Remembering 2008... Hoping for a better 2009...

2008 has been a mixed year for me. It is a year of irony and contradiction. I had so much fun and excitement, even though school work really weighed me down. I made some new friends although my friendship with my old friends took a U-turn and I feel more lonely. My spirituality should grow this year but somehow it was the opposite that I am experiencing. Yeah.. Let me just rewind on events that made up my 2008.

Academic
I was eager to welcome the new semester after the surprising Year 1 Sem 1 results. Unfortunately, it was pure dumb luck. For both semesters in year 2008, I did rather badly. My cap is constantly dropping. The disappointment comes from the modules that I did not expect to do that badly. Seeing the last 2 semester, I have finally concluded, the later the exam is, the worse my results will be. In addition, PRxxx3 were always my worst module. I hope there would be no PR3103..

At the beginning of the year, the semester seemed to be slack as only 3 modules were allocated. But my electives tired me out. Projects and endless Chinese work. The other semester was even busier with the 6 modules I took. And Chinese 2 was just too difficult for me although I enjoyed the class. Well, no matter how much I dread it, I am still grateful and believe that the Chinese modules have improved my Chinese. At least my hardwork is useful for the long run. Haha..

Yah so finally I know that I will not be able to shine in my cohort. So I shall just enjoy the learning process and take one thing at a time.

Social Life
I had my first (and last) OGL-ing experience. It had to be some divine intervention that I had such a great people in my OG. Considering how shy I am, it was great to get a more outgoing people in the OG. I think my OG helped me more than I helped them. Haha... And it was great to know so many new friends. Ya.. the friendship continues on and does not die. I hope it will continue on. I treasure being friends with them, somehow I feel more relaxed and open to themas compared to my own cohort people. Ironic. Still, I also get to know more of the people in my cohort.

With my 6 modules and taking different modules (and different SP lessons) made my relation with my clique a bit drifted away. Not as meaningful as the previous year but I am still very glad for the people in my clique. We are in great synergy. Haha... I hope to patch things up next sem.

My trip to Sydney gave a bunch of new great friends for me. Too bad many of them will be graduating next sem. Haha... After that it will be quite challenging for me to make new friends for me to remain in my CCAs. Sigh...

And sadly, I have to bid farewell to someone I always think can be my best friend. After so many ups and downs, I have finally decided to say goodbye. I think it is no longer healthy to keep such a friendship. Too much pain, fakery... I am just tired...

Spirituality
I had my baptism.. I had the life changing World Youth Day experiences... Yet I had the worst Christmas this year. And towards the latest quarter of the year, I feel that my prayer life is in ruin. I hardly pray... and I hardly have a time for myself to reflect on my relationship with God. Haiz... Well, it is New Year.. I believe it is time to mend and start a new prayerful life. After all, the greatness of this year was all due to God's grace: the fantastic trip to Sydney with total strangers and I came back with great friends, the great FOW despite my initial fear and worry, the missing of deadline to submit SP tutorial selection that helped me to get the best tutor, the last minute (I bidded 5 minutes before closing time) intervention for me to bid for my 6th module which helped me to reduce the drop of my CAP, I was struggling in my Chinese 2 but lucky I had a senior who lent me her work and some friends+my sister who helped me write essays/speech, I got my payment 1 year after I quitted my work in 2007 (it was exactly a year.. I fired myself in 12 April 2007 and I received a phone call that I would get my payment in 12 April 2008.. the call came a few minutes before mass began... lucky I decided to answer the phone).

I am looking forward for more divine intervention to change water into wine :) Without it, my 2008 would be a shit.

Leisure
This year I clocked the most mileage as compared to the other years of my life. I visited 5 countries: Indonesia, Singapore, Australia, Thailand, and Cambodia. I hate travelling but still I enjoyed these travels. Lucky I went to Bangkok in August. With all the ruckus in their airport recently, I don't know when I will be able to go there if I did not go in August.

I finally bowled this year. Haha... Great great great... Have been wanting it since dunno when... Lol I think it's more fun than playing pool. Lol.

Too bad I could not go home this year end holiday. Really really sad.

Entertainment
The busy schedule made my entertainment life sucked this year. I only watched animes at the beginning of the year. As the year was ending, I entertained myself with The Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives every Monday. There was simply no time for me to watch anime. My Spiral is not completed yet... After so long... Lol.. Code Geass R2 is my target next.

I guess it was because I played Cabal and facebook games to often that I have insufficient time for anime. Lol...

I don't really buy so many anime books this year. Haiz... I am still hurt with my wrong investment in one Code Geass book. Oh well, as I went to Kino yesterday, I found 2 new books I wanted to buy. One is Code Geass book (this time I am ABSOLUTELY sure it is an ILLUSTRATION book) and one is a square enix compilation book..

I also wish to buy an iPod... or a PSP..

Health
ZERO exercise this year. Sigh... Cambodia made me drop 3kg yeah... It was really a surprise (I kicked my balance at first cos I did not believe that I lost weight) as I felt that I was getting fatter. I guess all my muscles have completely been converted to fats. It's time to exercise perhaps..

And my eyes :( I am going blind soon :(

That's 2008 for me... Sayonara...
And welcome 2009..!!!

YEP 2008: Dispense A Dream - Cambodia

Day 1

One thing that caught my attention upon landing was the cool weather. Wew... Unfortunately my wish for such good weather to continue was unfulfilled in the days to come. After landing, we had to walk from the plane to the airport, it kind of reminded me of domestic airports in my country. But I was surprised to see that the airport itself was very good and modern.

The area was not really surprising for me. I have seen similar conditions (improper roads, villages, etc) in Indonesia. One thing I did not find in Indonesia was the dust. It was so red and dusty. We had brunch before going to the first school at Puok District. It was rather torturous as I was eating in high alert in order not to get diarrhea in the first day.

At the school, we played and interacted with the kids. One memorable thing for me was when a boy asked me how I felt. I told him I felt hot. He replied me that he was happy. I was like 0_o... Diao! Wrong answer. Lol.. After that was lunch and a visit to some dunno what temple (after seeing temples with gold in Bangkok, temples with yellow shiny paint did not interest me at all) and crocodiles (which were rather scary). We went to the other school and the game on that afternoon was too tiring for me. I ran 6 laps -_-... Crazy...

Thereafter we went to the orphanage where we stayed for the next few days. It was better than my expectation. Yihaaa... At least there was proper toilet and plumbing. Good toilet means good life for me haha... Travelled through dust storm in our search for dinner. With 3 meals on this day, I concluded that the local food was very very tasty! Yum yum..

Day 2
The first time I saw the school we fund raised to build. I was shocked and disgusted as the land was made of shit (more correctly there was a huge pile of dung to be mixed with the land). From that I always refer to the school as "The School Built on Shit". The kids were so dirty (unlike the kids from the previous day) and I could not stand them. Sigh... We went to market after that and the amount (not number as I don't think the flies were countable) of flies was just so huge!! Maybe there were more flies than humans. And the flies were like pets for the people there as they did not bother to shoo away the flies from the food sold there. At night, water supply was cut off. Wat the hell..

Day 3
Had to play with the dirty kids again. Gosh I could not stand them... It was my team's turn to cook. As expected, I was quite useless. After that we cleaned the house and the girls' bedroom. As my team members' attention was fixed on a cockroach, I saw a rat. I screamed like mad (a good stress relieve though). We tried to look for it (to chase it out of the room) but we could not find it. We tried to think that it was a lizard and I saw wrongly. The dirty house+seeing a kid spat on to the water tub in the toilet+water was cut off previously (and that meant I showered with some spit water) really made me very upset and moody. Bad day no 1.

