Farewell, Godpa

My father passed away last year and this year I lost an uncle who has been a father figure for me while I am in Singapore. I am alone here and the only person with familial tie is my aunt who is now my godmother. I have been calling him as uncle and only when I visited him earlier this year during his hospitalisation, my godma told me that I should tell people that he is my godfather instead of my uncle. I am glad that I was able to visit him twice this year at the hospital. I visited him at home once after he was discharged but I did not manage to see him as he was napping then. Unfortunately, I was not able to visit in his last hospitalisation due to COVID restrictions.

I went to the wake on Friday and stayed for the whole day. I initially wanted to leave around dinner time but my godma asked me to stay. My godma only has 2 nieces and me as relatives here as the rest of our family in Indonesia could not come. My 2 cousins are already mothers so I am the only one without commitment and stayed on to accompany her. Her daughter is stuck in Australia and could not fly back. I know how it felt not able to fly back for father's funeral as it happened to me last year. I looked at this as perhaps God's way to allow me to experience something which I could not do to my own father and family last year.

Due to COVID restrictions, only 20 people were allowed at any time at the wake. That was the reason for me to choose Friday. Anyway I still have plenty of annual leave to clear so I might as well take leave to attend on Friday and leave the weekends for others to attend. I took leave again yesterday for the funeral mass followed with the cremation. It was my first time going to Mandai and I am impressed. It looks even more amazing than the crematorium in Jakarta which I thought was already very atas. I also learn that here we collect the ashes on the following day. From my previous experience in Jakarta, we usually wait for ~2 hours and then we will collect the bones which will then be ground to the ashes.

I helped with some readings during the Mass. Thanks to COVID, mic sharing was not allowed so I ended up having to read the first reading, psalm, second reading and general intercessions. With only 20 attendants, everyone was helping in one way or another. Honestly I was very self-conscious with my readings and my accent. I was so useless with other things so helping to read was the only thing that I could do. I am happy that they said my reading was alright and my accent was not too bad. At the same time, I cannot help to think perhaps it was just a pleasantry. Anyway whatever it is, I know it is wrong to be self-centered and thinking about myself. I should actually feel honoured and privileged to read in a Mass considering how sinful and unworthy I am.

Farewell, Godpa/Uncle. I will always remember and treasure my first encounter with you in 2003. Although we had not met before and you would not know how I looked like, you waited for me at the carpark when I went to your house for the very first time to store my barang-barang as I had to move hostel from secondary school to JC. I worried about how I would be able to identify you or your block since it was my first time visiting. It turned out that I had nothing to worry about as you approached me first when you saw me unloading my boxes from the taxi. I also remember how you carried my heaviest box which contained my textbooks and files while I was pushing the rest on a trolley. Back then, there was no lift directly to your floor so we still had to carry the things manually for one floor. You also helped me similarly when subsequently I had to move to my new hostel.

At times when I visited and my aunt was not home yet, it was never awkward to talk to you although technically we are not related by blood. Thank you for allowing me to have a home-like and family-like experience every time I visit. That really means a lot to me considering my actual state of homelessness and being all by myself here. I pray that you are no longer in pain and are happy in Heaven now. I even visualise that my dad would also welcome you and thank you for everything you did for me.

Cranky

The exchange of stopping junk food for Genshin Impact BP is working very well. After I bought BP, I became cranky and of course succumbed to getting potato chips again not to 1 but to 3 bags. Sigh.. I am upset because my weight does not seem to be dropping despite only eating one proper meal daily, cutting of all the junk food as well as sweet drinks at lunch. I do not mind the 'suffering' if I can see any benefits. I know maybe I am too impatient since it is just barely 2 weeks.

Addiction is scary. When I deprive myself, I get cranky and crave for my potato chips. Yet after fulfilling my cravings, I always end up feeling sad and regret which is not worth the 10-15 minutes of the joyful eating. Initially I was thinking of resuming my sweet drinks again as I do not feel sadness or regret as compared to potato chips. Ironically I read an article about sugar content and after checking the amount of sugar in each bottle, it becomes very easy to decide that I will stop the sweet drinks. Hahaha... Occasional treat during the weekends may be okay but I am definitely not tempted to have one bottle daily anymore. After all sugar is the number 1 enemy vs losing weight.

