February seems to be always a bad month for me especially when it comes to this one person. Last year, I was very angry because she did not let me to skip workgroup meeting. The meeting date coincided with one of my colleague's birthday. Because I was not allowed to skip the meeting, my colleague had to cancel her leave and came to work on her birthday to cover me at work! Sigh.. I was just an insignificant member and my presence (or absence) made no difference. But working or not working on a birthday makes a huge difference for that person. I still remembered the blackmailing words "If you think that medication safety is not important bla bla bla...". I decided not to be crazy as I did not want my colleague to get a call from superiors to cancel her leave so that I can attend the meeting.
This year, it is still with the same person but with regards to different matters. There was a mistake discovered in the drug name changes that we were doing. I am sort of "the one in-charge" of this so it IS my fault. I am not denying it. But what really makes me upset is how she makes it sound as if it is ENTIRELY my mistake. I checked the drafts and I did that mistake right from the first draft which was subsequently checked by 2 different people (one of them being herself!). Jeez.. I don't like to point fingers.. Yes you are also equally guilty for not catching the error when checking so there is no need to make it sound as if it is entirely my fault. Sigh.. I don't even know why I must be the one sending email regarding a "project" of this scale! I thought it should be her sending all the emails pertaining to this as the workgroup head.
Perhaps I am a perfectionist and I am just being too hard on myself. I, too, have my face and pride. I find it very embarrassing to make such a mistake, having to admit it publicly, etc. Sigh.. Don't know if I should just quit and change job.
My meeting in the afternoon was another cause of hidden anger within me. I am just so sick of all these customer service. People are so two-faced in front of the bosses and always say things which put customers as first priority. While I agree that customers are important, my staff are important too and I will always think about them too! The rest were just saying things or suggesting things which look good on them without thinking the inconveniences that they would cause to the staff on the floor! Pfft!
I was basically the biggest asshole in the room: my customers are the worst and my staff are the lousiest bla bla bla.. Fine.. your customers are so great and your staff are so bright. Bleah.. I really wanted to get out of this lousy workgroup. It is difficult for me to do well here anyway because I don't even believe in these hypocritical version of customer service anyway.
At times like this, I just wish that I am a working ant: just do ordinary work like everyone else, don't do anything extra, don't do anything that can cost me mistake and reputation, keep a low profile, and keep my mouth shut! The outcome will be the same anyway :(