Lost prayers

A game is supposed to be fun but Genshin Impact is giving me stress with the need to save primogems and then getting rubbish from the gacha. I finally decided to roll until pity for the recently ended weapon banner since both the featured 5* weapons have critical rate sub-stat. I am okay to get either the bow (Skyward Harp) or the catalyst (Lost Prayer to the Sacred Winds) since I will have characters to equip them. I am more inclined with the bow for my Childe though and with that intention, obviously I got the catalyst. I felt a bit disappointed but then I remembered that I should be grateful that I did not get the 25% of getting the non-featured weapons.

I saved until almost 22000 primogems and now I ended up with 33. I was left with 18000+ after pulling for the weapon on Monday. Sadly history repeats itself. I failed my 50/50 pity for Zhongli again just like his first banner previously. Haiz... at least now I finally can have 2 pillars with him and I managed to get 3 Yanfei. It is time to save again.

I realise that so far I have spent more than $100 for Genshin Impact. Approximately I spent around $25 every 6 weeks. Prior to this, the highest I ever spent for a game was $100 for Tidus skin in FF Mobius. It was a one-time spent and the impact was huge. I never spent on FF Mobius anymore since then. The smaller but more consistent spending in Genshin Impact currently feels less noticeable but more shocking when everything is added together. But then, I am still enjoying the game so this is like spending $1 for happiness daily. It is still cheaper as compared to pleasuring myself with bubble tea, junk food, fast food and all that. Perspective? Or is it just an excuse?

Today is the fifth day that I am able to resist potato chips and I have to keep reminding myself to resist mocha drink at work. I am quite disheartened as I still have yet to see any weight loss. I am trying to convince myself that the body is feeling some effects since I am feeling very tired and hungry these last few days. I just have to be patient but for dinner earlier, I decided to get shumais to give my body some protein.

It is also possible that my tiredness is due to lack of sleep because it is my turn to be in office this week. My mood is still happy, though, since my prayer is answered: the two bitches are not coming to the office. Hurray.

In addition, I sold my JLA vs Avengers comic books which have been listed on Carousell for almost 5 years. Lol. The buyer messaged me in the morning and we completed the transaction this evening. He bargained from $80 to $60. I decided to agree if he was willing to collect it directly from my place and he agreed. It was his luck as apparently he stayed not too far from my location. Anyway I still made profits since according to my record, I bought these together with 15 other comics for a total of less than $110. I sold these because in the end I also bought the Collectors' Edition of the JLA vs Avengers. Somehow I do not have the record of how much the Collectors' Edition cost me. Was it refunded or something? Hmm... Most importantly, I think now I find a trick for people who ask for quite significant discount. As long as after the bargain I still make some profits, I will just ask them to collect directly from my home to save me the convenience. Hohoho...

Battling addiction and temptations

Today is the second day in a row that I managed to stay away from any sort of potato chips. It is not perfect too since instead of buying potato chips, I bought candies yesterday. Haiz.. At this point, it is simply exchanging potato chips with any lesser alternatives. The only good thing I learnt was that next time I will not be tempted in The Natural Confectionery Co chews anymore. I was tempted by the $7.95 for 2 packs (220gr each) promotion while the normal price is $4.95 each. The chew (that's how they call the 'candy') is too big for my mouth and ironically, too hard to chew. For a start, I will aim for a clean sheet until May which is only 1 week. There is no ongoing promotion for the potato chips that I like so I really should stop my addiction buy getting random brands with the excuse of trying even though I have tried them before and they are not really my favourites.

Aside from potato chips, my food delivery for April is simply astronomical. Usually I avoid buying when the delivery fee exceeds $2. That limits my options to food places approximately 1km around my place. With the limited options which I really like, I am sort of sick of these few places. Thanks to the ongoing $1 delivery fee from Deliveroo, it makes spending so much easier especially from places further which I will never get under normal delivery fee.

My latest addiction is Popeyes XL Chicken. It is similar to the style of Taiwanese XXL Chicken and the chicken texture is different from usual fast food chicken used in burgers. I don't find it spicy on the tongue but it will leave a warm and pseudo-burning sensation in the stomach. I know I am supposed to avoid spicy food but this is the last weekend of April so I definitely will not eat this chicken anymore. And since this is the last weekend of $1 delivery, I decided to order for dinner instead of having bananas. I found Tuk Tuk Cha $15 set which has main dish, desert and milk tea. It is even better since it also gets the 30% off promotion. Dang!! This is even better than the $12.90 Popeyes XL Chicken set. Lol. Don't be greedy don't be greedy. Remember your weighing scale!

