again.. 3rd time already.. I am even worse than an ass.. sigh.. I am just an asshole.. or worse.. I am just the shit in the ass..

I am going to die for the finals also.. Just now my brain just shut down.. Haiz.. Too much information.. I could not recall.. I knew partly because the time given was to slow. I tried to take a break and try to clear my mind.. But what I got was really a CLEEEAR picture aka empty.. I could not recall the stuff.. I could not even figure out how the slides look like.. Haiz.

I will just be a bitch this time. All the teaching reviews I shall rate all bad or very bad. They all suck shit.. Haiz talking about being a bitch, I almost threw my dinner at the vendor's face. Haiz.. I am just being an anal when it comes to hygiene.. He did not want to help me cut the fish to squeeze into the box (Fuck you yeah! If you charge me extra 20cents for taking away then you better make sure what you cook can squeeze into that box damnit!). He just wanted to put the fish in the box without covering and just put it into a plastic bag (Holy fuck! If the plastic melted there went my $3.70.. though I would be happy to die because of it anyway). He still bla bla bla about the fish getting soft if he covered the box etc etc.. Go and die.. My face really turned damn black and good thing I managed to prevent myself from staring at him at the end and gave him my deadly gaze.. Sigh.. The food is actually not bad.. but too bad.. the vendor is liddat so I am not gonna patronise from that stall.

Sigh.. I guess that is what I am good at.. Being a bitch.. being an asshole.. being a shit..
Not enough brain to become academia.. Not enough talent to become celebrity (one of my childhood dreams).. Not good looking enough to become stay-at-home dad (who wanna marry me in the first place!). Not good in everything.. It just sucks being a mediocre.. Haiz.. but come to think of it.. perhaps I can still become a comedian.. act as a bitch.. oh no need to act cos it will come naturally anyway!!

Still fucked up >.<

Sigh I don't know what to say.. I still feel like a shit.. Nothing to support me.. I do not give a damn thing about people giving fake sympathy and pity. Who cares about people anyway.. I hate myself is a good reason enough for me not willing to leave anymore.. I prayed for good things to happen and they did not happen. Now everytime before bed I always pray that I will rest in peace and never to wake up again: it also does not happen. Sigh.. God knows what is happening and I keep getting apt messages like "Forgive yourself" and "Ask for grace in midst of difficulty" etc etc. Sigh.. Whatever.. I simply has lost all my willingness to live on.. Such a useless and futile existence.. I am just wondering what is the purpose of my creation.. Perhaps if I were given a vision to know what I am here for I know how to approach my life after this.

It was actually a good week for my games.. What an irony.. I managed to complete my Final Fantasy Dissidia. Wew.. after almost 2 hours of trying, I finally beaten Inward Chaos.. And it was luck!! Haha.. The last hit barely killed him ^o^ I am also glad that I managed to level up my crafting smoothly in Cabal. Wew.. I was expecting hours of irritating repetitive process but I succeeded in 1 try. Haha..

The more I remember about the fucking CA, the shittier I feel. Haiz.. I am just one step closer to kill myself.. No more tears to shed.. I came short of self-mutilation.. I just wondered whether it is wise to go bang my head to the sink.. Hitting my head or hitting furnitures with the limb simply did not produce sufficient counter-irritant effects.. Sigh.. I am still looking for the least painful and most successful way to die.. insecticide (FUCK!! but it is completely appropriate to die twice due to organophosphate) or knifing (wrist or neck?) or perhaps for more drama: free falling from AYE bridge..

I hate myself.. fuck me fuck me fuck me.. I lose the main drive which keeps me alive: my ego and the love of myself.. I just don't wanna live anymore.. Someone please stab me in the heart.. or a truck please knock me over and crush my head under your wheels..

I am not a Naruto fan but this song is very good: soothing and peaceful.. Will be great if this song rings in my ear as I leave the pathetic existence on this planet to the life everlasting on the heavens above...

Failed again..