After all these food denial, the next thing that drives me crazy is: what is the point of living if I cannot enjoy my life? I cannot seem to lose weight despite eating only one proper meal so how would I able to squeeze in sinful food as one pleasure in life. I am not really a foodie but during this COVID time, there is nothing else that can really make me happy. Gaming does not give me as much joy as when I was younger and I am getting bored of watching dramas. My sleep time and slack time are often ruined by the fucking maid in the house. Bleah...

The only obvious benefit from restraining myself from all the junk food and food delivery is the money saved. Then again, what is the point of earning money if only to keep them in the bank? Having said that, the dividends for my POSB Invest Saver came in this week. Upon checking how much I have, I am considering to withdraw all and re-use that amount for investment with my financial consultant. The capital I have put in is not growing and it has been almost 6 years since I started. Based on the dividends alone, POSB Invest Saver gives around 3% return annually while the investment with my financial consultant is giving me about 10% per year. Of course 3% is better than normal deposit insurance and I do not regret because previously I cannot fork out a lump sum for the investment product. Now that I have enough for the lump sum, naturally I am inclined for the one with higher return. Aiya... see la.. thinking about money also makes me cranky.

Unsung Cinderella: Midori, The Hospital Pharmacist

Synopsis:

Midori Aoi is a passionate hospital pharmacist who goes the extra mile for her patients by understanding their lives in order to empower them with regards to their own medications and medical conditions.

My opinion:

Yep, my synopsis is just a sentence as this dorama basically depicts the daily life of a hospital pharmacist. As a drama, it is boring. Each episode follows the same formula and it is just a matter of different patients, diseases, medications as well various lifestyles or patients' circumstances which may affect their treatment. There is hardly an overarching plot and the supposedly climax of the drama with Seno's cancer treatment is so abruptly weird between episode 10 and the last episode 11. Character development is almost non-existent. Ironically, character development happens with the side characters namely Aihara (the newly practising pharmacist) and Onozuka (the jaded pharmacist who eventually rediscovers his passion). Of course, I may be biased because I am a pharmacist myself and thus I feel like watching my daily life on screen rather than watching a fictional series.

This dorama successfully covers many aspects of pharmacy: training, prescription intervention, packing and dispensing, medication error, narcotics/controlled drug audit, rude patients, rude doctors, nice patients, nice doctors, team-based care, different perception between retail vs hospital pharmacist, drug interactions, home care, waiting time, perpetually understaffed and very busy pharmacy, night shift, clinical trial, different types of pharmacists, robots, and many more.

Most of them are depicted quite realistically. However, I do have some criticisms. First is the imbalance between the nice and rude patients/doctors. Almost all the doctors and the patients here are rude but in reality the proportion of nice vs rude is not as imbalanced as what this dorama shows. Second is the unrealistically positive pharmacy environment. This will not happen in real life given the understaffing situation. They are also missing the slackers, the backstabbers and the MC fakers among the staff to add to the drama. Haha..

Nevertheless, I think they have done the best with what is available because unfortunately, most parts of pharmacy life is indeed boring. I mean how dramatic can we dramatise about reviewing prescriptions, packing drugs and dispensing which form majority of pharmacists' tasks. 

My afterthoughts:

Pharmacists are usually depicted in bad light in media e.g. misusing drugs from crimes so Unsung Cinderella is really a unique gem. Not only it does not put pharmacists in bad light, this is the first medical series which focuses on pharmacists. Usually medical series will have doctors as the main character. This dorama portrays the roles of pharmacists and life in a pharmacy quite realistically. It does not exaggerate the roles of pharmacists just because they are the main focus of the series. Those who find that the roles of pharmacists here being exaggerated are those who think that all pharmacists do is packing medicines. Yes, even helping to transfer patients in the emergency room is something that all medical professional can perform in a team-based care settings provided they are trained for it. Thus it is not an exaggeration.

After watching this, I conclude that pharmacy and pharmacist life is generally the same everywhere. Although I am heartened to watch this, it still does not inspire me to return to front line. Hehe.. I will just keep those memories in my heart.

