Thank God

I started to realise the floaters in my eyes have been worsening in the past 2-3 years. It has finally reached a point that I find it getting more and more noticeable. I had an idea to get it check since I moved to my job which involves full-time staring at the computer screen. Despite asking a doctor from my previous workplace for eye specialists, I have been delaying until this week when I suddenly felt the urge that I should not wait longer.

I got my eyes checked yesterday and it is a miracle that there is nothing wrong with inside my eyes. I was very worried about retinal detachment or other sinister things which may cause the worsening floaters. Now that the retina is okay, there is nothing I can do about the floaters and I take it as a cross I have to bear. I know my degree will be getting worse but it is another miracle that the increase is only 0.5 to 0.75 considering the last time I have my degree measured was more than 10 years ago. The cylinder for my left eye does not change but the axis for my right eye changed from 15 to 175. I don't know if that is something normal or even possible.

Rain just stopped when I left the clinic so there was no taxi and the road outside the clinic was jammed. I took public transport and what an experience it was to go around with blurry vision (effects of the medicines). I went for 1pm Novena. As my sign of gratitude, I wrote a thanksgiving letter and I promise to pay forward God's blessings to me by being more active in Church. Perhaps that is the main reason I managed to overcome my laziness and in the end I decided to attend parish assembly this afternoon.

It was my first time attending this kind of thing so it was quite interesting to see the parish community. The generation gap in the community is quite apparent so I look forward for things to get better after the assembly. I had nothing to contribute so I rendered my service by helping to be the scribe for my group. It was actually an escape because by writing on the board, I had all the excuse not to participate in the conversation since I had to pay attention.

Back to my eyes, even though there is nothing wrong and can be done for now, I will still not stop praying for miracles for my degree to return to my current spectacles as well as for my floaters to disappear. My parents helped me to ask the gifted spiritual healer and now I have to eat red dragonfruit and really avoid my poisons (chili, egg, and butter).

In the supermarket, there are cut dragonfruits with expiry dates so I need not to worry about buying fresh fruits and thinking how to peel, how long I can keep etc. Yay! I was also tempted to get jackfruit which was placed just next to the dragonfruits. Haha.. The jackfruit is still in my fridge now because I just had durian for dinner again tonight. Thanks to Deliveroo which gave $6 credit today and it had to be used by today for a minimum purchase of $18. I would overeat again if I buy normal food for more than $18 and that was how I ended up with durian. I bought XO which reminds me to the durian that I usually eat in Indonesia. Mao Shan Wang is still better hehe.. I am very full now so I hope I will not wake up with gastric and sore throat tomorrow morning. Good night.

Counting backwards

On Sunday I brought my new rosary rings with the intention to ask a pastor whom I know to bless it after mass. Father is so popular so I was shy to ask when there were people around. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. Today I went for the sunset mass for the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary and I guessed people were in a hurry to go home after mass instead of crowding the pastors. So Father was available and I got my rosary rings blessed. Yay!! It is nice to have them blessed on a special occasion which is the eve of the Assumption. I hope this special-ness will help to prevent me losing any of the rings.

Yesterday I was asked if I could help at the clinic that I usually volunteer once a month. I only volunteer on Saturdays so I was very lazy to go yesterday. However I decided to say yes since they would not be asking around if they were not desperate. I remind myself that the reason why I volunteer here because of the use of my pharmacist license. Not everyone has the license so if I do not step up when needed, what's the point? It was quite an eye opening and it was an affirmation that Saturday is a good day haha.. The atmosphere yesterday was too cold and unfriendly for me. I do not like to work in such an environment. I am no longer surprised when people say I am not that black face because my dispensing partner yesterday was wow.. That was an example of black face, unfriendly, and rude and at least I know I was not that bad. Hahaha...

After ordering durian on Friday, I spent the long weekend fighting the durian temptation. Everytime I was about to order from deliveroo, I kept thinking of getting durian instead of proper meal. Thank goodness I managed to hold myself. Perhaps this coming Saturday then I will buy again. Haha..

I spent the long weekend to catch up with Final Fantasy Mobius since for the 3rd anniversary, it is the FF VIII collaboration event. Squall skin is given for free so there is no reason not to play. Hehe.. With this graphics, Squall looks so handsome so I hope FF VIII remaster will be this good as well. Some pictures to show how amazing Squall looks.

