Self-restraint

Being perfectionist sucks and it is tearing me apart. My phone has not been resting for the past week as I am very worried if something goes wrong with the GMC fridge and I am called in the middle of the night. Even when I am not on duty, my phone keeps vibrating with latest updates although they are not pertaining to my department. Bleah.. I don't know how I am going to last for another 3 weeks at this rate. Looks like there will be no chance to rest for the upcoming 3 weeks.

I have to replace my colleague's tomorrow night shift and then do my own morning shift on Vesak Day!! I am not being nice or helpful. I am overworking myself because I need to accumulate enough time off to prepare for my exam on 10 June. I need to get the paper work ready which obviously they are not ready yet. Yes.. keep on pouring additional stress on me and causing more acne outbreak. The only 'good' thing about my acne is that it lets others know how stressed I am. So please, stop asking me to do more shit.

After close to 5 months, I start to see the result of my diet. I am finally hitting back the number 60. My aim is much lower than that and I am slowly relapsing with the excuse of 'treating myself' to celebrate the success so far. Uuurgh.. must keep my self restraint as once I lose it, I will just snowball to my back habits. I am still very happy to remain far from fast food. I had Burger King once with colleagues about 2 weeks ago. But since it was under forced circumstances -rather than being deliberate- I did not relapse yet. That was not the case for the junk food T_T Just 1 occasion to let loose a bit and I keep munching and munching. Sigh.. I just realised that ALL (yes, not almost all but ALL) my favourite potato chips contain either buttermilk or paprika extract which I am supposed to avoid. I am left with the original or salty flavours which I don't really like so I am better off without them. My current inner fight is with bubble tea but I know if I lose even once, I will lose throughout. Sucks..

Last week my casual shoes broke and I had to buy a new pair. I spent $99 on an Adidas pair of shoes which is my most expensive shoes. I think it is crazy. After spending such an amount, it will just set a new threshold for subsequent purchases. A part of me is hoping that it will be a reason for me to start running again. Haha.. now honestly, what's the chance? I could have waited for another few weeks and hoped for a good bargain during Great Singapore Sales but I could not be bothered and just get it since shoes are part of basic necessities. This unrestrained purchase made me wonder how I still managed not to get any iPod or any music player despite wanting one for so many years. Haha..

Anyway don't talk about money now. I feel very emo to know that my 1 year is up. In my second year, 15% of my salary will go to CPF and I don't know how much of housing allowance remains. My take home pay is about $500 less than previous months and that is A LOT! :'(