By the way, the promotional image seems to be done much earlier before the shooting because the first guy from the left is not in the dorama. Haha.. I am not sure if that is meant to be Onozuka but he does not look like that in the actual dorama. Lastly, I am quite amazed that this is the first J-drama I watched and I posted in more than 4 years! Wew... My last one was for Tokyo DOGS in January 2017.

Pride vs Sensibility

My bad mood continues this week and was worsened by mid-year review. It got me to the point of thinking that I should resign to show my boss for real if my contribution is significant or not. I have to remind myself that no job is perfect and whether at least the current flexibility and work-life balance are good enough to trump all the bad sides. Bosses everywhere area also the same. They only know to point out things which are not done or not completed yet but never appreciate what has been completed. They never see if I have to complete those things criticised 'not done' then those done would be the ones not completed. Anyway what irk me the most is that even if I do things, the credits go to others but when KPIs are not met then it becomes my problem.

I was emo until Thursday night to the point that I was angry and could not concentrate for prayer. I told God that I would just be reciting for that day just to fulfill my daily promise instead of properly praying as I was really not in the mood. Surprise surprise.. My mood was sort of back to normal on Friday. I do not know what happened. Was it God's miracle? Or my mood swing simply just ended.

I am happy that I managed to get a Mass booking for today. I woke up at 515am and it was still drizzling. I hesitated so hard to just sleep since usually I tell myself that I will skip if it is raining. It had been raining since last night so I told myself that perhaps the rain would already stop in an hour time. It did not but miraculously I finished all my morning routines by 630am. Thus I could take the bus and if the rain was still heavy, at least I only needed my umbrella from the bus stop. It was really a blessing for me because now the Mass is at the main church even for the 50 people Mass. Now they are starting few timeslots for 250 people Mass for those who have been vaccinated so might as well hold all the Masses at the main church. Hehe..

I have been very patient and tolerant but this week I finally complained to my landlady about the fucking maid. She cooked I don't know what shit until the whole house was smelly on Thursday. I cannot understand how she can eat such food when they smell really like a rubbish bin. The landlord was also not happy about it so when my landlady asked me about it on Friday, I basically ranted. I don't mind her cooking but the problem is her food is always fucking pungent. When she cooks, I cannot even go to the toilet or throw rubbish. Just for that short exposure, my clothes would already stink. Plus she cooks for few hours and not as if it is for my landlord and landlady. She is also lazy about cleaning the kitchen after using. It is as if she is treating the whole house as her house. I even have to adjust my laundry schedule according to her because she will wash and leave her laundry hanging for few days or she will cook and make the clothes smell. The fridge is 3/4 full of her stuff. Although I do not use the fridge and the kitchen, it is just irritating to have her so inconsiderate. What if I actually also like to cook?

My landlady falling down is like a daily affair now. I tell myself that I treat her as my mum so I don't mind helping her. But now I am slowly getting irritated although I know that is not the right thing to feel. I am not irritated with having to help her but I am more irritated because she cannot even control the maid. Please lah. I am not your maid or caregiver and I am helping is already a very good thing. At least you help me to control the fucking maid. Plus if I am not working from home or staying at home most of the time, who would help her when she falls? Sigh.. I really feel being taken for granted. At the same time, I am also worried if I get kicked out. Haiz... Sad life of being a hobo.

Moving on to the happy things, I am quite lucky with Genshin Impact this week. I won my 50/50 and got Kazuha. 30 pulls later I got Jean which means my next 5 star will be guaranteed. Although I did not get any Rosario, I am quite happy to stop until the next version. Despite still being underbuilt, Kazuha helped me to clear Spiral Abyss for the very first time. Hohoho.. I even got full stars for level 10 and 11 this round even though I did not manage to get full stars in the previous cycle.

Thanks to the in-game good luck streak, I am reconsidering if I really should skip the BP this patch. Hehe.. I have been telling myself to skip this round to wean off my addiction as it is a waste of time to spend money on gacha. Realising that I usually mindlessly spend on food, I decide that if I can avoid fast food, junk food, sweet drinks, bubble tea and food delivery until near the end of this patch, I will buy the BP.  If I am able to cut down on these, I would save more than the $15 I intend to spend for the BP and hopefully can cut down my addiction on these fattening stuff as well. I survived the first weekend so lets see if I can tahan for another 2 weekends. Huhuhu,