Looking forward to Lent

I just went for Mass earlier and time really flies. Chinese New Year is coming in less than 3 weeks and Ash Wednesday is immediately on the Wednesday after CNY. I am honestly surprised that I am looking forward to Lent for a reset with my life.

My spiritual state has not improved much since last week. I still feel that I am just reciting prayers and babbling to myself instead of actually praying and having a conversation with God. I am paying more attention to my food as my weight is slowly increasing. Not to mention that the cooling weather has been my excuse to be lazy with my gym for the past 2 weeks.

I am also getting worked up over $50 as I missed quarterly rebate for my UOB One Card because I got mixed up between $500 spending requirement based on calendar month (for interest to my savings account) vs statement month (for the rebate). My statement month ends on the 27th and in Nov, my last few spendings to reach the $500 was after the 27th. Because of this, I am watching my spending more closely this month. Not to mention that DBS Multiplier is cutting down interest rates from this month and for me to maximise, putting all my money to UOB is more worth it provided I hit the $500. If I don't hit, I will end up with zero bonus interest. I end up spending more for food and potato chips. While these are not sufficient to hit the $500, they are really successful to make me fat.

I was short of $120 yesterday but somehow I managed to hit it yesterday. Lol. I collected my Singapore Mint Ox coins yesterday and there was an ongoing store promotion for Mickey-shaped CNY medallions. I wanted to pre-order them previously but I did not. I was being a scrooge back then. When there was a promotion for Singapore Mint membership in November, I rejected since I thought there would not be many things that I would buy. After all, I usually only buy the Ni-Cu coin and Treasure Cove pack for every CNY. Anything other than that is only as and when there is any interesting things. When the pre-order letter came in December, there are a lot of Disney CNY stuff T_T I calculated that I would save if I were to sign up as member previously. Because of that, I did not order any of the Disney CNY stuff in hope of a membership promotion again.

I bought the medallion for $22 yesterday which is cheaper than $25 member price. The individual 12 Zodiac medallions are also on promotion ($16 x 12 = $192). It will be cheaper than the full set ($210 even for member) but I want the full set because of the box. Haiz.. A pass for this for now since in 2020 I already bought a full set.

Initially I wanted to get Haikyuu Complete Illustration book to wrap up my monthly spending. I went to Kinokuniya for the first time in more than a year haha.. In the end I did not buy it. I realised that my membership was expiring and it would cost $55+ to renew for three years. Luckily I checked my card more carefully because yesterday happened to be the last day i.e. it was not expired yet. I ended up buying 2 postcard books for Twisted Wonderland. I will renew my membership next time when I have difficulty hitting monthly spending requirements. Hehe.. So what happened to the Haikyuu book? I will buy it as delivery next time as it is thick and heavy. There is Slam Dunk Illustration Book vol 2 which is also big and heavy. So perhaps I will wait until April for 20% sale for Good Friday weekend (I hope there would be) to renew membership and get these two books. I am pretty sure there will be sale for CNY in Feb but I will skip because I have my skin doctor appointment and hitting $500 for Feb will not be a problem.

Frankly I am hoping for another lockdown. The crowd is getting normal and any distancing is just impractical. I just find it irritating to be in a crowd and still having to don a mask. I think it is easier to hope for a lockdown so that it gets less crowded and to hope for no longer need to wear a mask. People are getting more irresponsible as well. This morning I kept hearing people coughing, clearing their throat, or snorting their nose during Mass. Gosh.. If you are not well, please stay at home! I hope they were just having rhinitis because of the aircon but given the current situation, it just feels so irritating to be around these people.

I collected my Trace Together token and so far I have not received any notification of close proximity with a suspect case. Lol I am hoping I have that so that I can excuse myself from going to office for this coming week. Sian...

So much angst.. so much negativity.. so much unhappiness. That's why I am waiting for Lent so that I have a stronger reason to give up my junk food which will indirectly help with my weight. Lent is also a season for praying which I hope can somehow revitalise my spiritual state.

