Thursday, October 28, 2010

My story: Chapter 8

It is 28/10/2010 now.. It marks my 8th year in Singapore. I have officially spent more than a third of my lifetime in this foreign land. The theme for the past year will be: GROWTH. While I actually cannot recall anything memorable from the past 1 year, ironically I can say that I have experienced personal growth.. Unfortunately, the growth is for worse..

I have grown to become really extreme in my stubborness, in my self-centredness, in any bad ways imaginable. Haha (this is a bitter laughter). Thanks to my CCA, I learnt to have an "I am never wrong" kind of attitude. It was hard to be faultless but well, that's a price to pay in order to not make people find fault at me and fight back when I reprimand them for their mistake. Some of my friends tell me that I have succesfully made a lot of enemies by doing so. But oh well, call it stubborn I guess? I am only nasty to those deserving people.. To the nice ones, I think I am pretty nice too.

I am also becoming more outspoken (again in a bad way). I no longer harbour any fear to "authority" or whatever. For example would be my preceptorship. I don't take a shit kind of treatment from my shitty preceptor. Again, I did not feel any wrong.. And I certainly did not deserve shit from her. I leashed out against her even up to the last day haha.. I even made complain to school. Wow.. Certainly I never imagined myself to turn to this kind of person. Good or bad? I don't know. I just defend what I feel right..

I have also learnt the art of making complains in various nasty ways. Mwahaha.. I scolded and screamed at PGP, OSA, SSC, Com Centre people during the internet breakdown saga. And this morning I just went down to have a screamfest with M1 Raffles Place manager. I wanted to lodge a complain about her but I guess I would just let my matter to rest since she refunded me anyway. I felt very bad for being nasty actually. But I just explode when I don't get the service I deserve. I pay fees for my hostel and I demand a good service. Weeks of internet breakdown was just ridiculous. Same for the M1 bitch. It was so stupid for her to argue that I need to explicitly demand student benefits when during my application, I shoved my student pass to the officer. Bleah.. Don't wanna talk about this.. Just the thought of her fat ugly face already wanna make me puke. Anywa, I think I was crazy because during all this scream fest, people around me would actually look around in shock haha..

Now back to the other side. In my part-time job, I am at the other side: the service provider, the one to get scolded. Lol.. I guess this made me become really thickskinned and to learn the art of "being irritating in a nice way". Well some people are just unreasonable.. and I guess I picked up the skills on how being a nasty customer as a return. 

As part of growing up, I finally reach the stage of being rebellious to my parents as well. Teen angst? Lol! I don't want to find fault or excuses but I guess it all boils down to money problem rather than communication problem. Haha.. I don't wanna argue regarding money with my parents who have brought me up, and as such I don't communicate about that well. To be honest, the trigger was just one simple thing: my father screamed upon hearing my $1k flight ticket to Korea. That really caused me to explode in ways unimaginable. Again, I am very sick with the shit they have placed me into.. And with forbidding me to even enjoy my life a bit, that was really going to far.

Anyway the only 2 things worth highlighting in the past year. Firstly: my FUNTASTIC korean trip! Whee.. It was just too memorable T_T Secondly: my trip to visit my grandma. That was my first in I have no idea how many years.

And to close this chapter in an emo manner, I will reitirate this point again: my life sucks and my future sucks. I hate my current state of education now.. And I hate the thoughts of going to work next year. Sigh.. I just hate my life I guess.. How can someone live but don't want to study and don't want to work? :'( But life is so short? Why must suffer and not enjoy this short life??

Monday, October 25, 2010

P1 :'(

My P1 was just over and I am quite sad over it.. Haiz.. I woke up quite "late" so ended up walking to school. I was not late though. However, what I wanted to complain is not that!! It is the P1 itself!! Sigh... I think I got nervous and I spoke much faster than the normal pace when I was practicing =x Don't know whether it was really like that or it was just my feeling...