So handsome!!

Echo gets Rinoa's skin

WoL cosplaying as Squall as a comparison

I continued reading The Legend of Final Fantasy VII which I have been procrastinating for quite sometime. I never played FF VII properly and I do not exactly remember the story. Even by reading this book which contains the story, I keep getting confused and keep returning to the front part to know who is whose kids and how they are related all that. Shame on me haha.. I finished the book for FF VIII quite quickly since I am much more familiar with it.

That is basically the recap of my long weekend. Now I am back to the miserable days complaining about my worsening eyes, my painful back, and my pathetic self in general T_T

Second time watching Disney's Aladdin Musical

The #AladdinSingapore label and the standee behind were not present previously

It is funny how things turned upside down. When I watched Aladdin Musical for the first time, I was super excited and looking forward to it but I went home feeling somewhat disappointed. That made me quite lazy to go again tonight since I felt like just slacking at home. But hey, I ended up feeling more satisfied.

Tonight was the original ticket that I first bought and I sat at the first row center seat. Location of the seat made the whole experience different. Seating at the front row made the viewing more enjoyable because I could see the facial expression of the actors better. Nearer to the orchestra box also made the audio much more impactful although the downside of this was the audience response felt more muted as if the audience was not responsive.

Seeing up close, I have to give 2 thumbs up for the costume because some details were not apparent when I was at the second floor previously. For example, the guards costumes also have bling bling in the details. When everyone is wearing white, the costumes look the same from a far but they are all actually different. I never even realise that Jasmine's final dress is pink!

I was previously impressed with the city setup but I had to lower my opinion because from near I could see that some were just cardboard. However, the Magic Carpet effect really blew my mind. It is a mystery how the carpet is suspended and 'flying' around. I could not see any strings/wires or reflection of strings/wires whatsoever in both A Whole New World and final scenes which are dark and bright, respectively. Simply wow.

Previously I found the second act to be rather boring but surprisingly today I found the new scenes and songs (which are not in the cartoon) to be enjoyable. Nevertheless, I still find 'Prince Ali' is not grand as expected and the changes to the plot for second act to be a step backward from the original cartoon -same sentiment that I had after my first viewing. In addition, there was not really any improvisation or changes with Genie's jokes compared to my first viewing, except for chili crab being mentioned instead of curly fries.

The most worthwhile thing from spending $232 to get the front seat was to see the setup of theater musical. The orchestra was actually under the stage while the conductor was positioned between the stage and the orchestra. His head popped up so that he was able to see what was happening on stage and the orchestra underneath could still see his hands conducting. Just before the show begun, I thought the conductor's head was distracting as it was literally in front of me but once the show happened, I did not notice his head at all.

Now I have to backtrack and say that watching on the first day was NOT a mistake and a regret. A lot of the merchandises were already sold out today, including the fleece blanket (that I would like to buy again), Genie bear plushie, Jasmine plushie, the Magic Lamp ornament, the snow globe decoration, and tote bag carriers. They even ran out of plastic bag for the merchandise purchase. Lucky I bought Jasmine plushie although it was not that pretty or else I would regret. Since I did not manage to get the fleece blanket, I bought another Aladdin plushie. Sigh.. Gotta be honest that I simply bought it because of FOMO since many things already were already sold out. Now I don't know what to do with it, perhaps try to sell it for $70 although I doubt there would be buyer.

I went in 45 minutes before the show today so that I could take photo with the lamp. There were only 4 people in the queue when I entered and that was how I managed to take just the photo of the lamp. Too bad my luck with the strangers helping to take photo today was bad. I even queued 2 times (to take with and without my spectacles) and both strangers just sucked. I was lucky to get the Filipino tourist previously who was quite good with the camera. Oh well at least I had no regret to take 2 photos today.

View from the first row

After today's experience, I think I will always buy the first row seat the next time I watch a musical. The experience from first row is so much better so I suppose it is better to go big or go home... or more appropriately to watch as VIP or don't watch altogether :p

Things have not improved

My back pain still has not recovered and it is still troubling me. The location of pain continuously changes, it appears and disappears randomly, and no body movement can trigger the pain. I went to see doctor again in hope of getting a referral letter for MRI but I was only asked to try calcium for 2 weeks and to see how. The doctor was also unable to find out the problem as all the movements she asked me to do did not elicit the pain. She hit my back and that also did not trigger the pain. Essentially musculoskeletal pain, slipped disc, kidney stone, and even gout were considered but ruled out since my symptoms do not really match any. Bleah.. Thank goodness for the long weekend. If after 4 days of rest my back still has not recovered fully, it will be a clear indication that the problem is still somewhere out there.