Perspectives

A cup of bubble tea easily costs more than $5. I usually wait until a bag of my favourite Kettle cost $3.95 before buying. One good meal from any fast food chain is easily above $10. It is so easy to spend on these few times in a week without thinking. Entertainment-wise, watching a movie is $13 for a 2-3 hours thrill. Yet I keep feeling guilty when I spent $7 for a month for free gems or $20 for a monthly pass in a mobile game. Sigh.. When comparing to how gaming in the past was or how much a fully developed console game, monthly spending for a gacha games feel like a waste of money. It is frustrating but I have to just 'bluff' myself that I am forgoing bubble tea and use the money for gaming. One-time or 10 minutes of excitement vs a month of enjoyment. Yep it is worth it.

Fast food streaks struck me again in the past two weeks as I was trying new stuff such as Mala fries from McD, chicken skin from KFC (now there is normal and spicy variants), and Mac and Cheese Subway. The good thing is as always, after binging, there has been no further desire to repeat any. Yep, they are all just so so haha..

Currently I am feeling super fucked up with the house maid.  She always cooks damn fucking smelly stuff and the smell lingered. Not to mention she did not clean the kitchen properly and finally there was cockroach last night. That was the last straw and I told my landlady to inform the maid to clean the kitchen after she cooks. I think she swept but still did not mop the floor today. Fucking maid. Earlier this week she did not throw a rotten fruit for two days and there were a lot of fruitflies.

Yesterday was super frustrating because the smell went into my room and I even had to re-wash my laundry. I have been patient but after this, I won't give a fuck anymore. I am just waiting a moment to tell my landlady that the main has not been mopping the floor for God knows how long. Even doing laundry she is also getting lazier. I do not mind about that as I prefer to do my own laundry anyway. She does only 2-3x a week and the machine is so full so how would it be clean? I often get itch which I suspect is because of that.

All these negativities flow over to my prayers as well. I feel like giving up praying altogether as I feel like a hypocrite. I keep praying for graces to be obedient, to be grateful, to carry my cross and follow Him, etc and yet what I am feeling is the opposite. I still hate the state of my current life and I do not know what God wants me to do in life. Praying just feels like a lip-service and for me, being an unpraying prodigal son is better than being a hypocrite. Haiz.. Again, it is a matter of perspective. In the end I still continue to pray because lip-service is still better than just giving up to evil.

The first reading for Mass today is about God calling Samuel. I am still waiting for God to call me and tell me what He wants me to do as currently I am already giving up on my own life and I just want to obey instead of searching. How I wish that He will just call me as a voice from heaven like what happened to Samuel and save me the trouble of the discernment stuff as I do not know whose voice and whose sign I have or I am looking for.

Rainy days reflection

It has been raining non-stop for the first two days of 2021 and I am not complaining. It is so nice to experience cool weather without the aircon. I bluffed my aunt that I was not feeling well during Christmas so that I did not have to go to her place. I actually just wanted to play game. Hehe.. Because of that, I could not bluff for New Year again. I went out at around 1130am but the heavy rain and slow bus made me turn back. I told my aunt that because it was raining, I would not be visiting. She said it was raining at her place too so just wait until the rain stopped. I spent the time napping until 2pm+ and it was still raining.

By then I was feeling hungry and I did not have any food. I did not order delivery since I think it would be difficult finding drivers during such weather. As much as I was lazy, when the rain lightened, I decided to go since I needed food. Surprisingly, my simple last meal in 2020 (which was Burger King burger+onion ring+Hersheys pie) lasted from dinner time until 430pm. Haha... For someone living alone, I cannot be bothered about whatever phase and how many people can gather. For people with family, it actually matters. When I reached, I was the 8th guest. When there was additional people, someone else had to go. Lol.

On the way home I was considering of getting groceries in case the rain continued over the weekend. I decided to keep a clean sheet of no spending for first day of the year. After all, what is the odd that it rains continuously in this tropical city? Well it rained for the whole day again yesterday haha... I cancelled my gym and just slacked for the whole day again. I had to wait until the rain lightened in the late afternoon for me to go out and get food. This time I decided to buy some potato chips and instant noodles in case it would be raining for the whole day again today. That is against my new year resolution to start the new year right without junk food.

Of course after I am prepared, it stopped raining today -_-" A part of me was hoping that it would rain so that I had an excuse to skip Mass and skip gym. Tsk tsk... On my way home, it started to rain again although it was not as heavy as yesterday. I should be grateful since I got the best of the both worlds: I finished my Sunday routine and I enjoy the cooling weather at home now. It was also my last time to experience the gym at Orchard since I would be returning to my usual branch at Holland Village from tomorrow.