The worst part was the Q & A. I could not answer the question. Sigh.. In my attempt to cover my backside, I chose wrong examples to illustrate my point and ended up saying the wrong things.. I said cisplatin formed hydrophobic interaction while cisplatin itself is hydrophillic :'( Sigh... Everything was alright up to the point where I said I am not very sure because it depends on the solvent and the molecules used. It will be different for different case.. Too bad I decided to go 1 step further by choosing a wrong example and I ended up falling to the cliff..

Oh well.. still.. I gotta thank God because I felt much more relaxed than my dry run (isn't that really weird???). It could have gone worse but I guess it was not too bad.. Perhaps someone will ask that question again in the final presentation and hopefully by then I can answer :(

And now back to the lab.. It is my greater concern T_T

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

When retail therapy fails...

I feel like having a hair cut to look tidier for my presentation on the coming Monday. But somehow I also feel that my hair is still quite short. It is gonna be a waste of money and time if I go for a haircut. In the end, I decided not to go for a haircut but I still went down to Vivocity o_0 I ran out of vitamin and mouthwash so I went to buy those... Sigh.. And another reason was: I need a break for my meal regiment. The best reason was: I would be able to mug my notes on the bus and in the shopping mall! Haha.. Ok, only the last one turned out well actually. In fact, I was quite surprised, in a happy way, when I saw another person was also holding and reading notes while walking in the mall.

I felt worse after I went shopping. I had my lunch at Yoshinoya to try the "limited dish". It turned out to be disastrous. The picture of the soft shell crab meal is totally far off from the real thing. The real thing is more like soft shell CRAP! Really wasted my money.. Then I went for my groceries at Giant. I bought 2 packs of Milo and at the cashier, I realised that they were 2 different things! 1 was "buy 5 get 1 free" and the other one was "buy 6". The price differed by $0.90! Grrr... I was like "WTF!!" I picked both from the same rack and how come they put 2 differently priced items on the same rack!! Oh well, I guess I am just being an anal here. It is just a freaking 90cents so get over it please!!! Lastly when I went to Watsons for my vitamin and mouthwash, I realised that I had not enough cash! Not a big deal actually but it's just that I hate to shop using NETS.

My dinner went pretty bad too. Thanks to the stupid PRC my meal came in more than half an hour.. Bah at least I got free aircon while mugging ba... Perhaps God sent me that PRC so that I could be an angel to these 2 girls whom I met on the way back to my room. They were selling items for their YEP. Their booth was at CenLib and they had to sell the remaining items lol.. So poor thing.. Anyway, I saw the ad in FB few days ago so I decided to try out the GongCha (it was terrible!). Well since I planned to try it anyway, I guess no harm buying from them. It was their last cup actually and they were like soo happy to be able to sell that cup. Lol.. It was quite entertaining. I understand their joy though.. They had to carry the big styrofoam container just to make sure that last cup remain cold. Haha.. I hope they managed to finish all of it ba.. If I were them, I would just buy the last cup for myself to save all the problems ba haha..

Ok back to mugging now =(

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Unusual dream


I had a very strange dream last night. I find it very strange because I thought dreams are always related to the dreamer's (near) past. The only thing I can relate to in my dream was myself haha.. The only thing bugging my mind currently is only school and game.

The other thing which I find very unusual was the fact that I could only remember WHAT I did. I could not (or did not) recognise anybody in the dream.. I did not even pay attention to the settings. Usually I would take notice in the objects. For example: I can recall the dream when a dog was chasing after me and I had to jump off a cliff. Lol.. I saw the dog and I recognised the cliff etc.. There was also a time when I dreamt about my grandma's cooking. I actually remembered the things she said, the things she cooked, and of course I recognised her as my grandma!

So.. here is my dream. I actually was playing BASEBALL! That is totally unrelated to Kingdom Hearts. I did not watch/read any drama/video/manga lately. I totally had no idea how the thought of baseball could even enter my mind! My dream started when I actually pitched (threw) the ball to opponent. I got 3 "ball" meaning I flunked all 3. Haha.. The first one went too high.. The second one went too low.. And the last one was the best: I did not even throw the ball because I lost my body positioning as I was about to throw.. It was counted as ball and I had no idea whether that is what happen in real life. Lol.. I did not even know where I was actually playing.. I vaguely remembered it was not in stadium or in school.. More like a forest??  I remembered seeing grass and trees lol. Even weirder right? But I am sure I was playing with humans! Not with animals or plants in the forest hahaha...