New rosary rings

The new rosary rings that I ordered from Amazon just arrived today. As expected, the quality is not as good as the one I lost as the material of these new ones is lighter and feels more hollow. Oh well, I have let go and I will just have to make do with these new ones. Tomorrow I hope to get these blessed by a priest if the priest whom I know is around.

Since I already write about rosary, let's just continue with more religion things. In the midst of my emo-ness and negativity with life, one line that stood out the most to me from the last Sunday's reading is Jesus' reply "Who appointed Me a judge or an arbiter between you?". Comparison with others always make me ungrateful and jealous and usually that is the root of all the wishful thinking for all the wordly possessions. That line stood to me as if Jesus was telling me: Now you know why all your prayers for wealth and all that never come true. These earthly things are not my business yo. Okay, but I still want my health T_T

I was asked to read Luke 11:1-13 (Jesus teaches Our Father) during Landings session on the weak before. Last year I was considering to try out as a lector but I think this is a reminder that I was right not to try hahaha.. This is the second time I had to read a reading from the Bible and I always felt the same thing: it was quite stressful to prevent reading wrongly and somehow the position of the mike was always bad that made me have to tiptoe and tilt my head to a rather bad position. Although the good thing about the bad position was it made me slow down and my voice low.

Back to the long weekend, I finally had my Mao Shan Wang durian delivery yesterday. I was worried if there would be any driver willing to pick it up because not everyone likes the smell of durian. Now I need not to worry anymore because the shops are really well prepared. They seal the box of durian in a plastic bag to ensure that the smell does not escape. I will not hesitate to order again but my throat was a bit sore this morning so it may not be a good idea to buy again this afternoon since tomorrow I still have Aladdin musical to watch haha.. For the record, it is about $30 for 350gram of de-husked durian which should be from 1 piece of the whole fruit. Aaargh but I am really really tempted to buy again!!

The Lion King

The Lion King is the most popular and successful animated movie from Disney Renaissance era. Although it is not my favourite, I have a lot of good childhood memories with its Burger King collectibles, SNES game, and great songs. Interestingly I actually never watched the cartoon in full at all. Hahaha.. I am only familiar with the singing scenes because I have to admit that the Lion King has the best songs. None of the songs is boring, even the villain's song.

Despite the initial hype from the trailer, I have been sick since 2 weeks ago and I sort of getting lazy to watch this. No surprise since I never even bother watching the original cartoon after all. In the end the eagerness returned after I found out that it has exceeded $1 billion in box office.

Although I never watch the original cartoon, I think this "live action" version is almost an exact replica. Surprisingly I find it dull and boring instead of good for staying faithful to the original. While the story is intact, I think the live action fails terribly in the emotion and the vocals. The new animation is amazing and it almost feels like watching a documentary. Unfortunately this causes a mismatch. The animals are so realistic that they just appear emotion-less. Add in the vocals and it feels even weirder.

Other than Circle of Life, the songs which are sung by the animals lack the energy and the fun that the original have. I am excited that Beyonce is voicing Nala but that turns out to be another mismatch. Beyonce's voice is simply too iconic and amazing that when Nala speaks, it sounds like Beyonce acting instead of Nala. She does Can You Feel the Love Tonight too pop-ish and diva-ish that it does not feel romantic at all. Be Prepared is one of the better Disney villain's song and it gets butchered in this live action.

I think it is 50:50 hits and misses. This live action version is missing out elements that make the Lion King special such as young Simba's brattiness, Zazu's personality, the stampede and Mufasa's death, and the final battle. Yet some things are still as nice as the original: the Circle of Life, Timon and Pumba, and Mufasa's voice. However at the end I think that this live action is a step backward from the original. And that comes from me who has a rather low standard since I actually enjoyed Aladdin, Dumbo, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, and Maleficent remakes which many find to be terrible.