After writing so long, what exactly is the reflection? Haha.. Attending Mass today is a blessing as again I heard the story about the 3 trees. One hoped to carry the most precious treasure, one hoped to a strong ship which carry kings across the ocean, and one hoped to be the biggest tree on the mountain that everyone would admire. Their hopes were dashed after they were made into a manger, a small boat, and beams of wood. They did not realise until later on they became the manger where baby Jesus was laid, the boat on which Jesus calmed to storm, and the wood of the cross. The take home message is a reminder for me to have faith in God's plan although I do not know what is going on in my life. I do not think I am making any progress in 2020 to find out what exactly God wants me to do with my life and I am just as passively suicidal as ever.

I bought this sculpture which depicts the story above for $8. I did not see before I bought and I did not regret buying. In fact after opening and looking at this at home, I felt that I should have bought two. Unexpectedly, the story above is actually an invention of the pastor who preached the homily today. Today is his last Sunday in the parish as he is having a new appointment from next week onwards. Previously I knew him from the Holy Cross when I was still in the NUS. He was then assigned to my current parish around 3 years ago. So indeed I like his homily style and will definitely miss his homilies.

Year 2020 allowed me to cut down my annual spending by 1/3. Wow! All spending went down including daily necessities such as food, groceries and transport. I never expected I could cut down on my spending for anime related merchandises but I finally did in 2020. I think I have reached the point where I really have no more space in my room sigh. The biggest savings come from $0 travelling related expenses and gym. Hehe.. 2021 will not be as good, even if COVID continues and I still cannot travel, as I would have to renew my gym in another 7 months time. I should be happy but I am not :( Whatever I save in 2020 will be gone by this April as I have to pay my yearly endowment funds. I know I should not be thinking that way since in the previous years,  I still had to pay those funds while spending like mad. Clearly money does not bring me happiness and the chase after money is never ending. That's why I am still finding what exactly can make me happy.

I am not looking forward to be back to office tomorrow. Haiz.. I am left with half a day to enjoy my game and read Catholic News. I managed to get a copy today and it would be my first time reading it since the Church closure last year.  Wew...

2020 ending

In one word, 2020 is an extra-ordinary year. Yep, the dash is there for the pun. I started the year still having fun in Tokyo Disneyland and my usual yearly reflection was only completed in February. While I did not have any travel plan this year since my free visa to Japan was over in April, I certainly never expect the extreme opposite for not able to travel overseas at home. In midst of all the disruption due to COVID, I honestly feel quite positive about it overall. WFH is really heaven-sent and I hope it is going to continue forever and ever.

Surprisingly, 2020 was the first time that I was able to fulfil many of my new year 'resolutions'. Thanks to the combined power of COVID+WFH, I am able to rest and not travel during holidays although sadly it is not resting at home that I wished for. With more time at home, I also finished my financial tracking and with the lack of travel this year, my bank account is finally seeing green after about 5 years. Haha.. I also managed to lose so much weight thanks to the lockdown. I started at around 68kg before the WFH stuff and ended with 58-60kg at the end of it. Sadly, I started to gain again with the end of WFH. Looking at it positively, 62kg now is still better than 64kg at the start of 2020.

Who would have thought that the trip to attend friend's wedding would be the last trip for the whole year? It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience to travel while wearing N95. It was not the peak of the COVID yet and it was more of being kiasi. I think at that time, the COVID name was not invented yet. I certainly would not expect that it was my last time seeing my dad. The experience of losing my dad without the ability to see and be with him in his last days and up to his funeral has not been easy. Looking back at my old post, I was quite surprised with my post on 28 Feb when I started to have that bad omen feeling of losing him. Although I am alone, I know God is with me and has prepared me for this with being alone for so long. I was sad but I could accept and I did not breakdown unreasonably just because I could not be there and all that.

The lockdown period is an affirmation that diet control is more important than exercise. With the gym closure, I only did exercises in my room which were no where close to the intensity of gym exercises. Yet I was able to lose a lot of weight because WFH allowed me to just eat one meal a day (lunch), keep with my banana for dinner, and no snacking with most of the potato chips were running out of stock and the snack shops were not allowed to open.

