Backtrack

What go up must eventually go down. After feeling rather positive over the weekend, everything comes crashing down as I feel that my chance of lending a new job is down to 'minute' now. From the email, the Knack result sent to me seems to be the top 9 categories that I score. For my job application, however, I received those that matter for the job itself and my scores are not fantastic. Some things are pretty accurate (like how I tend to be negative in outlook) but most of the things are rather inaccurate. I have no idea how I am being regarded as having no integrity when I am usually so honest to a fault and my score for team work is surprisingly high when I prefer to work solo than as a team. Well I can argue until the sun comes down about personality traits but to achieve rather low score for 'teaching' and 'education counsellor' roles, I guess that is the end of my dream.

I am so sick of my current work. I don't know if I am just naturally being negative or I am simply running out of positivity to combat all the negative things that come from work everyday. How I wish I can simply drop everything and enjoy life. I am reminded that it is such a foolish thought. My aunt is at the verge of losing job and is given the choice of either voluntarily resign or wait to be dismissed. People are losing or cannot find job and here I am being ungrateful with everything I have.

I think I have to amend my opening line. There is one thing that goes up but does not come down: my weight :(  I gain weight when I am stressed. I cannot even follow my diet plan as I keep binge eating for dinner. I know it is not doing any good yet I am not doing anything to make a change. I am too overwhelmed with all the negative emotions.

What is the purpose of this life if not to be happy?

With the only thing that keeps me going is the anticipation of the near future when I can finally throw letter, I really don't know how to keep going if I end up stuck here.