Long winded

With the hernia thingy is temporarily out of my mind, it is time to rant about my mid year review. I am quite pissed that someone (or perhaps more than one person) says that I tend to be long winded with my writing. Aiyer... I am not that pissed with the remarks (because perhaps it may be true) but I am pissed that this kind of thing also can be brought up as a feedback.

Our writing work is essentially subjective. There is no right and there is no wrong. So just because something is not according to your liking or your style, it does not mean it is wrong. It is not as if the rest is perfect. We are all humans and we make mistakes occasionally. It is just that I choose not to highlight those few occasional mistakes during appraisal since I consider it something human. What is the point of highlighting since even after highlighting, there is no guarantee that there is no mistake all the time?

Ehem.. why do suddenly I mention 'mistakes'? It is because sometimes they make mistake, which is objective, and I have to correct it. Now then people say my correction is long winded. Hello, if you do not make mistake in the first place, then my longwindedness will not even happen. I can even counter that the problem is not with what I write but with their capability to understand and comprehend. Fuckers like this are the ones making work feels like a chore. Perhaps I am too used doing training and dealing with people with performance issues that my threshold for these types of minor errors is higher.

My point is if you are not perfect, please do not expect others to be perfect. Or at the very least, please do not judge others using your 'subjective' standards when you yourself are not perfect. Of course I could retaliate and 'defend' myself by pointing out others' mistake. But what would I get out of it? It will be seriously just out of spite or revenge since in the first place I am not really bothered or I can tolerate the different styles of others. Sadly, holding myself from retaliating only makes me emo because that means withholding my human nature to exact revenge. I have to force myself to take the highway instead of joining the rest in the gutter work politics. Anyway I am quite happy with myself that despite the anger and the open opportunity provided to strike back with any feedback, I did not mention any names and I only said in general that I hope everyone can be more mature and less emotional at work and not making a hill out of a mole for any small matter.

My self defense mechanism is to tell myself that my role is different and higher from the rest so I will not myself to be torn down by their feedback as they will not really affect my performance whatsoever. Call me proud but that is the fact haha...

Interestingly, the new drama that I started today is of the same tune of what I am experiencing. The story is about a group of students with special gifts or powers in a school. First important lesson is when you are better than others, the rest will be jealous. Of course it is natural to feel sad when people are nasty towards you out of jealousy and you do nothing wrong. But just hold your head up since it is not your fault and you are not responsible for others' jealousy.

The second lesson is more painful because every gift is also a curse for when you use your gift, you will lose or sacrifice something in return. The drama depicts it in more extreme ways such as nosebleed when making something disappear or personality split (resulting in multiple personality disorders) when copying a new skill from others. It is similar in real life. You may be gifted in speech but you can hurt others if talking without thinking or you hurt yourself when you have something to say but have to hold it back. You may be gifted with power/position/authority in exchange of you being held up to higher standards or expectations and are exposed to more public scrutiny.

So this drama is timely as it reminds me to be grateful with what I have (ultimately I still choose to have something over nothing), to be careful with how I exercise my gifts and most importantly to keep my head up and avoid being dragged to lowly gossiping.

This is by far the fastest drama that I am watching. I started the first episode during my lunch time and by now I am already at episode 7 part 2. This is not the usual comedy or light hearted school drama that I usually like so I am quite surprised that I can be hooked to something a bit heavier and more sci-fi.