Attending Mass online is another first. I am honestly surprised that my faith did not wither because of church closure. The bigger surprise, however, I appreciate attending Mass physically than attending online. Haha.. My initial anticipation was: wah let's continue with Mass online even when COVID is over as it will provide flexibility and convenience. Reality: Gosh this feels very sleepy and distracting as I am still in the environment where I usually just laze around and sleep. Haha..

The highlight of 2020 for me is Thai dramas. With FF Mobius went out of commission, watching dramas is the only alternative entertainment that I have access to. Many Thai dramas are uploaded officially in Youtube (and later on one LINE TV when it becomes accessible here) so it does not give me so much frustration as watching Japanese dramas from other websites which have a lot of pop up ads. In total, I completed 45 series for the whole year o_0 with another 3 which is currently ongoing. There are few more recently completed and currently ongoing titles that I am interested but have not watched as they are not available in Youtube so I do not know where to watch yet.

I also completed 2 photobooks this year. I have another one in progress which I am not able to continue thanks to having to return to office haiz. I am also too busy with Genshin Impact lately so that really takes a lot of my time. Hehe..

Although many will say 2020 sucks, I think it has been okay for me. Until the last 2 months when things started to go downhill. Firstly thanks to the politicking office bitches which really made me think otherwise of them and seriously thinking of starting to find another job. Having to get back to office, albeit once every 3 weeks, also destroyed my diet and my shiokness of staying at home. After the successful Landings run online, I also sort of run out of steam with my spiritual life. While I register for Mass attendance when there is a chance, I find focusing for my daily rosary getting more difficult. I certainly cannot keep up the commitment with daily rosary and Chaplet of St Michael so the latter is often sacrificed.

As I go into 2021, I do not really have a lot of expectations. I still have no purpose in life and being dead is still my number one priority. Dear God, when will you call me? Meanwhile, while I still have to live my shitty mortal life, I hope the WFH continues. I do not really care if COVID continues or what as long as WFH continues. It will be a cherry on top if office bitches can disappear too hehe or I am praying that perhaps I can find another job. Lastly, I am still hoping for my perpetual wishes of losing weight and feeling high spiritually.

Happy 2021 or perhaps Happy 20-21°C. It has been raining nonstop since yesterday and I do not mind if such cool weather stays.

Doraemon's Time-Travelling Adventures in Singapore

God works in a mysterious and miraculous way. Today is the last day of the Doraemon exhibition and as what I wrote yesterday, I sort of give up of any possibility of taking photos. After thinking about it last night, I decided to just let it go. However, somehow after gym today, I was considering if I should just go. It was not raining and it would be just nice that I would arrive at Singapore National Museum at exactly the opening hours. I set up my mind to just take photos of at least the outdoor Doraemon. A part me was hesitating as there was no point for me taking photos which I could find online anyways. I decided to go since I would be washing the clothes I was wearing so might as well sweat a bit. I was also hoping that somehow I would be lucky to meet a random friend there to help me take photos.

I reached there just few minutes before 10am. I hesitated again when I saw the queue to enter. I tried to take photos from outside the barricade but I had to zoom quite a lot and I would be risking blurry photos. By the time it hit 10am, the queue moved quite quickly so I decided to go since I was already there.

The queue just prior to 10am

I did not meet any friend but I met a stranger whom I would think of as an angel sent by God so that I could take photos with Doraemon. His phone was broken and he said he needed to take photos of the Doraemon for his project. He asked if he could use my phone and then I sent him the pictures. Since my main aim was also the Doraemon, I did not mind. As a return of the favour, I was just being thick skinned and asked him to help take photos with Doraemon and that was how I fulfilled my wish.

I did not retake the Doraemon-only photos that he took. I would be able to take better photos but I was already too happy with the chance of getting my photos with the Doraemon. I had some irritation since I wore ugly clothes and I did not bring my camera. Not to mention the glare from the sun and I did not QC my photos since my face was not thick enough for that. Haha.. Yeah I know I should not be complaining since I already got more than what I was hoping for today. Anyway since there is no way to take photos without the mask, I would not be happy. I hope this will return again someday.

Moving on to the exhibition itself, there are 13 Doraemon statues (inclusive of the Dokodemo door) outdoor. The one with Dokodemo door is considered 'outside' the exhibition as anyone can take photos of it without officially considered as visitor to the museum. To access the other 12 outdoor Doraemon area, we need to be considered as a visitor to the museum first. There is a notice to limit to 15 minutes in the outdoor area which is more than sufficient. Today I had 2 rounds (once just the Doraemon and once with me) and it only took me about 10 minutes. If I were to be picky and QC to retake some photos, it would still be within 15 minutes. Anyway I do not think it is not really enforced if the area is not too congested. They do watch and warn people who are touching the statues which is forbidden for infection control reasons.

