Mental breakdown

My whole day is ruined just because of one fucking cockroach this morning. It was initially near my boxes and when I sprayed Baygon, it disappeared and I thought it went hiding under my bed. I moved some of the boxes and I could not find it. What a nasty surprise when I saw a cockroach on my table running around contaminating my glass, my water bottles, my stationery, my bread, etc. If it was on the floor, I had no problem liberally spraying Baygon but I could not do on my desk. I sprayed a bit inside my pencil case before it finally fell down to the floor. Sigh..

I can imagine how scary it is for people who have panic attack or OCD because I was literally on the brink of both. My heart was palpitating like crazy as I was watching at the cockroach. Even after it was dead and I had to pick it up to throw it, I was honestly freaking scared. The OCD part came when I thought what other things could the cockroach stepped on and contaminated before I saw. I threw my bread and I washed my glass and water bottles that I saw the cockroach came into contact. I threw away my toothbrush and washed my retainer that I was not sure if the cockroach contaminated. That was all I could do. I felt so disturbed if I should wash my pencil case and the stationery that I sprayed the Baygon as I am a clean freak. The thought of the germs that the cockroach brought around and I did not clean away is really disturbing. Until now that I am writing this, I feel very wary when I see small black things as I keep remembering the cockroach. The scariest thought of all is if that cockroach that I killed was a different one from the one that I saw initially on the floor and the other one is still somewhere in my room. I think I am really going crazy with all these irrational thoughts. Gosh..

God why did you create cockroach? And worse, you said "It is all good" at the end of your creation. How the hell a cockroach is good? I can only pray now that I am not scarred and end up needing mental attention because of one bloody cockroach.

Today was the first time I tried eating mala since the new store near my office finally opened. I am avoiding chili as much and they have non-spicy option. Otherwise I would not eat. I think mala is just a very oily and very expensive yong tau foo. I am okay but I am not a fan.

I went to gym and I decided to treat myself with a shake to celebrate my return. Lol. Basically my diet plan entirely failed in the evening so far. Yesterday I ate a portion of fried yong tau foo and pasta during Landings. I know how it feels if people cannot finish the food that I bring so even though I was full, I should just eat so that I don't subject others to what I don't like to be subjected.