Conan-kun

To promote the latest Conan movie, Conan mascot is making appearances at Plaza Singapura for the past few weeks. I saw the news on facebook (with the picture above) and I gave it a miss because I thought he looked rather weird. However last week, my Japanese class classmate took a picture of the real thing and Conan really looks realistic. Lucky for me that today is the last day and yesterday someone shared the schedule of appearance for today. I managed to get 2 pictures at the Starhub entrance but he did not turn up at the HSBC entrance :( I did not want to take a picture when he was in the shopping mall as there would be a lot of strangers at the background and I like my photos to be free of strangers. Sadly, the weather was rather cloudy so the lighting was not very good too. Anyway I am still happy that I get to take a picture with Conan. Hehe..

Shame on me but because I was looking for Conan, I sacrificed church attendance for the 3rd consecutive Sundays. When I deliberately skip masses, it means I am in a FML mood. I still can't get over my appraisal :( When I was young, I promised that I would not play politics and I would always be true to myself. It is very sad when I have to accept that such idealism is not practical and I really have to stfu and just play the politics. There is no point to be honest and hardworking when it is not appreciated and it makes me hated by others. So I will just join the throng to just slack since that is what the bosses expect. By the way, I feel less irritated since the performance bonus for 'very good' is 1.2x. That is not as bad as I expected since 'exceed expectation' was only 1.3x last year. 10% of a month pay is still a huge amount though.

Talking about money, the highly anticipated pay adjustment turned out to be a bogus. I was hoping that it was as big as the previous adjustment as it was about 15% of my pay back then. This time, it was only like 3%. Seriously... Gone is my dream of hitting 5k before I reach 30 and that means I really should START UPDATING MY CV and start finding a new job or finding a masters course to do.

Haiz.. dear God.. please forgive me and please let me recover and get back on my feet soon :(

Detective Conan: The Darkest Nightmare

I consider myself a fan of Conan but not exactly a big fan. I read the manga, I buy the artbooks, and that's it. I don't follow the anime (too many episodes and I think it will be identical to the manga so it will not be exciting) and the movies. This 20th movie caught my interest because it was advertised before the screening of Young and Fabulous that I watched twice. Since it involves the Black Organisation and the FBI, I think it will be exciting although the trailer is not really exciting to make 100% eager to watch. In the end, I decided to watch it because I was feeling bored.

I am glad that I watched this because the actual movie is much more exciting than the trailer. It goes high-octane right from the beginning with the car chase at the highway. I find the kids cute when reading the manga but I find them very irritating in the movie. I guess that is another reason for me to avoid the anime. Lol. They bring the movie to a more boring tone during their adventure at the Tohto Aquarium. Beyond this point, we sort of know what is the story is all about and from then on, things are just getting more exciting and intense all the way until the climax. Honestly seeing the ferris wheel getting dislodged and rolling towards the aquarium (with the possibility of all our main characters dead) is more intense than watching Civil War or X-men Apocalypse.

One thing that irks me about the movie is how Curacao is introduced and killed at the same movie. Basically, the movie is like non-canon with the whole Conan's manga universe. I mean she is quite an interesting character so I think it is kinda wasted that she has to be killed off. However, apparently Conan movies that involve Black Organisation are always like that: a new member is introduced but then killed at the end of the movie. It will definitely be something I keep in mind before watching future Conan movies.

But overall, I feel that the $15 and the evening was well spent. Haha.. I am used to crying from touching moments in Japanese movies but I hardly find one that invokes the same intense feeling that this movie gave me. For that, I take my hat off to.

My Way

I have been pretty quiet with my posts for June and it is considered unusual because usually I tend to post (and vent) when things are going down the hill in my life. My life has been terrible for the past one month and it was SO TERRIBLE that I cannot even organise my thoughts to vent about it. There is a small part of 'self control' too as I worry that I may write something so bad that I may end up regretting in the future.

The reason why I am writing today is because I just had my appraisal yesterday. Obviously it was upsetting and the reason why I force myself to write about it today is to record down my feelings and thoughts for future references.

I know expecting too much will result in too much disappointment and that exactly what happened. I was hoping with me doing SEA Games and Paragames last year, this maybe my only chance getting an 'outstanding' grade. I did not and I wondered what exactly is the ruler to judge the performance if I cannot even get an 'outstanding' from doing events at this multi-national levels. Sigh.. I really think everything is rigged. When the time (for promotion) comes, they will just give a better grade to justify the promotion. At any other time, it will always be good regardless of what is being done. So yeah, those better grades are perhaps 'reserved' for the promotions only.

I acknowledge my weaknesses and I am not upset that those are being pointed out. What I am upset about is how achieving KPIs is being taken for granted. I am also upset about all the assumptions. While I am emotional and tend to be negative (and hence people may see me as being negative), I am actually okay with my colleagues. I always inform them in advance that I tend to behave that way in high stress situations but in general I am okay. At least I am making conscious effort to be friends with them as compared to others who totally cannot be bothered.

Well, points taken. It is tiring to be strict. So if you want me to be more flexible, to be more tolerant to mistakes, to be 'friendlier', and not too hard up on KPIs and SOPs, I will give you what you want. Next time when problem arises, don't look for me to find reason or to solve since that is what you want. I will take a step back (more like many steps back) since there is no point sacrificing that much for work. Don't find me when KPIs are deteriorating, when things are falling apart, when emails go unreplied, and when I seem cannot be bothered.

It has been made clear that if I don't want to change (to soften my PR skills), I will stagnant. Well, in return, I have made it clear that I am not going to be a pawn to fill in leadership positions as well. Go find and groom someone else that fits better to your mould but you will not also not get my task-orientedness. After all, it does not matter whether I do or I don't do, it will always be good.

At the end of the day, while I am feeling angry, upset, and disappointed, I have no regrets with what I have done or I have not done as I am staying true to myself. So yeah, I will play by your rules but I will play the game 'my way'.