It is my turn to go office tomorrow. Normally I will feel very emo but this time I feel somewhat better after hearing one office bitch is finally leaving. Too bad it is still another 1+ month but I hope she asks to stay at home so that I don't need to see her anymore. In my previous job, I only experienced the sadness of seeing good colleagues leaving. Now is my first time experiencing the joy of having a sucker to leave. Thank God that I was able to maintain my composure in the barrage of bitchiness last year. At least I do not compromise my own standing and professionalism and now this bitch is leaving.

This Sunday is the Good Shepherd Sunday and 'vocation' is the magic word. Time is ticking and I still don't know and am finding what my vocation is. Everyday I pray to find something that will bring me happiness, bring joy to others and glorify God. Prayers are still unanswered and I am getting tired of living. Then I receive this in the latest Archdiocese EDM. I suppose it is a reminder for me not to give up and just continue praying.

Unwanted cake

This is going to sound so ungrateful but I am sad that my boss sent me a birthday cake. I find it a waste of money as I stay alone and there is no way I can finish the whole cake by myself. In the end I ate only a quarter of it and shared the rest with my landlord, landlady and the maid. More importantly I am not into this kind of office pretentiousness after knowing some colleagues are backstabbing bitches. Anyway it is like ownself buy since we all contribute money to common purse and then we just buy everyone birthday cakes. So lame.

$38 wasted

This cake also caused me to break my potato chips avoidance for only 2 days. Haiz.. I decided to have the cake as dinner and since this is already fattening, why not add a bag of potato chips. Lame reason I know but if this cake did not appear, I am pretty sure I will still be able to keep my commitment. Haiz.. it starts with day 0 again.

Since this is still in the topic of birthday, I bought something from KrisShop for the very first time. I bought the 2021 Year of the Ox Disney Medallions from Singapore Mint through Kris Shop which had 20% off for Easter. I was aiming for this item but I did not buy it since I was still sore that I did not sign up for the Singapore Mint membership when there was a promotion last year. I was waiting for such promotion again and then I can buy the item with members' price. With the 20% off, it is as good as the members' price so it was an easy decision to get.

Anyway my focus is not the item but the KrisShop experience. I purchased the item on Friday evening and I received the item on the following Monday. The content and the value of the package are not indicated in the label which I greatly appreciate for safety reason. After all this is for domestic delivery so there is no need for the courier to know. The packaging box is also impressive as I was expecting some generic box. The inner portion of the lid also has some batik pattern print but I was too lazy to take a picture of it. There is a code for $10 off for a minimum $80 purchase if I make another purchase by end May 2021. I don't have anything else to buy at the moment but I will not mind considering shopping from KrisShop again in the future as the present experience has been fantastic.

Birthday present from myself, by myself and for myself

34th

Currently when I feel lazy to attend physical Sunday Mass, I would pray that it rains in the morning. So far that never happens. Today is my birthday and since this year is extraordinary, I decided to make it special by intending on going for Mass. I am usually overseas for my birthday and last year the church was not open. Thus it is a rare occasion that I am not going anywhere during my birthday. Tadaa... it was raining heavily this morning when I badly wanted to go for Mass. It pissed me off so much although it might be a blessing in disguise. I was having stomachache and spent a long time in the toilet anyway thanks to the spicy instant noodle yesterday.

Since I already woke up early with the intention of attending Mass, I replaced with online Mass. There are not many choices at around 8am and I was quite irritated with the one that I watched. The morning madness did not end there. I prematurely cancelled my 1030am gym session because I thought I would be late. I managed to reach at around 1020am but I could not get slot anymore and I wasted half an hour for the next session. Bleah... At least I am happy that I managed to overcome the laziness to go for gym on my birthday since normally I will be overseas. The gym has a birthday alert although it was awkward because before the coaches wished me happy birthday, they always asked first if it was today. Haha.. Apparently from their past experience, the alerts are usually one day early or one day late so they better make sure first.

Novena Don Don Donki is not as amazing as 313's with the food options. Nevertheless, I still spent $33.50 for my birthday lunch. I bought salmon sushi, some hotate gratin and 2 slices of matcha cake. They are not fantastic but at least they were special enough to make me happy today.

Overall today is kinda shit for me. The ultimate disappointment comes from the fact that not even a birthday can bring good luck to my Genshin Impact pulls. Haiz.. 20 pulls and I got all shit. I am so lazy to go back to work so good thing I am still taking leave for tomorrow.

