My father passed away last year and this year I lost an uncle who has been a father figure for me while I am in Singapore. I am alone here and the only person with familial tie is my aunt who is now my godmother. I have been calling him as uncle and only when I visited him earlier this year during his hospitalisation, my godma told me that I should tell people that he is my godfather instead of my uncle. I am glad that I was able to visit him twice this year at the hospital. I visited him at home once after he was discharged but I did not manage to see him as he was napping then. Unfortunately, I was not able to visit in his last hospitalisation due to COVID restrictions.
I went to the wake on Friday and stayed for the whole day. I initially wanted to leave around dinner time but my godma asked me to stay. My godma only has 2 nieces and me as relatives here as the rest of our family in Indonesia could not come. My 2 cousins are already mothers so I am the only one without commitment and stayed on to accompany her. Her daughter is stuck in Australia and could not fly back. I know how it felt not able to fly back for father's funeral as it happened to me last year. I looked at this as perhaps God's way to allow me to experience something which I could not do to my own father and family last year.
Due to COVID restrictions, only 20 people were allowed at any time at the wake. That was the reason for me to choose Friday. Anyway I still have plenty of annual leave to clear so I might as well take leave to attend on Friday and leave the weekends for others to attend. I took leave again yesterday for the funeral mass followed with the cremation. It was my first time going to Mandai and I am impressed. It looks even more amazing than the crematorium in Jakarta which I thought was already very atas. I also learn that here we collect the ashes on the following day. From my previous experience in Jakarta, we usually wait for ~2 hours and then we will collect the bones which will then be ground to the ashes.
I helped with some readings during the Mass. Thanks to COVID, mic sharing was not allowed so I ended up having to read the first reading, psalm, second reading and general intercessions. With only 20 attendants, everyone was helping in one way or another. Honestly I was very self-conscious with my readings and my accent. I was so useless with other things so helping to read was the only thing that I could do. I am happy that they said my reading was alright and my accent was not too bad. At the same time, I cannot help to think perhaps it was just a pleasantry. Anyway whatever it is, I know it is wrong to be self-centered and thinking about myself. I should actually feel honoured and privileged to read in a Mass considering how sinful and unworthy I am.
Farewell, Godpa/Uncle. I will always remember and treasure my first encounter with you in 2003. Although we had not met before and you would not know how I looked like, you waited for me at the carpark when I went to your house for the very first time to store my barang-barang as I had to move hostel from secondary school to JC. I worried about how I would be able to identify you or your block since it was my first time visiting. It turned out that I had nothing to worry about as you approached me first when you saw me unloading my boxes from the taxi. I also remember how you carried my heaviest box which contained my textbooks and files while I was pushing the rest on a trolley. Back then, there was no lift directly to your floor so we still had to carry the things manually for one floor. You also helped me similarly when subsequently I had to move to my new hostel.
At times when I visited and my aunt was not home yet, it was never awkward to talk to you although technically we are not related by blood. Thank you for allowing me to have a home-like and family-like experience every time I visit. That really means a lot to me considering my actual state of homelessness and being all by myself here. I pray that you are no longer in pain and are happy in Heaven now. I even visualise that my dad would also welcome you and thank you for everything you did for me.
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