Inside the museum, there is another queue near the cafe to enter the area to take photos with the yellow Doraemon and the time machine. I did not go there today since I already took photos here during my first trip. The queue was long at that time since the photo area is quite small. They only allowed around 8 people to enter each time. I did not keep track of the time but after certain period, they would ask the group to finish and allow the next group.

The merchandises in the shop are not impressive and I do not think there is anything really special or unique for this particular exhibition. To me it is like putting random Doraemon merchandises.

There is one final bit of Doraemon in the end of the Singapore History Gallery. This gallery depicts Singapore through the years since it was known as Singapura in 1299 up to present days. There is Doraemon bit at the end which is meant to be the section of the future.

I am not a fan of Doraemon so I only consider the exhibition so so. I do not mind going since it is free. I do not think it is worth going if there is a fee. The outdoor area is not exactly a good idea. It rains more often than not in these last 2 months so I think there is more time that the section is closed. That is ironic since this section is the main attraction after all. It is also exposed to elements. When I went there in early November, the grass patch was still grassy. Today the grass was mostly gone and the soil was rather soggy. I think it would quite muddy if it just rained. Overall, it is still okay as a cheap thrill and entertainment in the midst of getting stuck here because of COVID.

Blue Christmas

The perfect Christmas for me is to just enjoy a quiet and relaxing time at home. 2020 obviously is an extraordinary year and against my will, I cannot travel and have to be stuck here for Christmas. This is my most emo Christmas so far simply because there is nothing that I can do. During FYP, I could accept that my grade and future were at stake. In addition, I experienced my first midnight Christmas Mass and walking home from Holy Cross back to PGP because there was no bus running after that. Sadly I did not manage to secure any slot for Christmas Mass this year and I could only followed it online. Two years ago I did not go home because I just switched job. This year I could not even concentrate for work at Christmas' Eve half day. Sigh.. How to survive next week.

I had my appraisal and I was happy that I did not have to resort to any toxicity. Honestly though, if there is a chance of jumping ship, I would consider because I am sian after knowing how toxic these current bitches are. Of course ideally the best will be for them to jump for whatever reason since I am actually enjoying the flexibility here.

Somehow I have been having dreams that made me thinking of and being sad about my dad's passing. The dreams were not about my dad per se but they were the things that reminded me of memories with him or my unfulfilled wishes such as to go to Japan with him. Not everything is in the good side though. With my current state of loneliness and being stuck here also awakened my unhappiness about living alone and being homeless here. Haiz.. all the prayers saying that I accept my cross etc feels like me bullshitting myself. I know this is an inner devil that I will always have to fight for the rest of my life. Not to mention that one of the prayers during Prayer of the Faithful on the last weekend was specifically about those celebrating Christmas this year who have lost someone this year :(

I have been spending too much time with Genshin Impact lately. If not because of the limitation of iPad battery, I think I would be playing non-stop. Once a gamer is always a gamer. Huhuhu... My sleep is also disrupted as I have been taking a nap in the late evening and waking up past midnight. Then I will play until 4am before going back to sleep. I even cancelled my gym and pretended to not feeling well so that I can siam my aunt's invitation to go to her house for dinner tonight.

Aaargh I don't give a damn about people anymore as noone also gives a damn for me. Noone is helping to take photos with Doraemon which is going to be over tomorrow and I am getting very sick with the people in my house who keep cooking and making my room smell. Fuck la.

Toxic week

I did not work this past week as it was a year end appraisal week. It was my turn to be in the office and at the start of the week, I was tempted to request to work from home instead since it would mostly be online communication. In the end I did not request that as I really needed the double screen. It was quite stressful this time as the timeline was very tight. Everything had to be completed within this week while I only had time to prepare from last Thursday. Due to some IT issue, I could only start on Friday afternoon so it was a mad rush. Thank God everything was completed.

