Two weeks ago I attended a training for a new volunteering role that I signed up. Of all possible places for the training, it was at TPY South CC. Yep, just next to my old workplace for me to re-live the journey there on a Saturday morning by taking 238 and all that. Because of the timing of the training, the only Mass I could attend was the evening Sunday Mass at Risen Christ. I felt that Risen Christ is very run down now: the building is, looks and feels old and I thought the audio/acoustic in the church was bad with the echo. The priest's accent also made it difficult to hear. Anyway the church building is already past 50 years old. It is time for a massive renovation or rebuilding since just re-painting is not going to help the age. I was baptised there and I used to consider it as my parish. I thought the trip there after so many years would rekindle some positive feelings. Nope, I am glad that I am currently at the Holy Spirit. Hahaha... The RCIY coordinators during my time are no longer around so really there is nothing for me to have any sense of belonging anymore.
The training is interesting and an eye opener for me. As a healthcare professional, I was taught not to use the word 'suicide', even when discussing or counselling patients on medical conditions or possible side effects from drugs. I was taught to re-phrase it to 'thoughts of self-harm'. In contrast, in the field of suicidology (yes there is such word) or basically among people dealing with people at actual high risk of suicide, we are supposed to be direct to ask if someone has the thoughts of suicide. In this area, suicide carries the meaning of having death as the intention while self-harm may only be intended to cause injury but not death. As an example, self-harm may mean only cutting the skin to leave marks/scars as opposed to suicide may mean cutting vital veins to bleed to death. It is definitely a new knowledge and humbling experience for me.
Interestingly, a few people asked if I was a brother of a priest because they thought I look and speak similarly. Woah.. Since these few people are not related and know the priest not exactly from the same occassion, I got curious. Usually I would brush it off but this time, I honestly can see some resemblance and I am not surprised that they thought I was related. Lucky I know my father never came to Singapore before the 1990s so there is no way I have a brother from another mother hahaha...
I had intermittent fever since Friday. I was negative for COVID so I went to see doctor yesterday to check if it was dengue. My sister had dengue previously and her symptoms were kinda similar to mine. The doctor doubted it was dengue since my intermittent fever was low-grade, but in the end he agreed to do the dengue test. The most surprising part was that he gave me 2 days MC hohoho... I thought I would only get 1 day since he doubted it was anything serious. I suppose the 2 days MC is the cure I need since the dengue is negative and I am okay now. Hehe...
Since I am still on MC today, I could go for 12pm All Saints' Day mass at Novena Church. All Saints' Day always holds a special memory for me since it was the very first mass I practised and played organ for when I was in CJC Hostel ages ago. Ironically, it was kinda meh and did not lift my spirit up like what I expected. Since it was a lunch time mass, there was no music so it felt like a mass during COVID all over again which is not something I would like to remember. After mass, the bookshop was just as crowded as it usually is after Novena sessions on Saturdays. Anyway since I had nothing on to do and I had to get some cards for written affirmations for my Landings group, I decided to wait until the crowd left.
And God really works in miraculous way. Despite it being the middle of the day, the weather was cloudy and comfortable even for me to sit and wait at the non-covered area. I waited for around half an hour and just that waiting recovered my drooping spirit. It also made me reflect that while music really makes a difference during mass, I still have remember that essence of the mass is not only the music. Thus I should appreciate music during mass but at the same time should not be upset with a mass which is at its bare essential. I should remember the feeling during the first few weeks when physical masses were allowed again after relaxation of the COVID rules. Back then, even without the music, just being able to be attend a mass at church and to receive communion were already fulfil my spirit. So yeah perhaps today's All Saints' Day mass is not all that wasted.
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