It is 28/10/2010 now.. It marks my 8th year in Singapore. I have officially spent more than a third of my lifetime in this foreign land. The theme for the past year will be: GROWTH. While I actually cannot recall anything memorable from the past 1 year, ironically I can say that I have experienced personal growth.. Unfortunately, the growth is for worse..
I have grown to become really extreme in my stubborness, in my self-centredness, in any bad ways imaginable. Haha (this is a bitter laughter). Thanks to my CCA, I learnt to have an "I am never wrong" kind of attitude. It was hard to be faultless but well, that's a price to pay in order to not make people find fault at me and fight back when I reprimand them for their mistake. Some of my friends tell me that I have succesfully made a lot of enemies by doing so. But oh well, call it stubborn I guess? I am only nasty to those deserving people.. To the nice ones, I think I am pretty nice too.
I am also becoming more outspoken (again in a bad way). I no longer harbour any fear to "authority" or whatever. For example would be my preceptorship. I don't take a shit kind of treatment from my shitty preceptor. Again, I did not feel any wrong.. And I certainly did not deserve shit from her. I leashed out against her even up to the last day haha.. I even made complain to school. Wow.. Certainly I never imagined myself to turn to this kind of person. Good or bad? I don't know. I just defend what I feel right..
I have also learnt the art of making complains in various nasty ways. Mwahaha.. I scolded and screamed at PGP, OSA, SSC, Com Centre people during the internet breakdown saga. And this morning I just went down to have a screamfest with M1 Raffles Place manager. I wanted to lodge a complain about her but I guess I would just let my matter to rest since she refunded me anyway. I felt very bad for being nasty actually. But I just explode when I don't get the service I deserve. I pay fees for my hostel and I demand a good service. Weeks of internet breakdown was just ridiculous. Same for the M1 bitch. It was so stupid for her to argue that I need to explicitly demand student benefits when during my application, I shoved my student pass to the officer. Bleah.. Don't wanna talk about this.. Just the thought of her fat ugly face already wanna make me puke. Anywa, I think I was crazy because during all this scream fest, people around me would actually look around in shock haha..
Now back to the other side. In my part-time job, I am at the other side: the service provider, the one to get scolded. Lol.. I guess this made me become really thickskinned and to learn the art of "being irritating in a nice way". Well some people are just unreasonable.. and I guess I picked up the skills on how being a nasty customer as a return.
As part of growing up, I finally reach the stage of being rebellious to my parents as well. Teen angst? Lol! I don't want to find fault or excuses but I guess it all boils down to money problem rather than communication problem. Haha.. I don't wanna argue regarding money with my parents who have brought me up, and as such I don't communicate about that well. To be honest, the trigger was just one simple thing: my father screamed upon hearing my $1k flight ticket to Korea. That really caused me to explode in ways unimaginable. Again, I am very sick with the shit they have placed me into.. And with forbidding me to even enjoy my life a bit, that was really going to far.
Anyway the only 2 things worth highlighting in the past year. Firstly: my FUNTASTIC korean trip! Whee.. It was just too memorable T_T Secondly: my trip to visit my grandma. That was my first in I have no idea how many years.
And to close this chapter in an emo manner, I will reitirate this point again: my life sucks and my future sucks. I hate my current state of education now.. And I hate the thoughts of going to work next year. Sigh.. I just hate my life I guess.. How can someone live but don't want to study and don't want to work? :'( But life is so short? Why must suffer and not enjoy this short life??