Tuesday, July 15, 2014

How much more must I do???

I just had my appraisal this afternoon and my head feels like exploding right now. I received conflicted messages although in the end, it made me wonder why I have to do so much if in the end I just receive a rating which is the same as everyone. I definitely did and contributed more things as compared to 2 years ago but I got the same thing as last year's appraisal. I might as well do as little as 2 years back.

I hate to be an asshole and harp on my achievements when I am doing things. But when things are over, I can't help to feel justified that I have done more than what peers do. After all, which other person with 2 year experience is considered as the 2nd-in-charge of a branch? I may not be doing things 'well' (enough for the bosses' expectations) but circumstances forced me to do more things so I think I deserve some credit on that. There is no point verbally acknowledging these when in the end, the grading is the same as last year when I did much less.

I know I have strengths and weaknesses and I am not too bothered about my weaknesses being pointed out. Honestly, I am more of a negative person. I tend to be critical and look towards the negative things that may come with changes or new things and I will be brutally honest about it. I am okay with 'being negative' being pointed out but I am absolutely enraged when that puts me under "Need Development" category. It seems that authorities hate dissent and want to suppress disagreeing voices. It is not surprising now why people tend to be very agreeable, will not voice out any issues, and just simply agreeing with whatever the people on top says as being honest and open will just impede your career. Seriously why bother asking people for comments if you are not prepared to hear something different from your own views? And when someone airs his/her views, of course the main objective is to make others agreeable and take on his/her sides. It is as simple as that. Otherwise, what's the point of even saying anything? Don't be surprised now if I just keep quiet during meetings or ignore emails if really that is what they wish to see.

Sigh.. if someone were to headhunt me to move somewhere now, I will gladly do that. I start to hate the way this company assesses and rewards performance. They can sugar coat in whatever they want but most people will fall under the "Good" category and that is unfair. Getting "Fair" is almost unheard of. Even some of my staff who are extremely incapable, the people on top is always discouraging us from giving "Fair" grade. I honestly don't know who will fall under the "Excellent" category.. Perhaps it is reserved only for those who are entitled for promotion? I don't know.. One thing I am sure and I know, I have done more things as compared to 2 years ago and it is very disappointing when I don't get anything extra or better than my appraisal last year! Even my annual increment is 0.05% lower than last year's increment! Yes it is almost negligible but the fact that it is lower just drives the point that I am lousy.

There is a choice for me to disagree with the appraisal. But seriously, what's the point? The letter for the bonus and increment etc has already been printed.. Lol.. And anyway it is not my nature to demand credits for what I have done. I will just do my job well and let others judge how well I have done it. And considering that the good things are acknowledged and I still get the peanuts that I am getting, yes, I feel under-appreciated.

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