Sigh.. I hit rock-bottom again.. I am totally pissed with my stupid project. I am in the process of writing the 'final' report now but yesterday I just got scolded by my supervisor. Grr.. I am bloody angry and pissed.. It was not my fault, please! I am so stupid that I don't know what to do and I just follow whatever I was told etc. So how on earth would I know that I was recommended the wrong thing! I don't know whether I should defend myself and backstab my 'assistant' or I should just suffer in silence. Haiz.. To be honest the first time I read his report, I nearly died when I realised that the conditions he asked me to use differed from his. Is this assistance or sabotage sia? Oh well... I cannot complain oso since I oso am blur like sotong.. Don't know to do anything.. Bottom line is I am totally fucking pissed with getting scolded for something which was not my fault. Bloody shit.
I felt damn emo now.. After reading the full report, I realised now why my supervisor called me lazy slack etc. Might as well call me stupid lor.. Haiz.. The PhD report is just too.. overwhelming.. Sigh.. So much work.. so many things done.. it's really a work of genius.. It makes me feel that everything I do is shit in comparison.. And now what I am writing is totally shit in comparison to the template.
Compare compare compare...
Why do I always get the shitty things in this life? Other people can finish lab already.. Other people get good results.. My friends have the opportunity to work in cool companies like Koei or go banking for $55k per year.. My friend is doing an internship and got the chance to be sent to Korea for 5 weeks. What is this bloody shit? I work as hard or not harder then them but I got shit shit and shit.. I got shitty help for my project.. I got shitty scolding.. My results keep getting shittier... I will earn 1/3 of what my friend can earn etc.. Bloody fucked up life..
Oh ya.. and it's New Lunar Year now.. So what? The year is just gonna get worse for me... At least that's what the fortune tellers say.. But do what they say always happen? I think only the bad ones happen. Screw the guy who told my parents (when I was still a baby) that I would have a bright future ahead of me. Fuck.. Don't even talk about bright future.. success.. if I can even survive and don't slit my jugular veins tonight, that's already something miraculous..
Ah and where is that fucking entity called God? Perhaps He is enjoying himself seeing sinners suffer.. Seriously, what the fuck You want me to? If really wanna throw me to hell, just send me there straight away.. Why do I have to suffer now here on earth if eventually my destination is hell.. Oh wait, why the fuck did You create me in the first place if I would be disposed for eternal destruction anyway? I may sound like some anti-Christ but believe me, I believe that God exists... But He is just an asshole who refuses to help me.. First He threw me to this fucking sad life.. without telling what I am supposed to here.. gave me nothing to survive on but keeps on giving me shit.. and the best part is no matter what I do, it's a lose-lose situation for me.. I end my life now -> I straight away go to hell.. I don't die now, I end up blaspheming and will go hell oso.. And yeah now I am gonna shout at Him: FUCK YOU! Thanks for fucking my life
No comments:
Post a Comment