Bruised ego...

The e-mail about FYP came and it was horrifying that the sender arranged the recipient names based on their brain power. At one side, I feel irritated because now like many will know that I am not that stupid after all.. There goes my secret.. Haiz.. I hate being mediocre.. I rather people think that I am stupid (well my attitude towards study does make show that I am the studious type haha..). Anyways, I am very very sad to find out that I am not somewhere at the top. Looks like really I am just going and more and more stupid =( Gone are the days when I was number 1 or 2 in the class... gone are the days when I got A's all the way... Sad...

Yesterday's work was another big blow for me. I was sort of getting complaints with my cue. Oh well, it was my fault actually but how am I supposed to know about things when I was not told before hand? I hate it when there is no guidelines whatsoever and I am told to be flexible, use your own discretion bla bla bla.. The truth is different people work differently. And for that I don't take any complain. Some people will want every little things to be mentioned. For me, I wanna say as little as possible. Those info I think 'not important' I will not say and I will not know whether these 'not important' things should be said or not. Sigh..

I am a perfectionist and I hate to do mistake. One thing I hate more is to get complaints for "mistakes" which are because I am not told before hand.. Bah.. that's the suckiness of working world. Some seniors and superiors are just too big-headed.. They forget how it feels when they were still a blur newbies bla bla bla.. Seeing my work ethics, looks like I will definitely go retail. There is nobody to keep an eye for me for what I do. Yes my job will require many things which will be "up to my own discretion" and for that, I will be happy to work alone..

Perhaps I need to learn to be more humble... and to take things less personally... Emoo...