Sunday, September 22, 2013

Sister vs Sister

My aunt came to Singapore last last Thursday to get her knee checked up and in the end she decided to go for a surgery: total knee replacement. That is a term I commonly come across but what I thought as total knee replacement has little resemblance to the actual procedure. In arthritic knee, there is cartilage loss which results in exposed bones rubbing and hence the pain. Total knee replacement is actually about replacing the lost cartilage with metal (or plastic?) plate to prevent the bone from rubbing. From the words "total" and "replacement", I thought there is going to be a new knee altogether.

Enough of the medical things then. My aunt was accompanied by my elder sister and I was honestly disturbed with her attitude. She is unable to control her emotions and easily raises her voice over petty things. Some things that she said were immature, unthoughtful, and downright rude! I tried talking to her and she said that she was tired listening to parents and adults since she was a child so now she wanted to assert herself. Geez.. She is almost 30 years old but the way she behaves and thinks is really as if she is still trapped in her teenage days. She will get very angry over little things like being told to eat, being told to tidy up her room, etc. Things like "I don't like to be told what to do" is such a passee. Which children never experience being told to do something by their parents? I see no reason for complaining over little things as if my parents are the lousiest and most horrible parents on the planet.

She has made up her mind that she is not going to pursue her dentistry further. She wants to learn how to cook and bake for a living. Of course my parents are worried. Their reasoning is simple: as an employee, it is guaranteed that she can bring home perhaps Rp 4 million a month. Suppose a profit for a cake is Rp 5000, can she be sure that she can sell 80 cakes a month? She can easily say things like if I don't earn much then I don't spend much but looking at the way she spends my parents money, that is really talking big.

My aunt was very sad with my sister's rudeness. Everyone will be worried to make big decision like whether to go or not to go for a surgery. Being told "fickle-minded" and "What makes it difficult to make a decision? If you go for surgery, it will not be you but ME (my sister) who will have to be troubled and to take care of you.". That was not being downright rude but FUCKING RUDE!

There are 2 types of self-insufficient people. The first type will become quiet and "humbled" when they get criticised. The second type will act "boastful" despite of lack of evidence of the things that they boast. My sister has changed from the first to the second. It is very difficult to talk and reason to her as she gets emotional very quickly.

I tried talking to her in a very neutral tone. That helps to invoke responses from her although I can't get the answers I am looking for. Occasionally I saw her rubbing her eyes so there is still love and guilt within her. I spoke to my parents about her. My advice is for both parties to speak and reach a consensus. Leaving things at it is now will just hurt everyone. My parents say they are supportive of my sister but when they say the word, I can sense their sadness and disappointment. If that is the way, my sister will know and feel guilty. That will end up like emotionally black-mailing both parties. Sigh.. my parents always take a step back when my sister cried. I told my mum how about if she is the one crying to see how my sister will respond. Haiz..

My dad is another pain in the ass. I know money is important but I find it very disgusting that he advised my aunt not to go for surgery because of the hotel fees! Haiz.. F1 Singapore race is on this weekend and as expected, hotel occupancies are up and prices are high everywhere. He does not take into consideration my aunt's knee or inconveniences if she has to fly on another time. Everything is about money money and money. Similarly also for the choice of airline for her to fly back. In the end, he actually wanted to help my aunt by paying for the hotel and the air ticket. I became even more disgusted: he wanted to pay but wanted to make sure everything was cheap?? I swear that I will not become someone who values money more than people.

My younger sister made things more "exciting". She came on last last Friday after work and went back on last Sunday as she had to work on Monday. My aunt's surgery was on last Saturday and she did not want to wait at the hospital. I scolded her to ask whether she came for a holiday or for my aunt. Really disgusting leh!! In addition, she is becoming more and more like my dad when it comes to money.. And she learnt nothing from the Europe trip. After my aunt decided to have surgery, she needed to extend her hotel stay. There were 3 choices: 1) my sister to buy from travel agent in Jakarta and she had to change SGD before the money changer closed or 2) I buy using credit card via online hotel booking tickets or 3) walk-in to the hotel. When doing price comparison, she wanted to mention every type of room available in the 2 hotels which my aunt was considering. That was via phone!! Sigh.. I had to raise my voice that my aunt just wanted to know the rough price range. Telling us "deluxe", "superior", "whatever shit" room types from 2 hotels serve nor purpose for us because we had no idea how the room looked like!! Sigh.. In the end, buying directly from the hotel was the cheapest. Yea I got scolded by dad and stingy sister for even suggesting that in the first place -__-"

I had my dental appointment on the Saturday while my aunt was doing her surgery preparation. That left my sisters to go out together and they quarreled o_0 My elder sister was offended for being told that her walking speed was too slow and she put on a black face. My younger sister asked whether she wanted to go somewhere and the answer was "No.". She went to where she wanted and she looked an even blacker face. She was pissed off: she asked for suggestion and she got no answer but when she made a decision, she got an unhappy face. My elder sister stayed in the hotel while my younger sister continued going out.

It was ridiculous. They have been sharing the same bedroom for so many years and how on earth such petty fight would occur?? It was just a misunderstanding. My elder sister answered no because she really had no idea about the things to see in Singapore so she honestly had nothing to say. Her black face was because she already walked as fast as she could and she was criticised for being slow. I am not going to take side. I just think both of them are equally wrong. My younger sister should know my fat sister was slow and she should have slowed down. On the other hand, my elder sister should know that my younger sister only had 2 days in Singapore so she should walk faster also. It is all about communicating and compromising.

My aunt stayed in the hospital for 4 nights and I visited her every evening. My elder sister seemed to be in a good mood and I was hopeful that she sort of changed her attitude after some self-reflection. I was wrong. She was in the good mood because she was not tired and just spent the whole day in the hospital taking care of my aunt. She did not mind not going around as long as she did not feel tired. Can't imagine that happens with my younger sister who constantly thinks of shopping shopping and shopping. After discharge, my sister temper came back.

Anyway both left for home this morning. It had been a tiring 2 weeks for me but I would certainly miss having a private toilet in Orchard i.e the hotel room. Haha.. I always went to the hotel to shit before going out to meet them in the evening. Now I am just worried with my parents if something happens to them. My elder sister can't be bothered while my younger sister loves money more than parents. Haiz.. Seriously, I rather my parents migrate and get me a house here la.. At least I will be a filial son who does not mind spending money for my parents health and comfort.

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