Then I emo on the bench (with few teammates who I refer as teammates only.. I didnt even look at their face) to somehow discover my team was leading 15-8 and now it became 15-15. Now.. I wonder perhaps these numbers have any meaning... Are such numbers even possible in real life? I have no idea... Well after that, the matched just ended and everyone was congratulating one another. I did not even know who won haha.. In the end I found out that my team won with 16-15.

The last thing I remembered was that I hugged 2 teammates (in celebration), 2 opponents (in consolation), it all ended with me hugging and telling the manager "So are you glad that you did not choose to take a break this year?". 

Then I woke up... It was unusual.. and it was very very strange haha..

Well the feeling of victory managed to gear me up a bit in the morning.. But too bad, I am just a big loser in real life... Aaa~~~h if only I could dream longer... Perhaps I still can hope for that dream to be continued to nite? :p One thing for sure, I wonder what it all means... And if dreams are meaningless, I would like an explanation on how suddenly such random dreams came upon me.


Friday, October 15, 2010

Chilean miners

Do you believe in miracle?


While miracle may not happen to my own personal life, this whole Chilean miners thingy really shows me that God does exist and miracles do happen. 33 men trapped underground (600m+ depth) for more than 2 months have finally been rescued. 

I did not follow the story right from the start. It got my attention when they were discovered alive a few weeks after the mine collapsed. That was already a miracle. It also showed the perseverence of these man. They managed to survive that long from 2 days emergency rations.. After they were discovered to be alive, the people from the ground managed to get connected with them and sent them food etc etc.

Indeed it is pathetic to see how people are bickering about God online regarding this incident.. Well, I do understand when people are angry and question where God was when the mine collapsed etc.. It has been a mind boggling experience for everyone but I guess in the end, everyone survived! Does it matter whether it is God or Man's work?? To me it is both's work.. Without the effort and the technology, the rescue is just impossible.. But to think that there are 1001 things that can go wrong at any moment, right into the last moments when they brought up the men one by one, it is just impossible that everything went smoothly without God's mercy.. But regardless of what people say, I am sure God has made an impact at least for these 33 men and their families... for the rescue team who realised that things might go wrong anytime but nothing bad happened... for everyone who has been praying for these men..

The lesson is no matter in what kind of difficulty, there would always be a way out.. Trust God and people.. God cannot help us directly, he needs us to help ourselves.. And last but not least, this reminds me to the saying that I once heard: Miracle is when God's plan and Man's work coincide

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Feeling good..

Fiuh.. yesterday just had a dry run for my presentation and I was really freaking out like shit... It was only a dry run and I was that nervous, I had no idea what I would be feeling during the actual day... Sigh.. Well, maybe partly because of my last minute preparation, I was not that prepared. It took me almost 30 mins to finally calm down. Perhaps this is the lesson to learn. I should come at least 30 mins earlier on the actual date to calm myself down. It makes a LOT of difference.

Anyway my supervisor is just super duper nice.. I think if I cannot at least get an A-, that means I really really suck!! She is very encouraging and nice. Haha.. She said my pace is okay.. and that I made a good lecturer o_0 Does that mean I am boring? Hahaha.. But perhaps because yesterday I calmed down a lot, when I was speaking, I really sounded like telling a story to someone. Haha.. There are a bit of changes to be made to the slides but there is nothing major. I guess I can move on to do other things now. Yay!

And the most relieving thing that I heard was: so far I am happy with you.. OMG! I was like... woots.. super happy.. because to be honest, I think I am very slow and shitty in my progress T_T God please help me so that everything runs smoothly and I do not disappoint the very nice people who help me in my project

Monday, October 11, 2010

Procrastinator

Procrastination refers to the counterproductive deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite such behaviour as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. Schraw, Wadkins, and Olafson have proposed three criteria for a behavior to be classified as procrastination: it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying.

Procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt and crisis, severe loss of personal productivity, as well as social disapproval for not meeting responsibilities or commitments. These feelings combined may promote further procrastination. While it is regarded as normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological disorder.

Above is the excerpt from wikipedia. The last sentence summarises it nicely: I am going crazy! I am very stressed. It is not that I do not wanna start to do my work. It is not that I am distracted either. It is more like I am the one looking for distraction. It seems that I need the adrenaline rush close to deadline to be able to start doing my work.

I had a free day yesterday but I only started on my ppt after dinner time. As expected, I got really stressed and did quite a lousy work. I only managed to make about 12 slides.. add all the fillers and it is more or less 17 in total. Well I roughly tried saying the things I wanted to say and it took me about 8 minutes already.. After I write a proper script, I think I will exceed 10 minutes. The question is: WHEN WILL I START WRITING THE SCRIPT?? Grr.. Looks like I am gonna procrastinate again tonite to do it..

I had a bad day.. I think my project is doomed.. Sigh.. The reply from my supervisor does not sound very good.. I am failing... I am stressed.. I am sick.. I am emo.. Haiz..

My fav song from their whole album..
I wonder why the fans' movement look damn robotic (read: retarded) here haha...

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Humans are just weird..

I had bad work experiences for the past few days. Lol.. With more newbies who keep having problems passing, I am becoming more and more anal (read: strict) when I am handling them. I felt quite bad when I was short-fused yesterday. I ended up losing patience to my newbies lol. 

Yesterday I was irritated by this guy who worked at my workplace. Well he had no pass with him so I had no idea that he was part of the crew. Instead of telling me nicely that he was a crew, he told me "If I cannot come in, you cannot start the show!". OMG! I was damn freaking pissed. Even more pissed after I knew who he was. He thinks he is so special and famous that everyone who works there know his face is it? Yaiks!! Oh well, strangely, halfway through the show, he spoke to me in a nice way. Very weird indeed...

Today there was another weird lady. She came late so I was not surprised if she threw tantrum. But at the end of the show, she smiled so nicely to me. She showed me her camera and asked whether she could not take photo. Super duper weird... Haha.. I totally hate her.. She did not wanna move in to her seat because she was paiseh to disturb people seating at the aisle. Then during intermission, when someone wanted to go inside the row, she was like pissed. Lol.. That's why her friendliness in the end was really unexpected.

Oh well, I guess there is no bad or good person.. It's just a matter of a good or bad day. Haha.. And I am very touched when my newbie today quipped "I hope you are my senior during my test". Lol.. I thought I was strict enough but apparently not so eh?? Haha.. Anyway I got feedback from my fellow ushers yesterday and today that I really sounded pissed through the com :p Oh well... Cannot hide my bad day oso eh?

Friday, October 8, 2010

Brave Story: New Traveller

On a day that starts out like any other, an 11-year-old boy's life is changed forever when his friend Miki suddenly collapses from an unknown illness. Without the means to save her, he grows increasingly distraught when suddenly, a strange voice offers him a second chance: "Beyond the door you can change your destiny!" He soon leaves the real world and journeys to the world of Vision, where, as a novice "Traveler," he will surmount myriad ordeals in hopes of ultimately meeting with the Goddess of Fortune to have a single wish granted.

Graphics
So so for me. I do not find it very fantastic but I do not find it an eyesore either. For someone who is very anal about graphics when it comes to games, I find the graphics to be bearable. I find the animated sound effects during the battles are rather childish. But I love the font and font size they use in the game. It makes the gaming much more comfortable to the eyes. And if really the developer once the players to have a "reading story book" kind of feeling, the font does work ^^

I hate the in-game animation since there is not much variation., especially the battle. In fact, it seems that the developers are lazy to develop the graphics for the battle. There are many skills which the characters perform similar movements. To make things more lame, the characters are slashing the air, rather than the enemies, when dealing the special attacks. The worst is some characters share the same movements and skills. It gets kinda boring and that is a negative point for me.

