Saturday, June 14, 2014

Change of heart

I can't remember exactly how long I had "left" the church. I did not attend any mass since Easter.. or perhaps since Lent because I deliberately skipped the penitential service too. I wanted to go for Ascension Mass which was a Day of Obligation but skipped it eventually. Last week was Pentecost and I guess the Holy Spirit was inspiring me to go.

I wanted to attend the early morning mass which obviously did not happen. The plan for afternoon mass was almost called off too because of a stupid cockroach that disrupted my shower. When I slid off the sliding door, I saw something black moving. I tried to find out and found nothing so I proceeded with showering until the bloody cockroach decided to drop. Aaargh...!!! Thank goodness the water was on and the cockroach was unable to fly. Honestly, I was so scared on how to kill it. Lucky I found a cockroach spray which did not exactly kill the cockroach as its legs were still moving. I also did not know how to discard the body. Even the idea of "picking" it up after putting it under 2 stacks of newspaper was too much. I saw the drainage hole and I flushed it down.. Aiiih!! 15 minutes of terror. Because of the time wasted, I had to run after the bus and despite skipping lunch and feeling very hungry, in the end I made it for my first mass in close to 3 months and I was not late! Gosh..

For the past few times I attended Sunday afternoon mass at Sts Peter & Paul, I always fell asleep for homily. I kinda expected that the same thing would happen again. Funnily, for the homily, the priest wanted it to be a kind of meditation. So he asked the congregation to relax and close our eyes while listening to what he said. "Don't worry about falling asleep. The Spirit will sustain you.". He actually said that and guess what, not even the spirit could wake me up! Haha.. During the exchange of peace, the person sitting across the aisle was someone I knew from NUS CSS. It is always a good feeling to unexpectedly meeting someone you know but I was quite self-conscious if she saw me sleep sia... Haha..

But believe it or not, God works in His own ways. Just after that mass, I felt very energised "spiritually". At home, I immediately flipped my daily bible calendar and daily reading to the current date. Their pages had been stuck in early May and was left untouched. It also got me to start my night prayer before I go to bed too. I tried to get my rosary going again but it only survived Monday. After that, my sleepiness was too overpowering.. I still have a long way to go to pick up the good old habit but I am trying.

I also overcame my laziness and finished up my recording of monthly expense for May. There is no surprise but I just felt very shocked and emo at the amount I spent for toys/manga. Recently I don't post that much about my collectibles but it does not mean I stop buying. In fact, I am buying too many that I don't have the time to catch up with taking photos and enjoying them. Sigh.. This really has got to stop somewhere!

Having said that I felt very emo when I missed the auction for Final Fantasy Chrome: Butz with serial number 0000!! Sigh.. 2 weeks ago, it was sold for 20000+ yen and I think the winner did not pay for it so the seller listed again. The auction ended at 4600 yen yesterday. I woke up about 40 minutes before the end of auction and I decided to rest a bit and wake up again nearer the end of auction. I was too lazy to put a deposit for a snipe bid as I was not going to pay anything above 20000 yen for that. Obviously, I never woke up and I was very angry and disappointed with myself!! Fuck fuck fuck!! Yes.. how ironic it is that on one side I want to save but on the other side, I still need to feed my pride of owning "special" items. I mean, how often do you have a chance to own a limited edition item with a small number. Haiz.. fuck!
I want him T_T
My spending on food for May is 1.5x more than my usual and this is crazy. Haiz... Basically anything related to money makes me very irritable lately. I have yet to recover my bank balance after paying the yearly insurance premium in April. Not to mention that with my PR, my take home pay is less.. And shockingly, they actually back-dated the CPF contribution! My PR was approved in late April so I still took a full pay for April. They minused away some of my May pay to deduct whatever it should be for April.. Darn!

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