Oh God, why are you so cruel? I was expecting that I can 'end' my project with a high-note.. Too bad that my drug release results were shit. I really had no idea where the drugs went to :(And NO, I am NOT gonna repeat.. If I think something went wrong because of my experimental skills, I would gladly repeat everything without being told.. But this time, I am sure nothing went wrong.. So I won't repeat..

And to top up my misery, this is the freaking SECOND time that I was "told" that I am a lazy slacker who does not put a lot of effort in my project T_T And for that, I was literally emo-ing and black facing for 4.5days :( It was so bad that I could not even bother to even try to smile or act friendly. Almost all whom I met realised my sudden change of mood... The good thing for me is that I actually have people who are concerned about me.. That means they are caring :p And that also means usually I am not as emo as I think... If people noticed that I was emo/grouchy/blackface, that means usually I am all smiley and friendly (wow! unexpected haha).

Anyway I am super duper ANGRY AND UPSET! How can she compare me with my friend who is doing synthesis! Her reactions take shorter time of course within a same period of time, she could do more trials etc.. Of course she would be in the lab most of the time to wait.. Of course I am not gonna bloody wait in the lab when my stupid things stir for 24hours. My friend can do her NMR and TLC and whatever for free in a short period of time and to get 100% confirmation whether results are + or -. But me: Is it my fault that all the things I need to use (ICP, TEM) are expensive and are time consuming with waiting time up to WEEKS??!! Zzz.. Is it my fault that I am given 5mg of materials to last? I can't do things in parallel or else I run out of stuff! Is it my fault that my filter only came as Christmas present? Is it my fault that the ICP lab wanted to have New Year holiday to delay my readings?? Zz.. Is it my fault that I took days to find necessary info (if there is any to be found) because nobody else could help me and I could not anyhow trial-and-error things due to insufficient materials etc? Seriously, what kind of fair comparison can be made between us!

I am already resigned to the fact of falling to 2nd class.. It's just that I don't know how to face her for the coming weeks.. This project just sucks from the start :( No materials.. No info.. No apparatus.. No help.. Nothing.. And now I have to think how to dislodge the caps and release the drugs etc.. I can already foresee that even my doing so my drugs are still nowhere to be found.. Round 3 of "lazy slack no effort" bla bla bla would follow.. I really don't wish to continue anymore.. This whole FYP thing has been a useless experience.. What practise thinking etc BULLSHIT! Everything that I wanna do is limited by things which are beyond my control: budget, time, materials, etc.. Not really my fault.. It is not that I am lazy but simply, with all the limitations I face, I have to do things "slowly, slackly, and a seemingly not putting enough effort".

Looking back at year 1 sem 1, it feels that the whole 1st Class thingy is just an accident.. God has been too nice for me.. Right from the start, I am meant for 2nd Class.. But why do I have to go through all this kind of shit T_T