 Good or bad? Just bearable for me

I like the character frames, fonts, etc during the battle

The irritating and childish "sound effects"

One thing I would like to highlight is the changes in Tatsuya's sword everytime he gets a new orb. The upgrade in his weapon is very conspicous and there are moving parts! Now.. That's very cool!! Haha.. There is one upgrade when there is a part which looks like dragonwings continously flapping. Then the final form of the sword has 5 orbs continously revolving around the sword. I think it's very cool! Nuff said about this sword thingy haha.. Unfortunately I cannot find pictures so you have to use imagination here.

Gameplay/Features
I am so happy to find an RPG game with the old RPG system. Haha.. Yeah I am lazy so I am glad to be able to just press commands and let the characters execute the movement. I am tired of real time action battle style. Lol

The gameplay allows me to focus more on the story rather than the fights. BP (needed to execute magic or special attacks) will be automatically refilled when the characters land attack. There is not much need to go shopping for potions etc. I hardly used items to refill HP and BP since sleeping at inns is cheaper. Buying new weapons prove to be quite problematic due to shortage of cash (monsters do not drop money.. but the more monsters we kill, the more money we can get from Highlander office... Supposedly, it is our job as Highlanders to kill monsters and the more we kill, the higher the wage). But it is only a problem if we want to get everyone (6 people in total) new equipments.

There is not much difference among different characters. In other words, it does not matter which character  you bring to the battle. Sogreth is the only one with significantly higher HP, higher attack, higher defense, and slower speed. There rest are very very similar. There are various unity attacks with different combination characters. But again, most have similar effects to the enemies as well as similar poses/animations etc, so there is really not much point to use different characters. Most likely, you just choose your favorite based on the voice/looks and it's alright.

Essentially, the battle system is very simple and easy. In fact, this is the very first game in which magic attacks are lousier than physical attacks! Lol. There is no need to farm for levels either. So yeah, just concentrate on the story :) There are ample side quests to get accessories. But trust me, even without these crafted accessories, you can breeze through the fight quite easily. Anyway the powerful accessories become part of the story so there is no need to do the side quests per se. Again, just concentrate on the story :)

Thank goodness that battling is a minor thing here. The vocals during the battles are really noise pollution. The same few phrases keep being repeated. There is an option to change the vocal from Japanese to English anytime to reduce the boredom. But overall I think the voice actings fail big time here.

An interesting minigame here is called birdbrawl. Basically, it's chicken fight. We get to "farm" chickens and let our group of chickens battle with someone elses'. It is quite cute and refreshing although I find it more frustrating than the main plot. Haha..The minigame is not that WOW or what... It is just interesting haha.. Perhaps because of the novelty

Birdbrawling

Replayability
I would say none. There is a new game + option to complete certain side quests, which can only be completed after the main game anyway, one bonus dungeon, and the opportunity to use all the guest characters in the main storyline. Other than for the bonus dungeon for extra challenge, I don't see any point replaying the game. The new characters have less skills than our main 6 and the skills are very similar anyway. And they have no unity skills.

Storyline
The story itself is quite simple and straight forward albeit too short. There are many aspects which can be explored better such as the role of the dragons here. As of now, it seems that the dragons are only introduced for the sake of giving us a mode of transport. Kinda lame for me. In similar note, Tatsuya met other travellers in the games but it was not explained how come there are so many travellers or what they are doing bla bla bla. I know this is a spin off from the original Brave Story but then, I think players should be allowed to know any connection towards previous games since there are characters from the previous game. I am sure many experienced RPG gamers will have similar questions.

The plot is kinda unexpected. Tatsuya is actually not a Traveller. That is to say, he is actually not a hero that Vision expected. Wow! After all the hardwork, but well, that's a nice plot. Eventually his wish is a realised not from the Goddess but because he beat the toad which put the curse on Miki. The unusual plot is kinda cool for me.

 The Goddess which looks a lot like Miki. Another CHEESY 'coincidence' urgh..

Unfortunately, the ending is marred by very cheesy scene. Supposedly, Miki and Tatsuya will watch a movie about a Traveller in the world of Vision i.e Tatsuya's own adventure. Sorry, I find this very cheesy (yucks!). And I am undecided (whether to say it's good or bad) for the opening scene which describe Tatsuya as a gamer addict! In a positive light, I guess the message put across is: for the boys out there who just play games whole day, please go out, have an adventure outside and you discover better delights other than gaming.