Appreciation

This week has been an emotional train-wreck for me. My neck has not fully healed. Although it is not that disturbing since I can lie down and get up like normal again (i.e. I can return to enjoy my hobby of sleeping), I can still a bit of the 'pulling'. It makes me realise that perhaps the neck pain is referred from my lower back. This brings into mind if this is due to ergonomics from my deskbound job. I have done all I can to minimise ergonomics issue by using back support and getting up for a walk every 45-60 minutes at work so I don't know what else I should do. With eyes issue, back issue, skin issue, and teeth issue, seriously what is the point of living anymore?

To top up all these negative vibes, I finally lost my rosary ring for definite on Wednesday. Sigh.. This rosary ring is very special (given by an aunt who went to Lourdes) because it has been lost and found many times. Previously it was misplacement or I forgot where I put it so there was still hope of finding it. This time I lost it for sure because in the morning I was still using it to pray but it was not with me anymore when I was finding my Ezlink card in my pocket in the evening. I tried to scavenge my desk area, the toilets, and the staircases but it was gone for good.

Thank you and goodbye. I hope it can bring Jesus and Mother Mary closer to whoever who finds it.

Perhaps there is a blessing in disguise behind my lost rosary ring. While the sentimental value plays a part in my emoness, my biggest concern is its functionality and I will simply lose something that aids me in daily prayers. Previously I was never able to find rosary rings online but this time: surprise surprise. Somehow there are so many rosary rings online. In the end I bought from Amazon and they are USD 15 (including shipping) for 6 rings. Wow.. I hope the quality will be as good as the one I lost.

Today is the last day of this batch of student's attachment. That reminds me that I have never hao lian any of letters of appreciation since I changed to my current job. I guess now I will typing all three.

This is from the first student last year. One memorable thing about this student was that he noticed that I am crazy about green so he made sure his farewell gifts were green: a packet of candies to keep me awake and the candy bag was green and it was placed in a green carrier bag.

Thank you for being my preceptor at ---------! I am immensely grateful for the weekly meet-ups where you would spend time reviewing the assignments I did, correcting the misconceptions I had and pointing out room for me to improve on. The questions you asked were sure tough but really interesting indeed hahaha and helped me gain a better perspective on what to expect for my subsequent rotations.

I feel privileged to have you as my preceptor as you would dedicate time every week to share your clinical experience and knowledge with me despite being busy with your own work. Your selflessness and dedication to impart your wisdom has certainly inspired me to adopt an enthusiastic learning midset and push myself further. I hope our paths will cross again in the future and I wish you all the very best in your career! :)

This is from the next student who gave me Lugia nanoblock. Wow! I am not a fan of nanoblock, Pokemon, and Lugia but I am pretty sure this is quite pricey. I still have not built it now but it was memorable when she gave me because at that time Lugia was the only Legendary birds that I did not have yet in Pokemon Go.

Thank you for being a kind & patient preceptor over the past few weeks. You have taught me more in the few sessions together than my previous preceptor had & I am immensely grateful for that :) I will work hard on being a more open person!

Hope that you do not hate my tiny gift. Building it can be therapeutic in times of stress. Hope that this new job h as been treating you well!

Although I only took one student for this round, he combined the farewell gift with his attachment partner so there are 2 messages.   

It was a joy to have learned from you in my first rotation. The weekly discussion on various case scenario has really taught me to always practise clinical judgement - that there is no one-size-fit-all kind of role. Thank you for being my preceptor!

Thank you for teaching me to be more meticulous with my work. & to hone better clinical judgement through the DSM modules. I have benefited greatly from your sharings. I hope you'll continue to have a fruitful time at ------- & continue to inspire all other interns.

There is something heartening with this latest experience because I was involved in the interview and selection for this batch. My partner did not want to take him in because he did not do very well in the interview. He was nervous, sweating, and all that. I am glad that I saw beyond that as it will be normal for people to get the nerves. So I said that he was not that bad and I was okay to give him a chance. With that I also took the responsibility to be in-charge of him and I am glad that he did not waste this chance. He was my best student so far in this new company. I never passed anyone for the drug information part but he was able to pass because he put in the effort to understand the papers instead of just skimming through and to zoom in to the parts to be summarised. I was hesitating to give a pass in this since he was not 100% proficient yet (come on! after all it is still the first 3 months). However, I decided to give it a pass considering from the skills perspective, he had shown the correct things to do: to fully understand something first before giving recommendations and avoiding assumptions and guesswork.

I shall take a break from taking student for at least the next 3 months so I hope to have less busy days at work hehe