I am not looking forward to prepare for my own appraisal. Sigh.. I realised that I spent so much time dealing with people but that is not a big chunk of my own KPIs. So overall, I think I would not do that well on paper, especially with the recent toxicities from the bitches. Haiz.. My boss told the big boss about the recent saga as my big boss was hinting about it and seemed to try to get me to talk about it again. It is difficult to remain on the moral high ground. I hate hypocrites and people who do dirty politics so I have to prove that I am not one of them. I just have to remain objective and mention about the situations, instead of the people since really I actually have no issue with the bitches. How to even have issues when I work so little with them this year. Now my "issue" will be the broken trust. These bitches simply destroyed whatever working relationship there is.

Coincidentally, my friend who is a lecturer in a polytechnic told me a few days ago of a vacancy in case I would be interested to apply. I am actually quite settled in with my current work but because of this recent bitchiness, I would be considering another job if there is. I was ready to update my CV this weekend but my friend just informed me the latest update that the vacancy is not confirmed yet. Oh well, after all the vacancy was not officially advertised yet. When my friend told me about it, it was more of registering of interest or something.

The toxicity somehow also spilled over to other aspect of my life for this week. My gym is closed until new year for renovation so I temporarily have to go to Orchard branch. It is a new branch and I am interested to try. It is good that when it opened, I did not transfer my membership there. Going there is quite stressful because of the traffic to Orchard area. I was always worrying whether I would be late. The gym itself is much bigger and brighter but I prefer the more compact, cosy, and dimmer Holland Village. Haha.. It is nice to see some familiar faces as some coaches have been permanently assigned to the new branch after its opening.

I donated blood on Tuesday and had my haircut. I was very suay with my haircut because the other customer who was in the shop with me was a crazy guy. He quarreled, argued, shouted, and screamed at the auntie cutting her hair. The conversation was in Mandarin so I did not really understand. What a reminder my crazy front line days dealing with such crazy customers. Anyway the auntie was equally stupid. I think she had no customer service training as well since she retaliated and the best part was she took photo without permission. Of course that triggered the crazy guy even more. Wew...

On Thursday, I also received an emo update that the clinic where I am currently volunteering will no longer operate on Saturday from next month. Sigh.. If I am interested to continue, I will have to go to Mandai which will open on Saturday. Bleah.. I have never been there and it seems to be more troublesome to go there as compared to Geylang :( Nevertheless, I have decided that I will give it a try instead of following my lazyness. After all, I have always wanted to participate in some volunteering activity. Finding one which can be done on Saturdays and make use of my license is already a rare opportunity.

My spiritual life also took a deep dive this week. Work is really a huge destroyer. I felt so bad despite completing the last 3 days of the Novena this Monday-Wednesday. I felt that I was just watching the Mass out of obligation as I wanted to participate. Sigh.. I ended up feeling very irritated with the priest for the very boring Mass and so on. I also skipped my evening prayer for the whole week as I was too tired although that partly because of gaming.

The shittiest part of the week was when I was filled with so much anger and prejudice towards the maid in my current rental place. On Thursday, I realised that I ran out of my working pants and I thought she stole it :( Oh my gosh! I was filled with all the dark thoughts that she stole it and perhaps gave it to someone and so on. In the end, I found them. I could not find them initially because after ironing, the pants were put in the same hanger with the working shirt. That was really a wake up call for me to not to lose my cool at work with others especially with all the bitchiness going around.

The only good vibe for me this week was that I sold Spiderman golf balls that I bought from USJ in 2015. Initially I also got agitated with the buyer for asking so many questions despite me sending the photos. I did not accept any nego and the buyer agreed with the $35. Yay. The best part is she arranged for a courier to pick it up from my office. I think she needs it urgently for gift purpose. I never set up any Paynow but I set it up this week to facilitate this transaction. Haha..

Next week is Christmas and I hope that next week will be better. I have to be thankful that I get Christmas and New Year weeks as my working from home week. There is a high chance I will be emo again because of my appraisal this coming Wednesday but I have been preparing myself not to lose my call. All of us have our own strengths and weaknesses, let's say 80:20. I will accept the '20' but I will not my '80' be affected by the toxic bitches. I have prepared my punchline: Appraisal is about me and I am not going to compare myself with others. Highlighting others' weaknesses change nothing about my own strengths and weaknesses so I am not going to be like others who think by highlighting my '20' can help with their own 80/20. Oh perhaps, they are 70/30 or 60/40 and hence jealous of me :p The last sentence, of course, is just in my mind. Haha.. I am not going to let myself be as bitchy as these bitches too.