When I was younger, I was happy when I received a lot of birthday wishes. Now that I am older, I am hoping that I don't receive a lot from unimportant people in my life such as office bitches or fake facebook friends. I am quite happy that I do not get a lot from facebook and I did not get any from the 2 bitches. I do not even reply the direct messages from my family. Haiz.. I am just lazy to entertain them. Honestly, if they all are genuine with my birthday wish, then  I hope that they pray that my wish will come true. All that I want is simply an early and happy death. Yes, perhaps my dislike towards life is really getting worse that I am not only 'wishing' but actually praying and asking God for that early and happy death.

Joyless

How ironic that I enjoyed Easter last year in the midst of all the lockdown compared to this year when things are opening up again. The repeated failures to keep up with my Easter abstinence made me feel that I do not deserve God's love and sacrifice since I did not sacrifice anything in return. The bad mood continues until today which is even more ironic since tomorrow is my birthday. I no longer see birthday as a happy occasion. I don't know if it simply means that I am getting older or I am just losing more and more desire to live. Now I see it as one year closer to the end of life.

Usually I will use birthday as an excuse to indulge myself. This year will be the opposite. I have gained 7kg since phase 2 began. I really need to stop the potato chips since they are the biggest culprit. I regularly go to gym, I am quite consistent with my banana for dinner, I have been skipping bubble tea since the start of the year and I successfully avoid snacking and fast food throughout Lent. The only thing I fail is with the potato chips which makes it very obvious that everything is wasted if I cannot be disciplined with avoiding them.

I am happy that I am still keeping a clean sheet for bubble tea. Although there is temptation to 'treat' myself at least for my birthday, I am still able to resist. I broke my fast food avoidance for KFC durian balls. They are good but the shell is too thick and the taste of shell overpowers the durian filling. I don't think they are bad but they are not nice enough to make me want to order again. My birthday indulgence was only instant noodle as my dinner earlier. I wanted to get the spicy tomyum Thai instant noodle but it was not available anymore. I ended up buying Samyang but I bought the wrong one T_T I don't really like spicy so the Samyang that I like is only the cheese. It has been too long since I had instant noodle so I was so excited with the 'cheese' that I forgot that there are 2 types: the yellow packaging and the beige packaging.  The one that I like is the beige packaging which was not available. Sigh.. I cannot even get happiness from simple things in life such as food. The only happy thing I can look forward to is that I am taking leave for the next 2 days, just to slack.

Hot Friday

It usually rains on Good Friday noon and today was one of the rare occasions when it did not. Perhaps it was the second time that I can remember. It started raining after 6pm though but it was freaking hot all the way since morning.

I really had a good Friday as I spent most of the day sleeping. After my lunch, I thought I would take a nap and then wake up to catch 3pm Good Friday service. I woke up because of the heat but I was still tired. I decided to just continue sleeping. I woke up again after 5pm because of the heat. I made a correct decision to continue with the nap as at least I woke up in a better state of mind and I was able to watch the Good Friday service without feeling very distracted.

Time flies and good time must eventually end. After more than a year, I will be back to alternating week reporting to office. Sian... The worse part, however, is because of my seat position, I will be in the office together with the 2 bitches that I dislike after they backstabbed me last year.

WFH makes so much difference. Last year I was able to follow the Maundy Thursday stuff. This week was my office week and I was just KO-ed yesterday. I was even very tempted to just break my fast and abstinence today and I have difficulty to even pray one Rosary a day. Haiz.. COVID and WFH should stay.

To mark the end of good time, today is also the last episode of the Friday night Thai drama I am currently following. At the start of all the lockdown last year, the first Thai drama I came across to kill my time was the one airing on Friday evening. I have been following all the subsequent series on Friday evenings and the current one is the best. It is kinda bittersweet that the ending also marks the end of the good times staying at home. Huhuhu T_T

Still hurting

When I feel emo because of my failure to book a slot for Easter Mass, I am at least have to be grateful that I managed to get a slot for Penitential Service this morning. As usual, the distraction and temptation not to go were huge. My game and my stomach were acting up but thank goodness everything turned out okay. I reached about 5 minutes before starting time and yet I was still within the first 20 people who arrived.

I feel that I had a good confession in the sense that what I wanted to say seemed to flow naturally. In the past, I often got stressed because I kept overthinking of what I wanted to say and so on. Unfortunately, as much as I want to let go and set myself free from all these sins, I cannot seem to let go. I unblocked my mum on Whatsapp and an hour later, the barrage of message started again. I decided to just block her again. It is better for me to do this "smaller" sin than to fall into bigger and repeated sin everytime I feel angry after reading the messages, and then ignoring after considering to reply rudely.

