Self-absorbed

When you are too self-absorbed, you don't care about others and you don't even think of able to like or love someone. And that is exactly what is going on with my life: it is all about me.. me.. and me. I can't bear the thought of being rejected by a girl and thus I always wish for a girl who will come forward to me. My wish came true and it is not 1 but 2 girls. Human can never be happy or satisfied and now I wish that I never wished what I wished. Lol..

In university, I belong to a clique in which I am the only guy and right from the first year, 1 of the girls and I often joke around as a couple. Yep that continues occasionally until today. I went cycling with half of this clique last Sunday and during lunch, they asked me why I never consider that girl as a girlfriend after so long joking around. Err... if really there is a feeling, I think by now I already ask to be together with her lor..

The other girl is an ex-temp staff at my workplace. I did not suspect anything when at one time she suddenly asked me about my girlfriend criteria as I thought she was asking on behalf of her friend. But after that her advances were getting more obvious like offering to bring lunch for me or asking to drink Starbucks promotion together. It becomes difficult for me: if I remain normal, I may be giving her false hope.. if I become mean, then I would be an asshole who assume that she likes me. Without realising, on the last few weeks of work, there was no such thing as normal. I did become a bit more strict towards her but I still maintain our LINE communication. It all ended with a message that she sent me last week. That message was just short of asking if I want to be with her. I just answered with a NO icon and that was it. I guess I just want to make it obvious that I am okay as friends but no for anything beyond that.

As of now, I still want to be single and free. I don't care what people say.. People can say I am gay. I am okay with that :) After all, my one and only true love as of now is only myself and I am a guy. So yes, I am in love with a guy. Haha..

I am sick of being homeless and I get upset every time my parents mention about home.. I guess as my revenge, I keep telling them "No house no wife". IF (yes a big IF) my parents really get me a house, I really don't know what to do next. Haha.. How to find a wife sia?? The one girl that I like and that I think can be a wife material in the sense that I can imagine myself building a family with her is currently already having a boyfriend sia... I have not met any other girl who invokes the same emotion in my heart and brain leh..