The year just began and the thought that this Fire Rooster is not a good year becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I did a compilation for my January spending and I realised I bought a duplicate air ticket for my trip in April. FML! I can't cancel, I can't refund, and changing dates will cost me 2-3x more. Basically I have to suck it up with $185 going down the drain. I do not mind donating that kind of amount to the needy but not to corporations out there which are always ready to suck people's money dry.
When this kind of bad thing happens, the first reaction is always to find a scapegoat. I try to justify by saying that I repeatedly changed my mind for my April trip. Initially I did not want to go to Pontianak, then suddenly I had the idea to extend my holiday a little bit to spare a few days in Pontianak, before finally back to the first plan since I would be going to Pontianak in March for my grandma's birthday after all. Sadly, reality shows that I only have myself to blame. I actually bought the first ticket in 2 Jan. All the thoughts of changing plan came after that which means that I simply had FORGOTTEN that I already bought a ticket. So yes, I can only point that middle finger towards myself.
For no reason, I had trouble sleeping for the past 3 nights. I did not oversleep and I tried to blame Starbucks on Saturday. But nothing was unusual yesterday and yet I still had difficulty sleeping. I realised about the ticket mishap only past midnight and despite all the negative emotions, I still could not sleep. I even completed a rosary prayer and I was not sleepy. Not sure eventually what time I fell asleep. Short of cash and short of sleep is definitely a disastrous combination.
It is normal for humans to make mistake but I am so unforgiving towards myself. Today in a hurry I texted a wrong information about Rivaroxaban and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed because of it. Honestly, there is no big deal about it but it is all just me.
I feel so drained and negative right now. Physical tiredness can be easily overcome with enough sleep but I don't know how to improve on my mental resilience at this current stage. It is usually easy to fly to prayer but I don't think it works for me this time :(