Hernia :(

It all began with increasing frequency of gastric discomfort. Initially I thought they were just normal bouts of gastric discomfort. I began to notice something usual: they occurred more and more often (as often as once a month), they were not associated with missed meals or late meals, and normal gastric medications did not have any effects. There was also stretching discomfort at the inguinal region (that's medical term for the region between the thigh and the abdomen) which made me suspicious about hernia.

However, when you google hernia, its presentation is commonly as a bulge. I did not notice anything bulging. When I compared my left and right side, the right side feels "harder" as if  there was something underlying it but I did not suspect anything. I thought it was quite normal to have your left and right body unsymmetrical. I went to see doctor and he could not feel the hernia pouch on my inguinal region but I still got my referral to hospital. In fact, I was actually more bothered about the gastric pain which lately seemed to coincide with the discomfort at the inguinal region.

When I went home to attend my cousin's wedding last week, I decided to ask my uncle who is a doctor. He told me that inguinal hernia could extend to the scrotum. After hearing that, I started touching myself to realise that I had 3 lumps there!! Shit.. I was very sure that previously I only had 2 balls down there. After 1 of the random nights, I woke up with only 2 balls down there so I am quite sure that really I have inguinal hernia which goes to the scrotum. No wonder there is no visible bulge anywhere :( I always thought inguinal hernia and scrotal hernia as different issue altogether. Since my discomfort is always at the inguinal, I am not bothered to check for any random lumps at the crotch.

I went to TTSH yesterday and the doctor said I got no hernia as she could not feel anything at the inguinal region. I told her about the scrotum lump and I had to expose myself T_T Just with 1 cough, it was confirmed that I have a hernia down there. I am fully prepared with the fact that hernia repair will only be done by surgery. However I am not prepared to here the risks, although the likelihood is very small. The first one I am most worried is if somehow the spermatic cord is damaged. It basically means I will just become a half man. Haiz :( The second risk is the nerve damage that will affect my thigh. I know the risks are small bla bla bla but you can never know anything before it is cut open and see how anatomy is like down there.

I can't wait until 15 January which is the earliest date TTSH can give me. I will try Glenagles this Thursday. I believe in private, as long as I am willing to pay, I can get it done more quickly. Thank goodness I decided to purchase a health insurance earlier this year. The problem is finding a good surgeon. I ask around so many doctors and all of them have no contact with hernia surgeons. I decided to book an appointment with the doctor who operated on my dad 20 years ago (as well as my grand uncle and grand aunt). I believe that he is good. My concern will be his age. Sigh.. I mean if I have to sacrifice my reproductive capability and my thigh nerve because of my anatomy, I can accept it. But I am worried if unsteady hands will damage the wrong thing. Huhuhu T_T

I don't know how this will turn out but my advice for all of you, especially the guys, out there:

1) Get a health insurance. You never know when disaster or illness strikes and you need it. The hospital bills in Singapore is crazy and with an insurance, at least you don't get to worry about finance. Yes, a peace of mind is costly.

2) Get a rider that allows you to go to private hospitals. The wait at restructured hospitals are crazy. I seriously cannot wait another month with the occasional gastric discomfort (which is happening more frequently) and an additional lump bigger than testicles in the scrotum.

3) This may sound inappropriate but touch and play with your balls everyday. Don't be like me who cannot even be sure whether I have an abnormal lump in my scrotum! Honestly, even the severe gastric pain still cannot compare with the worry thinking if you have any abnormality in your manhood! In fact, this is what making me more worried lately.

Spongebob Charity Walk

I am half dead after waking up at 5 am today. Haha.. I am not a sporty person and I am not a fan of Spongebob so it was quite a feat that I said "Yes!" when my friends asked me to go for Spongebob Charity Walk. It was a 3.5km walk so I took it as a warm up before my 10km Standard Chartered Marathon Run in 2 weeks time.

It was the first mass event I joined so frankly, I did not know what to expect. The joining fee was $25 and the race pack had 1 t-shirt, 2 cup noodles, 1 box of cereal, various vouchers that I have no use of, and Kiehl's samples and ticket for free 15 minutes consultation. It is worth >$25 if you find any use of the vouchers. The t-shirt was rather disappointing: plain white with the picture above (minus the Spongy Charity Walk). Yes, the white letters took up so much space, more than Spongebob and Patrick themselves. Cup noodles also did not impress me. You want to have an event to promote health and well being but the goodie bag has instant noodles?? What???!!

According to the post-event news, there were about 600 participants. It did not feel that crowded. Haha.. My friends and I could still take pictures without any need to queue. I also could take pictures without random strangers on the background. Lol. Although I am not a fan of Spongebob, since I was already there, I might as well take photos with the various standees lo. Haha..