Day 4
Painting began!! I loved it! Haha... I also drew a clock. So so but not too bad for someone who could not draw. I am still quite proud of it. At noon, the rat appeared again and the team decided to break the news to the girls and we embarked on a mission to chase the rat out. It was quite fun actually haha.. At least I know I did not see wrongly the day before. After that, we went to Cambodian swimming pool (apparently it is a lake) and had fun there. I made a fool of myself and successfully fell down TWICE from hammock. There was no toilet and I had to go pee in the bush... The survival instinct to made me forget about landmines (should not have gone too deep into the tree areas). At night, the toilet bowl choked after I used it. Holy shit! Still a bad day for me... Why people still threw tissue paper to the toilet bowl... and why the toilet had to choke when I used it.

Day 5

Teaching began =( The kids were rather unresponsive. So sianz... That was why I did not teach in the afternoon (though my team should be doing so) and I went to paint instead =) I did not play with the kids too. Yay... It was also my lucky day! I had a lucky streak when playing cards on that day. I was always King or Queen except for the last 2 games when I became the asshole. Lol..

Day 6
I did not why but I felt very tired after I woke up. I was quite glad that I went to another school in the morning (not the unresponsive school I went on the day before). Sadly, in the second hour, I also got unresponsive students. They were to shy. Haiz... I tried to reduce my food intake and I was surprised that I survived till dinner time. From the day onwards, I took less food then the days before (when I ate more than usual as I did not want to fall sick). I was quite touched when 2 kids offered me food at the school as I had never played with them before. Considering the hygiene condition (I would never know if they had touched the shit on the ground or wat), it was extremely nice for me to eat the soggy cracker and half-eaten oreo. With that, I also ate road side ice cream in the afternoon. Thank good I had no LS due to these food. Lol. While it seems that I had a good day, my mood took a U-turn in the evening. I started to lose patience to some people. It was really taxing for me to surpress and hide my displeasure.

Day 7
Cooking day. Nothing much or interesting to tell.

Day 8
It was the final day of painting of the Angkor Wat School (the official name of the School Built on Shit) and I would say that we did a great job. That was why I took photos of the paintings and camwhored with many of the paintings. Haha... Camwhoring made me high and my craziness continued during the Xmas carol practice. Someone kept saying I sang well. Lol... Though I know I sucked in singing, it was still a good thing to hear. Lol. After lunch, we went to have a Cambodian Neoprint. It was damn slow and gross. On the way back, I kind of lost the way. Lucky still managed to find the way safely. Haha...

Instead of teaching at the orphanage, the teacher said I could continue my paintings for Xmas decoration. Yay! Haha... Dunno she really thought my drawings were good or she just did not want me to disturb her class. Lol... Frosty, candy canes, jingle bells were done. But the highlight was Rudolph which I drew from Bambi. Wew... My talent in drawing is not bad sia... Lol...

In the evening, I entertained myself with a group of people by playing Super Puzzle Fighter. Lol.. With a good luck, the maximum consecutive wins I had was 6.

Day 9
We visited Royal Angkor Hospital. It was a jaw-dropping hospital. But I wondered how come there was no patient. Lame... I was disappointed as I did not see the helicopter (yea the hospital has helicopter service). It would be good to take a photo with one. Haha... After that we went to Siem Reap Center Market. I was so disappointed to find out that it was ONLY a some souvenir shop centers. I expected an aircon-ed shopping malls. Sigh... Had lunch at their Holland Village area. My beef steak was very tough but I shall forgive them as they charged me wrongly by US$2 less despite me breaking a glass haha.. We also went to the traditional market in the city. It was much cleaner (and significantly less flies) than the one near the orphanage.

In the afternoon I continued on with last minute Xmas decoration. Made a copy of rudolph, plus a gingerbread man and a nutcracker. I had to thank the painter. I thought the nutcracker was ugly but after it was painted, I thought it was good. My reindeers looked like dogs after painting. What an amateur artist I am! I also blew few balloons and took some pictures with 2 camwhores in the making. They are still so young yet they really liked the camera more than me. Haha...

Day 10

Finally we moved out of the orphanage to the guest house. I found that my room was too hot. It turned out to be the slyness of the guest house people. They made fanspeed 1 as the fastest and 3 as the slowest. No wonder it was so hot... Finally I could floss and put rubber band for my teeth again.

I had a sore throat so it was another bad day for me. Still I enjoyed the great Pizza for dinner. My choice (the 4 cheese) was fantastic. Hohoho...

The trip to BBU (is it Bright Build University) was quite pointless. Dunno for wat. I enjoyed the traditional cakes though haha..

Day 11
Whee... The visit to Angkor Wat!! :) I learnt a few facts I did not know about Angkor Wat before:
1) Angkor Wat is not just a temple. It is a complex with 12 temples. Lol. Angkor Wat is just one of the temples.
2) Most of the temples are of Hindhu origins. I always thought they were Buddhist. It was only after the Buddhist kings came into power that they removed the Hindhu gods statues and replaced them with Buddha statues.

Some of the temples were quite challenging: very steep to climb up and climb down. It was like mountain climbing. I enjoyed it though. It was a pity that most of the temples were in a pathetic state. They started the restoration work too late I think... What a pity... Ah and seeing some of the people paying respect to the Buddha reminded me that I had missed Church for 2 weekends... and for another 1 weekend... and for Christmas... OMG... Forgive me God..

The entry was US$20. Very ex... The entry pass was quite cool though. Had a photo in it. And the toilet in the complex was pretty nice. Hoho.. It was my first time taking jumping photos. Lol.. The first try was damn gross... The lump of fats at my abdomen was exposed =(

I had a great dinner. The name was Fettucine Basilica. It had ham, onions, tomatoes,and cream sauce. The tomatoes were sweet and the taste blended well with the cream. The cream was so thick and yummy and rich in taste though it was small in amount (which was good and not soggy like Pastamania). FANTASTIC!!

Day 12
Mass Drug Administration began. It was super boring and tedious. Wearing of the mask and gloves was quite cool though. Haha... There was a temple near my station so we visited that. It was a very 'ugly' temple. Only like some random rocks being stacked together. Lol... We also had Swensens in the night. The sticky chewy chocolate was not as fantastic as the one I usually have in Singapore. My sore throat and blocked nose became too unbearable and I started to take medication.

Day 13
Results day... Results were as bad as last sem... Cap dropped even further. Haiz... My gloomy mood made me went out alone in the night. I was honestly scared. Lol... Dunno why that night seemed to be less crowded than usual. I did not get the shirt I wanted to buy as the shop was closed. The furthest I dared to go was to the bakery where I bought the weird Earl Grey Tea Muffin.

Day 14
Mass Drug Administration to a village far far away. I went to their toilet which was a proper toilet. However, the water has 1 layer of oily stuff. I don't know what.. Ew... The dinner at Dead Fish Tower was not fantastic. The place was great with the ducks and crocodiles but not the food. We also had some crazy fun with the singer before we left. Lol.. After dinner we went to the night market. The Dr Fish experience was so damn cool. I remembered seeing it once in TV and I thought so gross to do. I tried it... and I recommend it to people!! Lol... Christmas Eve celebration at a cafe called Funky Monky but the US$2.50 chocolate milkshake was crap. I went to the ladies (did not know it was the ladies)... and I played pool. Won and lost once to a friend. Not bad considering it was like the 3rd time I played pool. Lol.

Day 15
Shitty Christmas!!! My worst Christmas so far.. The Mass Drug Administration was getting to unbearable and boring. Add sore throat and a cut on the calf to that... Crap!!

