I'm like a ship losing direction, without anchorage, in a stormy seas right now. Nope, it is not because I play Battle Stations too much.. Haiz... I never felt this shitty and low.. Yesterday I had a glimpse of hope for the remarking of my drug quiz. Yeah it was remarked, but it still could not save my sorry ass. I am just stupid. I know it..
The biggest blow came after Biotech test today. Sigh.. So many things I don't know how to answer. I got the short question wrong. I know the damn trypsin cut at arginine and lysine but I didn't know that it cut at the C-terminal. That means I had been remembering the wrong things and why the hell the enlightenment that I got was during reading the notes AFTER the paper. Sigh... It will be a miracle if I can get 40 :( but even if I get above 40, it will still be disappointing..
Haiz.. when did the last time I cry? I didn't even cry when my English was C6 in sec 3. I didn't even cry when my Prelim Higher Malay was C5 plus a B4 for my history (the worst ever for both). The pain was at least alleviated with a 7 aggregate and a miraculous A2 for my English that time. But this time?? There is nothing to make me happy.. I cannot believe that I actually shed my diamond-precious tears for school stuff.. So not worth it....
My faith is really crushed.. I guess that is the reason why I am feeling so down.. I know I am stupid. I cannot do it alone without divine intervention. Ironically, this is just more apparent right now.. It's very hard for me to return to pray anyway. I am just too disappointed. I study, I study HARD even though I may not study the HARDEST way, I tried my best, I did everything.. But I just cannot do it alone.. No help given to me also. Is there even any benefit to spend my time asking? Oh whatever..
People come and go...
Things do not last forever...
Only God is steady...
But when I already lose even the steady One, what else do I have to rely on?
This gift of life has been a curse. If I die now, I will surely go to hell. If I stay alive, I remain in living hell.. Which is the lesser evil? The answer is: Pharmaco test tomorrow...
The biggest blow came after Biotech test today. Sigh.. So many things I don't know how to answer. I got the short question wrong. I know the damn trypsin cut at arginine and lysine but I didn't know that it cut at the C-terminal. That means I had been remembering the wrong things and why the hell the enlightenment that I got was during reading the notes AFTER the paper. Sigh... It will be a miracle if I can get 40 :( but even if I get above 40, it will still be disappointing..
Haiz.. when did the last time I cry? I didn't even cry when my English was C6 in sec 3. I didn't even cry when my Prelim Higher Malay was C5 plus a B4 for my history (the worst ever for both). The pain was at least alleviated with a 7 aggregate and a miraculous A2 for my English that time. But this time?? There is nothing to make me happy.. I cannot believe that I actually shed my diamond-precious tears for school stuff.. So not worth it....
My faith is really crushed.. I guess that is the reason why I am feeling so down.. I know I am stupid. I cannot do it alone without divine intervention. Ironically, this is just more apparent right now.. It's very hard for me to return to pray anyway. I am just too disappointed. I study, I study HARD even though I may not study the HARDEST way, I tried my best, I did everything.. But I just cannot do it alone.. No help given to me also. Is there even any benefit to spend my time asking? Oh whatever..
People come and go...
Things do not last forever...
Only God is steady...
But when I already lose even the steady One, what else do I have to rely on?
This gift of life has been a curse. If I die now, I will surely go to hell. If I stay alive, I remain in living hell.. Which is the lesser evil? The answer is: Pharmaco test tomorrow...
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