Saturday, March 16, 2013

Who is God to you?

After more than 2 years not going to any confession, I went for another one yesterday. I have to admit that I sort of "enjoy" going for confession because my previous occasions had always been good and I went off recharged and refreshed. Unfortunately, it was the reverse yesterday. Recently I feel very distant to God and my faith. Going to church has become a chore and daily prayer is neglected. I can't feel God anywhere near and it is tough to continue praying when I feel as if I am talking to myself.

So the priest asked me the questiong: "Who is God to you?". To be honest, I could not answer it. Yes, that was sad and ironic. In the past, I could easily say that I regard God as a father figure and Jesus as a friend. I can't say that now as I no longer feel that there is any relationship.

It is not the first time that I experience this sort of "spiritual dryness". Previously, I was told that even in the midst of such dryness, I should still press on: just pray and go for Mass even if I don't feel anything or even if I don't feel want to as no matter what and no matter I can feel it or not, God will still give His blessings. Simply said, praying and going for Mass, no matter in what circumstances, are still better than NOT praying and going for Mass. Yesterday I was told that if I had no relationship with God, there is no point for me going to Mass. Well, okay.. That's a green light for me not to go anymore lor~~ Hee hee..

Anyway, I still felt awful even after the absolution of sins. Bleah.. I thought I got nothing from the confession yesterday.. Sigh.. Maybe the journey of my faith is really going to an end soon.

No comments: