Thursday, July 20, 2017

I used to think that patience and humility are the virtues most difficult for me to ever attain. I am still impatient now but at least I can mask it with "bo chup"-ness. I am not boastful but I am proud and arrogant. Although I can suppress the outward manifestation, deep inside I know that I am still far from being humble.

It seems now that being grateful and not cynical will be even a more impossible challenge for me. Nothing is perfectly good or bad in this world. However, even if something which is 80-90% good happen to me, I will still feel the emoness from the 10-20% which is not good. Heck, even for something that is 100% good, I will still grumble. Like today I received an email that I got a teaching award. The initial excitement of getting $$$ quickly disappeared with negative thoughts like: why is it only now instead of previous years? Is it simply because there is noone else to nominate and hence it is my turn this year, rather than because I am really deserving for this?

No matter what or where, the grass will always be greener at the other side because ultimately nothing or nowhere is 100% perfect. Since green is my favourite colour, it seems that I am destined to be unhappy forever and ever because I can't help but looking at new greens.

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