No Zhongli

I am still spending too much time on Genshin Impact that even the excitement of revenge was not enough to make me write a post about it last week. Lol. After my rant in last post, I did my statistics for enquiries and thank goodness: data proved the bitch wrong. I am not going to talk too much and let the evidence speak for itself.

Ironically, I still had a bad week overall because I did not get Zhongli in Genshin Impact huhuhu... As expected, my good luck would not continue after pulling Childe quite quickly previously. On the bright side, I got all the 4 star characters from this current banner. I really needed fire and ice power so I finally can progress with the game. Although the reviews for Zhongli have been terrible, I don't care because I focus on enjoyment by playing with cool characters haha... Yeah I can say that now although during playing, I will be cursing when playing with my underleveled characters.

My diet was more successful last week as I kept a clean sheet from any potato chips despite few temptations of really grabbing a bag on a few days. I made an exception on Saturday as I wanted to spend my Garrett voucher. I was happy that I could try the seasonal flavour: Dark Choc Cocoa. No way I would buy it without a voucher at $10.50 for the small one. Haha.. I am a savoury person and $10 worth of potato chips would give me more joy. I enjoyed it much better than expected as it is not as sweet as the normal caramel version. As my voucher was $10, I was paiseh if I just bought one Dark Choc Cocoa and only paid 50 cents. I added a small bag of the Cheese Corn (which is only $5.50) and that was a mistake as I could get a bigger bag of potato chips with that price.

I went to Church again for Mass yesterday and I had 4-day streak of gym. I could go again today but I decided to give my body a break. Year-end appraisal is coming so it is going to be a relatively toxic week ahead. Not that it is making a big difference as currently I am also still sore with the bitch. I know I am supposed to be forgiving bla bla bla but that is easier said than done.

Justice always prevails

God works in miraculous way. I felt very irritated with myself for withholding myself and over the weekend, I was scheming on how to craft my feedback on the bitch during the year-end appraisal. I say 'scheming' because revenge will easily cloud my mind and if I follow my emotion, I may end up spewing things which may backfire.

The stress over the weekend was worth it because today I had the chance to say those things. My boss was concerned if I had a conflict with the bitch. So basically the bitch just self-destructed since I had nothing on my side. Initially I had reservations of keeping them until year-end appraisal as I do not want to be seen as trying to engage in politics. Well today was not appraisal so I was able to say everything without heaviness in my heart since it was feedback session hehe. I thank God for protecting me from going bonkers and only said the objective things and avoid the subjective stuff. I know I always do the right things so by staying with the objective stuff, people will not be able to tear me down.

Another complaint that I received was that I seemed to avoid enquiries. I have been tasked to get statistics for enquiries so this will be a good time to update this statistics and see if objectively I really did few enquiries. I will do that tomorrow and I hope the data will show otherwise. That would be a perfect weapon for me retaliate at the bitch so that she learns to think before spewing rubbish and stop making a fool out of herself as usual.

My diet plan for this Advent already failed from yesterday. I did not manage to secure a gym slot yesterday. With no banana at home, I had to order delivery for dinner. Another reason was that I got $8 voucher from Deliveroo so I wanted to use it ASAP. Today I wanted to be good but all the bananas were green so they were inedible tonight if I bought them. I ended up having snack as my dinner. Huhuhu T_T Why are temptations keep coming when I try to be good boy for this Advent?

Advent is coming

I have been wasting my time and my life for Genshin Impact. Previously I complained because the game kept crashing on my iPad. After the game update a few weeks ago, it becomes more stable and I am able to play. I know it is a waste of time if I am spending too much on a game but it is difficult not to get hooked initially when the game still feels fresh and exciting.

I finally went to attend Mass at church last weekend. Since I am already going out for work and for gym, there is no reason of being worried of COVID anymore. Anyway my main reason for finally going is that the church is gradually allowing more people to attend which means we are back in the main church and not at the chapel anymore. It is still 1 weekend mass per month so I chose last Sunday to coincide with the Feast of Christ the King which marks the closure of a liturgical year.

