Halloween

I am not into Halloween since my life is already a Halloween everyday. My heart is so empty, I hate my life so yeah basically I am a living dead everyday. Anyway the reason for my post today is because of my gym which went all out with their decorations this year. They even got the coaches to dress up and lead the sessions with their costumes. I am glad that I went yesterday when I was able to see more coaches dressing up. One dressed up as Levi Ackerman, one dressed up in maid costume, one dressed up as the Squid Game creepy girl doll statue just to name a few.

I am grateful that a couple pulled out last minute from their Mass registration and I was able to go for Mass yesterday. Thank God I somehow was bothered to check for my luck on Friday night and that was when I saw available slots. I felt kinda guilty for taking up a space for the Mass reserved for the unvaccinated but since until before the Mass there was still one last available slot. That meant I did not deny anyone of that slot.

Tomorrow is November and it is time for me to get disciplined with my diet again. I gained almost 5kg in October simply from getting laxed with my meals since I needed to hit my credit card spending. Of course I still blame the fucking vaccine as the initial cause of lethargy and hunger at the start of the month. Add on the excuse of annual 28 October emo. From November, I am back to monthly payment for my gym so there should not be a problem for hitting credit card requirement just from my normal spendings. Haiz.. It is going to be tough to avoid all the bubble teas, sweet drinks and junk food again. What is the point of living!

Nearly 2 decades

It is that time of the year again when no matter how lazy I am, I will drag myself to post something to drown in my own sorrows. It has been 19 years and now my prayer is: how long must I endure this kind of life any longer? Haiz.. Nonetheless, I feel slightly different this year as I am looking at the possibility of hiding back in Jakarta until all the COVID discrimination ends here. I will refuse getting a third Sinopharm dose even if it means I will be demoted back to my unvaccinated status. It is ridiculous forcing people to take the third dose three months after the second dose when currently the only information I know about third dose is at six months after the second dose. Even so, that is for the 60 years and above. Let's see if in the next two months there will be change in rules or there will be data to convince me about the safety of the third dose.

That enraged me over the weekend but I felt better after telling my boss on Monday on my intention.  At least she can plan if she will let me WFH if only those with vaccinated status can be in office from next January or if she will let me work from Jakarta. In worst case scenario, I can also resign since health and life are more precious than job. Currently the only thing stopping me from flying back is I have not renewed my passport and it has less than 6 months expiry. I was planning to renew it in January next year or so but now I am thinking of trying to do it in November of December. With 5k+ cases yesterday, perhaps soon other countries will ban me from flying so I better do it faster.

I have returned to gym and am slowly regaining the stamina back. I managed to go for two consecutive days (Tuesday and Wednesday) but I still have a long way to go with the muscle strength. After pull up yesterday, my back and shoulder are sore and I expect that I can only exercise again on Saturday. Even for push up yesterday, I felt unusual at my elbows, forearms and wrists which means my body is trying to get used on using the correct muscles.

Ironically as I am exercising again, my weight is going up again. I am 63kg now while I was still 61kg before returning to gym 2 weeks ago. Bleah.. I don't know if my weighing machine is spoilt or I have been loosening my diet lately so that I can hit $500 credit card spending this week. I am quite upset because I already cut down on junk food. My favourite Kettle potato chips has increased in price to $5.60 now. Previously they were $4.95 and I only bought during offer when the price per bag would be below $4. With the current price, I do not think it will go under $4 even with sale. That means I have one fewer poison to worry about. Now I have to be careful not to be tempted with those under $2 potato chips.

Despite the weight worries, today is an exception. To commemorate the sad day of the first time I started a new life in this foreign land, I splurged a bit on food today:

Although these seems excessive for dinner, the consolation is that usually I eat these as tea break on the days when I cannot stave of the temptation. I want to say that I will go back to normal from tomorrow but I think realistically, I will be excusing myself until Sunday. At least that is until the 'end of the month'.

Man cave cleaning

Nothing is eternal except for the love of God. It took me 8 days to finish dusting of my man cave. It is long overdue since the last time I did that was around CNY. As previously, it feels like a chore before doing it but it feels therapeutic when doing it. It allowed me to 'play' with my toys more closely. That also means I get to see any imperfections clearly. Whether the material is PVC, ABS, or resin, nothing can withstand the test of time no matter how good I take care of them. This time I did not feel too upset and I have sort of accepted the impermanence of everything. Inevitably, it gets me thinking of the fate of my toys at home in Jakarta. Although my cabinet is covered, it has been more than 2 years since the last time I cleaned them. At the end of the day, I just have to view that whatever amount of money spent on them, they have at least already given happiness in the past 5-10 years.