 Tatsuya playing PSP in the opening scene

Overall
Graphic: so so
Audio: terrible
Bonus features: nothing much other than birdbrawling
Story: cheesy and simple

It does not sound very encouraging eh? But surprisingly, overall I don't hate the game. Perhaps it is because of the traditional RPG battle system and less emphasis on levelling up/doing sidequests/getting ingredients etc so as to focus more on the story. The greatest strength of the game for me, however, is the characterisation! The characters' characters and the interaction among themselves are very realistic here. Perhaps because there is no act cool guy here? I am not gonna go into details but to me it is just hilarious to see the characters quarelling (in a fun way) throughout the game. It is touching to see the adults treat the 11year old Tatsuya as their compatriots rather than as adults protecting kids etc. The best part is the parting scene, especially Yuno. She is depicted as older than Tatsuya. She decided not to cry when Tatsuya had to go back to his real world but after he left, she just broke down. It touched me haha..

In short, this is a "true" RPG. I am sick of complicated political  and too futuristic storylines.. I am sick of grinding.. I am sick of frustrating side quests and puzzles which take up more time to complete than the main plot. I am sick of sidetracking until I forget the main point of the game. In playing an RPG, what I want to enjoy the story and to have fun. Please do not force me to do certain things/complete certain feats in order to unlock things to beat the final boss or something. That's not fun!

This game basically encompasses the basic ingredients of a good RPG game: great characters, good  linear plot (even though it can be very simple like this!), a healthy dose of fantasy environment, and FUN! (I am tempted to put in good graphics too! LOL but good graphics will only be a bonus point I think :p)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Hiatus

Aaah it feels so good to be able to leave the lab for quite sometime. Haha.. Although I know I will pay the "cost" in the future, let the future be the future ba. Anyway I do not really slack and leave my FYP just like that. I need to rush for the proposal and the bigger nightmare: the powerpoint presentation. Gosh! My supervisor will be away in the crucial dates so I have no choice but to be stressed a bit right now. 

In this few days "break", I realise that FYP really leaves my modules in haywire state. In fact, the lab work makes my planning and preparation for the project itself rather disorganised. Sigh.. I think it's an chicken and egg thing. Don't know whether my lab is chui because I wanna rush things and I didn't prepare well before hand.. But it maybe because of chui lab that I have to keep doing it and I have no time to seek information.



I am more or less done with Dynasty Warriors: Strikeforce using Xiao Qiao (left). Don't know when I will have the time to write more about the game, just like what I did with my completed games before (Lol in fact, I also finished Tekken 5, Tekken 6, Brave Story, Valkyrie Profile for PSP, etc. No time to write oso haha). Bah, I am quite disappointed with the fact I have to have 3 separate files to unlock all the movies. Anyway, not much of a big deal actually. It's just that I have to restart my city building and materials collection. While the hack and slash can get very boring, this type of game is really good for stress times. I still cannot believe that I train my Yue Ying to level 12 within 1.5 days. Haha..



Due to lunch time conversation on Tuesday, I decided to give Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep a try. I don't quite like it YET! Haha.. Still am not used to the dynamics yet so I am still a bit lost. One thing I hate for sure is the D-Link system. Seriously, the reason I wanna play KH is because of the Disney characters!! I want them to appear in my battles. It's not the skills that matter but the prescence! Haha.. So far I am more into the mini game rather than the main story line o_0 I guess I will talk about it after I finish the game.

