Manager?

Everyone loves the prospect of being promoted right? Nope.. unless again I turn out to be the odd one out. On Friday, my branch manager prepped me for the appraisal last Monday. Lol. There is a likelihood for her to be transferred to take over a new clinic so the bosses are asking if I am ready to take over as the manager for the current place. Of course I have my own reservations haha.. I am far from perfect and I have so many weaknesses: I can't speak Mandarin, I am negative, I am quite fierce etc so I don't know if I will end up destroying everything. Of course I have my own personal reasons as well: life is going to suck as my colleagues suck and I don't think I have anyone to cover my back. I was asked to think about it carefully. Anyway, even if I decline, my branch will be left as status quo and alternative plans will kick in.

Outright yes maybe seen as being overconfident while outright no will be seen as negative. So I am prepared to be vague and just voice out my weaknesses and ask if the bosses have contingency plans should things fail because of my foreseen weaknesses. Guess what? On Monday during appraisal, the question did not even come. I was only vaguely asked if I am ready to take over as manager should the time comes. I still gave my pre-planned answer but I did not get a reassuring answer. Afterwards, I asked my manager if asking me was just a formality. Knowing the people in my company, even if I say no, likely the other plans will say no first and then it will come back to me (since it is being considered plan A) but this time the decision will be forced on me.

Today I heard something else from my colleague from another branch. She heard that my manager would be taking over that branch o_0 Alamak.. so what is going on? Every 2 days I hear different stories that I can't be bothered anymore. Just wait for an official news when it comes instead of getting stressed over speculations and wild guesses.

I usually enjoy the time away from work to attend courses. This week is even more fantastic: 3.5 days course straight! Well this CPIP course turns out to be the most stressful and depressing course that I ever attended. At the end of the day, I feel very drained and tired with ideas being rejected and having to thought of more ideas. It is not exactly about my idea being rejected but it more of having to rephrase to make it very specific etc. In the past, I thought doing projects would be something that I like and I could consider for future. I guess it is another item struck off from my list.. and I am one step closer to a bleak future :(