Day 16
Last day of Mass Drug Administration. Being stationed at the school was damn fun!! It was tiring as there were a lot of students but it was easy as the teacher lined them up and they had similar age and weight. Lol... So no need to ask for the age. I was sick of all the Yukman... Mui.. Bi... Bai... Boon... Pram... Etc... With the gloves and directing the kids to move, I felt like some traffic police.

I went to buy souvenirs. Only managed to cut the price by US$2. But since the shopkeeper was nice and friendly, I shall forgive her. Lol...

I felt so tired that in my afternoon nap, I dreamt about having a nap.. Lol..

Artisan Angkor workshop was interesting but the trip to Handicap International was not as what I expected. I was bored.

The lake trip should be fun... Too bad the devil possessed me and I had a bad mood. Sigh... I wanted to take photo but dunno whom to help me take. Sigh.. Wasted the good photo taking opportunities. The sunset was good though.

Day 17-18
6 hours trip to Pnomh Pehn.. Shopping... Visit to a Killing Field..
The hotel room was great... The toilet was soooo huge. Lol.. Nice toilet means good life for me...

Day 19
Flying back to Singapore.

Afterthoughts
I felt the trip is quite useless for me. The only useful thing was the fund to build the school and the painting of the school. I don't think the kids were benefitted by the English lessons. All the lesson materials, posters, hygiene stuff, and even games were not used. Basically all the meetings, time wasted, effort, etc was wasted. I only generated $40 during the fundraising so I did not really help to build the school anyway. And I did not really play with the kids. So I really did nothing for them basically...

I did not enjoy myself thoroughly either. It was quite sad to go there with nobody (yeah... not only no buddy but nobody) as at times it felt quite lonely. I am glad that I find new friends whom share similar thoughts with me there. At the same time, it was quite sad to see how some people I thought I was close to treat me: worse than those I was not very close too.

Well, what's over is over... Many good memories... and some bad ones... But too bad that the bad ones hurt and affected more... Oh well, I just need to recall the reasons why I wanted to join in the first place: CCA points and to experience an oversea CIP.. Both objectives have been met so I shall be thankful. It was still a good experience... though it could be better...

Back from Cambodia

Returned safely to Singapore yesterday. With my friends, we celebrated a friend's belated birthday at the airport. It was quite nice to have people waiting for me outside the airport. Haha... No family here so nobody ever picked me up at Changi Airport mahz.. It was great to be myself and with my friends again after 19days of act friendly act nice and act patience. Thanks people :D Too bad the one who took photo for us was a lousy and he took such a lousy picture. Haiz...

Unpacking DONE
Laundering DONE
Uploading photos DONE
Resting NOT DONE
Blogging about the trip NOT DONE
Dental visit LATER

Shall see what I can do after I return from dental and going out with a friend later :D

Going for YEP

Hi everyone.
Tomorrow 6am I will be leaving for Cambodia (11-29 Dec).
The worst part (packing) is done. But I am still lazy to go T_T
I just hate travelling. And the thought of leaving a comfortable life here is very burdensome.
I hope my trip will be fruitful.
This year is the 2nd consecutive year that I am not celebrating Christmas at home :(
Early Merry Christmas to everyone :)
I hope I will have a safe trip and will return safely to Singapore.
Still, 23rd December will be the worst day ever!!

Disney Christmas

Christmas is so near. And I will be very sad this time. I am unable to watch my favorite Disney Christmas movies or listen to my favorite Disney Christmas cassettes. Thanks to technology, I can still enjoy them away from home. My blog song is called "A Gift of Love". It is an original disney song from the album Twelve Days of Christmas. Too bad at Imeem nobody has the full album. Then, below are the movies I like to watch.

Mickey’s Once Upon Christmas

 

 

 

 

 

Mickey’s Twice Upon Christmas

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ending Song

The best part in my opinion is the Goofy's story :) I love the song. But my question is: Who is Goofy's wife? Lol...

Mickey's Magical Christmas Snowed in at the House of Mouse

 

 

 

 

 

Links updated on 25/12/2010 :)

Added Snowed in at the House of Mouse on 25/12/2010 :)

Lourdes Experience 2008

Woah... I just had a really long day. Left hostel at 7am and reached back at 10pm.. I don't know whether I think this experience is good or bad. Now I know more about Immaculate Conception and the story about the Lourdes Apparition. Haha. Ok I shall just list some interesting events/things or some things that I found interesting:

1) It was quite a cool experience as I could enter the Singapore Indoor Stadium and explored (backstage, storeroom, balcony, etc). It gave me the feeling of watching concert there... Or even having a concert there lol. I went up on stage during the set up to ask where to put the rostrum.

2) Rostrum is a new word I learnt today. It is basically the podium, the heavier/nicer looking one. I had to carry a damn heavy one. Well I carried it with a friend. We had to transfer if from storeroom to ABOVE the stage. Walawe... It was 50kg plus I am so sure... It was even heavier than lifting up someone. Sigh...

3) The lunch was surprisingly high class. Well, for a meal to cater hundreds of people, the food from Seoul Garden + Breeks supplier is definitely a treat!! Yay...

4) I was doing medical station. Lucky there was no casualty. Haha... So it was stoning all the way after the thing started at about 2pm.

5) At one part, there was someone crying hysterically. I thought the person cried because of touching experience by the Holy Spirit. Apparently it was not. It was more of like possesion. I never attended healing rally or watsoever so I really cannot tell the difference. I guess now I have a rough idea. But I wonder how come there was not anyone who fell down/fainted. So unlike those healing rallies shown on TV.

6) Dismantling stuff is faster than assembling. Haha... I got to 'play' with the banners. Lol. Was helping to remove and pack up the banners. Lol... And during the rehearsal, I was acting as the cross bearer lol... I am not an altar boy so it was a preview. Lol... I am a bit mad hor... Ah and the final part of cleaning up was rather fun. We had to search every part of the stadium to find cards stuck on the floor. Lol.. It was like playing a game to find as many clue cards as possible.

7) I saw a lot of ugly sides of Singaporeans. Sorry to say that... but it's true. There was an auntie who was begging me to let her use the Gents. W T H! She thinks the toilet belongs to me meh? Wat the heck lor... Got another 2 aunties asking toilet in a very rude manner and sarcastic even after answer was given. F U la...! I hope you did not find one and wetted your pants. I did not do ushering so I did not witness the ultimate proof of kiasuness. I heard a lot of people jostled and competed to get the packs given as souvenir. Really so wat the hell lor... I am sure many took more than 1.

8) The day ended quite sadly for me. I was expecting to get the water for souvenir T_T Mission unfulfilled. Sad la.. Haiz... Should not expect for such thing but still... Nevermind la... I shall go to the source of the water itself. It was quite demoralising to see one lady who only has one functional limb which is her right arm. Both her legs are prosthetics and her left arm is disabled. It made me realise how blessed I am with my perfect 4 limbs. But still, seeing this kind of thing usually affects be quite badly. I mean... I imagine how she carries on with her life. I really don't know. I just find it quite cruel for someone to get this kind of life.

Ah ya I got the chance to listen to the supposedly best choir in Singapore. Hmm... I saw no eccentricities from the conductor (unlike the stories) but it was quite stressful to watch their rehearsal. But I have to say that he is amazing. He sings perfectly and I like the way he conducts as he moves around and stuff. Lol... But honestly, I saw/heard nothing special from the choir lor. Music-wise, I am still more impressed with the organist in my ex-choir. He is a pro! Talented people are sometimes weird in one way or the other. Oh well... Better than me I suppose... No talent but weird/lacking in MANY ways T_T

PR 2103: Pharmacostatistics

Haha 2 days late but never mind... The paper was quite random. Some questions were too long and anyway I did not know the answer so I just anyhow whacked (only A or B, 50% chance of hitting the correct one). I am just glad that the last question I was right to use Fischer's Exact Test. Was not really sure actually. The Chi Square was a bit worrisome too. Well nevermind.. I am not confident with this paper or module. In fact, this whole sem is quite jilat. I am just glad that it is over. Looking back, it was really a tough busy hectic semester. Thank God that I managed to survive.

