Not a sin?

I have never attended the confession 15-30 minutes before Mass. Yet I know I want to have a confession before I do my altar server duty next Saturday. Since it is not time for Advent Penitential Service yet, I decided to go at Novena Church since they have confessions on Saturdays i.e. not only before Mass. My choice is between today and next week. In other words, between the risk of sinning again for another week and not going at all if I am lazy next week. I chose the lesser of the two evils.

I was worried that I would not make it in time. I reached almost 930am and there were 5 people in the queue while there were only two priests. Luckily the queue moved pretty fast. I am surprised that Father told me that wishing and praying to die because life sucks is not really a sin (?). Rather, he advised me to find a counsellor or a spiritual director to help me navigate my feelings. I don't mind having a spiritual director but to find from where sia? I don't need a counsellor since I know the shit I am going through and it is not with the world but with God :( 

The more shocking thing was when he asked me what I was going to do about it since it is something that I have been fighting for a long time. I don't know, man.. If I know how to overcome it, I would also like to be happy and haiz... Anyway the best part for me is actually the penance. Father only asked me to spend more time with Jesus and to pray. For me, that really gels with what he said to figure out and navigate my feelings. Though unfortunately, I am not able to replicate what I experienced during the retreat even when I repeated the same steps. I feel like I am talking to myself. But what other options do I have other than to persevere in prayer although more often than not, I feel that I am alone and only talking to myself.