I woke up at 530am and reached the church at around 650am. It was still kinda rushed with the social distancing at the entry. I felt kinda irritated with people who did not know how to queue properly. Seriously what was the rush with seats guaranteed and assigned anyway. I think all the available slots were taken which was a good thing. I have signed up for December and the good thing about me liking 7am slot is that it is the least popular slot. 9am and 11am are mostly full while the 5pm only has few seats left. 7am still has 50 over slots hehe... Unfortunately, all the slots for penitential service are already fully booked when I checked last night.

The Devil does not like me to good works and I have been feeling very shitty this past week. I was asked to write a 400-word article for Landings and last weekend was ruined because of that. I woke up at 630am on Saturday with the intention of completing the writing. I had writer's block and after 12 hours, I was only halfway through. Sigh.. Ironically, it is always easy to just type long rubbish blog post like this. Haha.. I continued on Sunday and 'die die' I wanted to finish it as I did not want to prolong my misery.

I am supposed to attach a picture that depicts my faith and the problem is I don't take photos at places of worship. Even all my travelling photos are usually taken outside a church building and not inside. To capture the majesty of the building, usually I am small in the photo which is not suitable for this current purpose. I decided with a photo with a statue of Jesus outside Rue du Bac. That is the most acceptable although I still think it is quite lousy. The one with both me and Jesus' face facing the camera is shadowy as we were there at late afternoon. So no choice but to choose the one to 'avoid' the shadow and Jesus' face is not facing the camera :( All this shit always happened just like previously when preparing for faith story.

At work, I am feeling more and more irritated with few bitches. I have decided that I will say something for the upcoming year end appraisal. Hehe.. Previously I did not say anything in mid year but things do not improve. The evil part of me is actually saying: Hey bitch, you want to play gutter politics, I am going to show you how to really play dirty. No point saying during mid year since it will not change anything but when I fire my salvo for year end, there is higher chance that this will affect your bonus.

Yesterday this crazy bitch went bonkers after I asked one innocent question in the group chat. She kept on and on and then my boss sort of  'defended' me even though I did not say anything further and I also did not message my boss privately. Hehe... Seriously I don't know what happen with this bitch as last year she was not like this. I suspect she may be jealous of me because of my promotion this year as that is the only thing that changed as compared to last year. Anyway it is going to be easy to 'tear her down' as when usually she goes bonkers, she makes herself looks stupid and unprofessional on her own. When something is already 'bad', it is quite easy to make it 'terrible'.

By the way, this is a different bitch from the one I wrote previously. I also received good update for this bitch yesterday. Higher management has decided that the issue is indeed for the bitch's team to handle, not mine. See la, want to taichi, taichi to wrong person, now still end up as yours. Aaah.. revenge is sweeter when it is done by karma and I am not even involved in anything that befalls on these two bitches.

I failed my diet plan for November completely. Tomorrow is the start of Advent and this time for real, I am going to stick through with no junk food, no potato chips, no fast food, no bubble tea, and less food delivery. To ensure this plan does not fall through, I forced myself to finish whatever I have at home this week until I am having sore throat. Phew... Anyway the only thing I am not able to stop is the bottled sweet drinks after lunch. Everytime I skip, I always feel very weak and hungry at around 5pm and it will make me skip gym or ordering delivery for dinner. So it is more reasonable to spend the calories for a bottle of drink than ending up overeating and not exercising.

Now I am also starting to pray the Chaplet of St Michael (which is also called as the Rosary of the Angels). I try to do it daily but I have failed in the past 2 days because I was too tired of gaming. Jeez. Personally, my priority is still my daily rosary so it is going to be sometime before I can pray both diligently everyday. I feel the prayer in Chaplet of St Michael is petitionary which complements my daily Rosary which is more like a contemplation. Honestly I am more and more distracted with my own personal prayer.  Gone is my Consciousness Examen that I promised early last year.

Just to keep in memory the awkwardness from the very first experience of praying the Chaplet: I thought the Chaplet beads are the same as the Rosary beads meaning there is no 'correct' side to start the circle. I was wrong haha.. The Rosary is symmetrical with 10 small beads and 1 large bead from whichever side. There is no 'first' large bead as the first Our Father is using the center bead. The Chaplet of St Michael that I have, however, starts with 1 large bead (after the center bead) + 3 small beads. Thus the other side ends with 3 small beads. Thus the chaplet is no symmetrical. I started from the wrong side during my first try and I was finding the order kinda awkward. Lol.