After the paper, my clique celebrated birthdays at Shokudo which basically is a Japanese Marche. The only thing worth mentioning is the Ice Kachang Greentea thingy. Lol. The green tea ice cream is nice. And the colour is GREEN!! Haha... My favourite. No link but oh well, PR2101 states that colour and preference are closely related for consumers. Haha...

1st day of holiday was used up for YEP stuff. Sigh.. From 930-1700, I was at school. Result: I felt a bit dizzy and headachy in the night. Now I wonder how I will survive on Saturday. 830-12200 at Singapore Indoor Stadium (excluding the travelling time). But glad that it was all over. The posters were not as bad as I expected. And I was glad that I learnt 3 things: 1) my weak wireless internet signal is most likely caused by my wireless mouse 2) how to use Paint to copy a certain colour (without wasting time and straining eyes adjusting 2 colours until they match) 3) perhaps I should get photoshop to aid me instead of using Paint. Haha...

At night it was confession. Haiz... Everything is rooted to my lack of prayer. I will listen to the pastor's advice and hopefully it is correct. Sigh... Kind of lazy to go but oh yeah.. definitely better after going. Playing cabal now.

Level 45 Wizard
Cool eh? Haha.. I cannot wait till I can equip my green attire. Then my wizard will be so cool. All green (including the hair!). Wohooo...

The Amazing Race

Aaargh... I cannot stop myself from writing about it. I am extremely sad with today's episode. I almost cried. The team I like lost and got eliminated today. Haiz... The mistake was that the guy left his passport and money inside the cab. The thing I could not believe was that the cameraman knew about it (and shot/zoomed towards the bag) without letting the guy know. I have to admire the team's determination though. They still pressed on and asked money from passerby-s. And I am honestly touched with the Moscow people. They gave them the money. How nice. And some of them are just like some teenagers and workers whose appearances do not show that they are from well to do background. Such generosity T_T Oh well, at least the team won once last week.

Anyway, next week is the finale of the Amazing Race. Even if there is a YEP meeting, I will skip it. I am not gonna sacrifice my show. Haha... I hope Ken and Tina will win. Even though Tina is very bossy and irritating, I love her not kiasu and helpful attitude. For the past few weeks, I had seen her help other groups 2 times. That was wow!! Nick and Starr won too often already la. They don't need to win already. Haha... Although I know they are very good. They are winning because they are good and not because the other groups are lousy.

Haiz... I am so dead for tomorrow's paper. On the left is the state of my notes on Sunday night. On the right is the state on this morning. Yeah.. My mind is currently as messy as the notes. Seriously... I do not understand what is going on. And I am very scared..

PR 2101: Dosage Form Design I

Regurgitation questions: I could not recall things
Calculation questions: I did not know what was happening
Conclusion: I am dumb

The paper was doable... I am sure many people would do well. I guess I am at the wrong course, wrong school, and wrong country. I wish I am somewhere where my talents are more appreciated.

At least my vanishing cream post helped...

SP 1203: Foundation in Effective Communication

Finally, the most dreaded module is over. Freedom!! Yeah yeah!! I guess if I am as hopeless as this module for all my other modules, I will not be stressed anymore after exam. No target... just went there to complete the paper.

Well, as the teacher promised, no surprise in the paper. Fact sheet was kinda tough. I am sure mine was too essayish. I know teachers hate that but I could not help it. Sigh... And I think I put my chromium at the wrong section. Too bad... I could not liquid paper or squeeze it at where I wanted it to be. For section 2, I left the transition error blank. That showed how dumb I am. Maybe the question setter thought this section was a give-away and the transition error was obvious. Well as obvious as she thinks it is, I could not spot it. Too bad... For essay... oh well... no time... 70 minutes worth of writing was only done in 40 minutes. I saw no relevance in the readings with the topic. There were 3 (darn!) readings somemore. Haiz... I could not finish well. My position, reasons, explanations, and writings were all shit. I had no time to check for language errors too. I spotted one on my last sentence though "meAt RDA" instead of "meet RDA".

A pass is enough for me. I know English is not my niche.

Next up is DFD. Haha.. I only recognised this on the packaging of my apparently ineffective acne cream: Vanishing Cream!! LOL. I could not recall what the composition of vanishing cream is, I could not recall it is what base, but I can remember it is in Ointments notes. It's a sign that I need to study.

EC 1301: Principles of Economics

80 MCQs were just too long and mentally challenging. Sigh... I slacked quite a bit and did quite slowly, I did not manage to finish the paper. I still had about 3 qns blank as I had no time to finish shading. There were some questions I tikam without even reading the questions or answers as the options were too long. Haiz... Will I get A?

The question paper was returned. No, I did not want to check!! I checked only the first page. I got 1 correct and 1 wrong answer. The wrong one is due to carelessness. I did that question lastly and forgot that steeper = less elastic. Haiz... Wasted. 3 Questions I could not find in the notes. So yea... I stopped checking. I think it will be quite bad and demoralising.

God, help me!!
Though I am very thankful that yesterday I called my friend and had an explanation on prisoner's dilemma. Quite a few questions on that came out. I hope I got them correct.

I know why econs is a social science. There is nothing scientific about it at all. All the mathematical models and graphs are anyhow used to explain things. That's why it is very difficult for science students to understand and it is very for us to get confused. They don't follow independent variable as x-axis and dependent variable on y-axis. Some times I don't know which variable change to cause what or what cause the thing to change. No matter what, it is more fun to do an non science exam paper. I shall take non science module for my UEs. Well... Must see whether I perform well for this T_T... and how many S/Us I still have..

PR 2104: Pharmaceutical Analysis I

Almost came late for school, thanks to the retarded and inefficient internal shuttle bus system. Seriously! Put some common sense into the drivers' heads or to whoever made the schedule. It is exam period and how can the bus frequency is so low! And how could no bus was running despite the huge crowd at the bus stop! Well, bus aside... It's time to review the paper.

It was rather okay. I managed to finish the section B. Although I know I did not do my best. There was simply no enough time. I know I HAD to write some more to gain more marks. But sigh... Thank God my last minute desperate attempt to do the equivalent statement was correct (Hallelujah!!). MCQ was a goner. I am scared a repetition of PR1103 again T_T Did not have enough time to check the MCQ so I really do not know how... Oh well... Miracles please... Divine intervention... With the 10marks+ disadvantage from CA and lab test, it is a bit slim for me to get an A... Haiz haiz..

Time to do econs... There is simply no time to finish my revision. HELP MEEEEEEE

One day before...

It's less than 12 hours until the first paper. I just can't wait for these periods to be over. It is so far my worst exam preparations. Out of 5 modules, I actually only revised 2. Sigh... There is no more time so yahz... too bad.. It is just too bad. I am also not mentally prepared for the exam. I am depressed, sad, distracted and lack of confidence. I simply cannot concentrate. I don't know why those boring games I would not ever touch during normal school term suddenly become extremely interesting during this time. Sigh...