Honestly, I am not angry or holding grudges about my parents for not giving anything and giving me my current homeless life. What makes me very angry is when they expect me to do my duties as a child/son. If they are not doing anything as parents then they have no right to demand anything from me as a child/son. I don't need prayers as those do not give me a roof over my head. Please just stop disturbing me. Everything I am and I have and the fact that I am still living are all God's blessings so only God has the right to demand anything from me. Don't make it as if what God has given me is what you have given me.

I asked my friend to block me on Whatsapp so I know how my mum always knows when I unblock. When someone blocks you on Whatsapp, the profile picture will turn into the 'default blank' and all the messages sent out only have single tick. Once unblocked, the profile picture will reappear and messages sent have double tick (although messages sent during the blocked period will remain unsent). Since it is clear that she knows when I am blocking her, I don't give a damn anymore and just block without feeling guilty.

Since I already sinned again, I lost control over my desire in abstaining from potato chips AGAIN. Sigh.. I am just really hopeless. Yesterday I watched a Youtube video about food hack using Oreo. Crush few Oreos with some milk and microwave for 2 minutes to turn it into an Oreo cake. I was eager to try it. Initially I had trouble finding Oreo at FairPrice. After finding the biscuit section, it comes packs of 9 and I do not intend to buy so many. In the end, I decided to try using Oreo Mini. Sadly after settling the Oreo, the whole plan got busted because of the milk. Lol. Those 6-in-a-pack milks ($4+) are more expensive than the 1L ones (2 x 1L for $3+). I also do not want to buy so much milk so I put back the Oreo Mini. If only I own a home and a fridge, I don't mind keeping 2L of milk. Too bad currently the fridge at my place is usually full because of the fucking maid.

Haiz.. at the end of the day, I wonder what was the point of going for confession this morning. Not even half a day has passed and I am already falling into the same sins all over again.

Unwanted

Tired of trying and relapsing repeatedly, I decided to give up on my Lenten abstinence yesterday and I will just go for confession this Saturday. I know I was stupid to tempt myself to check out Cold Storage when I had nothing to buy. Indeed, there was potato chips on sale and I bought not only one but two, even though there was only one flavour. I never ever bought 2 bags of chips of the same flavour together. It was really addiction.

As I rejected God yesterday, I got my rejection in return today. I missed booking for Easter Sunday Mass. I am very upset and angry as I was already preparing the website since 8am. My colleague asked me something and because of that, I overlooked the time. By the time I realised, it was already 904am and Easter Sunday Mass was already fully booked. Haiz.. I hesitated for a while for 730am Good Friday Service and by the time I clicked on it, it was also fully booked.

Based on these past few months, it is impossible to get 2 weekends consecutively and over the weekend, I was contemplating between Easter Sunday or the next Sunday which is just before my birthday. I am more inclined with Easter Sunday as it is the weekend of Catholic News too. I guess now there is no need to contemplate anymore since I missed the Easter Sunday and will just have to take the following week. This is really killing my Lent and Easter mood even more.

Yesterday I felt cheated by Watsons. I opted for in-store collection as opposed to free home delivery since they said there would be $4 voucher. It turns out that the voucher has to be used on the collection day -_-. Basically instead of saving, I ended up spending more just to utilise the voucher. Darn... Next time I will just opt for the convenience of home delivery. Sian sian sian...

St Joseph

I had a random dream on Friday morning about passing by a group of SJI students who were doing their outdoor field trip. I saw teachers who were around since my time as a student and I was impressed that they were still teaching there after so long and they were still looking as they were. Another two faces were also vivid: one was another guy from another class whom I never knew and one was a classmate whom I cannot remember the name now.

I thought it was because I messed up my sleep on Thursday night. I overslept for my evening nap and I only woke up at past 2am. Then I played game for awhile before returning to sleep at past 3am. When I was scrolling through facebook newsfeed in the morning, I read a post about there is no need to observe Friday abstinence if a Solemnity falls on that Friday. Yesterday was the Solemnity of the Feast of St Joseph. Aha! So maybe this was the reason of having a dream related to my SJI nostalgia.

I went for my dental clinic this morning and I am happy that there is no major staining issue this time. I was hoping to go to gym but I could not make it. Based on the bus timing estimation, I would have just missed a bus. The next bus was in 14 minutes and it would be too late to reach my gym. Since I was already at Somerset, I decided to drop by to Donki. That was my first visit in more than a year. Oh boy... I felt everything was so expensive now. After not shopping there for so long, I am no longer immune to the prices. Having not been to Japan also does not make crave for Japanese snacks that badly. Even so, after much deliberation, I ended spending more than $20 for my lunch. Hahaha..