And finally I decided to google for Hey! Say! JUMP Album. The songs are mostly their old hits. To be honest, I am quite disappointed. It seems like as they grow older, their songs are going towards more rock, dance, and rap types. There is no longer something that differentiate them from other Johnny's boybands. The nicer songs, I think, are the slower ones (only about 2-3 songs if I don't miscount) in which the unique vocals are more explored. Otherwise, they are just the same as other boybands. Oh well, I understand, as boys hit the 20s, they of course wanna have a cool image more than anything else :p

Monday, October 4, 2010

Ok I shall try to control myself with what I am writing today. I AM FEELING SUPER DUPER FURIOUS!!! BLEAH!! My whole experiment is in a shit now. I was expecting that after TEM today, I could see the fucking shell and that could sum up the first part of my project. The fucking shell was not there! My eyes were popping out for looking at the screen for 5 hours.. only to imagine myself seeing things.. Finger crossed and prayers said but nothing appeared! And what could be better? To complete my agony, I was told "Noone in this research group who did your project ever got A". Wow... Someone shoot me in the head please!! Really fuck!!

I am super pissed with all this fucking project seriously. I have no idea with what I did, what I am doing, and what I am supposed to do. Call me "not independent" or whatever but I just cannot work with lack of information. And I hate the fact that I still need to "conserve materials" and use some lousier less efficient method just because they are to poor to get better items.. I see no point of wasting my life centrifuging stuff if I can just use filter! So come on, just give me the fucking filter!

And lastly, I hate being treated as if I am doing MY project. It is NOT my project! I don't even wish to do this fucking project. It's just useless purposeless and hopeless...

I am thinking of leaving the project until Dec holidays. I think I should focus on my presentation and my exam. As it is right now, I am hating everything which is related directly or indirectly to my project.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sleepless

Aaah.. it's been ages since I had the chance of sleeping for looong period of time. I finally concussed today and decided to just sleep as long as possible. I woke up awhile and decided to sleep again until 3pm haha. Lol.. That was about 12 hours of sleep in total :p

Anyway the past week was quite "happening". I had a free dinner as a courtesy from my supervisor. Haha.. It was kinda akward ba.. It ended quite late and I was glad that I was sent home by the other prof who drove. I then had to chiong for an update of my presentation for Friday. I am a bit down actually. It seemed that even my supervisor was not convinced with my results.. T_T That means other people would not be convinced too grr...

The drug quiz was not as disastrous as imagined. It would not be good but at least it was not horrendous either. On Thursday, I had the chance to finally go downtown! Lol.. There were about 2-3 hours between the end of the class and the dinner I mentioned above. So I tried to look for iPad and iPhone prices (not for myself) as well to look out for belt. My pair of jeans is getting looser :( I don't know it's me slimming down or the jeans grew in size! It gave me headache to get one since belts are damn ex. I could easily get a new pair of jeans rather than a belt to 'salvage' this dropping jeans. Oh ya and unbelivable, the MRT was not as congested as before despite the peak hours. Looks like the government indeed is doing something to solve the transport woes. And I felt very paiseh when I lost direction in City Hall MRT. It is a sign that I should go out more often!
My project showed no signs of success.. I stayed back until 9pm on Friday and I just could not get an appropriate sample for TEM observation tomorrow! Sigh.. I really felt like crying. How many more times I have to repeat and fail T_T A new week is starting and that means another cycle of stress is starting too.

I worked for 14hours yesterday o_0 Actually I did not want to work on Saturday morning. I set up my alarm early but I told myself that if I was too tired, the alarm would just keep snoozing and I would not wake up. True enough, I didn't. Not until my phone DROPPED to the floor! The bang sound was enough to completely wake me up!!!!!! Bah... Well, I survived 14 hours of working.. at the expense of my shoes! Unlucky me, my left shoe just gave way before my 3rd event. Grrr... I just bought a new pair today and it cost me what I just earned yesterday T_T Not to mention that it is not something that I really want!! I am really short of time because I need to work this Wednesday so even though the pair is expensive and a bit oversized, I have to make do with it.. I just hope it will last me long.. and since it is quite branded, I hope it is of a better quality :'(

That's all tonite. I am still tired.. And I think before I go crazy due to all the stress, my body will succumb to illness due to extreme fatigue and countless days of 5hours sleep -_-" I honestly wonder how I am still alive this long.. The PharmD talk that I attended few days ago shared that Major Depression was characterised by depressive signs for at least 2 weeks. I have been exhibiting the symptoms for dunno how many years already.. Maybe I really need drugs to help me:'(