The walk itself had nothing special with only various Spongebob cut outs along the way. I was expecting things more happening. The climax became anti-climatic as the organisers were rather screwed up. We were grouped for the photo-taking with Spongebob and Patrick's mascots but we were grouped with strangers. WTF!! Bleah..

The medal is also rather disappointing. In the promotional picture, it is coloured but the actual one is not coloured. Bleah.. But I think it is still okay to keep as a "collection" lo. Haha.. At least I still get it and no need to fight (and did not get) like the Hello Kitty Run earlier this month. Lol.

After lunch at e-Hub! nearby, my friends forced me to waste time and money by watching Penguins of Madagascar. Jeez... I wanted to go home and rest already leh :( But I was kept hostage because I put my bag in a friend's car. I managed to skip temptation of using the $2 voucher (from the charity walk!) for ChaTime. Jiayou, myself!! No bubble tea until end of 2014 at least okay!

Usually I like to watch cartoon but I have no interest whatsoever after seeing the trailer for Penguins of Madagascar. It seems to be pure comedy without any meaningful story or plot whatsoever. None of the animals fall under cute category either.

The story is about an octopus who wants to take a revenge against all the penguins. The octopus is used to be the main attraction in a zoo before penguins are brought in and people are flocking to cute penguins. The octopus gets shipped to another zoo and the same scenario repeats. Now the octopus has created Medusa Serum to turn cute penguins into hideous monsters. The octopus kidnaps all the penguins in zoos across the world to do this. Only the 4 penguins of Madagascar and an organisation called North Wind can stop this evil scheme. 

The octopus is successful to turn all but 1 penguin called Private into hideous monsters. Private "sacrificed" himself to reverse the process using his cuteness "power". Seriously what the fxxx and he is not even cute or like-able or anything.

What a waste of $9.50 and my Sunday T_T

Working and studying are tough. Constantly there are things to do and I find myself having not enough time to rest and do my usual time-wasting activities. Bleah.. I guess it helps a little bit that I like to study so studying is not that stressful to me. The stress from trying to memorise and getting the correct answers is bad enough. Haha... But honestly, one good thing that I have to work and study at the same time is that it makes me more disciplined with time management. I guess I have to slowly cut down and get rid of the times wasted for surfing internet and watching youtube videos.

I went home for about 4 days last week to attend a wedding from a distant cousin. His mom and my father are cousins. Come to think of it, it was quite weird that I was looking forward to his wedding. I am not too close to him. In fact, we only met twice: once in Singapore when he was looking for accomodation (we are of the same age by the way) and then once when I went back to Pontianak a few years back. Perhaps I was just longing for holiday so this wedding was a perfect excuse to go home for a short break and at the same time to meet some relatives.

Since April-November, there are about 60+ comics at home that I need to read. Lol.. I totally had no time to read them as I also had to juggle with my study materials. I shall see how December go.

This short break also makes me think that I should start dieting again. I used to buy meal replacement cereals to try to lose weight many years ago and it did not work. I was constantly feeling hungry but now I knew why. I was a poor student back then and instead of following the direction of 2 sachets per meal, I only used 1 to "save". Obviously with half of the energy, it made me constantly hungry. Now that I am working, Rp 15000 per 2 sachets (or less than <$2) to replace a meal seem worth trying. I still feel hungry but I don't know if that's my body is in the process of adapting back. As long as I don't fall sick, I guess I will keep on trying. Haha..

Changi Airport is having Disney-theme Christmas decoration this year. Yay!! Although I had yet to see anything even when I landed back on Monday. Haha.. After reaching home, I was welcomed with a letter from Golden Village. I got 2 free tickets from their September member draw. Whee.... I was thinking of watching Big Hero 6 on that day (overheard people talking about how funny it is at the airport). Since the free tickets have short expiry (in January), I decided to keep it for Big Hero 6. In the end I watched The Book of Life using the free tickets from the Maze Runner event.

I thought I was going to skip The Book of Life as I did not really like the animation style. But since the reviews are generally good, I decided to give it a try. Since this post is already too long, I will write a separate one on the movie. Lol..

On Tuesday, I tried to pangseh the dinner invitation for the dance team for the company's dinner & dance earlier this month. I already went home and it was already 1 hour after the supposed meeting time but I was "emotinally blackmailed" when I was still asked to come. Grrraaaah... I gave in and took a taxi there. Not a fan of Indian food but it was quite a good experience eating Indian buffet. I did not like most of the food except for the naan bread and the cheese soup thingy (can't remember what it is called).

Other than that, I guess I am back to my usual boring life.. Haha.. but today I took a break from studying to write this blog.

Dao

This is a bit outdated as it would be something that happened a few weeks ago during last pharmacy congress. I am an introvert, shy, and can't be bothered person. When I come across someone I know but I am not too close with, I will just pretend not to see or not to know them. At times, I will even try to avoid eye contact. During pharmacy congress, obviously I would come across my ex-classmates, ex-lecturers, etc and basically I tried to do all the above.