Haiz.. FUCK! Failed again.. The paper was easy.. The more I think about my mistake the more stupid I feel. Haiz nobody else to blame.. My own stupidity.. Fuck.. Wait.. Got people to blame!! Why the fuck am I being born! Why the fuck am I being created stupid!! and why the fuck other people are smart!! Haiz.. fuck you and me and everyone la...

I HATE BEING A FUCKING STUPID ASSHOLE!!!

Nya! Nya!!

Ok this is just a lame entry. Haha.. After the bear song I posted last week, my latest favourite song is a cat song. Haha.. I think the song is very cute.. or more appropriately, the kitty's sound is uber cute haha..

It started from this..

A friend of mine said that the tune is very familiar. So I typed the song title to youtube. And I came across to this very funny video.

I am not a fan of Kattun. Haha.. Anyway I think the most hilarious one is the sensei. She can do/say lame things with straight face. Lol.. While the guys they keep laughing. There are 3 other videos from this series but I think this is the funniest.

So eventually I found out that the song originally is a 'classical' song haha.. though the original composer is unknown. The original song is titled "Flozwalzer".

A pretty good piano rendition :)

Colorgenics

Name: (secret :p)
Date: 11/2/2009
Colorgenics Number: 12704365

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You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.

You are trying to break away from the mundane existence that you have been experiencing of late. You have many high hopes and ideals but you are concerned whether circumstances will allow you to realise these ambitions. You want to spread your wings - to broaden your fields of activities - but you are concerned that your dreams are just that - 'dreams' which are not realistic. It concerns you that you are not thinking clearly at this time - what you need is to get away from it all, to give you time to think. A short vacation could well restore your confidence.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

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Wanted to blog but I bumped into this quiz (posted by few friends in facebook). They all say it is pretty accurate so I tried it out. It is indeed quite accurate, especially those I put in bold. And the paragraphs 2 and 3 are exactly what I am feeling right now. Hence, this thing is enough for today, no need for me to blog :)

Interested? Try it in http://goldinuniverse.com/

When the going gets tough, I just wanna go away from the going..
Sigh.. I have never felt this lousy before. Previously, I always joked around when I said that I wanna die and things like that. But now, it is for real that I rather just die. Everyone will die eventually so why can't I just die now? It will be much better for me.. My life is meaningless. I hate my life and do not want it anymore. And the longer I live, the more sins I will commit. And the higher the likelihood that I will end up in hell on top of the living hell I am at right now. I really want to die early and go purgatory now..

I just wasted the last 2 days in trying to study antibiotics. The effort is futile.. I was only 'reading'. I tried to memorise but nothing stayed there. So it is as good as square zero again now. I don't think I will be able to finish it. Haiz.. 4 papers in 2 weeks already wanna die. How about 4 papers in 6 days for finals? Haiz.. good thing or bad thing, I now regret that I believe in God :( If I kill myself, I will straightaway go to hell for not appreciating the gift of life.. But sadly, what I am doing now is not far different from committing suicide. I regret that I am born in the first place.. why am I created on this place of sufferings in the first place.. why am I placed in the shit I am in now and why do I have to go through all this shit.. What a cursed life and it is not taken away from me even when I am praying everyday about it..

I had a lousy day yesterday. I spilled my bubble tea onto myself. It is like taking a chocolate shower. Had to waste time washing my shirt and shorts. Good thing I was that there was no staining. Good and bad thing that I wore something which poorly absorbed liquid. Good: I did not need a shower because the chocolate never seeped through the first layer of clothing. Bad: when I stood up.. tada.. everything dripped onto the floor. So that was an extra job to mop all the floor. Grr.. I will never drink that stupid bubble tea anymore!!

In the midst of my busy schedule, I decided to go to a birthday celebration yesterday. I guess I need some vibrancy to improve my social life. This semester is killing me that I hardly have the time with friends. Oh well, talking about birthday celebration, I do not feel like going next saturday. Girls are stupid. Haiz.. School is already so busy, why the hell choose to celebrate in the busy period! Plus the choice of place is so great: pasir ris. Wtf! Sigh..

That's all for my emo rant!!