My level 39 Wizard

I just received my essay and it was such a big dung bomb thrown on my head. There is no way I can obtain a good grade for the module. I am severely disadvantaged for my lack of command of the language. The teacher only pointed out the mistakes but not correction. I will never know what correct prepositions to put. Sad.. I see that content and organisation marks do not vary much but in terms of language, some people simply trash me by over 10marks. It will be another futile effort to boost up my CAP this sem... again... in fact, I think I will not be able to S/U my chinese as my SP1203 will be as bad as or even worse than it. Ah talking about chinese, I was so surprised and embarrassed that my chinese lecturer read my blog entry about the chinese lesson I had this sem. Oh noo... So paiseh... I still wonder how she knows about it.

I am very stressed and feeling very homesick. Yesterday I went to Kino and saw a boy shopping with his mum. Haiz... Kind of missing my mum who usually pays for my bookshop expenses at home T_T Yeah... I am sad that I invested in wrong book... I always think a $40+ book is always a pictorial book. Sigh.. I just literally wasted $30+ bucks over the book I bought. Sad.. All of these make me think again whether my decision to go YEP is right... Well too late to change perhaps..

The book that cheated me -_- Anybody wanna buy?

It's time sleep now. I hope my headache is gone tomorrow.

God please grant me a good night sleep, a good health, a calm & clearmind and a retentive memory as well as nimble fingers for my exam tomorrow. Amen!

Perhaps this is my last entry for the following 1 week. I need to concentrate and start my revision. Time is rather short :( I hope this semester's result will not be as disastrous as last semester. I think I am quite positive as so far my CAs are faring pretty well. Still disappointment is bound to happen. Just like my PR2101 practical test. I was pretty confident but it turned out to be rather shitty. Sigh.. PR2103 will be quite bad too. I am glad I was late this morning and I did not know my result. Knowing the average and mode is enough to demoralise me. Oh well... Sigh. Not a very good mood to start my revision. I really feel nauseated after knowing my lab results... Haiz... If only I did not know it was out. Shuck... Feel like vomitting

~ Knowing that I am stupid is one thing. Accepting it is another thing ~

No more CHINESE!!! :) Bye bye LAC 2201: Chinese 2

今天是最后的中文课。 Hurray！！ 我很开心. My agony for this sem is finally over. Haha... I wanna say a big thank you for a lot of my friends (I know they won't read this) for all the help rendered to me: for my chinese blog, for my chinese essay, for my chinese assignments, for my chinese performance, and lastly my chinese oral today. Without you people, I will not survive. Special thanks to my senior who lent me "senior's report". Thanks a lot... Without that, I will not survive too.

The final paper was even worse than the mid-term. Slim chance that I would get what I did for mid-term. Well, miracle may occur one more time. Haha.. But no stress. I want to S/U it and mission is accomplished.

Lol.. It has been a great chinese classes this sem. Seriously I kind of sad for it to end. Thanks a lot to my tutorial teacher. So sad that she is not considered as NUS staff as I cannot nominate her for the teaching award thingy. Thanks to her that this is the only class that I have 100% attendance, despite the fact that I don't understand 90% of what people say. Well... Great tutorial friends too.. If only I can get to know them better. Haha.. I am glad I have some Indonesian classmates who always help me in class.

The journey does not end here. I definitely am not going to read Chinese 3. But I will buy the stuff and learn it at my own pace. Hopefully, my chinese will improve. Who cares about the pace rite? Lol..

So yah... 谢谢 and 再见. It has been an enjoyable module and classes. Had a great and crazy laughing session at class today. Lol...

If only... all modules are like this... with people like this... that's gonna make uni life so much more enjoyable.

Unhealthy Life

Studying and stressed over studies
Sleeping too late
Skipping lunch and had 4 packs of Mamee noodles instead
Suffering from constipation despite doubling my daily dose of lactose
No wonder my tummy is getting big
My weight increases
My muscle mass is gone

I guess I have to imitate Bhutan. Instead of striving for GNP (Gross National Product), they pursue GNH (Gross National Happiness). And so what? Bhutan is a very peaceful country with happy people. The people revere and love the king too. Similarly, instead of being stressed thinking my CAP (Cumulative Average Point), I should just concentrate on my NAP (no special meaning.. nap means sleep lol). But unfortunately when NAP increases, FAT will increase too :'( I must start exercising to cut down my excess fats. Cannot be overweight for Cambodia trip. I do not want to pay excess baggage because I am fat!

Yesterday's The Amazing Race was fantastic. Hoho I was so glad that the 2 kiasu bitches went home. That's the return for your arrogance to refuse the offer to cooperate with the other team. The team who was rejected ended up receiving help from another team and they survived. The other team who helped them was under penalty and they managed to catch up. Thumbs up for their willingness to help especially after they came last (but not eliminated) last week. Bravoo!! Lesson from the story? Go and die you all kiasu people who are very reluctant to help one another in studies, even for simple things such as lending notes. Anyway, I like the Bro-Sis team and the Mom-Son team. Dunno which one to support. Haha... The bro-sis team won few times already so I hope the Mom-Son thing will win some too. I think I will cry when or if they are eliminated.

Less than 2 weeks till exam. My preparations are horrible. In fact, I have not started yet. My final obstacle is tomorrow: Chinese Final Paper + Speech. Gosh...

Aunty..

I hate begging but I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the FAPA thingy today. Haha... Like that I don't mind not washing cars at all and spend the whole day at FAPA. The day started quite badly for me. I forgot to bring my EZLink card and I only realised it before I took 95. I basically wasted 30 mins from PGP->95 bus stop->PGP. Sigh... I had to be grateful that I realised that I did not have the card before I boarded the bus. Otherwise how paiseh it would be. And guess where the card was? It was in the pocket of a shirt that I wanted to wash. Lucky #2 that I was lazy to do laundry last night. Otherwise OMG! I would have laundered my EZlink card and washed away the $40 inside.

Rich people are generous :) Oh dear God... please make me rich... I promise that I would be generous too... (Even though I am poor now, I am already quite generous... so if I am rich... you know I would be even more generous). I did not exactly 'beg' today. I did more of the admin stuff like receiving and collecting the money (hmm my favourite job) and writing down the names. I was quite stunned when given $50 (by the boss from one of the big pharma company)... well I never received that amount of donation before. That was why I almost died when I received a $1000 cheque. Wow... I felt rich for a brief moment. Wahaha...

I was very impressed with the Koreans. Wow.. They were very soft spoken and gentlemanly. I am jealous! I want to be like that too. I must learn how to speak more slowly and softly as what they do. My current accent is damn gross lah... I finally accepted that I am too aunty. I don't know is it my auntiness that makes me have all aunty friends or is it my auntie friends that make me aunty too... Well... another proof of my auntyness is that I chit chat with the auntie at the spectacles shop for 1 hour plus. Oh gosh...

I went to my parish church. And I have to say that my ex-choir is just getting worse. I don't feel like attending that service already. The songs of their choice really make me feel as if I am attending requiem mass. Seriously... too boring... too slow... too uninspiring. Haiz..

And what is the cost of friendship?
A piece of paper called Dean's List?
A few cents of smses?
Lecture notes?
People are just weird...

Faithful Leadership

I almost skipped today's CG as I was lazy to leave my nap. Hoho.. Lucky I did not do that. I enjoyed the sharing about the Saints and the topic today really made me reflect on my life. I realised I have been becoming a worse person. I always think that I was very evil by the time I finished my JC but now... well while from outside definitely I am nicer and less 'brutal', in the inside I am much filthier.

Service leadership is a concept I learnt from secondary school. Haha.. My secondary school rocks! It is true nonetheless. From my experiences, as a leader, you are actually a servant for the rest. You need to come earlier and leave later and you must do things for others. Yeah :) Nowadays, I am getting lazy to take up leadership position simply because I do not want to hold responsibility to be there all the time. I am lazy and busy... I have no time to commit myself for things outside studying (actually I am not even committed to my mugging). The worse thing is that sometimes I expect leaders to do stuff and not dumping shit to the members, even though I know that leaders already do most amount of work. Haiz... I guess all the studies etc make me a dull and evil person.

