Fucking unfair!

So there goes my $200 or my $400 cash. And nobody from my clique stood any chance either. Thus, I skipped the symposium today. I find no point in going. Yeah call me a bitter sore jealous guy. It's okay. I rather be true to myself than having to put up with fake smile, fake congratulatory message, bla bla bla.. Since I have wasted almost $100, of course I was eager to get the money to cover! Zz..

But oh well, my main source of irritation (other than the money) is not about the winning. It is about how untransparent and unfair and biased the whole thing was. Seriously all the posters look the same! Those so called potential winners are not outstanding or what. And it does not take a genius to see some trends. It is either based on the projects or perhaps based on the supervisors.. must give face to those more prominent and influential ones I guess..

But oh well, since the start it has been very unfair. Some projects are better and some are just gone case. Some get supervisors and mentors who are directly involved (heavily!) in the project making the project of course 'better'. Some of the projects are continuation and hence can combine all the results together to make them more 'wow'. Some are in richer lab.. Some supervisors and examiners are biased because they come from the same lab and I suspect some undertable collaboration also. Some students are teachers' pet so their bright future is also guaranteed.

And yah, I am still very bitter about my experiences. I am not a teachers' pet.. I am not blessed with a heavily involved mentor and supervisor. The lab people are not as helpful as others. My materials are freaking limited. My supervisor is not understanding and always equalling effort with more time being physically present in the lab while she never compares with how much materials and help I was entitled with in the first place. Not to mention that I am stuck in a field which is heavily dominated by one research group.

Seriously I am damn sick of this. This is the most disgusting course in the whole university I guess.. And I swear that I will forever snub this bloody course and if God allows, perhaps to the whole profession altogether.

Life is not fair, never was, and never will be