Ironically, as I was alone, I ended up with my ex-classmate who was also alone. It was pretty awkward but not too bad as we were quite okay at school. However at one of the optional sessions, one of my ex-lecturers sat next to my ex-classmate. Oh no.. Imagine when my ex-lecturer not only remembered me but also remembered my name! Oh em gee.. I mean I was not a popular student and I was not very bright too so I did not expect to be remembered, especially since I graduated 3 years ago. After that, I met another ex-lecturer in the toilet and he smiled when we had a brief eye contact which also meant that he remembered me. Ouch.. a part of me felt happy for being somewhat 'memorable' but most part of me felt embarrassed as on many previous occasions I had always pretended not aware of them.

Life often takes unexpected turn and that is why I rather leave everything to God's plan instead of making my own plans. I am never interested in going to clinical track but now I am doing Clinical Pharmacist Preparation Program (CP3) How on earth did this happen? I am considering Masters in Healthcare Administration or Masters in Clinical Educator. Unfortunately, the former requires at least 4 years of working experience and the latter requires some clinical practice experience. Then I received a call from one of my bosses to offer me about this CP3. Apparently, the person who was supposed to go for this run was withdrawn for some reason so there was a vacancy. Not sure why I was being considered as I have always made it clear that clinical track is not my interest. With a deadline of 1 weekend to make my decision, it was quite difficult.

Well in the end I decided to do it. I don't know what the future lies but at this point of time, I have told the boss about my expectations and reasons for doing this. I don't mind having some clinical background but I don't want to be limited to clinical track. I am just doing this just to "kill the time" while waiting for 4 years to be eligible for the Healthcare Administration or for foundation to do Clinical Educator.

I nearly died looking at the course material now. Sigh.. If it is going to take so much effort, might as well aim for the Masters in Clinical Pharmacy :( I don't know how I am going to survive this. A part of me actually feels rather excited to study again. I guess I am just a chao mugger deep inside.

Regardless of the outcome, I guess I have to be thankful for this privilege. I mean there are many people who prefer clinical to operations track and here I am, who prefer operations track, end up getting to do a clinical course. I was told that there would be an interview but because I was so last minute into the registration, I was in without an interview! Wow.. I guess I would never pass the interview round since I would not be able to give a model answer of being clinically driven or something. I am also quite happy that the IMH pharmacist who is involved in this actually also remembered me although I only did a 1 week attachment there during my pre-reg. Again I did not expect to be that memorable.

Oh well.. that's all for tonight.. Did not study tonight because of blogging. Well done!! Haha...

D & D

The series of burnt weekends finally ended tonight with Dinner & Dance. It was my first time to experience a true D & D as I was both having dinner and dancing. I guess that is another item crossed out from my bucket list. I am not a dancer and I never imagine myself to be able to dance in public. Of course I don't dare to even watch the video as I think I would be embarrassing myself.

I did not want to go for this D & D for many reasons and I really regret going. Firstly, it was a waste of $60. One of my colleague is a member of the organising committee and she assured me that the food was okay. Well, the food sucked. Secondly, I was not excited with the retro theme. 1 good thing about performing was that I could just wear the dancing costume for the dinner. The rental cost me $50 although it would be reimbursed by the clinic. I had difficulty finding suitable costume and I just grabbed whatever I could find. The top was okay but the bell-bottom pants were too long for me. It was nothing fantastic and I was not eager with taking pictures whatsoever which was like defeating the purpose of going for such a social event.

Thirdly, my team lost! Ouch! We only got consolation prize which basically meant that we were lousy. It was quite disappointing as I thought we were not that bad. We deserved at least the 3rd prize or 2nd. Bleah.. I guess I am just kiasu. I already spent time to practice and hunt for the costume, forked out money for the costume, and embarrassed myself on stage so of course I wanted to win something la.

But the thing that made me upset the most was that I LOST MY EZLINK! Bloody fucking shit!! It still has $20+ value inside T_T I am sure it dropped during rehearsal. Sigh.. I hope whoever found it but did not return it to me will just get the karma.. Fuck fuck fuck la..

The only consolation I got was that I won a lucky draw prize #258 out of 400+ available prizes. I don't know what I got but I doubt that it would cover all the money I spent for this event. Sigh..

Trying the 60s clothes is quite an experience for me. The materials are very light and comfortable. Everything seems to be quite loose. Unfortunately, as I am used to the clothes nowadays like tight jeans etc, retro clothes feel like pajamas (in a good way). I don't have the confidence to wear them outside though. With them being loose, it does not provide enough support, especially for the butts and the crotch. Lol.. And 1 thing very unique about the 60s is that floral prints and neon colours are deemed masculine for men fashion.