Heh.. Peer is a factor in my reluctance to lead anything nowadays. After all who wants to serve people they dislike. Lol. And I am losing purpose in my life. Last time in JCs, I wanted to have fun (no cca points at that time) and that's why I did whatever I could to have fun. But now... It all boils down to stupid cca points. Activities become chores and burdens, not interest.

The very touching part is the question about whether I ever felt honoured and humbled at the same time. Well, it actually kind of happen all the time when I see my results (grades). I am honoured that most of the times, I am doing very well. Yet I am humbled that what I achieved is not purely my achievement. I believe that my prayers are being heard. I know how hopeless I am most of the times after exams and I know it is all not because of my power alone. I am humbled as I know many people are studying harder than me and yet I am still blessed with good grades. Unfortunately, there is no way that I can 'pay it forward'... There is simply not enough opportunity this time around to pass forward the blessings that I have received.

I guess it is time to analyse and reflect on my life so far.. to find what is wrong and how things can improve... I seem to be happier right now but deep inside, I am feeling empty, unhappy, and I know something is wrong. But I don't know why..

The CA result of PR2101 was out yesterday. Woohoo... I was seriously surprised with my performance. I logged out and in again to make sure that I did not see the wrong thing. Haha.. It was my first time getting an above average score for my PRxxxx module. Something that never happened before. Seeing how fast the result was out, I guess the same thing can be expected from the practical test today. I am glad that the test was not as difficult as expected. The mad rush of mugging the lecture notes was useless (but it was useful in the long term as it is a revision for the final exam) as everything was from the lab manual. Haha... Including the "lower phase" and "upper phase"... As if I could recall which contains what... I came just in time 9am before the test began. I got a quite uncomfortable seat and was initially nervous. I was worried that I could not finish but so lucky that the paper consisted of 30 instead of 40 questions. Hurray... I hope I can maintain the good performance.

Had a dimsum buffet lunch today. It was not very good. Haha.. It was at Excelsior Hotel. Only the shiumay and hakao were up to my standard. The cheechongfun sauce was bland, the xiaolongbao had very little soup inside, the desert was not very tasty, the service was substandard. Well... Not that worth it for $17 meal. Haha... But it was the people that make it enjoyable. Lol... It was so fun and embarassing at the same time. Lucky we are no longer in school (and hence no school uniform), otherwise I am sure that we made our school ashamed. Haha... The pseudo-shopping session was quite good too. Now I know why my fashion sense sucks. Haha.. It is because I never go to these shops... Even so... I don't think that the clothes in the middle-high types of shops (Topshop, Esprit, etc) are my type. I find the colours dull and dead. Nevermind..

The last chinese quiz was over today. Hehe... I was damn bloody worked out for it and I did not even know the format for quiz. It turned out to be a dictation with 2 sentences. What the heck... And the difficult words were from the previous chapters, not from the ones being tested. Darn... I mistook 时候 for 时间. Bleah... I hope other than that, the rest is alright.

I shall rest now. Haha... I am falling sick. After vaccination on Monday, my left arm was painful. I woke up several times at night so I did not really sleep well... I think my body is really weak. Haha.. That reminded me with the time when I had an injection in Primary 3 and I ended up could not walk for 1 week. Oh well... My condition was worsened yesterday by the retarded SP1203 presentation which just wasted my time and made me too tired and stressed at night preparinf for my lab test. Haiz..

Oh ya, Barack Obama won US presidential election :) I was keen on him winning. Hopefully he can bring USA and thus the world into a better and safer state. Lol... And I was surprised that my year 1 friends are actually following the election too. That is like so cool. Haha...

Bleah... I have been bringing poster like some dumbo... Today was supposed to be the time to mount the poster but the boards were not even there yet. So yeah... Haiz... Well nevermind, at least the very minimum preparation that my group did was already done. There is nothing to bother about tomorrow. Though I am seriously considering to be 'sick' tomorrow. Seriously.. No point going if there is no chance of winning. I hate acting nice to clap for others for their money and happiness.

I did my medical check-up today. It took me about 1 hour plus. The injection on my left arm left a very numbing feeling. Haiz... As expected, my eyes have deteriorated further. Sigh... Arm pain, eyes blind, brain dead. How am I suppose to mug for wednesday? I wonder... And today is monday. There will be Desperate Housewives and The Amazing Race tonight. Although I watched few parts of The Amazing Race at the UHWC. Damn it!! Last week was in Cambodia T_T I regret that I forgot to watch it. I want to see!! At least it can give me some pictures before I am going there in December...

I am running out of ideas on what to put for titles of my posts lately.

Yesterday's homily was fantastic! I am lazy to summarise it here though. Haha.. It would be too long..

I am going downhill again. I am seriously losing interest in my life. I am kinda losing sense of purpose in this life. I lose all the competitive edge to study hard... I cannot achieve happiness as there is nothing that I can buy (even if I have the money).. and shopping is usually my therapy when I am down. Sigh... This is quite bad... I am looking for nothing in this life... It's like my life is useless...

Perhaps dying is not a bad thinking... While I still have many friends who can pray for me. Like what the homily yesterday, they all can pray for me to make my purgatory time shorter. And when I am fully cleansed, it's my turn to watch and pray for all of you from the Above :)

Sigh... one thing that made my day today, the nurse who gave me the injection said "You have a beautiful skin". Wakaka.... Thanks to my baby soap :) My skin is as smooth as baby's lol

Hiiii.... Lab test is on next week. Horrible lab test! Why the hell it is called lab test if it is a theory MCQ paper that requires me to mug the lecture notes too? The only 'lab' thing about the test is that it will be held in the lab. Lame... Seriously... Just call it CA since it is a CA la.

My poster was selected for poster presentation on Tuesday. I guess my group is the most reluctant and cannot be bothered group. Haha... We seriously do not care what will happen on that day. We don't even meet up to discuss, reprint, or find a way to make people come and vote. Lol. We will just do the bare minimum kind of preparation: mounting up the poster. Haha... Seriously... I don't understand why some people are so kiasu and all out to win. There are some people who do that up to the level that will disgust many people. Haha... I don't care about winning. I just want for these people to lose. That will be very satisfying. Well... the money prize is quite enticing.. But still, it is nowhere close to the $1000 that should belong to my OG if only the orientation week went well as planned. Sigh... Now that's a lot of money and a lot of fun preparing. Unlike this one.

Last chinese quiz is up on this wednesday. Lol... Glad that it is going to be over soon :)

I am getting worried about exam... Seriously.. It is already week 12.. But I still need to go to school for most of the days... And I have not realy started my revision.. Not a very good sign.

Ah ya, yesterday was HAPPY HALLOWEEN and today is ALL SAINTS' DAY. Please pray and intercede for me O dear Saints... Lately I feel that my prayers are unheard :(

And my arms are very painful... After all the angklung shaking (rehearsal and audition) for the past 2 days. Yeah hopefully it will be selected for the international students' night. I need the points...

Depressing period

The stressful period of the year has finally comes again. Last year I was damn depressed during this time. This year, I just recovered from my depression. Although I think I am on way to another one.

First bad news is regarding the PR2101 Lab Reports. Holy crap!! No A!! Fantastic!! Argh dammit!! Okay... I shall say no more about it. I don't want to put too much vulgarities here.

