When the going gets tough, I just wanna go away from the going..
Sigh.. I have never felt this lousy before. Previously, I always joked around when I said that I wanna die and things like that. But now, it is for real that I rather just die. Everyone will die eventually so why can't I just die now? It will be much better for me.. My life is meaningless. I hate my life and do not want it anymore. And the longer I live, the more sins I will commit. And the higher the likelihood that I will end up in hell on top of the living hell I am at right now. I really want to die early and go purgatory now..
I just wasted the last 2 days in trying to study antibiotics. The effort is futile.. I was only 'reading'. I tried to memorise but nothing stayed there. So it is as good as square zero again now. I don't think I will be able to finish it. Haiz.. 4 papers in 2 weeks already wanna die. How about 4 papers in 6 days for finals? Haiz.. good thing or bad thing, I now regret that I believe in God :( If I kill myself, I will straightaway go to hell for not appreciating the gift of life.. But sadly, what I am doing now is not far different from committing suicide. I regret that I am born in the first place.. why am I created on this place of sufferings in the first place.. why am I placed in the shit I am in now and why do I have to go through all this shit.. What a cursed life and it is not taken away from me even when I am praying everyday about it..
I had a lousy day yesterday. I spilled my bubble tea onto myself. It is like taking a chocolate shower. Had to waste time washing my shirt and shorts. Good thing I was that there was no staining. Good and bad thing that I wore something which poorly absorbed liquid. Good: I did not need a shower because the chocolate never seeped through the first layer of clothing. Bad: when I stood up.. tada.. everything dripped onto the floor. So that was an extra job to mop all the floor. Grr.. I will never drink that stupid bubble tea anymore!!
In the midst of my busy schedule, I decided to go to a birthday celebration yesterday. I guess I need some vibrancy to improve my social life. This semester is killing me that I hardly have the time with friends. Oh well, talking about birthday celebration, I do not feel like going next saturday. Girls are stupid. Haiz.. School is already so busy, why the hell choose to celebrate in the busy period! Plus the choice of place is so great: pasir ris. Wtf! Sigh..
That's all for my emo rant!!
Sigh.. I have never felt this lousy before. Previously, I always joked around when I said that I wanna die and things like that. But now, it is for real that I rather just die. Everyone will die eventually so why can't I just die now? It will be much better for me.. My life is meaningless. I hate my life and do not want it anymore. And the longer I live, the more sins I will commit. And the higher the likelihood that I will end up in hell on top of the living hell I am at right now. I really want to die early and go purgatory now..
I just wasted the last 2 days in trying to study antibiotics. The effort is futile.. I was only 'reading'. I tried to memorise but nothing stayed there. So it is as good as square zero again now. I don't think I will be able to finish it. Haiz.. 4 papers in 2 weeks already wanna die. How about 4 papers in 6 days for finals? Haiz.. good thing or bad thing, I now regret that I believe in God :( If I kill myself, I will straightaway go to hell for not appreciating the gift of life.. But sadly, what I am doing now is not far different from committing suicide. I regret that I am born in the first place.. why am I created on this place of sufferings in the first place.. why am I placed in the shit I am in now and why do I have to go through all this shit.. What a cursed life and it is not taken away from me even when I am praying everyday about it..
I had a lousy day yesterday. I spilled my bubble tea onto myself. It is like taking a chocolate shower. Had to waste time washing my shirt and shorts. Good thing I was that there was no staining. Good and bad thing that I wore something which poorly absorbed liquid. Good: I did not need a shower because the chocolate never seeped through the first layer of clothing. Bad: when I stood up.. tada.. everything dripped onto the floor. So that was an extra job to mop all the floor. Grr.. I will never drink that stupid bubble tea anymore!!
In the midst of my busy schedule, I decided to go to a birthday celebration yesterday. I guess I need some vibrancy to improve my social life. This semester is killing me that I hardly have the time with friends. Oh well, talking about birthday celebration, I do not feel like going next saturday. Girls are stupid. Haiz.. School is already so busy, why the hell choose to celebrate in the busy period! Plus the choice of place is so great: pasir ris. Wtf! Sigh..
That's all for my emo rant!!
No comments:
Post a Comment