1 year has passed ever since I was baptised. I certainly understand what people say that life becomes more difficult after you profess your faith in God. Doing good is no longer an option but obligation. Similarly with attending Sunday Mass. Even though I have not missed any (except when I went to Cambodia), there are occasions when I feel lazy and don't want to go. The temptations may get worse in weeks/months/years to come but I hope that no matter how screwed up my faith is, I can at least keep going to church on Sundays as a minimum.
The height of my faith ended few months after WYD. WYD and its aftermath served as powerful testimony on how God is really present in my life. Sadly, the storm of daily struggles and school stuff slowly erodes that feeling. The climax is of course in this last few weeks. CCA points were disappointing (though I am glad that it was sufficient to secure a place next week) and school results were down-spiralling. I studied hard.. harder than previous semester, I prayed hard... maybe not as hard as before, but all things were futile. I was distraught. I prayed for strength and it was not given to me. I resorted to self-distruct: abandonment of my Lenten project, and I didn't pray for almost a month. I wonder what is wrong.. I did whatever I could and results are really beyond my control...
Now Lent is coming to an end. Of course with the Good Friday and Easter etc, want or don't want, I have to slowly catch up on my spiritual life. The confession helped.. I started to pray again.. but to be honest, I haven't really got back the feelings I used to have. I still feel like I am talking to myself.
Yesterday Good Friday was good indeed. The Way of the Cross really touched me.. Though I wonder until how long I can remember these: to pray without ceasing, that no trial beyond my strength will be given to me, to leave everything in God's hand etc... Due to unforeseen circumstances, I would not be able to make it in time if I were to go to Toa Payoh yesterday. So I had to go to St. Teresa. I would have to say that the Exposition and Veneration were not as good as Risen Christ's one. Now I understand why my aunt said that she was really touched during last year Good Friday. And how can one do not believe when it always rains on Good Friday.. Even until now I wonder how that is possible.. Haha.. Lucky after the service ended, the rain was not as heavy and I didn't get all drenched going home.
I am going to Easter Vigil tonight. I am hoping for a miracle.. that my faith will be reawakened once more..
The height of my faith ended few months after WYD. WYD and its aftermath served as powerful testimony on how God is really present in my life. Sadly, the storm of daily struggles and school stuff slowly erodes that feeling. The climax is of course in this last few weeks. CCA points were disappointing (though I am glad that it was sufficient to secure a place next week) and school results were down-spiralling. I studied hard.. harder than previous semester, I prayed hard... maybe not as hard as before, but all things were futile. I was distraught. I prayed for strength and it was not given to me. I resorted to self-distruct: abandonment of my Lenten project, and I didn't pray for almost a month. I wonder what is wrong.. I did whatever I could and results are really beyond my control...
Now Lent is coming to an end. Of course with the Good Friday and Easter etc, want or don't want, I have to slowly catch up on my spiritual life. The confession helped.. I started to pray again.. but to be honest, I haven't really got back the feelings I used to have. I still feel like I am talking to myself.
Yesterday Good Friday was good indeed. The Way of the Cross really touched me.. Though I wonder until how long I can remember these: to pray without ceasing, that no trial beyond my strength will be given to me, to leave everything in God's hand etc... Due to unforeseen circumstances, I would not be able to make it in time if I were to go to Toa Payoh yesterday. So I had to go to St. Teresa. I would have to say that the Exposition and Veneration were not as good as Risen Christ's one. Now I understand why my aunt said that she was really touched during last year Good Friday. And how can one do not believe when it always rains on Good Friday.. Even until now I wonder how that is possible.. Haha.. Lucky after the service ended, the rain was not as heavy and I didn't get all drenched going home.
I am going to Easter Vigil tonight. I am hoping for a miracle.. that my faith will be reawakened once more..
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