Yesterday I finally watched Novena Church's production titled Timeless Mother. Initially I felt sian when seeing it running for almost an hour. I became even more sian because it is in Mandarin so I had to read the subtitle. Thus it was God's blessings that I was able to watch everything. I am reminded that miracles do exist. I have sort of given up God when it comes to health matters since my prayers are never answered. Just within the recent 1.5 years, I already lost my dad, an uncle and an auntie. Being trained in medical field also makes me more pragmatic when it comes to health matters although on the other side, it is easier for me to know when only God's miracle will help. Ah and thank God that after watching this, I got the inspiration and am now done with the questions for the next Landings bulletin. At least I can put this matter out of my mind until December.

I am finally feeling back to normal after my second vaccination dose. I gained 3kg in just one week and now I have to train my body to get used to previous diet. Haiz it is a constant battle again against the temptation of sugar-loaded bubble tea, junk food and overeating in general. I hope today is a good start since I managed not to buy any junk food. Yesterday I still bought Salted Egg Lays from mamashop downstairs. This is made in Thailand and I never saw this flavour in supermarkets before. I was expecting it to be more expensive than Lays' supermarket price ($4.75) so I was pleasantly surprised that it was only $4.50. I hardly tasted salted egg so it was a waste of calories. Though on the brighter side, at least I won't be curious and won't buy it anymore.

This is why I am quite pissed with the recent discriminatory measures against the unvaccinated not allowed to go shopping malls anymore. People can survive without dining in but unable to buy groceries in shopping malls is just too much. I am not pro or anti vaccine but I am pro-science. What is the point of yakking about vaccination when the vaccine itself has proven to be of questionable effectiveness? It is just a matter of time before no booster = unvaccinated so even though I escape the discrimination for now, it will affect me too in the near future. On the bright side, at least now I can travel to more countries if I want. Too bad my passport is within 6 months of expiry which is as good as already expired.

Da...zzz...ed

It is day 3 after my second Sinopharm dose and I am still feeling sleepy. I have been mostly sleeping over the weekend and the drowsiness does not go away. So it is clearly due to the vaccine. I won't be complaining because this side effect is definitely much better than having fever or any other flu like symptoms. Hehe... The injection was by the same nurse as my first dose but this time I experienced no arm pain.

As a reward for myself for keeping my food expenses comfortably below $200 last month, I treated myself at Don Don Donki after my vaccination on Friday. I managed to avoid overeating and only bought sushi and takoyaki. If I followed my gluttony, I would have bought the fried squid and some fried fish cake too and then I would just be emoing the whole night from stomachache. Oh I also bought Koi and I was surprised that a large cup + topping cost me above $6 now. My bubble tea limit is $5 so I guess no more Koi for me from now on. Since letting myself go with this treat, I am constantly tempted with all dietary indiscretions again. Sigh.. It does not help that I have been stuck at 60kg and cannot seem to go lower.

Deliveroo sent me a $8 voucher since I have stopped using them. I utilised it for my lunch on Saturday. It was difficult to order food delivery again as anything more expensive than $8 (after the voucher) already looked unappetising to me. Yesterday I bought 3 packs of made in Vietnam Lays because Fairprice had it on sale. The price tag was $1.25 per bag but when I checked out, it was actually $0.95. Darn.. I should have bought more. And surprise surprise, I finished all 3 packs yesterday. Today I was constantly tempted with ordering bubble tea, getting ice cream or potato chips from mini mart, going to bakery for dinner and fiuh.. I managed to restrain myself.

I am currently feeling rather irritated with some Church people pertaining to the bulletin. Jeez... Perhaps I am just a bad team player but I really hate working with people who want their ways and then try manipulating others to agree and do their ways. Then you might as well do it yourself because I am not going to be manipulated. In addition this is supposedly a Church work but why do they seem to have their personal agenda and suggest things for their convenience instead of sticking to the purpose of the bulletin in the first place and trying to make things easier for others. I already feel like abandoning the ship but this is a reminder of the meaning of the Transfiguration which I heard from a homily previously. I cannot be just wanting to be close to God but abandon my life and responsibilities. I cannot serve God if I do not work with others so I just have to remind myself that I do this for God and not for myself. Conflict is inevitable since we are all humans after all.

At the end of the day, I think I am just being more sensitive recently because of the constant feeling of drowsiness. I should not feel as down as currently once this drowsiness side effect fades away.