It may be another 6 months before I have the chance to visit Donki again so why not splurge just for this once

I am tired of hearing the word 'hospital'. After his scope on Wednesday, my uncle was discharged today. Yesterday I was told that my sister has been hospitalised due to dengue. Then this morning I received news that another uncle has stage 4 prostate cancer. It is really sad thinking that my uncles and aunties are now at the old ages and receiving news of any of them falling sick or even pass away maybe a norm soon. Haiz.. I know I should not be thinking this way but I really cannot help but wishing that I die young.

Genki desu ka?

I collected the letter from Embassy so I shall not be burdened by any of these matters anymore. Again I am overwhelmed by negativity towards my parents. Great! After leaving me homeless for more than half of my life, now my mum still pressured me that as a son I should do this and that. Pui! Still dare to say son without seeing what kind of parents asking their children to be hopeless. Haiz.. I know it is wrong to bear this grudge but I am simply I cannot get over this even by praying on this daily.

I went to gym after that and I am glad to see one coach who I had not been seeing was actually away for reservist. Haha..  I would be sad if he actually left. Recently there are too many new coaches in the gym and I prefer familiar face.

I was supposed to have a dinner appointment on Thursday but my friend asked if today would be good. Just nice and she agreed to meet at Orchard. I have not been to Orchard since before CNY so it was therapeutic. Sadly, Doraemon statue outside Gucci at Paragon is no longer there. I enjoyed myself at Kinokuniya. Now there are self-check out stations but interestingly, they were not used while the queue for the cashiers persisted. I noticed that there are more light novels than mangas nowadays. These light novels also have long and funny titles. Just an example that caught my eyes is titled The Hero is Overpowered by Overly Cautious. Anyway I am not that interested with light novels. I have enough of reading text from my daily work.

So far my waiting to buy list still only consists of Slam Dunk Illustration Book 2 and Haikyuu! Complete Illustration book. There is nothing else that I am interested to buy yet. I realise that I may be slowly growing out of this hobby as well. I saw 2 FFXV artbooks. Normally I would be excited to get them collection but I was not excited at all. It maybe because I do not play FFXV but previously I had bought a FFXV artbook.

The same sentiment continued when I was at the Toy Fair at Takashimaya B1. PG Wing Zero Custom Pearl Edition was on sale for $329. The original price is over $600. Normally I would be very very excited and tempted but today I was like: I have no space so don't even think of buying. I did not even bother to google what the original price is to see if the $329 sale price was real or fake discount. Haha... Usually I would do that if I am really interested in sale goods.

I suck in recommending food but initially I had Ma Maison in mind since it was one of the restaurants I passed by when I was loitering at Takashimaya. After my friend arrived, I suggested to her to check out the B2 area near the underpass. I have not been there since COVID area since the underpass there is closed and is only accessible from B1. There is nothing interesting there and before going up the escalator, we decided to have Genki Sushi.

Genki Sushi always has long queue so we were quite excited to see only a pair queuing. Now Genki Sushi is advanced with automated queue number generator so that must be the reason why there was nobody queueing although there were already 5 groups in the queue. Since there were only only 2 groups of two people, we would be the third and we decided that it should not take that long. It turned out to be still almost 15 minutes of wait. Haha.. If there were more people loitering there and the 15 minutes wait was displayed, I would definitely find something else as I hate queueing for food.

It was my second time ever eating at Genki and I still cannot understand why people love it so much. I agree that the quality is not bad but I think the price is not that cheap and the serving is not filling. If not because of my recent stomach woes, I would definitely spend more than the $23 today.

The random post title is simply because I ate Genki earlier. Lol. Anyway the answer is genki jyanai. I am still tired after 'chionging' my online photobook yesterday. This maybe my last one since I don't know if I will create one for my Taiwan trip. I may have to check the photos if they are nice as for me, Taiwan is not as memorable in Japan haha.. I chionged because I got a free $11.90 credit that had to be utilised by 23 March. I did not know if I could use that to buy discounted voucher and if I had to use it for shipping fee then I had to finish the book by the 23rd. It turned out that I could use it to offset the voucher. I rushed for nothing since I cannot process the book this week as the delivery may come on the week when I am in office. I will only process it on the week when I am in the office so it will arrive when I am working from home. The good thing is that I will have 1.5 weeks to do the final check and touch up. Huhuhu... where is the joy? Creating online photobook should be a joy instead of causing me stress.