I'm tired. I had been sleeping for 4 hours only for the past 3 nights. Maybe exhaustion is the main cause I am feeling very down yesterday. I had a good 30mins crying session but today I still feel pretty bad. It's like I am losing the purpose of my life... What am I studying for? Is what I am doing worth my effort and my time? What is the relevance of everything what I do? Sigh...
One of myselves says that I should not be stressed so much about your studies. Everyone can study but whether you can master and excel in what you are learning is a gift. You may not be gifted so just do your best. Haiz... I wish I imitate the good old times in Indo when I was studying for the sake of studying; when I am trying my best for the sake of the effort, not the results. Coming here has really changed the way I think. I have too admit that I become too kiasu and too result-oriented. ARROGANCE is the very exact word to describe me. I think record of straight As in JC blew up my head. Now I cannot tolerate failures or difficulties I found in my studies. Well... I just need to learn from my experiences. I only need to graduate.. Upon working, all the results don't matter anymore. So I just need to know my limit and accept it. Today's lecture proved it. I could not comprehend anything the teacher was talking about at the second part of her lecture. Maybe that's it for me...
About friendship, I am glad with my current friends. They are great! Although most of the times I feel very sian to go school, I cannot put up my black face because they are just too hilarious and entertaining that my lips will just curve to the opposite direction. Hohoho... After 4 years... Finally I can enjoy people's companions. I'm grateful that these people do not talk about studies so much. Yes we talk about studies when exams are coming but most of the time, we would just talk about anything under the sun (to be exact: anyone under the sun). I feel that the friendship is genuine.
However, my other self really contradicts my former self. It feels that I am too lazy and I have not put enough effort in my studies. I should mug more and keep on mugging and mugging and mugging. Haiz... I am also sick by the monotony of my lives. Everyday goes school and goes along with the same people. I feel quite saturated. I run out of things to say. I do not know why. I also feel that there are many eyesores and though I know I cannot do anything about them, I am just too irritated by them. Sigh... It makes me hate the whole studying environment. I am just sick sick sick sick of everything. And I don't know whether the people I consider friends are real friends of they are just a bunch of 'friends' just because situation forces us to be together. That makes me even lazier to socialise and realise how lonely I am.
Well I don't know which one is correct. I am still finding the answers. The answers are not important! What I want is peace and happiness. I don't care about anything else. So my 2 selves, please stop confusing me and just reconcile. Haiz haiz... A blessing in disguise, in the midst of my confusion at least I realise that I have been neglecting my most loyal friend, who never leaves me alone in my high or low times.. That reminds me to pray more often...
Here are very nice songs and entertaining video clips. The first one is very nice to watch. Nice dresses. Hohoho... The second one is quite funny. Ah... Both make me feel that I am in love.....
One of myselves says that I should not be stressed so much about your studies. Everyone can study but whether you can master and excel in what you are learning is a gift. You may not be gifted so just do your best. Haiz... I wish I imitate the good old times in Indo when I was studying for the sake of studying; when I am trying my best for the sake of the effort, not the results. Coming here has really changed the way I think. I have too admit that I become too kiasu and too result-oriented. ARROGANCE is the very exact word to describe me. I think record of straight As in JC blew up my head. Now I cannot tolerate failures or difficulties I found in my studies. Well... I just need to learn from my experiences. I only need to graduate.. Upon working, all the results don't matter anymore. So I just need to know my limit and accept it. Today's lecture proved it. I could not comprehend anything the teacher was talking about at the second part of her lecture. Maybe that's it for me...
About friendship, I am glad with my current friends. They are great! Although most of the times I feel very sian to go school, I cannot put up my black face because they are just too hilarious and entertaining that my lips will just curve to the opposite direction. Hohoho... After 4 years... Finally I can enjoy people's companions. I'm grateful that these people do not talk about studies so much. Yes we talk about studies when exams are coming but most of the time, we would just talk about anything under the sun (to be exact: anyone under the sun). I feel that the friendship is genuine.
However, my other self really contradicts my former self. It feels that I am too lazy and I have not put enough effort in my studies. I should mug more and keep on mugging and mugging and mugging. Haiz... I am also sick by the monotony of my lives. Everyday goes school and goes along with the same people. I feel quite saturated. I run out of things to say. I do not know why. I also feel that there are many eyesores and though I know I cannot do anything about them, I am just too irritated by them. Sigh... It makes me hate the whole studying environment. I am just sick sick sick sick of everything. And I don't know whether the people I consider friends are real friends of they are just a bunch of 'friends' just because situation forces us to be together. That makes me even lazier to socialise and realise how lonely I am.
Well I don't know which one is correct. I am still finding the answers. The answers are not important! What I want is peace and happiness. I don't care about anything else. So my 2 selves, please stop confusing me and just reconcile. Haiz haiz... A blessing in disguise, in the midst of my confusion at least I realise that I have been neglecting my most loyal friend, who never leaves me alone in my high or low times.. That reminds me to pray more often...
Here are very nice songs and entertaining video clips. The first one is very nice to watch. Nice dresses. Hohoho... The second one is quite funny. Ah... Both make me feel that I am in love.....
IT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL.
(Lol... I like the 'gotta let you know.. I'm irresistable')
SAY YOU'LL BE MINE
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