First time is always the worse. Second time onwards will be easier. I was miserable last week because of the PPE but yesterday I was completely alright. I am not really bothered about the sweating as I think that is unavoidable. I was very happy that my mouth was okay as last week it was the most painful part. There were more patients (18) but fewer chronic cases so the session ended half an hour earlier than last week. Yay.
I did not manage to take a photo with my full PPE gear yet :( I asked but the clinic manager thought I was reminding her to take a group photo. T_T This is irony of life. Previously when I had the chance to wear PPE once in one or two weeks for work, I could not be bothered about it. Now that my work no longer involves PPE, the rare opportunity to wear becomes something special. Honestly, a part of me wants the photo to show off also la. But I am not that ridiculous to think that I am doing all of this just to hao lian. After all, my face is on the line. Thanks to the mask and the face shield, all the parts of my face which are pressed by the mask, straps, and the face shield are having a breakout. I can always share the group photos but I like photos with only myself in it. Haha.. I hope next week I will have my chance to explicitly and thick-skinly say "Can you help me a photo of me alone to update my profile?" Hahaha..
I finished another Thai series this week and then followed with a food show. From the few countries visited, I find South Korea and Hong Kong having the most uninteresting food. I am not enticed to visit them at all, although I have been to South Korea once. Bangkok actually has a lot of interesting food but last year I remembered more shopping than eating. Remembering this trip actually makes me very sad as it could potentially be my last trip with my dad.
My dad has been in ICU for more than a week now. I have accepted that medically things are impossible and only God's miracle can overcome and heal him. The past week has been an emotional roller coaster: breathing problems, paralytic ileus, hypotension, and now low urine output. Although I have been prepared for the worst since few years ago, I am still holding on to hope of God's mercy. God had helped in the previous colon and spine surgery, the latest x-ray showed smaller areas of white patches, and the intestines moved again without surgery, if it is His will, He can make the kidneys work again.
It is getting harder to hang on to the hope and continue praying but there is nothing else I can do. As much as I want to not be worried about it, I have not been sleeping well for the past week. I kept waking up every few hours for no reason. Sigh. My cousin secretly filmed my dad and sent them to my uncle. My uncle forwarded the videos to me -_- Sian... Honestly, I am okay with him filming and sending to my uncle since my uncle is also stuck out of Jakarta and I am sure he and the other siblings are very worried too. But forward to me for what :( It is heart wrenching to see my dad's physical condition. Now I know why my mum and my sisters keep crying when with him. More importantly, it makes me question myself if praying for a miracle for his healing is the best or it is actually prolonging his suffering. As much as I dislike it, of course I cannot tell my uncle to stop sending. I am sure he sent to me out of concern since I also cannot see my dad. While I am still holding on to the hope of miraculous recovery, my prayers are now added with hoping for the best for him and for all family members according to God's will.
On Friday, he was still awake and I recorded a video for him in case he suddenly would like to speak to me but I am uncontactable. However, because of the lack of urine output, his wakefulness is getting worse as all the toxic metabolites are not excreted. Since he is still responding when people speak to him or touch him, I asked my sister to just let him listen to the video. He was still able to nod so perhaps now I will record videos daily if it is going to help to lift up his spirit.
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