Second is chinese. Putting grades aside, I just find that I really suck in it. All my effort to learn it is quite useless. Haiz... I seriously don't understand what is going on during my tutorial and I hardly can compose any sentence. Oh gosh... I was surprised (and blessed at the same time) that my mid-term is surprisingly much better than what I expected. Haha... There is still no chance to get an A- though. So no matter what I would S/U it.

Yay yay yay!! Chinese performance was over. Not gonna talk about it. This semester is mad!! I could not believe it that I had shame myself 2x by singing in public. Oh no... No more please... My singing just sucks. My chinese show-and-tell is on week 13. Praise the Lord!! I have more time to write what crap I intend on saying. Lol... There is a lab test next week. I must do my best to salvage my PR2101... And that starts NOW!!! A CA is on Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

History

6 years ago, on this very day, a cute 15 year-old boy was forcefully exiled against his will by his parents to a country far far away. His parents promised him a bright future and better life there. A claim which he has proven to be false.

First year: 28/10/2002 - 27/10/2003
English was a problem although it was not as grave as PE. I learnt the bitter pill called "failure". After a wrong choice of CCA, I also learnt to believe in his judgement and follow his own ways, not others'. Then came SARS period which provided the much needed break. The additional 1 week break was a blessing. I could celebrate his birthday at home. Social life was barely there. Classmates were hostile towards foreigners and fellow hostelites were no more than fake companions. Lucky that the hostel mistress was very nice and motherly. This period ended with a great distress with the putting up of braces (after 2 very painful teeth extraction, inclusive 1 that took 30minutes and the dentist needed a rest) and the failure to be the top student just by margin of 2 points.

Second year: 28/10/2003 - 27/10/2004
There was a great surge in my spiritual life here. I attended weekly masses because I was playing organ for some masses. In fact, I could still remember the very first mass when I played. It was the All Saints' Day mass (as well as to welcome the new batch of scholars). Social life improved tremendously as classmates were getting warmer. Hostel life slightly improved. It was my first experience to be a mascot in one of the hostel games. Lol. I got a triple digit (100) for my A-maths although my History and Higher Malay were going downhill. Thank goodness my English improved (really thankful for my tutor) and that secured me a place in the top JC in the east. And one day, a miracle occured. Suddenly I managed to do 1 pull-up with no training. My classmates were all in disbelief that I could do 1. Lol.

Third year: 28/10/2004 - 27/10/2005
Mugging for O levels was an enjoyable time. Thanks to the prelims. Surprisingly, my Higher Malay saved me for the actual O level results. The grade jumped from C5 (in my prelims) to A2. Halleluya... I needed not to transfer JC. JC life was significantly better. My og (half of them) was a great bunch of people. My luck was not that good as my classmates were rather sucky. Oh well... I made few best friends in my CCA: Harmonica :)

Fourth year: 28/10/2005 - 27/10/2006
In JC, I was humbled even further. I was not that smart after all. Haha... But I had to be greatful for my Chemistry Olympiad bronze medal. Oh darn!! I still remembered what mistake I made. I was too impatient and poured in too much solvent for the organic synthesis lab test. I got no powder in the end. Sigh.. I could still recall the lab where it took place. And the written test was in LT 21 before it was renovated. The Harmonica concert was successful and satisfying. Yeah... It was a good year in fact. And I managed to trash my classmates! I proved that they all sucked!! Their strong 'cliqueing' at the start of the JC life crumbled in the end. Yeah... Told them already that their fake friendship would not hold out. Although my performance in JC was a bit outshone by everyone, I am proud that I constantly scored 4As thoughout the 2 years. Hehe... GP is not counted of course.

Fifth year: 28/10/2006 - 27/10/2007
A level result was a shocker. I was forced (again by parents) to look for job during the holidays. I could not get one. When I got one, I was cheated (but lucky I got the payment 1 year after I quitted) and almost brought the whole thing to the court. God did not wish for that and the hearing was delayed until school began so yeah... eventually no court. Lol. Uni life was not as exciting as what I expected. Sucky people were everywhere. I had a great clique mates. Arigatou :) Though initially the guys bitched about me (I know they were jealous cos I was the only guy in my clique... even until now). Too bad for you all who went ragging. Wakaka... Was demoralised by my poor performance in uni. I was even thinking of swapping course. Sigh... Not an exactly a good year.

Sixth year: 28/10/2007 - 27/10/2008

Fantastic!! That's the word. God saved the cute boy! I had the best Christmas present ever. It even saved me for my hostel stay. My sem 1 and sem 2 results were mirror images of each other. In sem 1, I had no confidence and I did surprisingly well. In sem 2, I thought I did okay, the result came out to be shit. Haiz... I had my first best friend, too bad he turned out to be another fake friend. Well... It's okay!! I was baptised (YEAH!!), I went to Sydney (OH YEAH!!), and I went to Bangkok (Ok only :p). Great great great... It was a GaRYat year. Lol... Although CCA, 6 modules, and studies really weighed me down.

Seventh year: 28/10/2008 - ...
Hopefully I will still be alive until next year... The story is being written.

Haha... I received more than one comment that blog entries are too emo and depressing. Haha.. Well, that is why the blog is called darkrose of sorrow. Because it is dark, it is filled with sorrowful things, and I am evil. Ohohohoho....

I promise this entry will be pretty good :) Haha... My projects are all over. And I have free time to breathe and mug. So yeah... I am pretty light-hearted now. Yesterday I managed to finish 1 webcast. Hurray. Another 2 hours to go today. Yeah yeah!! I am positive that I am able to clear it. Hoho..

This morning I attended my friend's confirmation. Wheee... 90 people got confirmed. It had to be a tough job for the Archbishop. Haha... Repeating "Be sealed with the holy spirit" and "Peace be with you" for 90x. Kinda of jealous with them. Well, I was confirmed already. But it was at the same time with my baptism, so everything was kind of overwhelmed by the baptism. Anyway, it is one and the same spirit :) Haha..

Okay, it is just plain weird if I don't complain and write about bad things. Sorry... Haha... My attitude problem is getting worse. It seems that there are more people that I find weird. Haiz... Perhaps I am the weird one. And I am getting weird. Unlikely though, because generally I get along very well with different kinds of people, except for the weird ones. Lol. Perhaps I am evil, anything different or I don't like then that person is weird. Haha... Well, for me there are different grades of weirdness of course.

Grade 1: Weird but tolerable if I have to talk/give face
Grade 2: Weird and untolerable. Don't even feel like talking to them
Grade 3: Weird and hateable. Just go to hell!

Fiuuh... I need more spiritual lessons and emotion control skills. Lol... Don't let these people ruin my day. Perhaps this is why, I prefer being myself (alone). Haha... But surprisingly, I think I have grown to be someone better and more patient. Few years back, I would just 'spat' on these people. Sigh... I want to go back to what I used to be :)

Okay... Time to webcast... and I still need to memorise Jay Chou's song for my chinese project on wednesday -_-"

No more SP :)

Yay Yay Yay!!! Poster presentation was done today!! No more SP. That was fantastic!! 1 more burden has been gotten rid. Hehe...

Let me say a bit about my presentation today. Hoho... I guess I need milk. I had no milk for this week and my egestion is affected. Lol. This morning I went to do big business 2x. Was it because of no milk? Or was it because of the impending doom to speak in public (14 people actually)? Haha.. Anyway... I was nervous today. All my rehearsals last night were useless. For a few times, I could feel my legs shaking and my voice trembling. Lucky people said that it was not obvious. On top of that, I did not smile (I think I did not smile), I spoke pretty fast, and I had problem with putting equal weight on both legs. Everytime I saw the teacher wrote something or when I saw the camera, I immediately felt worse. Gosh... I shall see how the recording goes. Well.. it may boost my presentation confidence. Otherwise, I shall take it as something to improve on. Hoho...

Isn't it a very good looking poster? Hoho... Great job from my group mates. I enjoyed working with them. Hoho... We organised things well until people had no more question to ask. Someone said that we planned who answered the Q&A very well too. Hoho... Nice one :)

Well... It is time to buck up now. I have tonnes of school work to do. Hang on there :) This semester will quickly come to an end. Yeah :)

Unexpected

My plans for this whole week are totally ruined. Firstly was my plan to apply visa on Monday. Before going, I withdrew money as I was short of cash, and paid my phone bill. I was so bloody damn shocked when I lost about $1.4k. Holy shit! I quickly went to have my bank book printed. And my worst dream came true. The money was gone for hostel stay. That means there was no increment for my allowance, even after my 2 e-mails. This is just plain dumb! $2000 for a semester and >$1400 is used up on for accomodation. Put in the vacation stay and that means I only had about $300 per semester. F%@*!! It's just plain dumb! That $300 is only enough to cover my meals for 1 single bloody month only. Damn it! Now I cannot go shopping as if it rains money every month. Gosh... Last time in secondary school and JC, I had $200 per month. I could shop without guilt. Now I can no longer do that! Everything I spend is my parents' money now. Sigh... There is really nothing to sustain me... To keep me going on... So yah... even I suffer from the economic recession.

It's less than a week to 28 October. Yes! It's a bloody celebration of my landing to this island 6 years ago. It is not a joyful occasion of course, although every year I will treat myself on this 'special' day. This year is the worst year so far. I never feel this regretful and angry for what has happened to my life. How the heck I can end up here? Life sucks, school sucks, social life sucks, now finance also sucks. What do I have here? I just sold the last 6 years of my life to the devil... And what do I get here? Nothing!! I am losing stuff.. My youthfulness, my cheerfulness, my future, my sense of direction of my life... Everything.

Before I ramble on and on about my cursed life, let's get back on track. Since my plan for visa application on Monday was cancelled, I decided to go this morning. Yeah it failed again. I slept too late last night. I had a group discussion on what to sing for chinese performance. I had no energy this morning. And it was not a bad thing of not going because there was a last minute work to be done regarding SP poster.

I spent the whole day mugging chinese (for the first time in this sem that I found the quiz was doable) although I decided to skip the lecture for extra sleep time. I guess that is the only good thing that happened to me so far this week. Everything else was failure. I failed to finish my UV lab report today. The lecture notes are confusing and I am confused. Sigh... I planned to finish that today so that tomorrow I can focus on my speech. Too bad.. I think I need to look for a book to read tomorrow. So I used the remaining time to type half (or a third?) of what I am going to say during oral which is on this friday. I am ill prepared. And I have no confidence. My english sucks and my presentation skills suck too. I have no problem spewing nonsense but this one I have to act formal and speak in a very good England. Sigh.. I just hope that I don't throw face. That will suffice.

At least that signals the end of SP agony. Yay yay yay!! Out of one hell, another hell is waiting next week. I have no idea how I am going to remember a chinese song in 3 days time -_-! And there is a CA next week T_T. Plus another bad news that next wednesday, pr2101 lab reports will be returned and there will be practical test in the following week. How great!! That will just ruin my days even more. I hate to see my results. It adds on stress and burden. I prefer just to see my grades (in December) and that's it! In addtion, I have a chinese oral in 2 weeks time. I have no idea what to bring for the show-and-tell. I have to write another essay to say and remember. Sigh... Life sucks.. It really sucks... Just when I think that my life cannot get worse, it keeps getting worse...

More inspiration

Have you ever watched birds when they are faced with adverse circumstances? They spend day after day weaving their nest, sometimes with materials brought from distant places. And when it is almost ready and they are prepared to lay eggs, actions of weathers, and human beings, or other animals destroy the nest which is built with so much care, effort, and love. What do the birds do? Stop and give up? Not at all!! They start and start over again, until the first eggs are laid in the nest. Many times, just before the chicks are born, an animal, a child, or a storm once again destroys the nest, but now with its precious contents. It hurts starting from zero. But in spite of it all, the birds never hush or give up. They carry on singing and building, building and singing. Are you tired of starting over and over again? The struggle of everyday life, the betrayed trust, the failed dream, the broken promises, the unreached goals, when you are almost getting there? Have you ever felt that your life, your work, your family, your friends are not what you dream of? Do you feel like saying: "That's enough, it is not worth the effort, this is too much for me!"?". Even if life hurts you again and again , do not give up! Pray and put your hopes in front of you and go forward! Do not worry if you get scarred in the process, it is something you can expect. Collect all the bits and pieces of your broken hopes and dreams together, and go forward again. It does not matter how many obstacles you have to overcome. Do not lose courage. Trust God and keep on going in faith. Life is a constant challengem but it is worth to accept it. And above all... like the birds... KEEP ON SINGING

If only I can be like those birds...

Heh, and below is quite interesting :)
Who is Jesus? He IS Jesus. Who IS HE??
In chemistry, he turned water into wine.
In biology, he was born without normal conception.
In physics, he defied the Law of Gravity when he ascended into heaven.
In economics, he disproved the Law of Diminishing Return by feeding 5000 men with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread.
In medicine, he cured the sick and the blind without administering a single dose of drug.

He had no servants, yet people called Him Master.
He had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
He had no medicine, yet they called Him Healer.
He had no army, yet kings feared Him.


The conclusion: I AM STILL DEPRESSED T_T

Inspiration

I am not planning to blog today but today the pastor did an excellent homily. He gave a lot of analogies which are worth remembering. So I shall eternalise these stories here. Haha..

Story 1
Once there was a pastor who brought 4 bottles at the start of his sermon. Bottle 1 was filled with worms and alcohol. Bottle 2 had worms with cigarette. Bottle 3 had worms in liquid chocolate. Bottle 4 had worms and soil. At the end of his sermon, he pointed out that the worms in bottle 1,2,3 were dead, but not those in bottle 4. He asked the congregation what the meaning of this. Then one frail lady raised up her hand and said "Drink alcohol, smoke, and eat chocolate so that you don't have worms in your body."

I did not really get the message behind the story. So I shall take it as a joke. Haha...

Okay, let's be more serious.

Story 2
In America, once someone sent this editorial to the newspaper: "I have been going to church for 30 years. I have heard about 32000 homilies but there is nothing I can remember. I think I should stop going to church as I get nothing from it. The priests should stop preaching too as there is no use". This letter created a furore for few weeks until someone wrote: "I have been married to my wife for 30 years. I have eaten about 32000 of her meals but I cannot recall the food served for any single meal. But I am sure that whether I remember what I eat or not, her food has sustained me. Otherwise, I will be dead now".

Good isn't it?

The gospel today is about "Give caesar what belongs to caesar and give God what belongs to Him". It never occured to me to interpret 'what belongs to God' in a way that I heard it today. Just like the coin which bears caesar's head, we are God's currency. We are made according to His image, and even more, He resides within us. We are just like money, no matter how crumpled, how dirty, how old it is, a $50 note still worth $50. No matter how sinful, how sad, how useless we may feel, we still worth the same in God's eyes. Hence by giving God what belongs to Him, we are expected to give ourselves. The currency is not love, compassion, patience, etc. It is ourselves, our time, our actions.

Gosh.. I guess I am really depressed. That's why I feel so touched by these kind of stories today. Haha... One last story is from my e-mail.

SCARS OF LIFE

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.

He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.

From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, 'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.'

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.

The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.

~We ask for silver and God sometimes sends his denials wrapped in gold~